by Lucy Coleman
I’m astounded, and I can see how moved Cary is, even considering the unthinkable. Death is the only inevitable thing about life, but it still comes as a shock when we are forced to stare it in the face.
‘I will admit that it brought a lump to all our throats and my brain went into overdrive. She said something about wanting her family to be settled and with all the worries it was getting too much for her. Laurence looked directly at me, raising his eyebrows as if to imply she only ever worries about me, which isn’t true. But suddenly I opened my mouth and out it came. The look of joy that passed over her face when I said that you and I were making plans for the future, made me instantly realise what I’d done. Given her hope.’
Seconds pass and I swallow down the growing lump in my own throat.
‘It seems we’re officially moving forward at speed.’ He gives me a sheepish look.
‘I can’t believe you didn’t come clean! It’s one thing to fib to get through Christmas, but to lie to a lady who is trying to put her affairs in order is—’
‘Wrong, or kind? It changes nothing with regard to her will, which we’ve always tried to brush off but about which Cressida, being Cressida, has always been firm. She says when she goes she wants it to be fair and for everyone to know exactly what her wishes are.’
I don’t know whose situation is worse – mine, or Cary’s. On balance I think he wins. Poor Cressida: she’s such a vibrant lady and it’s hard to believe.
‘So did my late-night call come at the wrong or the right time? I can’t fathom this out.’
‘Well, they have no idea at all what it was about, and I sort of indicated all would become clear when I take you back with me.’
‘You said what?’
‘Oh, um, did you want me to drive you home today, instead? I mean, I can do that, of course.’
I shake my head, wanting to make him feel that wasn’t my expectation at all, even though it was. After all, we have a deal and he’s more than honoured his end of the bargain. Now I must honour my commitment. What I wasn’t prepared for was the fact that this, it seems, is only just the beginning of a little journey we’re about to make together. Apparently, a hero comes at quite a price these days. But I was in dire need and I’m grateful to him.
A part of me also acknowledges that there is no point whatsoever in wallowing in my own misery. When I get home, Mum and Dad will want to Skype to find out what went wrong, in case there is anything they can do to help. But I’m not sure I’m ready to share it with them quite yet. This was always going to be the Christmas from hell and I knew that from the start.
13
Quid Pro Quo
On the drive back to Cressida’s I tell Cary all about the incident with Nathan. Well, as much as I wanted to share. What happened last year is my problem. My guilt and my pain are firmly locked away deep inside of me.
‘Instead of beginning the healing process for us all, Nathan turned it into a total disaster.’
‘Hey, you can’t beat yourself up over what happened. You have to let it go.’ Cary insists.
It’s surprisingly easy talking to him, as he doesn’t have that knee-jerk emotional response that Mum will have, for instance. He looks at things in a very practical way and that’s precisely what I need right now.
‘I’m glad Peter caught us before we left as it felt like an ending, a final goodbye. And having met you, I’m sure he will talk about it to Gwen. It’s a relief, but I regret the way things have turned out for them.’
‘Why do you keep putting the blame back on yourself? Nothing you’ve just shared with me has been your fault. I’m horrified to think that I was the one who dropped you off and put you in danger.’
‘Danger?’
‘Nathan is a bully and a violent one at that, Leesa.’
‘He was just angry with himself and he’d had a few drinks which didn’t help.’
‘Listen to yourself, Leesa. You are an astute and very successful businesswoman who evaluates situations and people all the time. And yet, here you are, making excuses for a man who needs professional help. It might be normal behaviour for him, but he’s obviously out of control.’
I’ve always thought of Nathan as moody because that’s how he was but even his parents were shocked by this latest turn of events. Did Sheryl ask Nathan to leave because she’s seen a side of him she doesn’t like and isn’t prepared to put up with it? Or was it really about her own guilt and that’s why she wanted him to make his peace with me?
My phone pings, and it’s a text from Mum.
