by Sandy Barker
‘No, it’s not that. Wait, what is the date?’ Sometimes curiosity is a distracting cow of a thing.
‘It’s a visit to a wildlife park. You know, cuddling koalas, hand-feeding kangaroos, that kinda thing.’
His voice lacks warmth―my doing, I know―but now I’m torn. I’d love to go to a wildlife park and cuddle a koala―and I’d get that photograph for Mum and Aunty Lo. But it would mean spending alone time with Daniel and why (oh, why?) does Jack think I want that?
‘That does sound nice …’ I say.
‘So why the hesitation? Why that look on your face, Abby?’
‘What look?’ My hands fly to my cheeks, which are warm.
‘Well, I’d describe it as “horrified”. I mention a one-on-one date and you look like I’m sending you to the gallows―naked. What the hell’s going on?’
‘I don’t see why you’re so suspicious of me all of the sudden.’
‘It’s not suspicion, Abby, I’m just baffled. Do you want to go on a one-on-one date with Daniel or not?’
‘No!’
‘Well then why the hell did you kiss him?’
‘What?’ I ask, incredulous.
‘You heard me. On the winery date―you kissed him.’
We exchange Paddington Bear hard stares. ‘I didn’t kiss him,’ I say, my voice low and pointed.
‘Well, it sure looked like it to me!’
‘Lower your voice. Someone will hear you.’
He expels out a frustrated, angry sigh. ‘It looked like it to me.’
Something else twigs. ‘And why do you care if I did kiss Daniel?’
‘Oh, so now you did?’
‘Why does it even matter? Doesn’t it play perfectly into the twisted little plan that you and Roberta have concocted? Top two Does!’ I shout.
‘Hey, that’s all Roberta―I had nothing to do with it. Come on, Abby, you know that.’
‘Do I? Isn’t that why you’ve been so distant, why things are so off between us?’
‘Seriously? You’re the one who told me to stay away!’
‘But I didn’t mean it!’
‘What? I …’
‘And now I have to go on a one-on-one date with Daniel, that priggish twat, and that’s your “better news”?’
‘Wait, sorry, I’m confused. You just said you kissed him.’
‘I did not. I said, “so what if I did?”.’
‘Well, did you?’
‘No! I didn’t! Daniel kissed me. And he caught me by surprise and before I even knew what was happening, it was over. I’d nearly been thrown off a horse, I’ll have you know, so forgive me for being so out of sorts that I wasn’t quick enough to fend him off like I did last time!’ I glare at him, but inside I can feel the fight leaving my body―sheer emotional exhaustion, is my guess.
How have Jack and I got ourselves into this stupid, tangled mess?
His eyes scrutinise mine, then crease at the corners as an amused smile takes hold. ‘I’ll have you know …?’ he asks. ‘Who are you? Daphne?’
‘What? No, I …’
In the aftermath of raging at Jack, finally saying all the things I’ve wanted to say for weeks now, the relief makes me vulnerable to his charm. It’s impossible to tame the corners of my mouth but I’m still cross and I drop my chin to hide my traitorous mouth.
‘You’re smiling,’ he teases.
I look up at him through my lashes. ‘I’m not. I’m very annoyed. At you. I’m very annoyed at you.’
‘And why’s that?’ He crosses his arms and tilts his head to the side. It’s adorable, especially as a lock of hair has flopped over one eye.
‘Because you’re daft, that’s why.’
‘How? Why, what do you mean?’ he asks with a slight edge of defensiveness.
I lift my chin. ‘I mean that even after I told you I don’t want to be with Daniel, that I don’t fancy him in the slightest, you still thought I had kissed him willingly.’
He shrugs. ‘I figured you’d changed your mind.’
‘Oh, you did? Is that one of the chapters in your book, Everything I Know About Women, by Jack Freeman?’
‘It’s more of a pamphlet, really.’
I shake my head, the laughter that’s bubbling up inside me impossible to resist, and then I snigger. ‘You utter …’ I say through the laughter.
‘I think the word you’re looking for is “genius”,’ he counters.
