by Cala Riley
“Dante ran down to Nacho to get it. It’s a new place Lo introduced me to.”
“It smells delicious.” I quickly make a plate then moan as the first bite hits my mouth. “Remind me to thank Lorenzo. This is the best nachos I’ve ever had.”
“Oh, I will make sure to thank him properly for us both later.”
I pretend to gag. “Gross, no thank you.”
She chuckles. “Aww, don’t be jealous that innocent Mia is finally getting some. Besides, I heard a rumor that you might be getting some on the side as well.”
I groan. “Who told?”
She stops, wide-eyed before squealing. “It’s true? Holy shit. It’s Giovanni, isn’t it? Please tell me it’s him and not some loser you picked up.”
I narrow my eyes as I realize I have been tricked. “So, you didn’t know?”
“I mean, I had my suspicions. You haven’t been texting me as much at night. Sof said you were actually leaving work on time. At Sunday dinner, I noticed that you have also taken more care in how you dress and do your makeup. You actually laughed at one of Giovanni’s jokes last week and well….” She shrugs like it was obvious.
“I guess I’m not as sly as I think, huh?”
“Nope. Why didn’t you tell us? This is great news.” She is bouncing with excitement.
“I didn’t want to jinx it. We have a complicated past. This could still end up just as messy as before, if not worse. I felt like talking about it might pop the bubble I’ve been living in, letting my fears ruin everything.” I let out a heavy breath I didn’t realize I was holding.
“It’s okay. I get it. Life is scary. Scratch that. Life isn’t scary. The unknown is scary. I have no idea what happened with you guys in the past, but I know it was bad. You held onto that pain for years and let it dictate your life. I met you after everything, but that doesn’t mean I didn’t see the pain you held onto. The way it shut you down and jaded your view. I know I haven’t been around much, but just from the times I have been with you over the past couple of weeks, I can see a positive change in you. You’re actually happy. You’re living your life again. The fear that it might all come crashing down is real, but are you willing to lose out on this bit of happiness you’ve found because you’re afraid that it may be taken away again?”
I feel every single word she speaks in my heart. She isn’t wrong. I have been jaded. I have been going through the motions without really living my life. I let the pain from my past debilitate me. I never truly let Giovanni go. I sat on the sidelines pretending to hate and resent him, while in my heart, I couldn’t move on from loving him. I’ve accepted the fact he’s it for me, and I’ve never been happier. I feel more carefree and lighter. Bringing him back into my life has been the scariest thing I have done in a long time, but it has been worth it. It’s brought back a piece of me that I lost five years ago.
“Oh, Iz. I didn’t mean to make you cry.” Mia pulls me out of my thoughts.
I feel the tears streaming down my face, each one making my heart feel lighter. I’ve heard of therapeutic crying but never thought it was real until this moment. Mia holds me as I break down and let all my emotions out. She’s murmuring to me, but I don’t hear the words. Instead I focus on letting all the pain and negativity from the past flow out, while opening my heart for the future.
As my tears subside, I pull back from Mia. I laugh as I see she also has a tearstained face along with a wet shoulder from where she held me.
“We’re such a mess.” I laugh as I hand her some tissues from the table before grabbing some for myself.
“This is your fault. I’m pregnant. I cannot control my emotions. Do you know that I cry at those animal commercials? Don’t even get me started on the videos of soldiers coming home to surprise their loved ones. I’m a constant puddle of tears.” She’s laughing, but I see the concern in her eyes.
“Thank you, Mia. I think I have needed that for at least five years. You’re right. We have been seeing each other again for a couple of weeks, taking it slow. Maybe it’s time to speed things up a little bit.”
“There you go, girl! Get your man.” We burst out laughing together.
“Tomorrow. For tonight, I’m going to spend some much-needed girl time with my best friend.”
“Same. Too bad Sofia isn’t here.”
“Why isn’t she here? I assume, if both our men are working, Bash is too.”
