by Jenna Jacob
Family. All his life, Syd had been like Pinocchio, searching for a real family. He’d found one, or rather a damn good facsimile with the guys in the band and the women they loved. But I knew Syd still wasn’t complete. Happiness was still nothing but an illusion to him.
“My first day of sixth grade, I was up before the sun. I showered, dressed, and fixed myself a bowl of cereal. Then I strapped on the new backpack, chock full of school supplies the old man next door had bought me, and waited at the end of the gravel road for the bus. It was a great day, mostly because the teacher let Tommy and me sit by each other. We played dodgeball at recess and laughed as we ate lunch. I was so excited to tell my mom about my day that, the minute I stepped off the bus, I started sprinting toward the trailer. The old man was outside hammering on something. We both grinned and waved as I tore into the house.”
A tear slid down Syd’s cheeks as he drew in a shaky breath and then licked his lips.
“M-mom was slumped on the couch, naked. Her eyes were open, but she looked right through me. Her skin was white…snow white, like the f-foam dripping down from between her b-blue lips.”
I pressed my hand over my mouth to hold back my sobs. Tears spilled down my cheeks, but I didn’t wipe them away. I let them fall and spill to my lap, just like Syd’s.
“A piece of yellow rubber was lying in her lap, and the needle was still sticking out of the vein in the crook of her elbow. The walls started closing in all around me. And just as I opened my mouth to scream, a scrawny naked man with long, stringy blond hair, walked out from the kitchen. I didn’t even know he was in the house. He wasn’t her usual dealer, but some junkie she picked up on the street that day. His blue eyes were glassy. He grinned at me and said, ‘I think she’s dead.’ Then he started waving another syringe in the air and laughed, saying she picked the wrong one…she picked the one with drain cleaner by accident.”
Syd wiped his tears and drew in a deep breath. “I was fifteen and had moved into another new foster home…I think that one was my eleventh, maybe twelfth by then. I don’t remember. Anyway, that’s when I finally found that scrawny piece of shit with the stringy blond hair again. I’d been casing all the known drug houses on the north side of town for a couple of years. By fate or divine miracle, I spotted him coming out of a row house. He started laughing, like he’d done the day my mom died. I tamped down my rage, checked the pocket of my jacket, and started following him down the street.
“We met up at a corner and I smiled. The prick didn’t even recognize me, just smiled back. When I asked him where I could shoot up, he asked me what I had. I told him a little bit of this, a little bit of that. But when I told him I had enough smack to share, he damn near started salivating. We walked a couple more blocks to a park, then he sat down behind a brick wall and rolled up his sleeve. I took the same rubber tourniquet he’d tied around my mom’s arm that day and wrapped it nice and tight around his. Then I pulled the syringe, full of drain cleaner, from my pocket, tapped the fat vein in his arm, and shoved the needle in. His eyes grew wide and as he started to convulse, I leaned in close and whispered, ‘You picked the wrong one…you picked the one with drain cleaner, mother fucker.’ As the foam started dripping from his mouth, I caught a glimmer of recognition in his eyes before he finally stopped breathing.”
Syd lowered his head and exhaled a deep breath. His shoulders drooped as if the weight of the world had been lifted off them. And in many ways, it had.
My heart was still breaking for him, but I quickly wiped my tears, and climbed onto his lap. He tensed and lifted his chin as I wrapped my arms around him once more. Ignoring the fear and uncertainty crawling across his face, I pressed my lips to his and kissed him with all the love and conviction overflowing inside me. Kissed him until he pried me from his lips.
“Stop, Caris. I-I’m not a good man. At least, not good enough for you.”
“Bullshit.”
“It’s not bullshit,” he argued.
“It is. I’m not a good woman, either, Syd. Nowhere near good enough for you.”
“Now that’s bullshit! You’ve never killed a man. I’ve killed two.”
“Those two weren’t men. They were monsters. You’ve done the world a favor. Why are you beating yourself up?”
“I-I killed them, Caris!”
“I know! Do you think I’m going to stop loving you because you killed those bastards?”
“Yes. No. I…I don’t know.”