My laughter subsides, turning into a sigh―part relief, part contentment, perhaps slightly tinged with resignation. Jack is a worthy opponent in word play, and I chalk up another point on the plus side of the ‘Abby crushing on Jack’ balance sheet. No one wants to be with someone they can walk all over. Well, I don’t, anyway.
But that still leaves us at an impasse. I haven’t told Jack the truth. And he hasn’t asked.
His expression softens and he takes a small step towards me. ‘So, why didn’t you want Daniel to kiss you?’ he asks, his voice barely above a whisper. All right, so now he’s asked.
I take a steadying breath and look him in the eye. ‘Because … I fancy you, actually.’ I hadn’t envisioned telling him surrounded by toilet roll and kitchen towel but there you have it.
His eyes don’t leave mine, and I see the myriad of thoughts crossing his mind; eventually, it settles on just one. ‘Right, I see,’ he says quietly.
‘Yes.’ I bite my lip―not something I typically do, but it seems apt. Perhaps it will stop me from saying other humiliating things.
‘Well, actually, that’s the best news.’
‘It is?’ My mind starts screaming a dozen different things at once, and the loudest and most commanding is, ‘Jack fancies you back, Abby!’
‘You have no idea …’
I’m rooted to the spot in shock as Jack crosses the short distance between us faster than Usain Bolt. Then his hand is on the back of my neck, pulling me towards him and those perfect, perfect lips, the ones I have fantasised about for months now, touch mine. They’re softer than I imagined, yet also firmer, insistent and I feel the tip of his tongue against mine and I sink into him, our bodies together, my arms winding their way around him, my palms pressed against his back. His fingers work their way into my hair and we kiss deeper and deeper until time means nothing and all I know is the feel of him against me, his smell, his taste―
There’s another tap at the door and we jump apart, eyes wide and wild and breath ragged. When Harry’s face appears in the doorway, I’m mortified as it must be completely obvious what we’ve been doing, and what we were (very possibly) about to do if not interrupted.
‘Oh, shit, sorry guys. I just … it was getting a little loud. I could hear you arguing from the Control Room, so I just wanted to, uh … I’m gonna go.’ It’s hard to say who is more embarrassed of the three of us and we watch in silence as Harry closes the door.
So,’ I say brightly, ‘We have an Interloper coming …’
Chapter Seventeen
‘Now, Becca, how do you feel about an Interloper coming into the Manor?’ asks Carlie.
It’s confessional time, but as there are so few of us left, we’re all standing off to the side watching while we wait our turn. It’s like school photographs, only more painful.
Becca, ever gracious, answers, ‘Look, we’re all here to find love, and if this new Doe turns out to be the love of Daniel’s life, then that’s what’s meant to be. I hope he chooses me, of course, but in the end, I just want him to be happy.’ Is this a confessional or the interview segment of a beauty pageant? I’m surprised she doesn’t add, ‘I also want world peace.’
I make a mental note of the ‘beauty pageant’ quip for Anastasia, but as for the rest? I simply cannot see Daniel making Becca happy, especially once the lustre of the show wears off and they are left with each other exactly as they really are. Becca will be her lovely self and Daniel will treat her like a pretty plaything, eventually revealing what a massive twat he is, and she will be miserable.
A
s her friend, I can’t say any of this. As her fellow Doe, I definitely can’t. So, I have promised myself to keep my mouth shut and be there for her when the other shoe (inevitably) drops and she needs a friendly ear. Of course, if he doesn’t choose her, she’s also going to need a friend.
‘Cut. That’s great, Becca, thank you. Kaz, you’re up!’ Kaz walks onto the confessional set and plops herself down on the garden bench.
‘Rolling,’ says Tim.
‘Same question, Kaz, when you’re ready,’ says Carlie.
‘Yeah, I’m not gonna lie, it’s a bit of a blow, but we’ll see what happens, eh?’
Short, sweet, and to the point. Kaz leaps up without waiting for ‘cut’ and stands next to me. ‘I figured that was better than, “I can’t believe I’m still here, so who bloody cares?”’ she whispers and I burst out laughing. Carlie throws a silencing look over her shoulder and I clap a hand over my mouth.