She laughs such a hard, deep laugh before picking up her phone. Within minutes, Sofia’s face pops up. “Save me. This is torture.”
I laugh. “What am I saving you from? Bash trying to put a baby in you too?”
She narrows her eyes at me. “Do not wish that juju on me. I’m not ready to be a mother. Or a babysitter. Bash left me here alone with Greer. She’s all sunshine and unicorns blowing right out her ass. I know it’s a façade. She’s pissed that Bash wouldn’t let her go out after her last stunt. She thought I would let her go since he’s gone, but I wouldn’t go against him. Now she’s acting like a child.”
“Do you really want us to come over? I can get changed real quick. Mia can pack up the food.” I glance to Mia, and she nods her head in agreement.
“No, as much as you guys being here would make it better for me, it would make it worse for you. Besides, I don’t think she likes you too much, Iz.”
I snort. “I can’t imagine why.”
Sofia looks confused. “I assumed it was because you broke her cousin’s heart once upon a time. Is there something else I don’t know?”
“There might have been a small misunderstanding at your wedding. I’m sure the whole Giovanni thing doesn’t help either.” I shrug. I really don’t care if she likes me or not.
Before she can respond, there is a commotion behind Sofia. My heart lurches.
“Greer. What the fuck are you doing? You’re going to get that poor kid killed.” She sighs then turns back to us. “Wish me luck. She has roped Rico’s apprentice into finding her alcohol. Poor kid doesn’t know what he is getting himself into. I got to go. Love you, babes.” She blows us kisses before ending the call.
“Poor Sof,” Mia says.
“Right, but you know what that means, right?”
Mia gives me a puzzled look.
“With no Sofia, we can watch all the horror movies we want.”
She chuckles. “Let’s have at it. If I wake up screaming though, I’m going to be mad at you.”
Giovanni
I miss you. It’s going to be hard to sleep without you tonight.
“What has you smiling like a fool?” Lo’s voice startles me as I lock my phone.
I wasn’t expecting a text like that from Isabella. She has been more open the past couple of weeks, but cautious. This is the first time she has even texted me first.
“Nothing.”
“Sure, nothing. I’m sure it has nothing to do with a black-haired ballbuster who’s suddenly warmed up to you.”
“I don’t know what you are talking about. Get back to work,” I bark.
His chuckle grates on me. I feel like I am walking a fine line between the family and Isabella. I want her to feel safe and fall in love with me again, but I know her biggest hang-up is the family. She doesn’t want to define this between us, but it’s getting harder on me to not tell her how I feel.
Lo keeps his mouth shut as he goes back to his work.
I type a quick text out to Isabella before also returning to work. I couldn’t not respond. Any misstep could spell the end to us. It is like walking on eggshells all the time.
“There is a disturbance at the back door.” I sigh at the voice coming through the phone.
I used to love running nightclubs, but now it is more of a hassle. I used to love surrounding myself with people and drinking until I didn’t have to remember anymore. Hell, most nights, one of the guys would have to haul me home. I know a lot of people thought I was out fucking everything that moved. Truth was, most nights whiskey dick kept most girls away.
“I got it, Lo. Don’t hop up on my account,” I say sarcastically.
He just smirks at me and goes back to his paper.
Bash is in his office with Matteo planning who knows what for Sofia, leaving Lo and I handling business. Which means, even though I am second in line, Lo technically pulls rank being Bash’s right-hand man, meaning I get the shit jobs.
Strolling down the stairs, I make my way into the club. I smile politely at the women who all seemed to take notice of me as soon as I step onto the floor. None of them matter to me, but I can’t be outright hostile. We still have a business to run. I cross the floor and head to the back door, where I find two of our guards holding a man.
“What is going on?” I ask.
“He said he has important information for Bash. I told him to take a hike, but he insisted. I figured I better tell one of you.”
I nod. “What’s your name?” I ask the man.