You’ve gone very quiet, honey. Is everything alright? How is Gwen doing? Love Ma x
The sound that escapes my lips is one of sheer exasperation and for a brief second Cary turns his head to look at me.
‘What’s wrong now?’
‘It’s my mum. She’s just asked about Gwen.’
Cary lets out an expletive, then apologises for cursing.
It hasn’t gone quite as well as I’d hoped, I’m afraid. Off to a friend’s for Boxing Day and will ring you when I can. Your errant daughter. Lx
Her response is instant.
Oh, that’s not good. This was supposed to heal wounds for you, too, Leesa. I knew we should have stayed at home. Look, as soon as you’re ready to talk, we’re here for you. You did what you could, honey and I’m gutted it seems to have gone wrong. You put other people before yourself and look what happens! Sending a hug. Please ring soon. Mum x
‘You’re not sharing what happened with her by text, are you?’ Cary’s voice is tinged with empathy.
‘No, of course not but I have to say something. I’ve told Mum that I’m off to a friend’s house for Boxing Day, so I probably have twenty-four hours before I have to share the sorry details. I’ll need to psych myself up before they see me on camera, though.’
‘Look, would you rather I took you straight home? We can say you didn’t feel well. It doesn’t seem fair inflicting yet another stressful situation on you.’
I can see his concern is genuine and that’s rather touching.
What I can’t tell him is that right now I’m in desperate need of a knight in shining armour. Someone strong enough to come to my rescue. Who would have thought that person would be Cary? But, for the time being, he’s the only person who understands both sides of this horrible saga.
‘To be honest with you I really don’t want to be on my own. I’m not usually a needy sort of person, but the last two days have shaken me, I will admit.’
One thing I simply can’t admit, is that if I am left on my own I’m scared of where my thoughts might take me. This was always going to be a tough Christmas, I knew that – but this could take me over the edge if I start dwelling on it.
He nods, shooting me a glance. ‘That’s perfectly understandable given the situation.’
Suddenly I feel embarrassed. I hardly know him and I’m not usually all me, me, me. Pull yourself together lady, I admonish myself. Thinking about someone else’s problems will help – it always does because self-pity is such a wasted emotion. That I suddenly feel so safe with Cary is unexpected, but I do. We both have supportive families but sometimes… well, that’s not what you need to get you through a tough situation. I don’t want to talk about it in detail, yet – living it was bad enough for now.
‘I guess you and I had better talk about the plan to rescue you, then. What do you want me to say when Cressida begins questioning me?’
Cary shrugs his shoulders. ‘Her writer’s instinct gives her that constant quest for detail, unfortunately. She tends to see a story in everything.’
‘Well, life is made up of a series of little stories, really. Look, I know this was your idea but I will find it easier if we keep it as close to the truth as possible. That’s if we’re going to have a chance of convincing her this thing between us is real. What do you think?’
He nods his head, his eyes not straying from the road.
‘I think you’re right. In fact, I feel uncomfortable saying
this but your unplanned return works in our favour. We could say that we were missing each other and that adds weight to our… little story.’
Staring out at the snow-covered fields as they flash by, I examine my conscience. After what I’ve just been through it rather puts this into perspective. I owe Cary and he owes his grandmother. My head continues to mull over the pros and cons. Not least the fact that, personally, this could be a welcome distraction for me. It will end all thoughts about Nathan and the Hughes because I will need to be on my toes.
We lapse into an easy silence, but I steal a few sly glances at Cary as he drives. He’s an attractive man and his presence is commanding. I can’t think of anyone better, or more believable, to have as my partner in crime.
Oh heck, what possible harm can it do? I need this for my own sanity and in the process I’ll be repaying Cary for rescuing me.
‘If Cressida is putting her affairs in order then I can understand why you want to avoid her having to worry about you. I am also very grateful to you, Cary, for honouring your side of the bargain. I don’t intend to renege on my side of things. But how do we play this?’
