“Forgive me, ma’am,” my father said in apology.
My mother smiled and quickly tried to remedy the awkward situation. “Ma’am, this is our daughter Linna,” my mother said proudly to Illimit as she pointed toward my sister, unaware of what was going on around her. “And that’s Vigil over there hiding…oh, come on out, sweetheart! Nobody’s going to hurt you.” My mother laughed lightly as she walked over to my chair and calmly removed the blanket from my head. “Say hello, Vigil.”
I couldn’t speak. The strange woman towered over me. With her hood removed, I could see her icy yellow-green skin and her eerie deep black sparkling eyes. I looked up at those dead eyes and hugged Tooga tightly. Her horns frightened me. Her size frightened me. And when I heard her speak for the first time, her voice terrified me most of all.
“Choose your survivor,” Illimit said callously to my mother.
“What do you mean?” my mother asked.
“Choose your survivor,” Illimit repeated in that awful dead tone.
“Vim, wh-what’s she talking about?” My mother’s voice cracked with the onset of a wave of panic.
“What’s this lady talking about?” my father growled at the captain, who stared straight ahead and pretended not to notice him. “Hey, I’m talking to you! What the hell is she talking about? Huh?” my father shouted, his anger climbing rather quickly.
I felt a sense of dread creep over me.
“Vim? What’s happening?” My mother began to tremble.
“Choose your survivor,” Illimit replied, as her dead gaze turned and seemed to stare into my mother’s very soul.
“I don’t know what you mean!” My mother was shaking and confused. She looked to my father for any help possible, but he was too busy yelling at the captain. The noise in the room startled Linna, and she began to cough violently, trails of blood covering her teeth and lips. My mother, out of instinct, went to Linna’s side and dabbed her mouth with the clean towel my father had just brought from the laundry room.
“You have chosen,” Illimit stated firmly.
“Chosen what?” my mother screamed.
“Momma?” I called out, panicked from the commotion.
“Everything’s fine, Vigil,” she said reassuringly in a very shaky voice.
“The choice has been made.” Illimit announced, nodding toward the captain. “We shall begin.”
~14~
“The mother has made her decision,” the captain bellowed, once again striking his blackbrass spear upon the floor. “Restrain the parents!” he commanded.
“What? Wait! This is bullshit!” my father shouted as he fought and thrashed wildly, but the guards overpowered him. They pinned him to the floor in a matter of seconds. My mother screamed and threw wild punches in the air, but her efforts were even more in vain, as it took only one royal guard to control her slight frame. My parents shouted at the guards, demanding to be released and an explanation, but it was no use. The guards forcefully bound my parents’ mouths with thick dark fiber tape and clamped their wrists behind their backs with blackbrass irons. My sister began to cough and choke again, and my mother’s eyes welled with tears as she muffled beneath the tape on her mouth.
Illimit stood in the center of the room between my sister and me. I trembled in fear as Illimit pulled a black machine out from underneath her cloak and placed it on the ground. She closed her dead black eyes and raised her arms in the air, exposing the full length of her sinewy limbs. Illimit began to speak in a language I’d never heard before. It was foreign and twisted and frightened me almost as much as she did. The machine levitated in the air, resting a few feet off the floor as an eerie light emanated brighter and brighter through the open spaces within its frame.
Illimit turned and pointed her thin, claw-like finger at Linna, where she lay on the couch. Linna called out for my mother; the fever and exhaustion keeping her unaware of the nightmare unfolding before her.
I looked across the room at my parents from where I still sat in my mother’s chair. My mother’s face was red from crying. “Momma, what’s happening?” I asked, but she couldn’t answer me.
As I clutched Tooga tightly, the machine began to hum. I watched a dark blue light seep out from the shiny black gemstone on the end of the machine nearest my sister. It looked almost alive like a deadly serpent. The light slowly flowed, growing and snaking its way into the air. Silvery sparks of electricity pulsed through the light like blood through veins in its translucent body.
