by G N Wright
By the time I reach his room he is coming out of his closet with a bunch of clothes in his hand.
“Here,” he holds them out to me, “we have heaters up on the roof but it will still be pretty cold this time of year so thought you could use something warmer than that,” he gestures towards my dress.
I look down and see he has given me a hoodie, some joggers, and a big pair of socks. “Thanks, this is great,” I say before looking round the room and deciding this is the last place I should be right now. “I’ll just go change.”
Before he can say anything, I scramble from the room and make my way to the bathroom down the hall so I can change. I lock myself inside and lean back against the door trying to calm my racing heartbeat. None of this is what I imagined when I agreed to a girls’ night out with Tay. I shouldn’t even be here, it doesn’t matter what Marcus wants or how amazing tonight felt, being here just puts Marcus and my secrets in danger.
At this point I don’t know what a bigger fallout would have, Elliot targeting Marcus to get to me or Marcus finding out about Cassie. Both would be a fucking shit show that I want no part of. I turn and make my way to the sink and look in the mirror. My lips are still swollen from Marcus’ kisses, my hair is wild, and I can still feel the evidence of his magic fingers in my panties.
I huff out a breath and try to give myself a pep talk. This is just tonight. One night to be completely and utterly selfish. Pretend that Donovan doesn’t exist and act like I am not an eighteen-year-old mom with a toddler waiting at home. Just chill with a guy I love and some friends and then tomorrow when the sun comes up everything will go back to normal.
I slide off my dress and heels and groan when my feet are finally on flat ground again, whoever invented heels is definitely a sadist. I pull the socks and joggers on and then throw the hoodie over my head. As soon as I slide it down, I am assaulted by Marcus' scent, it’s musky and rich and has me inhaling deep. Fuck why is that masculine smell so sexy and addictive.
I gratefully find a hair tie in my purse and throw my curls into a messy bun. Once ready I give myself a once over and I look a little ridiculous with Marcus clothes being about four times too big for me but with limited choice I just go with it.
By the time I make it back to the main living area I can see that Tay is also sporting a hoodie fairly too large for her tiny frame. She is chatting away again to all three guys but as soon as she notices me, she cuts off.
“Finally girl,” her statement causes all three Rebels' gaze to swing to me but my only focus is on Marcus as he takes me in and I can only imagine what he thinks I look like in his huge clothes.
I can see there is a huge pile of junk food sitting on the counter and an ice box. Linc and Jace make quick work of gathering all up and making their way to what I presume is the roof with Taylor quick on their heels. Marcus and I are still in a stare off until he steps forward and holds out his hand to me.
“You ready?” he asks, and he doesn’t realize how many answers that question has.
Am I ready for revenge? Yes.
Ready for people to learn about Cassie? No.
Ready for what Marcus is trying to do with us? No, Yes?
Ready to pretend none of that exists and just enjoy tonight? Maybe?
“Yes,” I whisper, ignoring his outstretched hand but moving closer to him so we can walk to the roof together.
When we get up there, I am in awe. The whole rooftop has been decked with oak wood panels, there is a circle fire pit directly in the center with square seating surrounding it covered in cushions. There are a few heaters placed sporadically around and some benches, loungers and even bean bags to offer a lot of seating. There is a hot tub in one corner and a large BBQ in the other. It has everything you would need for the perfect garden hang out barring a swimming pool.
We make our way over to the firepit where the others have already gathered and take a seat. Marcus of course sits right next to me with his arms stretched out behind him, so I have no choice but to have his arms around me if I choose to sit back. Jace hands us all a beer and even though I am still pretty buzzed from the club I take it just so I have something to do with my hands.
The drinks and conversation flow and I soon find myself sinking back into Marcus and he takes the opportunity to rub small circles on the back on my neck which I try my hardest to ignore. I zone in and out of the conversation thankful that Taylor, Jace and Linc seem to be getting along well and talking between themselves which is fine until Taylor calls on me.
“God, do you remember that party Elle?”
“Sorry, what?” I concentrate on her having missed whatever she asked.
“Your tenth birthday party, you know the one with the pony your dad got for you,” she laughs turning back to the guys slightly, “it was awful, it shit everywhere and Sarah lost her mind.”
“Please tell me you have pictures of that,” Jace pleads as he laughs hard at her telling the story.
“Yeah I don’t wanna see that” Linc adds.
“That's not even the best part, the party organizer was so wild trying to wrangle the horse that she knocked over the cake that had like ten tiers,” they are all laughing hard now and she’s right it was hilarious but there is only one memory from that day I remember.
My party is ruined, that stupid pony I didn’t even want pooped all over the lawn and then the silly woman who brought it knocked over my cake. I didn’t stick around to see anything else. I’m hiding in the pool house trying not to cry, I just want this stupid birthday to be over. My mom never listens to me when it comes to this stuff, always just does whatever she wants to try and impress her stupid friends.
The door opens and I hide my face in my hands, so no one sees my tears, Daddy says that now I am double digits I need to grow up. He says crying is for babies.