‘The truth is that I don’t know. Let’s see how it goes and hopefully we can keep it low-key. Grandma is aware we’ve only known each other for a short while and won’t be expecting us to jump into things too quickly. It would set off alarm bells if I suddenly informed her we were planning an engagement party. So you and I keep in touch and I’ll talk about you to her whenever I can. How does that sound to you?’
‘Perfect. But what about Matthew?’
‘Granddad and Grandma don’t talk very often. Besides, it’s not his style to share information and he doesn’t really know anything, anyway. Grandma calls him a closed book and that was another part of their problem over the years.’
I’m beginning to think that maybe Cressida’s view of Matthew has coloured Cary’s judgement of him, too. While Matthew didn’t ask any personal questions, he did mention Cressida’s name and I wonder what would have happened if I’d started chatting to him about her? Maybe no one ever gives him the opportunity to get the past off his chest, as it were. Sometimes having someone to listen is cathartic and good for the soul.
‘So, are you really ready for this?’
I swallow hard. ‘Yep.’ I sound a lot more confident than I feel.
Cary pulls the car to a halt on the drive, alongside another vehicle.
‘I see Robert is here and that means he’s probably staying for lunch. He’s almost family, so I guess we’re in luck. We are only going to have to say this once so no fears of getting the story wrong.’
I shrug my shoulders. It’s too late to back out now. Cary turns to face me, hesitation momentarily reflected in his eyes. Impulsively, I lean forward and plant a kiss on his mouth; he pulls back, looking surprised.
But my own surprise outweighs his by a long shot. He responded and I found myself hesitating before pulling away. Awkward. Recovering quickly, it’s obvious Cary is still struggling to regain his composure.
‘What? You don’t kiss your girlfriends? That was a test run in case we need to become demonstrative. First kisses are awkward and now it’s no big deal because we’ve done it before.’
As we get out of the car and walk around to the rear to grab my bags, we both have resigned, yet determined looks on our faces. He opens the boot and turns to look at me.
‘You’re a real surprise, Leesa,’ he remarks, and I can see how nervous he is about this.
The front door swings open and our heads turn to see Cressida, framed in the doorway, her eyes sparkling.
‘What doesn’t kill you, makes you stronger,’ I reply, hoping the old adage is truthful.
Cary inclines his head, almost touching mine as he grabs my suitcase and I grab my bag. ‘Here we go, then.’ His voice is low, and my stomach immediately begins to flutter with nerves.
As we approach the house Cary hangs back so that I can step inside and into Cressida’s arms.
‘Oh my dear Leesa, welcome back. I’m so delighted your lovely family were willing to spare you so that you could spend a little quality time with us. It means so much, it really does.’
Releasing me, she turns to hug Cary and lingers with her arms around him for several seconds longer than he seems comfortable about.
‘You’ve made me very happy, dear boy. Ooh, Christmas is such a magical time! And the best gifts aren’t always the ones wrapped up in shiny paper under the tree.’ Pulling back, she winks at me as she finally releases Cary.
*
Thankfully, as we filter into the dining room Cressida insists I sit next to her and opposite Cary. It’s a relief as at least I won’t have constant eye contact with her when the questioning begins. It’s a full table with Robert, Laurence, Sally and the kids. There’s a little squabbling over who sits where but after a minute or two everyone settles down and Cressida proposes a toast.
‘Wishing everyone a wonderful Boxing Day and officially welcoming Leesa into our fold.’ Even the children clink glasses, albeit theirs are full of what little Chloe refers to as bean juice. Given the colour, I think she means blackcurrant juice.
‘So, how old are you, Chloe?’ I figure if I start off the conversation by talking to the kids then it will delay the questioning.
‘Eight,’ she declares, solemnly.
‘No, you’re not!’ Daisy jumps in, giving Chloe a serious frown. ‘Jackson is eight. You’re three.’
Chloe doesn’t look very pleased to have been overruled.
‘I’m free,’ she replies, rather grumpily.
I try my best to rein in my smile. ‘Okay, so three, eight and remind me how old you are, Daisy?’
‘I’m six. My birthday is in November.’