He is obviously poor, possibly homeless. I take in his appearance and the look in his eye, calculating his motivations. While Bash is better at this, I can still give him a run for his money. After all, we grew up together, making games of figuring people out.
“Terry,” the man says on a whisper.
Whatever confidence he had coming here, it seems he lost.
“What information do you have for Bash?”
“I can only tell him,” he says without meeting my eyes.
“Well, he isn’t available, so you either tell me or you get lost.”
He looks up at me then. “He will want to know this information. It is about Fillipo.”
I jerk at the sound of his name. We have been chasing ghosts when it comes to Fillipo. The likelihood of this man having any valuable information is slim to none, but I can’t risk it.
“Did you check him?” I ask the men.
“We did.”
“Good. Come with me.” I signal for Terry to go ahead of me.
Instead of walking through the club as before, I gesture him to walk to the right, down a back hall. Once we reach the office, I push him inside. Lo glances up from his papers before looking back down. “What is it this time, G?”
“Terry here says he has some information for us. On Fillipo.”
Lo sets his work down and stands up, coming around the desk. “Is that so? Well, Terry, you have my undivided attention.”
Terry stutters a bit before speaking. “I want money.”
Lo laughs, low and menacing. “This isn’t a negotiation. You came here to give us information. Now give it to us.”
“Money first.” He looks like he is tweaking, which is more pronounced now that he is facing Lo.
Lo moves so quick that I would have jumped if I hadn’t seen him in action a million times. Within moments, he has the man against the wall. “I will ask you again. What information do you have?”
The man swallows hard. “Fillipo is still in town. I heard you were looking for him. Look, I’m just a homeless man looking to buy some food. I don’t want any trouble.”
I let out a sharp laugh. More like the man needs some more dope.
“Is that all?” Lo puts more pressure onto Terry.
“I overheard him. I camp out behind the bridal shop. They didn’t see me behind the dumpster. They were talking about some plan in place. I don’t know who the other man is, but he was on the taller side and wore suits, like you guys. He had blondish hair. I wish I could tell you more. The other man must have been Fillipo. The blondish man said his name before pushing him up against a wall. They whispered a bit. Then the man let him go then left. I followed Fillipo down the street and watched him walk into the set of apartments at the corner of 6th and West 20th. I think he is staying there.”
Lo looks at me, and I nod. It might not be anything, but we will be checking on it anyway. Lo lets the man go as I reach for my wallet.
“Here.” I shove a hundred dollars in his hands. “I really hope you use it on food.”
The man’s eyes shine as he nods feverously. “I will. I’m going to get food right now.”
I know the man is lying, but I can’t make him do the right thing. I press a button and a guard opens the door. “Escort him out the back.”
The guard nods as he takes the man.
“What do you think?” I ask Lo.
“What do we have to lose?”
∞∞∞
Hours later, I finally make it back home. It turns out the lead the man gave us was a dud. There was no evidence of Fillipo at the apartments indicated. We even checked some others in the area in case the man was confused. It was disappointing, but I knew it was unlikely. Fillipo has been missing for a while now. There have been no signs of him in the city. For all we know, he could be dead or in another country by now.
Fillipo was never smart though. After our show of power, I doubt he would leave so soon. Something in my gut says he’s still here.
I’m still reeling from my afternoon of hunting when I walk through the door and head straight for the shower. The water relaxes me enough to feel the exhaustion seep into my bones, my mind slowing down. When I get out I don’t even bother with a towel I just fall face first onto my bed and pass out. The smell of something delicious wafts to me from the kitchen pulling me from my slumber. I reach out for my alarm clock on my nightstand turning it towards me to find most of the day has passed.
“Babe, is that you?” I call out like an idiot.
“Of course. Unless you have some other insanely gorgeous woman making you your favorite homemade chicken alfredo for dinner.”