Illimit continued to speak her foreign words as the tentacle of light stretched and lengthened, charmed by her commands. As I watched, the light became dense and morphed into seven claw-like fingers surrounding a suction-cup mouth.
“What’s…what’s that for?” I asked, but there was no response. I hugged Tooga close and closed my eyes, too afraid to watch what was happening.
The next thing I heard was a wild scream and a deep gurgle erupting from my sister’s throat. I looked up to see the mouth attached to the center of her chest. One by one, the clawed fingers bore into her arms, her stomach, her neck, and finally, her forehead. As she twitched, blood erupted from her mouth. I leapt down from the chair and ran across the living room toward my parents, but Illimit, with her massive reach, grabbed my arm and pulled me back. Her grip was tight and her icy hands burned into my skin. I screamed for my mother, but there was nothing she could do.
Another tentacle slithered out from the gemstone on the end of the machine facing me. I squirmed and tried to free myself, but Illimit’s grip was too strong. The tentacle sparked brightly as its head formed an array of clawed fingers around its large, hungry mouth. I watched it carefully, trying to find a way to avoid its strike, but it was too quick. The gaping mouth latched onto my chest, and I felt a sudden flash of pain across my entire body as the machine’s electricity flooded my veins. One by one, the clawed fingers dug their way into my arms and neck and stomach, causing spasms and then paralysis. The pain was unbearable, and I heard the sound of bone cracking as the last finger stabbed into my skull. My sight blurred as I lost consciousness. The last thing I heard were my parents’ muffled cries for mercy.
Everything went dark. I couldn’t hear anything. I didn’t know if I was dead or alive, or even where I was. All I knew was that I longed for sleep. There in the darkness, caught between what felt like life and death itself, my body began to relax. My pain and anxiety slowly faded away, leaving me in a state of nothingness. Then, as I felt the last of the oxygen in my lungs begin to leave me, a sense of peace and tranquility washed over me—as if to let me know it was okay to let go of the world I once knew.
Vigil, wake up! my mother’s voice screamed in my mind.
The sleep I’d fallen into was deeper than anything I’d ever known, but my mother’s voice sounded so desperate, so urgent and afraid, that I snapped awake, gasping for air.
“Ein have mercy!” the captain said. His once cold and mechanical tone had now become panicked and full of fright.
“I don’t understand,” Illimit said aloud, confused.
“Momma?” I cried out weakly from where I lay on the living room floor. I lifted my head and slowly pushed my body up as I looked around for my mother. Blood had dripped from my forehead and rolled into my eyes, making everything painfully blurry. “Momma? I’m awake…I’m up now,” I said as I tried to rub the blood out of my eyes.
Vigil! my mother screamed again.
“I’m here, Momma.” I tried to stand, but my body felt weak. I looked around the room again, and found her lying on the floor next to my father. They both were still bound and gagged, yet I could hear her talking to me.
“That shouldn’t have happened,” the captain stated nervously, his face ashen as he stared at me.
“I know it shouldn’t have happened! The mother chose the girl to survive!” Illimit growled.
Upon hearing the mention of my sister, I looked at the sofa to see if Linna was okay, but all that remained
of her was the charred skeleton covered in ash where she’d been resting.
I looked to my mother for comfort, and she locked eyes with me. Vigil, you need to run! she pleaded in my thoughts. Get out of this house! Now! I’m begging you!
“But what about you, Momma?” I asked as I got to my feet.
“Wait!” Illimit snapped as she broke from her conversation with the captain and advanced quickly toward me. Her robe skimmed the floor, reminding me of a ghost. “What did you say?”
I backed away from the strange woman, terrified. “Momma wants me to run away, but I don’t want to leave without her,” I stated proudly.
Vigil, do as I say! Run! my mother screamed in my thoughts.
“No!” I refused, shouting as loud as I could.
