by Bree Wolf
Nathan still remembered the way she’d felt in his arms those summer days long ago. He remembered how they’d danced together through the tall grass, and he knew without a doubt that despite his hard-earned proficiency he’d never danced as well as he had during those first few days.
With her.
Sighing, Nathan allowed his mind to return from the memories that still haunted him. He loved them and hated them at the same time for they reminded him of what once had been and what would never be again. He’d danced with countless women since Margaret and never once had it felt as bewitching as it had with her. A part of him hated her for the hold she still had on him. Even after all these years, he still could not forget, could not let go.
All he could do was distract himself.
All he ever did was distract himself.
And so he allowed his gaze to travel back across the room to where he’d last seen Lady Cranshaw. So far she’d proved to be a decent and most willing distraction, and he could only hope that tonight would pass in an equally pleasant manner. However, when he made to turn toward her, Nathan paused.
A frown came to his face for he could not even say what had halted his steps. It had been nothing more than a glimpse. A glimpse of fiery red hair, but to him, it was like a siren’s call. Even should he have wished to, he couldn’t have moved away, not without seeing with his own two eyes that what he’d glimpsed had been nothing more but a memory come to life.
As it had the other day.
There one moment, but gone the next.
Leaving behind nothing but hollowness.
And then his gaze locked on a dainty woman with fiery red tresses. She was dancing with a tall, dark-haired man, her back to him, her face hidden, allowing him for a precious second to imagine it could truly be her.
Margaret.
His little daisy.
Gritting his teeth, Nathan braced himself for the disappointment he knew would come. The disappointment that always came. The disappointment that had cost him years of his life and had made him the bitter man he was today.
And then she turned, and Nathan’s heart stilled in shock. His hand tensed around the glass he’d long since forgotten as he stared at the soft contours of her face, his mind arguing fiercely that what he saw was no doubt a mirage.
What else could it be? After all, she could not possibly be here. A mere few paces away. No, she was in Scotland, married and happy, and had long since forgotten the childhood moments they’d shared.
As well as those moments that had not whispered of childhood any longer.
One second stretched into a small eternity as Nathan stared across the dance floor at the woman he’d been certain he would never see again. Had he gone mad? His mind wondered as his heart all but flipped in his chest with joy, with excitement, with longing; emotions he’d forced himself to ignore and bury somewhere deep down. His breath struggled past his lips and a small smile tugged on the corners of his mouth as he felt his heart reawaken from the stupor that had been his life.
And all it had taken had been one glimpse.
One glimpse of her.
But was it truly her?
Panic swept through Nathan at the thought that his eyes were deceiving him. No, he could not allow himself to feel what he felt for it would only crush him when he was finally forced to realise that it had all been in his head.
As it had the other day when he’d thought to see her walking past his carriage’s window.
Setting down his glass, Nathan rubbed his hands over his face, reminding himself that he was only seeing things. That she wasn’t truly here. That she couldn’t be.
And yet, when he opened his eyes once more, she was still there, a soft smile on her beautiful face as she looked up at the dark-haired man.
Her husband? A jealous little voice piped up.
Overwhelmed, Nathan found his gaze stray from her time and time again, daring Fate to pluck her from his side and plunge him into a black abyss once more. But no matter how often he looked away, when his gaze returned, she was still there.
And then Nathan saw her brother standing at the opposite end of the ballroom. Their gazes locked, and Nathan stared at his old friend, the man who’d returned from Scotland ten years ago and told him that Margaret had married a Scot.
Not once since that day had they spoken.
Everything had changed with but a few words, and Nathan remembered well the anguish he’d seen on Robert’s face that day. It was the same anguish he saw on his face now.
“It’s truly her,” Nathan mumbled, finally convinced, and his gaze snapped back to the woman he loved and hated with equal measure. After all these years, she was back in London, only a few paces away, and Nathan knew not what to do.
For years, he had contemplated every scenario he could think of, wondering what he would say to her, what she would say to him, how he would feel should they ever lay eyes on one another again. And now, that moment had finally come, and Nathan could do nothing else but stare, cursing himself for the longing he still felt.
For he did not want to yell and rant, but haul her into his arms and kiss her as he had that day before she’d been lost to him.
Still, he knew he could not. She was married, quite possibly to that tall, dark stranger holding her in his arms this very second. Indeed, Nathan remembered seeing the man in London before. It had been some years ago, but the man stuck out, his whole demeanour whispering not of a polished English gentleman, but rather an untamed Highlander. Had Margaret been in London then as well? Had Nathan merely been too distracted to notice her? Why had Fate brought them together again here and now? What was he to do? Address her or leave?
In the next moment, the decision was made for him when Margaret turned in the stranger’s arms and her gaze met his.