‘Justine!’ calls Carlie. ‘We’re still rolling, so just answer when you’re ready.’ Justine sits, looks into the camera, and says, ‘Well, I mean, we’re getting to the pointy end of the competition and that’s when the Interloper shows up, so I guess it’s to be expected, really …’ She adds a shrug. To me, her confessional shouts, ‘I don’t care one iota about winning the Stag’s heart,’ but Carlie seems fine with it and scans our little herd of Does.
‘Daphne, you’re up,’ she says, waving her over.
Daphne takes her time getting situated, smoothing out first her dress, then her (already perfect) hair. She sits slightly angled away from the camera (highlighting what I know she thinks is her good side) and lifts her chin. ‘And when you’re ready …’
Daphne plasters on a smile. She’s so good at it, the fakery, that for the umpteenth time I hope Daniel chooses her. They’ll be marvellous together―Barbie and Ken brought to life, donning their plastic smiles for the paparazzi as they attend charity events and fancy dinners and island hop about the Mediterranean. That’s what incredibly wealthy people do, right?
‘Well, I can’t say it makes me particularly happy.’ With her accent, it sounds like ‘heppy’ and I wonder why, if she’s so ‘unheppy’, she’s smiling like that. ‘But I suppose one just gets on with it, don’t they? This is a television show, after all.’
Tim’s head drops. This is not good footage and Carlie is going to have to coax something better out of her. ‘Right, so, how do you feel about Daniel, Daphne?’
‘What? Oh, I have feelings for him, of course.’ Liar―I don’t believe for one second that she’s falling for Daniel.
‘So how do you feel about another Doe entering the running for his heart?’ prods Carlie.
‘Disappointed,’ Daphne answers. From her tone, this is (finally) the truth, and I watch her closely as Carlie gives her the ‘continue’ signal. ‘And unfair, really. We’ve all been here since the start, we’ve―I’ve formed a relationship with Daniel. It’s hard enough that there are still four other women in his life, and now we’re adding a fifth to the mix.’ Oh, now this is brilliant footage. ‘And that’s quite crushing, really.’
There’s no fake smile now and, surprisingly, I feel for her. Whatever Daphne’s motives are, she hopes to leave the Manor betrothed and she’s having a harder time of it than she’s ever let on before.
‘Awesome. Thanks Daphne, we’ve got what we need.’
She looks a little startled, as though she was mid-thought. ‘Right, I see,’ she says, standing and moving off to the side. It’s my turn and I’m on the move even before Carlie calls for me.
I sit down, look right into the camera―the red light is on, so no point in delaying―and say, ‘It’s completely unexpected and it’s thrown me for a loop. I mean, here we are, top five and we’re suddenly told that it’s top six! It’s a bit of a slap in the face, to be honest.’
‘To be honest!’ Oh, Abby, you’re the enormous liar.
‘Cut, and that’s a wrap. Thanks everyone.’ Tim and Carlie start packing up the confessional set and I join the rest of the Does who have formed a loose circle. When I glance at their faces, there’s an array of expressions.
‘Now what?’ asks Justine. ‘Do we just wait for them to show up?’ She means Daniel and the Interloper, Stevie, who are currently on a date at an undisclosed Sydney location. Though, Doe Abby doesn’t know Stevie’s name yet, so I stay silent.
‘Good morning, ladies!’ Ugh, Gordo. He saunters through the Manor and joins us on the patio, trailed by a camera operator and a sound technician.
‘Good morning, Gordo,’ we sing-song, like we’re in nursery.
He claps his hands together and bounces on the balls of his feet. I can’t decide which Gordo I find more annoying―this one, all pent-up energy like a puppy on speed, or the sombre one. Couldn’t they have got a Hemsworth brother to host? Aren’t there, like, fifteen of them kicking about Australia?
‘How are we this morning?’ Gordo asks, dragging this out far longer than necessary. Even with the camera pointing in my direction, I don’t curtail my frown. There are various murmurs in reply and he continues like we’ve all said our lines with the perfect amount of enthusiasm. ‘I have a wonderful surprise for you.’
‘Is it about the Interloper?’ asks Kaz. I do love how she gets to the point.
‘Actually, it’s about you. You’re all going on a group date today!’
Now this I did not know, and I am immensely pleased. Group dates are safe―very little chance of being ambushed by a kiss―and I cross my fingers behind my back that it is something quintessentially ‘Sydney’.