My hands are pulled from my face and I panic until I lock eyes with my best friend and sigh in relief.
“It’s okay, Ells,” River says.
“No, its not, this stupid party is ruined.”
“Well you didn’t want it anyway right?” he replies knowing full well how I feel about ponies.
“Yeah but still I didn’t want it to end up like this, that stupid horse has probably pooped over all my presents and my cake is a pile of mush.”
“I know one present that didn’t get covered in poop.”
“Yeah where?” I ask and he takes a deep breath and wipes the tears off my cheek before leaning in and pressing his lips to mine. I freeze in shock, what the hell is he doing. I have never done this before, so I have no clue how to respond so I just push my lips against his and hope for the best. He pulls back and gives me the biggest smile I have ever seen on him.
“Happy Birthday, Ells.”
“Actually, you had disappeared by that point, where did you go?” Taylor interrupts my trip down memory lane, and I am lost for words.
“Erm I--” I look up at Marcus and find his intense stare on mine with a smile on his face like he just experienced that memory with me. That is something that only the two of us knew about, a sacred memory.
“I don’t remember,” I reply, my eyes pulling away from his as I answer Taylor but I feel the little squeeze he gives my neck in confirmation that he remembers that day just as well as I do.
We continue to drink and attempt to soak it up with chips while all sharing light-hearted stories from our childhood, there is more than I thought there would be considering the families we all come from. It’s nice to just hang out carefree with friends.
As the night winds down, Linc says he needs to check on some work and Taylor challenges Jace to some Xbox game I have never heard of. When they leave, I move over to a double lounger away from the lights to get a better view of the stars. I lean back and stare up at the endless pit of the sky and it isn’t long before Marcus joins me.
We lay side by side in silence, the only sound is our breathing and the crackle of the fire pit. I wish life could always be like this, peaceful, still
, calm. But that’s not real life. I look over to Marcus and find him already looking at me, like he never stopped looking at me.
“Wanna make a wish?” he asks, reminding me of yet another one of our childhood traditions. Whenever we snuck out to lay under the stars, we would always make a wish out loud to each other.
I used to wish to grow up and be happy like my parents. To marry Marcus Riviera and have kids together and live happily ever after. Back when life was simple and wishes seemed easy.
I turn back to the stars, not being able to bear looking at him for another second, “Wishes don’t come true in this town, River.” I feel him look back to the sky with me.
“I know, when you left, I still used to make wishes,” he admits quietly. “I used to wish for so many things, that my dad was still alive, that my life didn’t change so much, that I could get over you. But you know what I wished for most of all, Ells?” he turns back to me “I wished you would come back to me.”
I am grateful that the tear rolling down my face is on the opposite side of where Marcus is lying. The last thing I need is for him to see my heart breaking, for him, for me, for us.
He is still in love with the girl next door who he grew up with, he doesn’t know I stopped being that girl the moment Greg Donovan took me. I wish he would hate me, despise me with a burning rage that makes him never want to talk to me again. It would break my heart but at least his would remain intact.
The silence stretches out between us when I don’t answer him, but I don’t know what to say that would change anything.
He breaks first, “Tell me something.”
“What kind of something?”
“Something special to you.”
I take a deep breath then whisper into the night, “I think about your dad every day, I owe him my life.”
He doesn’t respond, at least not with words, he reaches his hand out until it touches mine and he laces our fingers together and squeezes. It takes everything in me to squeeze back. That's the last thing I remember before falling asleep.
Chapter 32
ELLE
I’m a coward. I snuck out of Marcus’ house before he woke up, I gently removed his arms from around me and left a cold empty space beside him. I thought I would make it out of there without incident but as soon as I got back into the loft Lincoln was waiting on the sofa for me like he knew I would appear. He didn’t even speak before he got up from the sofa and grabbed his keys and made his way towards the garage as I dutifully followed behind.
The drive was quiet, but I could practically hear his thoughts screaming at me wondering what the fuck happened last night, but he would have to wait for answers because I didn’t have them. I don’t know what the fuck happened last night, one minute I was dancing with Taylor with a nice buzz going on and purposely ignoring Marcus and the next I was riding his hand like a fucking rollercoaster chasing the best high I have ever experienced. And did I stop it there? No of course not, I took things from bad to worse and went home with him.
“Don’t beat yourself up,” Lincoln's voice breaks into the silence.
“What?”
“You are thinking so hard over there you look like you might burst a blood vessel.”
I frown but he continues, “Elle, you’re allowed to be selfish and have some things for yourself, it doesn’t make you a bad person or a bad mom.”
“If Marcus finds out about Cassie then things will blow up.”
“Or he might surprise you.”
“Clearly you don’t know your brother as well as you think you do,” I throw back. “When we were kids Marcus used to say he would kill anyone who hurt me, he meant it even then he just didn’t have the power to back it up. What do you think the king of the South Side is going to do when he finds out the son of the devil fucked me against my will and knocked me up when I was nothing but a child myself?”
