by Lucy Coleman
It’s clear to see that she has lost a lot of weight and all three of us are in shock.
‘The fire is lit in the winter sitting room, let’s head in there and make Cressida comfortable,’ I direct, a sense of dread washing over me.
Glancing at Cary, then across at Nicholas, there are no smiles, just pure concentration as she’s helped inside. She looks frail.
Once Cressida is settled down in her favourite armchair, with a soft pillow at her back, she quickly shoos everyone away.
‘That’s enough. I’m comfortable, thank you, and it’s not as bad as it looks.’
Nicholas heads off to get a tray of drinks, having taken Matthew to one side to enquire specifically about Cressida’s requirements. It’s touching to see their mutual concern.
‘Grandma, first things first. This is a bit of a… shock.’ Cary sounds distraught and the effect upon him of seeing her looking so vulnerable is heart-stopping.
‘I’m over the worst and on the mend. I have no intention of leaving you any time soon and that’s why I elected for surgery.’
Cary and I sink down onto the sofa; as we do, he grabs my hand, and I give his a reassuring squeeze in return.
‘I’ve had my aortic valve replaced. Blood was flowing back into my heart and causing me all sorts of problems. I didn’t intend taking any risks at all, I can assure you both, but this was something I needed to do on my own. Well, I say on my own, but Matthew has been with me every step of the way.’
Matthew places his hand on her shoulder, taking over the story.
‘We both felt it was the best way to handle this and ultimately it was about getting Cressida through it with the least stress. There have been a few complications, and this is the first time we’ve been able to get out of the lodge since the last trip to hospital. The operation was a success, but it is major surgery and unfortunately Cressida developed an infection in the wound. That has slowed her recovery but we’ve just had the all-clear.’
Cary and I sit, open-mouthed as it begins to sink in what she’s been through.
‘I can’t believe you kept that from me, Grandma. Anything could have happened, what then?’
She looks at Cary with acceptance written all over her face.
‘Sometimes you need to rely on your faith to get you through a sticky time. I’m not done yet, so stop fussing. A couple more weeks and the doctors say I’ll be good as new. Now, what’s been happening here?’
We sit for a long while talking about our plans for the future and our hopes that Cressida will return to be a part of it. It’s only when Cressida runs out of questions that Cary begins to question her.
‘So, you’ve been staying with Granddad since you came out of hospital? How did that happen? The last I knew you two hadn’t spoken since, when, New Year’s Eve?’
Matthew is now perched on a straight-backed chair which Nicholas has pulled up next to Cressida. The two of them look at each other and Matthew nods. When Cressida looks back at us her face shows determination.
‘I’m not coming back here, Cary. This is the future for you and Leesa. The future I’d dreamed about for you but didn’t really know if it would fall into place. People do silly things and often don’t listen to what that little voice inside is trying to tell them.’
‘You mean, I’m stubborn. Well, where do you think I got that from?’ Cary is only half-joking but she smiles back at him.
‘Touché. When you lectured me that night of our not-so-cosy dinner, it did make me take stock of my life.’
They haven’t taken their eyes off each other while she’s been speaking and now Cary is looking ill-at-ease.
‘I had no idea you were ill, Grandma. It was very wrong of me.’
‘No, very right of you, Cary. I headed off to spend a night at a small hotel in Cardiff to think. At the time I was waiting for the doctor to phone with the results of some tests and I had no idea what I was facing. If I had, then maybe I wouldn’t have taken that next step.’
She turns to look at Matthew.
‘Cressida turned up on my doorstep, unannounced, with two suitcases before I’d even had a chance to drink my first coffee of the day. The moment she walked over the doorstep I knew everything was going to be alright.’
They smile at each other.
‘Well, I wasn’t quite so sure of that, if I’m being honest. I thought if my time was limited then you were right, Cary. I needed to listen because it wasn’t over.’