I round the corner and find her stirring something on the stove. My eyes never leave her. An image of her doing this fifty years from now enters my head. My heart swells at the domestic picture there.
“Never. I love your cooking. I could never trade that for something less.”
She gives me a “yeah right” smirk. “Dinner’s about done. I’ll make our plates and meet you at the table?”
I walk over to her, not able to handle it a moment longer. I lean in and kiss her neck where it meets her shoulder. I breathe in deeply. “Hello, gorgeous. When did you get here?”
She chuckles. “Hello, handsome. I got here about an hour ago, I hope it’s okay but I gave Dante the night off. I figured you could give me a ride home or I could stay here tonight. Did you have a good day?”
I sigh. “No, but it just got so much better. Especially if I get to hold you all night long.”
She chuckles then pushes me away. “Get us some drinks then go to the table, Romeo.”
I do as she demands, coming back to help her bring the plates in. As we dig into the food, I cannot help the moan that slips from my mouth. “I have missed your alfredo. I haven’t had a decent alfredo in years.”
A small pang of hurt passes her eyes, but she smiles anyway. “I figured. After looking in your fridge, I figure you haven’t eaten many home-cooked meals in a long time. I thought I would treat you.”
“I’m glad you did. I have honestly missed this.”
She doesn’t say anything, and neither do I. We fall into a comfortable silence as we continue to eat our meal. Once we finish, I stand and grab the plates, taking them to the sink.
“Why don’t you go relax, and I’ll do the dishes,” I say.
“Or we could do them together. Get them done quicker. Then a movie?”
I smile at her. “Sure, we can do that.”
She slides up next to me, drying as I wash. Another future possibility passes through my mind. It isn’t until we are cuddled on the couch watching a movie that I express to her what I’m feeling.
“Tonight has been perfect. I needed this.”
She looks up at me from her position on my chest. “Want to talk about it?”
“You know I can’t. I want to, but I can’t.”
I hate the hurt in her eyes, but I can’t tell her because I know it wouldn’t scare her. Hell, at this point, I would tell her every single moment of my day, no matter what the consequences were. Th
e only thing holding me back is the fear that it would chase her away.
“I’m glad I made it better at least.”
“You make every day better, babe.” I lean in and kiss her forehead gently.
She turns back and looks to the movie. I twirl her hair in my fingers and continue to talk.
“I know this may be too soon, but I can see us doing this years from now. Eating home-cooked meals and cuddling to watch movies.”
She looks back at me with a small smile, placing her chin on my chest. “You mean me cooking dinner while you stand and watch.”
“We both know I would burn the house down if I cook. I won’t lie though, it was hot as hell watching you standing in that kitchen. Only thing that would have made it better would be if you were barefoot with a baby on your hip.”
Her eyes darken before she pulls away from me, sitting up.
“What is it?” I ask.
“I don’t think we should be doing this. I don’t think you want the same future that I do.”
I try to pull her closer, but she stands.
“I think you should know something.” She swallows hard before turning back to me with tears in her eyes. “I can’t have children. When I went to the hospital that night, they found damage on my ovary. They removed it. They said I still have one and that it is a small possibility, but I honestly don’t know if I even want to try. The pain from losing our baby was enough to kill me. I cannot imagine putting myself through that again.”
I stand and go to her, but she brushes me off.
“Honey, that doesn’t matter to me. I don’t care if we never have kids. All I need is you.”
She sobs, backing further away. “No, I can’t do this. I thought I could, but the memory of our baby will always come up. It will always open this wound that has never healed. I can’t do it. You need to move on. We both do.”
Before I can stop her, she turns and makes her way to the front door.
“Wait,” I yell after her, but she is already out the door. “Isabella. Stop.”
She does as I ask, but she doesn’t turn around.
“I know you don’t want to hear this, but I love you. I want you despite all of this. I know you need your space, so I’m going to give it to you, but then tomorrow we’re going to talk about this. Let me have someone take you home. Please,” I plead.