He grimaces at that statement, but I feel nothing. I know Marcus and his temper; he just has a good handle on it most of the time but it’s always there simmering under the surface. Look at last night, he beat that guy bloody on the dance floor and all he did was try to dance with me even when I said no. If Marcus can lose it over something so small, then he would be out of control if he found out about something as big as Cassie.
“I need to keep Cassie off Marcus’ radar and him off Elliot’s, it’s the only way. Last night was a mistake that won’t happen again.”
I can tell he wants to argue with me, but he doesn’t bother. He knows that regardless of whatever friendship we are building between us that it isn’t his place. I lean in to kiss his cheek and get out of the car before he can say anything else.
“Thanks for the ride, Superman.”
“Anytime, Elle,” he replies simply.
It’s still early so I am hoping to sneak into the house undetected. Cassie was away for the night last night with Helen and Arthur visiting the twins and won’t be back until this afternoon so it’s just Zack that’s home.
I’m creeping down the hall when his voice startles me, “And where are you sneaking to, sweetheart?” he asks with a lick of humor in his voice, busted.
I straighten and turn to find him at the kitchen island with his laptop open and coffee in hand, no rest for the wicked.
“Sorry, I thought you would be sleeping,” I say innocently.
“Too many problems in the world for me to sleep,” he replies with a grim smile as he takes my oversized outfit in. I just nod and say nothing because I know he has his own demons to deal with.
He continues, “I spoke to Mom. She said they will be home around midday and thought we could head into town and grab some takeout for lunch, Italian maybe?”
“Sure, sounds great, I’m just gonna go shower and do a little homework, call me when you wanna go”.
I head to my room and go straight into my bathroom so I can try to wash away the night. I decide on a bath and double up on the bubbles.
Once out I towel myself off, smooth my hair into a sleek ponytail and throw on some jeans and a sweater. I grab my phone and find it’s completely black, clearly it died at some point last night. I grab my charger and plug it in and then grab my laptop so I can force myself into some schoolwork.
I am immediately distracted when my phone starts beeping with notifications as it comes back to life.
4 missed calls.
17 text messages.
I open the phone and find messages from Marcus, Asher, Taylor, and a new group chat I am not familiar with.
MARCUS: Are you safe? I woke up and you weren’t here.
MARCUS: NVM Linc just came back and told me he gave you a ride.
MARCUS: You left me again...
MARCUS: I hope I didn’t push you too far last night Ells
TAYLOR: Well last night was fun right….
Then there is the group chat which is titled ‘The Fam’.
JACE: Princess welcome to the good life
LINC: Really Jace?
JACE; What man didn’t last night fully confirm her as one of us?
MARCUS: Don’t start
JACE: What she already loves you and now Linc, time to get her on my side too.
LINC: Not sure this is the way to do it
MARCUS: Fucking leave her alone
JACE: I will if you will *wink emoji*
LINC: Please don’t start with the emojis
JACE: *computer emoji* *glasses emoji* *list emoji*
ASHER: I think I may have found something.
ASHER: I’ve got some free time today I’ll come to you.
Good lord where do I even start. I start with the easiest and work my way from there. I text Ash back first and tell him I will see him later, then respond to Taylor and thank her for a great night. Regardless of my own decisions last night was still fun and it was good to get out.
Then I respond to Marcus
ELLE: I’m sorry for running away but it’s better this way, I can’t do this.
Simple and hopefully to
the point, I doubt the group chat will be that easy.
GROUPCHAT - THE FAM
ELLE: You need to stop being obsessed with me pretty boy.
JACE: I knew you wouldn’t resist *princess emoji* *crown emoji*
ELLE: my reply isn’t an agreement.
JACE: *cry face emoji*
LINC: You’re insufferable.
ELLE: How do you put up with him Superman?
LINC: It’s not without its challenges.
MARCUS: You’re not the only one out of the loop Jace.
-- Elle left group chat --
I leave before I even think much about it, the last thing I need is to be entertaining more of the Rebels' notions, I am already in too deep with Lincoln.
I turn my phone on silent and throw myself into my homework and wait for Zack to call me for lunch. It’s better if I occupy my mind with schoolwork rather than thinking about the rebels, any of them.
Chapter 33
MARCUS
Before I even open my eyes I know she’s gone, the space next to me is cold, empty, barron. I squeeze my eyes tight before opening them and revealing the inevitable. She left me, again. The reality pierces me right in the chest, I thought we made progress last night, but she still ran from me.
Lincoln said to push her, and I am trying but she pushes back at every turn. I thought after what happened back at the club things changed between us and then when she agreed to come here, I felt invincible.
She fell asleep next to me and I pulled her in close until she was entangled in my arms and I never wanted to let her go. I watched her for hours, memorizing every inch of her, the way her eyes flutter as she dreams, the way she groans as she moves, the way her hair falls down into her face and the way she feels cuddled in close to me.