Matthew chuckles. ‘And boy, did I talk. In fact, afterwards Cressida said I’d more than made up for all those years of silence.’
The ease with which they seamlessly pick up each other’s conversation is wonderful to see.
‘I moved into Matthew’s guest suite. Once the doctor confirmed I needed open-heart surgery I focused on finishing off my work in progress. Matthew waited on me, attentively. And the dear man has continued to do so every day since. It hasn’t been easy, and I did suggest employing a nurse, but we coped. Sometimes the hero in your life is absent for a while. A long while. But when you need him, he’s there by your side and you realise that’s all that counts.’
Matthew nods, endorsing every single word she’s said, and my eyes fill with tears. I can’t even look at Cary because he’s silent, too, and I’m guessing there’s a huge lump in his throat.
‘We’re not youngsters, we know that. The guest suite will be Cressida’s new office and when she’s completely well we’ll move her into the lodge. Knowing Cressida, there will be a few changes to come.’
He glances at her, hesitantly.
‘It’s perfect as it is, Matthew. My days of putting up with building works are over and all I want is a little peace and quiet to write.’
‘As soon as she’s up to it, we will be heading off to Spain for an extended holiday,’ Matthew adds, ‘but we’ll be available to fit in with your plans.’
They both look at us, expectantly. I’m still processing everything that’s happened, but Cary is way ahead of me.
‘It’s going to be a no-fuss wedding, we’ll warn you of that now. But tomorrow, well, it will be full of surprises and everyone will be here. It’s the first time our two respective families will all be together under one roof. It won’t be too much for you, will it, Grandma?’ Cary’s concern is very real and mirrors my own thoughts.
‘If you two begin treating me like an invalid when I’m on the mend, then I’m going to get very cross indeed. I’ve done nothing but rest for the best part of three months now. I will be sitting down a fair bit and we will head off immediately after dinner, if you don’t mind. But after a good night’s sleep we’re both really looking forward to joining in the fun.’
*
On the way to the car, Cressida hangs back and I catch her arm as the others go on ahead of us. It’s clear there’s something she wants to share with me and she waits until they are out of earshot.
‘I wasn’t abandoning Cary, Leesa, and I want you to know that. It was coming up to the anniversary of Katherine’s death and for some reason, it was different this year. I never had the time to really let go of that anger I’ve always felt over losing her. It was all about being strong and keeping everyone going.
‘But facing the prospect of my own mortality, I suppose, caused a chain reaction and I found myself thinking about the people I’d be leaving behind. Writing is cathartic for me and as I channeled my emotions into what turned out to be a story of love and loss, I was able – finally – to accept the unthinkable. That’s not something I can bring myself to explain to Cary, but if the opportunity arises to explain to him that I wasn’t running away from everything, I’d be very grateful to you. If indeed, it does make any sort of sense at all.
‘I needed to heal my soul and I know that sounds rather indulgent, selfish even. But it’s a fact.’
Tears begin to sting behind my eyelids as we draw to a halt, standing alone in the vast hallway.
‘No, it doesn’t.’ My voice breaks and I stifle a sob. ‘I had a
miscarriage, Cressida, so I know a little bit about losing someone, albeit I never got to hold my baby girl in my arms. But it was the sort of loss that leaves a hole that can never be filled. Why would you want to fill it with something else, anyway? It’s a special place, for them, isn’t it? Your daughter is a big part of who you are and that love will remain in here forever.’ I place my free hand over my heart, realising I’m speaking for us both.
‘Last Christmas was my time to grieve,’ I admit. ‘Without even knowing it, Cary was instrumental in getting me through that time. I’m just glad you were able to share your moment with Matthew. Cary will understand that.’
Cressida squeezes my arm against her side, affectionately.
‘The hard part is acceptance, isn’t it? Even a mother’s love can’t change destiny. We simply have to be grateful for what we did have, knowing they touched our lives in a very real way.’
