by Lucy Coleman
She makes it sound depressingly like a last-ditch attempt to escape a life as a single woman.
‘Okay. I’ll see what I can do but I don’t want you bothering Cary every five minutes. It wouldn’t be fair on him because he’s so busy.’
‘Yes, but isn’t it exciting, Leesa? I mean, you’ll be marrying into publishing royalty!’
I gasp and quickly excuse myself, saying someone is at the door. Placing the phone down on the table, I sink the rest of my now lukewarm, hot chocolate in one. A sugar high is quite a nice thing and minutes later I’m heading towards the fridge. Now I’m craving carbs.
A ping has me scrambling for the phone once more and it’s Tim with a location, a postcode, and a firm date for tomorrow at seven o’clock. I look up at the ceiling, ‘Thank you!’ I mutter at whoever is looking after me and deciding after a phone call with Beth I could do with a little good news.
If Jeff isn’t on my doorstep bright and early tomorrow morning and raring to go, then this meeting with Tim might turn out to be even more vital.
19
Love, Life and Reality
‘I can’t believe you’re really here,’ I almost squeal in Jeff’s ear as I hug him close to me.
‘Hey, I’m a day later than planned so I was expecting you to be mad with me but I was like a zombie yesterday. I slept for twelve hours straight.’
I give him a look and he smirks back at me. ‘We have some work to do, haven’t we? At least there are no distractions here.’
I usher him inside and shut the front door behind him.
‘I know. Let’s grab a coffee to take up with us. Is it weird being back?’
He dumps his backpack on the floor in the hallway and eases off his jacket.
‘Well, actually what’s strange is not having Tania around. It feels like something is missing.’
I pop the mugs down on the worktop and begin shovelling the coffee granules. When I turn to glance at him our eyes meet – and suddenly what I’m seeing is not the old Jeff, he’s different somehow. Yes, he has a great tan and he’s a little trimmer, but he also looks energised. Is that solely down to a long sleep after an even longer flight, I wonder?
‘Why are you staring at me? Have I grown a third eye or something?’ he jokes.
Turning back around to pour out the boiling water, I give a quick stir and hand him a mug.
‘Here, follow me up to the office. I guess I missed seeing that rugged old face of yours. Great haircut.’
He snorts as he follows behind me.
‘A lot of the surfers have braids and Tania did it for me. For a kook I’m not doing too badly. I’ve learnt how to handle myself when I get caught in a rip. She’s pretty good but then she’s got a couple of years’ experience under her belt.’
‘Kook?’
We settle ourselves down in front of the desk and it’s just like old times. But different.
‘New guy on the beach. It’s exhilarating, Leesa, and if it wasn’t for Tania I doubt I’d ever have thought about jumping on a board.’
Even as he talks his hands are moving over the keyboard and he’s pulling up files on the multi screens.
‘I feel bad now I’m back here. I took another look at the video early this morning and I was kidding myself. Somehow nothing seems to matter quite so much when the sun is so hot and the water is so inviting. Who wants to stay inside punching away on a keyboard when you could be out there having fun?’
I start laughing. Jeff a surfer dude. And Jeff not taking work seriously. His happiness is infectious, though.
‘Why are you laughing at me?’
‘Because this is a you I have never seen before. Wow – stop there. That’s the point after which you seriously got it wrong.’
He grimaces. ‘Okay boss, start trawling through for some replacement shots and we’ll do a little cutting and pasting.’
I fire up the screen in front of me and in unison we’re back in business.
‘So it’s the real thing with Tania, then?’
He stops for a moment, his fingers hovering over the keys.
‘Well, I’ve said the words. So I guess it is.’
I turn to look at him, unable to hide my surprise.
‘You’ve told her that you love her?’
He nods. ‘Yes. This isn’t a whim, Leesa. I don’t care where I end up as long as Tania is with me. She wants to surf and travel, so hey, so be it. Now highlight at least six stills because I’m wiping this whole bit from here, to here.’
I nod in agreement. It’s so easy working with Jeff, we have always sparked off each other. Once I’ve made my selection, he focuses on pulling it together as he turns my vision into reality. We don’t talk as he begins to smooth out the bumps.
Before we know it, it’s lunchtime and we head downstairs. In the kitchen I make a pile of sandwiches and he attacks them with gusto.
‘So, I need to know what’s going on in your life and I don’t mean work. You survived Christmas but I know it was a tough one. And this Cary thing. I still can’t get over it.’
Suddenly my mouth feels dry. I have to keep up the pretence in case he talks to Mum and lets something slip.
‘It wasn’t the best Christmas but that’s all done now…’ I grind to a halt, unable to think of anything else I can add.
‘I always thought you deserved someone better than Nathan. If you ask me, which you didn’t, that guy is a disaster waiting to happen. But now it seems that Cary is your future. That’s quite something.’
I force my face into smiley mode. ‘I spent some time with his family. His grandmother is Cressida Anderson, the novelist.’
‘Blimey. Even I’ve heard of her. Romance, isn’t it? She’s been around for years. I thought Cary came from money. Wasn’t her grandfather a banker?’
It hasn’t occurred to me to check online but that’s interesting.