Illimit’s black eyes glinted in delight as a smile spread across her pale bluish-green lips. “Ein be praised!” She grinned and leaned down, inching closer to me. “Tell me, boy, have you always been able to hear to your mother in your thoughts?”
“No.” I slowly backed away, trying to avoid her advance, until I reached my parents. I knelt down and latched my arms around my mother, burying my face in her side.
“Interesting!” Illimit said intently.
“What is?” the captain asked.
“Not only did the boy survive the power of the Curabitor, he can now communicate through thought. This is clearly the work of the gods.” She was intrigued by these unorthodox results of the machine. “We’ve possibly released the ability of a potential shepherd!” she exclaimed.
“A potential shepherd?” The captain was skeptical. “One coincidental gift of telepathy won’t be enough to convince the Church that he might be a potential,” he argued. “The boy would have to demonstrate something much more substantial to show he’s been chosen by Ein.”
“Very well, then,” Illimit replied slyly before snapping her fingers at one of the royal guards and pointed at my mother.
The guard unsheathed a blackbrass dagger from his boot and pulled my mother’s hair back with such force that she screamed behind the fiber gag that covered her mouth. He slashed my mother’s throat as if she were nothing more than livestock. The guard let go of her hair and tossed her head forward as her body began to thrash and shudder. I hugged my mother tightly, trying to stop her shaking as her blood poured all over me.
Everyone in the room stood motionless and watched as my father wailed from behind the gag over his mouth. The sound of his despair was unbearable. He tried to move toward my mother despite being bound in shackles, but he only succeeded in toppling on his side and landing in the quickly spreading pool of my mother’s blood.
“Now, boy, tell me. Can you still hear her thoughts?” Illimit asked coolly.
“Momma?” I sobbed, looking up into my mother’s glassy eyes. She didn’t seem to see me, but for one brief moment, her pupils focused on mine as if to say goodbye, and then she was gone. Next to us, my father lay crying inconsolably on the floor. I could feel everyone else in the room staring at me impatiently as I buried my bloodied face into her side and began to sob.
“He doesn’t hear anything,” the captain grumbled.
“Give it a moment,” Illimit insisted.
Suddenly, my mother’s voice rang out in my thoughts once again. Don’t say a word, Vigil. I need you to stay still and keep quiet. You’re going to have to think your words to me, sweetheart. Don’t say them out loud, she instructed me.
I hugged her corpse tighter. Her body was growing cool to the touch. Are you dead, Momma? Please don’t be dead. I don’t want you to leave me!
I won’t leave you, sweetheart. I promise.
You swear to Ein you won’t leave me, Momma?
I swear it, Vigil.
I don’t understand what’s happening.
They want you to tell them that you can hear me, but you mustn’t tell them you can, or they’ll take you away, okay, sweetheart?
“Okay, Momma.”
“The boy isn’t a potential!” the captain snapped. “It was just an accident. Let’s go!” He motioned for his men to leave.
One by one, the royal guards filtered out of the house.
I glanced up to see Illimit staring back at me. The intrusive expression on her yellow-green face somberly fell to one of disappointment, and her eyes returned to the stone-dead stare. “I could have sworn there was something different here,” she muttered as she gathered the Curabitor into her cloak and drew her hood around her face, enveloping her features in shadows as she left.
The captain leaned into my father’s ear. “No one need know what happened here today, or else there will be severe consequences for you and your boy. Is that understood?” He removed the gags from my parents’ mouth, unfastened their shackles, and followed his men out the front door, leaving us to our misery.
My father was motionless, still on the floor in the pool of my mother’s blood.
Help your father, sweetheart, my mother instructed me. I let go of her corpse and wiped my eyes with the back of my hand. Every inch of my body ached.
“Daddy,” I said quietly, reaching out and nudging his shoulder. “I’m still here.”