As we begin to walk forward once more, Cressida’s words fill my heart with a strange sense of peace. What I saw as a failure on my part was really my inability to accept something that was never within my power to influence. Hearing someone else say that, someone who really understands, is like lifting a heavy weight off my back. It’s finally time for me, too, to let go of the guilt.
‘Never give up hope, Leesa. Life has wonderful plans for you and so does my grandson. He won’t fail you.’
*
It’s 6 a.m. and the house is buzzing with activity.
‘Do you need help?’ I ask Cary, who is on his hands and knees on the floor in the main hall, wrapping presents.
‘No. I’m good. After this I’ll head into the kitchen and get those sausage and bacon rolls on the go. Laurence is due to arrive shortly to help out.’
‘Right, if you’re sure you can cope, then I’ll help Nicholas with the greenery for the marquee.’
Cary stands, easing out his stiff back and then scooping me into his arms.
‘Thank you, Leesa.’
‘Um… for what, exactly?’
‘For being there when I needed you most, for not giving up on me and for compromising.’
‘Fool, that’s what life is all about,’ I mutter, standing on tip-toe to plant a kiss firmly on his mouth. ‘Now get back to work. If we want our visitors to enter Santa’s Kingdom for a day they will never forget, then that sort of magic requires hard work.’
‘You mean Santa’s little helpers aren’t on their way to sort it out for us?’
I wink at him and turn to walk away, calling out over my shoulder, ‘I have news for you, you are one of Santa’s little helpers.’
Heading into the dining room, the table is piled high with greenery.
‘Nicholas, I’m ready to give a hand before I get the call to start ferrying around the hearty breakfast sandwiches. We need to keep Robert and his guys happy to make up for getting them up so early. Hopefully everything will be in place by nine at the latest and they will all be able to get off home to change and collect their families. Do you know, I can’t remember ever feeling this level of excitement about Christmas before. Isn’t that crazy?’
Nicholas smiles as we stand together bundling little bunches of holly, fir and ivy together. This could take a while.
In the meantime, up at the entrance to the drive Robert and his men are turning the front garden and drive into a snow scene. Today the forecast is dry and sunny, which is great but not very festive, is it?
We’ve asked everyone to come dressed for an outdoor winter wonderland experience. The marquee is heated, but the kids will no doubt be running all over the place, so it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Thick woolly jumpers, padded ski jackets, warm knitted hats and snow boots. Well, the temperature will require that, even if the sun is shining and now we need to work on creating that ambience. I can’t help but laugh to myself – what a difference a year makes and what a year it’s been.
With family, friends and all the neighbours invited to share in the fun there are going to be over seventy people arriving in less than four hours’ time, now. This house will have brought a lot of people together over the years to share joyful times – birthdays, anniversaries and the like. For Cary and me this is a way of sharing our happiness with the people who mean the most to us. We are counting our blessings and sharing the love in our hearts.
33
The Winter Wonderland is Revealed
The wooden gates to the drive are closed and the crowd in front of it is growing. Cary has Cressida’s arm firmly tucked into his side and he gives Robert a nod.
As the gates are flung open the children cluster around Cressida and Cary, but it isn’t only their eyes that are glowing as I turn to scan the smiling faces.
The North Pole has come to Porthkerry and there is a collective gasp. Virtually the entire area has a little dusting of snow as two machines spew out little mini blizzards. Stacks of white plastic snowballs, destined for the local children’s playgroup once the festivities are over, have the kids running on ahead. Cary guides Cressida forward and I walk alongside them.
‘This is beautiful, darlings. Look at everyone’s faces. I can’t quite believe it, and this is certainly a Christmas I will remember forever. We all will.’
She gathers us close for a group hug and I look over her shoulder at Matthew. He’s not an overly expressive man but I can see that he’s moved.
‘The house is in good hands,’ Cressida states, happiness radiating from her.
I step aside to let Matthew take Cressida’s arm and Cary gets the hint, relinquishing his place.