‘You are all … wait for it …’ Good grief, if we must you imbecile―oops, I may have muttered that out loud. Kaz elbows me confirming that I did. ‘… having lunch at the Opera House, then you’re climbing the Sydney Harbour Bridge!’
‘Hooray!’ I cry.
‘But what about the Interloper?’ asks Daphne. Oh, yes, quite right; I’d forgotten about her.
‘She and Daniel will be joining you!’ says Gordo. He really needs to read the room. Group date? Fine. Group date with the Interloper who’s just had one-on-one time with our Staggy? Not so fine. At least for Daphne and Becca. Becca’s beside me and I reach for her hand; she returns the squeeze.
Gordo talks at us for a few more minutes and I hear none of it because my mind is chewing on something else entirely. I’m having one of those ‘this is real’ moments, a potent realisation that has arrived like a bolt from the blue. These are real people―in a contrived situation, yes, but that doesn’t make this any less real for my fellow Does.
Justine’s eyes are (inappropriately) locked onto Tim, her recently (re)acquired boyfriend. And her goal of a career in television must now seem within reach.
Kaz, with her high-pressure job, basking in the ‘holiday’ she’s foregone for years now and generally having a wonderful time.
Daphne, cool and distant, but with an undercurrent of desperation. It’s clear she wants to win this, even if her motives aren’t.
Lovely Becca, who’s in this wholeheartedly. I so want her to find the type of relationship she’s yearning for. And while I cannot stand Daniel, I know it’s patronising for me to discount them being happy. No one knows what truly happens between two people. Maybe their relationship has depth I cannot see―a romantic iceberg.
And when did I, Abigail Jones, perpetually single and rather a novice at love, decide I was the world authority on it? Anastasia may have her take on love―her cynical, acerbic take―but what about me?
What do I know of love?
As if on cue, Jack appears on the patio, his damp mop of hair signposting that not too long ago, he was naked under a stream of water. Oh, I am in serious trouble and with a camera pointing in my direction, I school my face into a neutral expression while inside I am lit up like a pinball machine. Bing, bing, bing.
Thirty-six hours ago, I was kissing that man! That gorgeous Australian right over there! The one in the ‘I’m kind of a big deal’ T-shirt. ‘Oh, yes, you a
re, Jack―indeed you are.’
After our kiss―kissus interruptus―Jack leant his forehead against mine and said, ‘I have wanted to do that since the day I saved you from the lift.’
‘Really?’ I whispered. Even after being ravished amongst the loo roll, I was still uncertain of Jack’s feelings―perhaps because of his obsession with the Abby–Daniel storyline.
He pulled back, looking down at me with a smile. ‘Come on, Abby, you must have known?’
I shook my head. ‘How could I? You were all business―friendly, yes, but from my recollection, we only spoke about the show.’
‘Then we have very different takes on that day,’ he replied, his eyes roving the features of my face.
‘What was your take?’ I asked quietly, obviously fishing but I didn’t care. I wanted to hear lovely things about myself.
‘First impression?’
‘All of it.’ He grinned at me.
‘Well, after we got off the lift, you were … you were …’ He trailed off, seemingly lost for words.
‘I was …?’ I prompted.
‘Well, for one, you were wearing the hell out of that dress and with your cheeks all flushed … and, you know, you were out of breath …’ I blinked at him, unsure of where he was going. ‘Well, my mind went somewhere … rather … inappropriate for work, if you get what I’m saying.’ Oh, so that’s where.
I half laughed, half hiccupped and he grinned at me as I clapped a hand over my mouth.
‘See?’ I nodded. ‘And then in the meeting, you stood up to Roberta … I still can’t believe you did that.’
‘She was being horrid.’
‘She was. But no one ever stands up to her. You were so … impressive in that meeting―this beautiful, smart, audacious woman.’ His smile dropped away and he peered at me intently and, although I’d fished for them, the lovely things he’d said had me reeling a little. ‘Did you really have no idea that I liked you? ’Cause I thought I was being too obvious.’
It was time to come clean. ‘I did think … at first … maybe … When you and I were talking at the bar in the airport―’
‘When we were flirting at the bar in the airport,’ he interjected.