“Then let me spell it out for you. The answer is no. N.O. When I saw you laid out on your belly, gun aimed on Zattman, I wanted to bolt from the lodge and kiss you senseless. Of course, I also wanted to take a two-by-four and smack you upside the head and knock some sense into you for scaring ten years off my life. But mostly I wanted to pepper your gorgeous face with kisses and thank you for risking your perfect life to save my nothing one.”
“Whoa.” He cupped my chin and held me in place as his angry eyes bored into mine. “Don’t you ever say your life is nothing, or I will fire your ass up so hard—”
“Compared to yours, living the life of a rock god, mine really is nothing. But that’s okay, because it’s my life.” I took a deep breath and tamped down the sob rumbling up from my chest. “Now that Zattman’s dead, it’s time for you to continue living out your dream, and for me to go back to Trudy’s.”
“If you think I’m just going to wave bye while you hop a plane back to Diamond City, you’re out of your beautiful, stubborn skull, angel,” he scoffed dryly.
I cupped his face as my chin began to quiver. “The whole world knows you as Syd Wilson. If I stayed with you…if people saw us together, how long to do you think it’s going to take before someone digs up my arrest record…or digs up yours?”
“Is our past the only reason you want to go back home?”
“Only reason? Syd, if the guys in the band, the press, or your fans find out about our past, it’s going to ruin your career.”
When he tossed his head back and laughed, I wanted to slap him.
“I don’t know what you find so amusing,” I spat. “There isn’t a damn thing funny about committing professional suicide.”
“Nobody’s committing professional suicide, angel.” He kissed me hard and gripped my butt cheeks, then stood.
I wrapped my legs around his waist and hugged him with all my might. “Where are we going?”
“Back to the lodge, to talk to Quinn.”
“About what?”
“You’ll see.”
“You can’t tell him,” I shrieked.
“Angel, I can do anything I want. I’m Syd fucking Wilson.”
“I know, but I’m just Caris waitress Burton.”
“Not anymore. You’re my angel,” he growled and kissed me again.
As we made our way back to the lodge, ducking limbs and dodging felled logs, Syd started singing my song but changed up the lyrics.
“I’ve spent all my time waiting for that second chance.” He paused and nudged my lips with his. “Tell me you’re going to give me a second chance, angel.”
“Second, third, however many it takes,” I purred.
He growled in approval and continued, “This is the break we needed to make it okay. There’s no more good reasons to feel not good enough…you’re all I want and need to be happy.”
My heart nearly exploded with happiness.
“If you’ll get me hard at the end of each day.”
When I rolled my eyes at his cheesy lyrics, Syd feigned insult, and I burst out laughing.
“I’ll be your distraction,” he cooed, continuing with his ad-libbed lyrics. “Give you earth-quaking release and send lava surging through your veins.”
“You already do, my love…you already do.”
“You’ll milk me empty, leave me boneless and happy, till I’m in a hot, sated coma. In the arms of my angel, we’ll fly far from our past. Spend our nights tearing up hotel rooms while we scream, groan, and gasp. There’ll be no more wreckage in our
new life of blissful reverie. In the arms of my angel, we’ll find all the comfort we lost.”
“I love you.” My voice cracked and tears of happiness slipped down my cheeks.
“I love you more, angel.” Syd stopped and lowered my feet to the ground before pressing my back up against a wide tree.
He slanted his mouth over mine and swiped his tongue over the seam of my lips. I opened without hesitation, sucked his warm tongue inside my mouth, and swallowed his grunt of delight.
“Syd. Caris. Where the fuck are you guys?” Burk yelled.
“Cock-blocking motherfucker,” Syd groused.
“Over here. We’re coming,” I called out to the lead man.
“We could have been if you hadn’t given away our position,” he teased in a low whisper before nodding at the line of bobbing lights along the trees.
Obviously, Burk wasn’t the only one trying to find us. Syd clasped my hand and we trudged across the uneven ground toward the search party. We met up with Ross first, who clapped Syd on the back and sent him a grim and sympathetic smile.