Sidling up to me, he plants a kiss on my cheek as Matthew steers Cressida in the direction of Robert.
‘We must be mad,’ I whisper. ‘But happiness is infectious, isn’t it? And we have such a lot to celebrate and share.’
‘Whatever happens in the future, today is a chance to bring everyone together for the first time but it also marks so many new beginnings. Ah, look who I’ve spotted – hi, little Alice. Can I get the first hold?’ Cary is already marching up to Laurence, impatient to meet his niece in person for the first time.
Sally homes in for a welcoming hug, with Laurence closing in behind her.
‘We couldn’t be more thrilled that you’re back,’ she says, beaming from ear to ear.
‘I’ve missed you all so much. Look at Alice, she’s so tiny.’
We turn to look at Cary, peering down at a cute, little pink face which peeks out from a furry white snowsuit.
‘She looks like a pile of snowballs,’ Chloe says, appearing from nowhere. ‘Mum, they have snowflake curtains and they’re so pretty. Can I have some for my bedroom, please?’
Before Sally can open her mouth to speak, Cary chimes in.
‘Of course you can, you know that Uncle Cary will always say yes, Chloe.’
Sally rolls her eyes, but she’s not annoyed. ‘Isn’t that the truth?’
‘Time to give her back, Uncle Cary,’ Laurence levels at his brother. ‘I’m off to find Grandma and Granddad. Thanks for the phone call last night. It was a shock, I will admit, as we’ve been worried sick. Though we’ve had our hands full as you can imagine. I understand why Grandma handled it that way. And are you good now, brother, considering what you’ve been through?’
I’m half-listening to two conversations at the same time. Sally is telling me how thrilled she is to see the kids so excited, thanking us for taking the stress out of their Christmas. As they try to gather up their brood to go in search of Cressida and Matthew, I yank the phone out of my ski jacket pocket.
I texted Mum, Dad and Beth this morning to say Happy Christmas and all three responded, but there’s still no sign of them.
‘What’s up?’ Cary appears at my side, looking down at my phone. ‘Problems?’
‘I hope not,’ I reply.
‘I’m introducing people as I move around but it’s probably going to be easier for people to gather in groups once everyone is in the marquee. With so many kids running around it’s a c
onstant distraction but it’s a good sort of chaos, isn’t it?’
‘Leesa!’
I look up and there’s Beth, followed by Mum, Dad and bringing up the rear – Will.
‘We’ve brought a gatecrasher. And look!’ Beth holds out her left hand, the one that used to sport an engagement ring. It’s missing still, but in its place is a shiny, white gold wedding band. Will holds up his left hand in a mock wave, flashing a matching ring and I gasp. These two wasted thousands of pounds and they go off and tie the knot, just like that? I look at Mum and Dad, questioningly.
‘Were you in on this?’ I tease, assuming they were.
‘Not at all. First we knew was when they called around this morning to pick us up.’
I reach out and hug Beth, as Will and Cary do a manshake.
‘Hearty congratulations, guys,’ Cary adds. ‘I think we’ll be doing much the same thing but I’m awaiting my orders.’
Will laughs and leans forward to give his new sister-in-law a bear hug, literally lifting me off my feet.
‘I knew it wasn’t over,’ I whisper into his ear. ‘You’re a keeper, Will, and I said that from the start.’
‘We lost our way for a little while there and forgot what really mattered,’ Will admits.
Beth sidles up to place her hand in his, gazing up at him.
‘Who needs a flashy, diamond engagement ring when they have the man of their dreams? Our debts have been cleared and that’s all behind us now. Some lessons are worth learning.’
Wow, I never thought I’d hear my sister say those words but, then, it was one huge learning curve, that’s for sure.
‘Big step for you, too,’ Will continues. ‘Juggling a busy career, planning a wedding and looking after this impressive house. Thank goodness you’re an organiser.’
It is a bit daunting and I can see why that would register with him, given what he’s just been through.