I turn to look at Jackson, who is sitting there looking extremely bored.
‘What’s it like being a big brother, Jackson?’
He gives me a grimace. ‘Annoying,’ he says and immediately begins fiddling with his watch, killing my attempt to converse with him.
Cressida is flashing Cary a don’t leave her to struggle look that’s so overt everyone is now staring at him. He clears his throat but can’t think of anything to say, so I have no choice other than to jump in again.
‘I’m sorry I couldn’t stay, but I’m thrilled to be back today. Cary and I have only known each other a few weeks but he’s an amazing man.’ It’s all true, of course, now that I’ve seen another side of him. The one when he isn’t wearing his work hat.
‘Well, it’s hard to believe anyone would put up with him, but…’ Laurence pauses for effect. ‘It’s about time my big brother started sorting out his life. Goodness knows what you see in him, Leesa, but I’m damn sure he knows he’s one lucky guy.’
Cressida is quick to join in. ‘I’m delighted for you both, that goes without saying. It’s so important to have things in common and you share the same work ethic, so that is wonderful. Although, I do hope you’ll learn to relax a little and enjoy more quality time together. Do you travel much, Leesa?’
I cast a quick glance at Cary, but I can’t read his expression.
‘I’m afraid so. It’s mostly in the UK, though.’
‘That’s a pity but I’m sure the two of you will work it out.’ Her face is radiant and in a way I’m glad the kids are here because I’m sure she’s holding back. The real questions will come later.
At last Cary manages to find his voice.
‘We had a great time together in Australia. But this is also a bonus.’
I almost splutter with exasperation at Cary’s rather uninspired delivery. If he expects this to work, he’s going to have to at least sound a little more enthusiastic about the new love of his life.
Cressida raises her glass, and tips it in his direction. ‘Well, it’s deserving of a very special toast. What a way to end the year… another addition to our table. I can’t wait for the family New Year’s Eve party.’ Cressida looks at Cary with a purposeful glint in her eye and the
n turns to look at me.
‘Cary has mentioned it to you, hasn’t he, Leesa?’
My glass is still raised in the air and I take a quick sip before lowering my arm.
‘Of course, and I’d be delighted to join in with the celebrations.’
This time the look on Cary’s face is one of sheer relief and I can see that he’s full of anxiety. Cressida is not just his grandma, but his second mother. Having lost his own mother at such a tender age no wonder the thought of losing Cressida has sent him into a panic. Guess I won’t be seeing my parents at New Year’s, either. This is going to take some explaining though. But, as it was for Cressida, I know they will regard it as the perfect Christmas present.
*
‘Hey, Mum. How’s the weather?’
‘Hi, honey, lovely to hear your voice! You sound much brighter this morning and that’s such a relief. We’re really missing you. This seemed like a good idea when we booked it, but it doesn’t feel like Christmas at all. It’s blisteringly hot here and even in the shade I’m having to plaster on the sun-tan lotion.’
Staring out from the well-appointed bedroom window at fields still deep in snow, despite the gentle thaw, it’s hard to imagine walking around in a bikini.
‘Hey, you guys needed to get away from it all for a little while. Besides, we’ll work on making next Christmas the best one ever – for us all. I bet Dad’s loving the heat.’
‘He’s in the sea most of the time. We spent the morning snorkelling. It’s hard to believe it’s Boxing Day. And you’re at a friend’s, you said? That’s a rather unexpected turn of events. I’m sorry things didn’t go as planned.’
I can hear the concern in her voice. I know Mum would rather be at home than on a sunbed but that was the sacrifice they made for me.
Mum and Dad are quite laid-back by nature, but I suppose it’s only natural to want to see your offspring settled. People like Gwen and Cressida take it a little too far in my opinion, because some things simply can’t be forced. I know that must be so hard to accept for people who often make things happen based on sheer determination and the strength of their own willpower. I can’t decide whether to be in awe of that fact or feel sorry for them, because there will be successes, but the failures will be devastating.