“You had to kill him, bro. The FBI guys are still at the lodge and they concur it was self-defense.”
“I know, man.” Syd nodded. “I wasn’t upset about killing him.”
“Then what the fuck happened?”
“I’ll explain everything after shit calms down.”
Everything? A shiver of dread slid down my spine. Without a doubt, Syd needed to purge his soul to his family. But for purely selfish reasons, I didn’t want him sharing my sins with them. I didn’t want the newfound friendships I’d forged with them tarnished or tainted. Still, if it helped Syd heal, I’d swallow my foolish pride and live with their disapproval.
“How bad are McCoy’s men wounded?”
“Al took a bullet in the calf. They were loading him up in an ambulance when we took off to find you two. Tony got grazed. It’s just a flesh wound. The EMTs patched him up. Brad twisted an ankle jumping out of the tree, so the two of them are inside the lodge letting Susan and Gail pamper the piss out of them,” Ross drawled. “Cole snagged his arm on the tree stand when he jumped, but he just pulled a muscle. All in all, we survived a hell of a lot better than Zattman and his gun-wielding thugs.”
“Who and how many did he have hiding in the trees?”
“They dragged two bodies from the back of the house and added them to the four that were hiding in the trees above the studio. Based on their matching ink, the FBI identified them as small-time gang members Zattman must have recruited. The cheap prick didn’t even give the fuckers he’d hired above the studio guns, just passed out laser pointers to mess with Cole and Brad.”
“They died over a bunch of damn laser pointers?” I asked.
“No, they died for trusting a maniac,” Syd corrected, squeezing my hand.
After meeting up with the rest of the guys in the woods, we returned to the lodge. The FBI separated Syd and me and questioned us for over an hour. I stuck to my story about breaking the ropes and escaping his house of horror. Thankfully, they didn’t press me for more details other than the various tortures Zattman had inflicted.
When they let me join the others in the family room, I sat on the edge of the couch, waiting for Syd to finish his interrogation.
“Here, Caris, drink this.” Susan smiled and handed me a mug of tea.
“Thank you.” The warm ceramic felt good against my cold fingers. And the honey-sweetened Earl Gray tasted divine.
Mia eased in beside me and gave me a hug. “You doing okay?” I nodded. “How about Syd? He was pretty messed up from what Ozzy said.”
“He’ll be fine, I hope,” I murmured. “There’s some things he wants to tell you guys.”
“About?”
“His past…our past.” I swallowed hard. “My past.”
She studied me for several long seconds, then threaded her fingers through mine.
“Whatever it is, it’s not going to change a damn thing. We’re still going to love him and we’re still going to love you. You know that, right?”
I took a sip of tea to melt the ball of emotion stuck in my throat and squeezed her hand. “I hope so.”
“No hope about it, girl. Nothing and no one can tear us apart. You’re part of our family now.”
“We are family,” Sofia sang with a sassy grin.
“I got all my sistas with me,” Tori chimed in with a wink.
Relief poured through me, and as I hugged Mia tight, Syd rounded the corner, looking exhausted, but still heart-meltingly handsome.
“Christ, I leave you alone for an hour and you start batting for the other team.” A mischievous grin kicked up a corner of his mouth. “That’s okay. As long as I get to video you two, it’s all good.”
“As long as we get to video them, you mean?” Ozzy corrected.
“You two are sick and wrong.” Mia rolled her eyes.
“Are you complaining, sweetheart?” Ozzy taunted.
“Never.” She blew him a kiss, then rushed to his arms for a real one.
Syd sat down on the cushion Mia had vacated and pulled me in against this chest. “How did your interrogation go?”
“It went well. I told them about breaking the ropes and all that jazz. They weren’t even impressed with my superwoman strength.”
“They were probably too dazzled by your super beauty.”
“I’m sure,” I scoffed. “How did yours go? Did you dazzle them with your sexy smile and wow them with zany one-liners?”
“No.”
It wasn’t like Syd to give single-word answers or palpably close himself off the way he was doing. “What’s wrong?”
“Just nervous about spilling my guts.”