‘I don’t know. She’s lovely and they were all very welcoming.’
‘Sounds cosy. Big house, was it?’
‘Yes. They aren’t any different from the rest of us, though. Everyone has problems.’
‘And you saw another side to the man himself, then?’
He stops eating and sits back, watching my reaction.
‘It was a long trip home and we talked about a lot of things. The more we shared, the more we realised we had in common. We’ve both had a rough time personally and it was actually nice being with someone who understood. I think you have to go through a similar experience in order to be able to comprehend how it affects you.’
‘You told him about the baby?’ Jeff’s reaction is one of shock.
‘No. Not that. Just Nathan and the Christmas from hell.’
He begins eating again.
‘Early days, then. But you really think it’s going somewhere if you’re getting to know his family?’
I pause, as if I’m thinking about it but the answer is already imprinted on my brain.
‘We’re taking it one day at a time but when I went back to stay at New Year I received a very warm welcome back.’
To my complete and utter relief that seems to make a difference and Jeff’s smile returns.
‘You know, Leesa, I’m proud of you. I can’t believe what you’ve had to contend with and yet you’ve continued to put other people first. People, I have to tell you, who I don’t think deserved your loyalty because they were a part of the problem. But, hey, you’re one strong woman and Cary must be rather special if you’ve connected with him. Good for you.’
I hike my smile up a little and hopefully he’ll put my growing pink glow down to something other than embarrassment for not being straight with him.
‘And once this job is finished and we’ve made the business side of Cary happy, I can head off back to sunnier climes knowing you are in safe hands. And he’s a guy who will most definitely understand your ambitions, but don’t forget to stop and have some fun, will you? It’s more liberating than you might think when you find the right someone to enj
oy it with. Trust me, because I know.’
*
Jeff heads off mid-afternoon, confident that another day and a half, at most, and he’ll have the soundtrack fully synched. We’ll then have a final version to show Cary.
He has plenty of time to finish off other loose ends before he flies back, but today will probably be the last time we work together. It leaves me in a sombre mood and yet I need to gear myself up ready to meet Tim this evening.
I should be getting some serious work done but my mind keeps drifting. Eventually I give up trying, opting for an indulgent soak in the tub and some essential oils. It certainly lifts my mood, in general, until about an hour later when the phone rings.
‘Hello?’
The screen tells me that it’s an unidentified number.
‘Leesa, it’s Sheryl. Please, please don’t hang up on me.’
I can tell from the wobble in her voice that she’s upset.
‘I don’t want to talk to you and I’m going to cut you off.’
‘Please, Leesa, I understand. But this is important.’
Her voice grates on my ear. However, I’m so shocked by her desperate tone that I know I can’t simply ignore her.
‘I’m listening.’
She clears her throat then sniffs, and it’s obvious she’s been crying.
‘When you were with Nathan, did he ever hit you?’
‘No.’
She sniffs again, struggling to compose herself.
‘You didn’t lose the baby because of anything he did? It really was an accident? At Christmas we had a row, a big one. He threw some things and it scared me.’
I close my eyes momentarily, torn between feeling anger and then pity.
‘I was upset after he admitted the two of you were sleeping together. I turned and slipped. That’s what Nathan told me. If you want to know more then you must ask him yourself. Or speak to his parents if he hasn’t already told you what happened on Christmas Day. There’s nothing more that I can tell you.’
‘I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. It’s just that—'
‘Please don’t ever call me again, Sheryl. Friends don’t do what you did to me. I hope no one ever does the same to you.’
I click end call and slump down onto the bed.
How can I accuse Nathan of something I only suspect and might well have been an accident for all I know? I’ve given her the only warning I can. It sickens me to think that I put up with his moods and everyone around him did the same. I guess that now his parents’ attitudes have changed, too, there’s no one to pander to him. Sheryl is already seeing a side of him that is getting worse and not better, by the sound of it. What turns a man who used to be quite even-tempered into a bully?
Suddenly my fingers are dialling.
‘Cary Anderson.’ His voice is in work mode and I instantly regret calling him. He hasn’t even looked to see who it is.
‘It’s Leesa, Cary. Is now a bad time?’
‘Hey, of course not. Problems?’
‘No, the video is going well and we’ll have the final version to show you in the next couple of days.’ It comes out a little too bright and breezy.
‘I didn’t mean with the video.’
‘Oh, thanks, um… I wanted to ask your opinion about something to do with Nathan.’
An image of Cary flashes into my head and I see him at his desk, leaning back in the chair as he pulls away from the keyboard. I wonder if he minds that I’m interrupting him?
‘Sheryl has just phoned to ask whether Nathan ever hit me. All I could say was no, although there was one occasion when we collided. Well, I was upset and my vision was obscured by tears. Nathan was next to me and put out his arm to stop me from falling… well, that’s what he kept telling me. But hand on heart I can’t say for sure because I was sobbing hysterically at the time.’
I can’t bring myself to share the whole story but it’s enough for him to understand my dilemma. He takes a few moments and I wait, anxiously.