These words caused my father to let out the most agonizing and tormented wail of grief that I have ever heard. He cried as though he’d lost the world and everything that made life beautiful. I curled up beside him, lying in the blood of my mother, listening to him cry.
~15~
Later that afternoon, we buried my mother and the remains of my sister out in our backyard. It was common for Telshakran families to bury their dead close to their homes, but my father had not intended on burying anybody there that soon. He covered the graves with the few flowers he found and marked their final resting places with large rocks. My father would later replace these rocks with proper grave markers, but in that moment, it was all we could do to honor their memories.
Under his strict orders, I was to pay my respects to their graves each morning and each evening before bed. Death was a new concept to me, and although I didn’t fully understand what my father’s intent was at the time, someday I would. My father had lost his soul mate. The death of my sister was tragic enough as it was, but without my mother there to help him through it, my father became more and more withdrawn from the world around him. He was a hollow, broken man with nothing left inside to give to me, the one family member who had survived that terrible day.
Often in the months that followed, I’d find him sitting in front of the video screen, blankly watching messages from the Church over and over and over again, as if not retaining any of the information being presented to him. My father had become nothing more than a shadow of his former self. He was physically there, but there was no light behind his eyes. He continued to go through the motions of taking care of me like any parent would do, but the father I’d known and loved was lost forever. I know in my heart he would have been a better parent to me if his grief hadn’t become rooted so deeply in his soul. Looking back, I realize there was little, if anything, I could have done to help him through those dark times.
Despite my father’s distance, I wasn’t completely alone. The voice of my mother continued to guide and care for me. She talked me through all my worries and troubles and fears. She made me keep my room tidy, helped me pick out my clothes, and taught me how to keep them clean. It was as if my mother had never left me. Even though I couldn’t see her, I could still hear her and feel her presence everywhere I went.
Momma, can I ask you something? I thought one winter morning as I made my bed. The sheets were wrinkled, and the blanket was uneven, but my mother made me keep working at it until it was acceptable.
Of course, Vigil, you can ask me anything, she replied in my mind. Her voice sounded slightly nervous, but I didn’t know why.
Where’s Linna? How come she doesn’t talk to me like you do?
I don’t know, sweetheart.
Do you think she’s okay?
Yes, I’m sure she is.
How do you know?
I just do. Your sister is probably sitting with Ein right now, smiling down upon you. How could she be sad or unhappy in a place like that?
But how do you know she’s with Ein?
I have faith, sweetheart. That’s all the proof I need. You’ll learn to trust in those things someday.
Why aren’t you there, too, Momma?
Because I belong here, protecting you like I promised.
“I’m glad you’re here, Momma,” I whispered aloud.
Now, Vigil, I explained this. Don’t speak when you talk to me. You know you don’t have to, she said sternly.
I know, I replied in my thoughts.
This is something that’s just for the two of us. I want you to remember that. You mustn’t speak out loud to me. It’s important, okay?
Okay, Momma, I thought as I let out a long, frustrated sigh and headed downstairs, hoping my father was having one of his better days.
“Dad?” I nudged him while he slumbered in my mother’s chair. “Dad, wake up.”
“Huh?” He opened his eyes and looked at me, disappointed, as if I’d just woke him from a pleasant dream. It was the only time he could spend with her now, and I didn’t blame him for being disappointed that I’d woke him up.
“Sorry, Dad. It’s time for breakfast.”
“Huh? Oh. Oh right, okay. Yeah, come on, I’ll get you something to eat.” He wiped his eyes. I could see how damp and swollen his face was. He’d been crying in his sleep again. I followed him quietly into the kitchen and sat at the table while he made breakfast.
Exhausted from the constant lack of sleep, my father stood awkwardly in front of the stove and leaned against the wall for support. He managed to hold the frying pan stable enough to cook some blackfinch eggs, but he spent most of the time staring out the window just to the left of our stove that overlooked our backyard. Each morning, he spent longer periods of time staring out at the graves while he fixed my breakfast.
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