“I was, too. until a minute ago.”
“What happened a minutes ago?”
“Mia told me nothing or no one could break up our family.”
“Our?” he asked, hope fluttering over his face.
“Our.”
“Hell yeah.” He flashed that sexy crooked grin, then captured my lips in a sinful kiss that had my toes curling and my heart racing.
“Get a room,” Darren drawled, then chuckled.
“They already have one, love,” Tori reminded.
“Oh, that’s right. Never mind.” Darren smirked.
I knew the others were worried about Syd and were merely trying to buoy his spirits. Hopefully, when he was done spilling our secrets, he’d return to his normal, smart-assed self again.
It was after midnight by the time the coroner hauled off the bodies and the FBI wrapped up their investigation and left. Dustin was downstairs sleeping soundly while Gail was watching over him. Quinn stepped up to the fireplace and skimmed a confident but clearly exhausted gaze over us.
“We’re going to spend tomorrow relaxing. I want to see Syd dressed in his atrocious western wear, because we’re going to laugh. We’ve earned it.”
Cheers went up around the room.
“But before he puts on his Daisy Dukes and dons that worn out piece-of-shit-hat, there’s something he wants to say to you all.”
Beside me, Syd tensed. I squeezed his hand, kissed his cheek, and whispered in his ear, “You got this, love.”
“Yes. I do.” He nodded, then stood and stepped in front of the fireplace. “Thirteen and a half years ago, I was standing on stage in a smoky bar, playing my heart out, when a kick-ass singer named Burk Jennings and a bad-assed drummer named Ross Walker approached me after my song and asked if I wanted to join their band.”
“And the rest, they say, is history.” Burk chuckled.
“Yes and no,” Syd stated clear and strong. “I lied to you both that night, and I’m sorry.” As the smile tumbled off Burk’s face, Ross leaned forward in his chair. The tension in the room shot up so fast and thick it was hard to breathe, but Syd didn’t let it stop him. He simply cleared his throat and kept on talking. “I told you my name was Syd Wilson. It’s actually Syd Wilston. I wasn’t born and raised in Detroit. I was
born in Omaha and sent to Diamond City, Arkansas when I was fifteen.”
“Jesus,” Burk murmured.
“Sent?” Ozzy’s brows slashed in confusion. “By whom and why? What the hell does sent mean?”
“I need to back up and fill in some blanks.”
“Yes. Please do.” Burk scowled.
Syd dragged in a deep breath. By the time he finished telling how he’d found his mother that day, there wasn’t a dry eye to be found. Even McCoy, still standing guard by the front door, was wiping his cheeks. When Syd told them about taking down the drug dealer who’d murdered his mom, there was no scorn or disapproval on their faces. Even when he confessed about running out and leaving me to pay the price for his sins, no one condemned him…or me for my stint in kiddie prison.
“You may wonder why I’m standing here spilling my guts now, after all these years.”
Everyone issued a collective nod.
Syd turned and sent me a bittersweet smile. “I found my reason for living again. I can’t let her go, physically or mentally. But once we’re seen together, the press won’t stop digging until they find every speck of dirt from our past. It’s probably going to be brutal. So, I’m going to save you guys from embarrassment and preserve the Licks reputation.”
“Save it how?” Ross asked.
“By quitting. I’ll shake your hands, hug your sweaty backs and walk away if that’s what it takes. But I won’t…no, I can’t walk away from Caris again.”
My heart was in my throat as denial screamed through my system.
No. No. He can’t quit because of me. I couldn’t let him do something so…stupid.
“Syd!” I screeched, finally finding my voice. “Y-you can’t.”
Unfortunately, my opposition of his offer was drowned out by the blistering bellows of his angry bandmates as they leapt to their feet. Physical threats and reservations about Syd’s sanity peppered the air. When Sofia, Mia, Tori, and Harmony joined the fray, my stomach bottomed out. Wearing a pained expression, Syd did his best to stress the importance of his offer, but his words fell on deaf ears.
Finally, Ross shoved a couple of fingers in his mouth and let loose an ear-piercing whistle that rendered everyone silent.