‘Hmm. You can’t accuse someone of something unless you are 100 per cent sure of the facts. Clearly you have your suspicions, but given the circumstances it’s a tough one. Did you give her a general warning, though? And does she know about what happened at his parents’ home?’
‘Yes. I suggested she talk to them about it as clearly his behaviour is concerning her. And I told her never to phone me again,’ I admit.
‘Well, you’ve done all that you can reasonably be expected to, given the situation. She shouldn’t have called you.’
‘I know and it shows how worried she is but I don’t want to get involved. He was so different when we first met, nothing at all like the man he has turned into.’
I hoist myself further up the bed, sinking into the pillows for comfort.
‘So what changed?’
It’s a fair enough question and I take a few seconds to consider it before replying.
‘Ironically, when I think back, things began to go wrong for us shortly after I set up the business. He was happy when I had to live from month to month, always worrying about my income and he was very supportive. Maybe my determination to succeed changed me.’
I let out a sigh. Was it all my fault? Did I unwittingly push him away?
‘Or did it change something in him?’ Cary’s voice sounds accusing. ‘Some men feel threatened by a successful woman and you’re going from strength to strength. Maybe that threw up his own insecurities. It’s pretty pathetic if his anger stems from jealousy, but it happens.’
The thought sends a chill to my stomach. What if he meant to hit me because he didn’t want the responsibility of a baby? When I’d initially broken the news to him, he was surprised but said he was pleased. Well, he wasn’t the only one who was surprised and I freely admit that. Sadly, it had been the result of make-up sex after yet another row. But that day, for some reason, he was in a mood. It seemed to annoy him that I was so happy, as were his parents. Suddenly, he let rip and admitted he’d been seeing Sheryl for several months. The reality hit me that it was over and it had been since well before I became pregnant.
‘I’m sorry to cut this short, Leesa, but I’m about to leave the office. I have a work function to attend this evening. If you want to talk some more I’ll be home around eleven, okay?’
‘Thanks, Cary, but I’m fine now. I’ve done all I can. It’s good to have someone else’s opinion, though, and I’m grateful. Enjoy your evening.’
It’s almost time to get ready to go out but I find myself clicking onto Google and typing in marital bullying. I’m horrified by what I read. Not least because I never saw myself as a victim but that, it seems, is the classic pattern. I was too focused on building my business to see what was happening. That’s why I put up with his increasingly bizarre behaviour.
I copy the link and text it to Sheryl. Then I block her number. Cary is right – I’ve done all I can. One thing is for sure, no one is ever going to put me in a situation like that again.
20
A Glimmer of Hope
I’m totally reliant upon the satnav to negotiate the dark and twisty country lanes. Pulling off the main Cirencester road, I head towards North Cerney. It’s probably taken me no more than half an hour by the time I pull into the car park and I’m surprised to see that it’s quite full, considering it’s mid-week. After a day of torrential rain at least it’s dry now. But the wind quickly whisks my hair in all directions, sticking strands to my lip gloss like a manic blow dry.
Walking across the car park to The Wayfair Inn, I wonder why I’ve never been here before, as it’s almost on my doorstep. Still battling to hold my hair away from my eyes, I lose my balance as my left foot stumbles into a water-filled pothole and my upper body begins to topple forwards. I brace myself for a fall before I’m suddenly scooped upright and find myself looking into the shadowy face of a young man.
‘Are you okay?’
The gravelly voice takes me back to last night’s phone call.
‘Tim?’
>
He peers at me, checking both of my feet are firmly on the ground before he removes his arms from around me.
‘Leesa?’
Composing myself, I hold out my hand and his returning handshake is a firm one, I’m pleased to note.
‘Come on, let’s get out of this wind before it sweeps you off your feet again.’ With that he gives me a wink.
‘Well, thanks for saving me. The drinks are definitely on me.’ I return his wink with a genuinely grateful smile. The surface of the car park is loose gravel and if I’d gone down it would most certainly have hurt.
‘Let’s head into the snug where there’s a log burner. It’s quieter in there.’
I follow him inside this majestic old building with its low ceilings and original beams. He has to duck a little here and there, but he is obviously very familiar with the interior layout.
‘This is my cousin’s local, so I come here quite a bit.’ With that he waves out to the guy behind the bar, before steering me through into a long corridor with natural stone walls and on into a second, smaller bar called The Posset.
‘Great timing. This will fill up quickly once the early bird diners have finished their meals. It’s the warmest place to sit in this draughty old building. How about the table in the corner?’
I nod and a couple of strides and he’s pulling out a chair for me. As I gradually smooth down my wayward hair and the heat begins to warm me up, I can see that he’s a little nervous. Tim has quite a beard going on there and longish dark brown hair I should imagine, but it’s very neatly tied back. In fact, I’d say he’s quite meticulous with his presentation; he’s trying to look older than he really is, and I wonder why. Age? Hmm, around twenty-two or twenty-three I think, which is quite young to be a manager in something as testing as a debt recovery section. Maybe that explains it.
As he slips off his coat and takes the seat opposite me at the cosy little table for two, it all feels a little bit, well, intimate. More like a date than an informal interview. Aside from a couple standing at the bar waiting to be served it’s just us.