Finding her soulful blue eyes look into his after ten long years, Nathan was certain he would die from the shock of it, and yet, he couldn’t deny that in all these years his heart hadn’t beat with such force as it did in that moment.
It felt utterly wonderful to be alive once more.
And utterly terrifying as well.
Chapter Seven
Remembered
“Do try and smile, will ye?” Garrett teased as they moved together across the dance floor. “My wife will have my hide if I return ye to her with a scowl on yer face.” He glanced in Claudia’s direction, a simmering longing in his green eyes as their gazes met halfway across the room.
Maggie could have groaned with envy; instead, she tried her best to comply. “How is this?” she asked with a bit of a sour note to her voice. “Do ye think this will do?”
Lowering his gaze, Garrett frowned when he saw her grimace. “That’s just a wee bit terrifying,” he told her with a wink. “I’d rather ye dunna smile then if those are my two choices.”
Chuckling, Maggie reminded herself how grateful she ought to be to have such devoted friends, doing their utmost to cheer her up. “Ye’re truly kind for putting up with me, Garrett. Thank ye.”
“I canna say ye look as though ye’re truly appreciating it,” he observed with a watchful look in his eyes. “In truth, ye look as though ye wish for nothing more but to run for the hills. Is it truly that bad being back in England?”
Maggie sighed. “I no longer feel at home here,” she admitted as her gaze swept over the couples dancing alongside them. “I never cared for this pretentious life, not even back then, and I feel utter relief knowing that ‘tis only for a short visit.” She smiled up at him, and this time it felt real. “I long to be back home in Scotland.”
Squeezing her hand, Garrett returned her smile. “I know what ye mean, Lass. I canna say I care much for England, either.” Then his gaze rose and, with a swiftness that spoke to their bond, his eyes settled on his wife watching them from the side of the room, a warm smile on her lovely face. “Still, meeting an English lass in Gretna Green four years ago was the best thing that’s ever happened to me.” He spun Maggie around, and his eyes retur
ned to her, a large smile full of happiness on his face. “Life sometimes takes ye in an unexpected direction, but good things can find ye anywhere.”
Caught in his optimism, Maggie laughed, remembering that she’d once believed so herself, and she could not deny that a part of her resented Nathan for robbing her of that certainty, that faith that all would be well.
That the world would sort itself out.
That somehow she would end up where she was meant to be.
“Ye’ll be home soon enough,” Garrett whispered when the music stopped and he offered her his arm. “Scotland is in yer blood now, and no matter where ye’ll go, ye’ll always be a Scot.” Smiling, he winked at her, his words a balm to her battered soul.
Away from home, thrust back into a life she’d left behind, Maggie had felt utterly unhinged this past fortnight. She loved seeing her brother and his family, and it was a delight to see her children bond with their cousins. Still, the past seemed more alive here than in Scotland and, at every corner, Maggie wondered when her path would cross Nathan’s. She feared to see him, afraid her heart would not survive. What if he treated her like a mere acquaintance? What if he barely remembered her? What if she saw him with his wife?
To this day, she hadn’t dared ask her brother about the woman who’d stolen Nathan’s heart for fear of what he would tell her. It was one thing to know that he had married, but it was quite another to see him gazing into his wife’s eyes the way Garrett gazed into Claudia’s.
But perhaps he wouldn’t. After all, he seemed to have changed greatly from the kind and respectful, young man she’d once known.
Who was he today? Maggie didn’t dare dwell on it. The thought alone broke her heart all over again, and she began to doubt the wisdom in coming to London. She’d hoped to free herself of Nathan’s hold on her, to have a chance to begin again. Still, with each day that passed, Maggie felt as though she was fooling herself. Could a heart once lost truly be retrieved? Was there any chance in fighting to have it returned? Or would it forever be a futile attempt?
Sighing, Maggie lifted her head and allowed Garrett to guide her off the dance floor. Still, before she had taken more than a step, her gaze all but collided with another’s and her heart skittered to a halt.
Nathan.
His dark blue eyes looked into hers the way they always had, the way she remembered and, for a second, Maggie could have sworn that no time had passed since the day he’d kissed her out by the lake. She felt like a young woman again, her whole life ahead of her, and her heart open to the possibilities of love. He looked as he always had, a bit older perhaps, his features sharper somehow, his eyes echoing of memories he’d not yet had that day by the lake.
And then she took note of the dark scowl on his face as his gaze swept over her, moved from her to Garrett and then back.
Her breath caught in her throat as she stared back at him and, although the hard lines of his expression gave her pause and sent a shiver down her back, Maggie could not deny that a part of her rejoiced. He remembered her. After all the fears she’d entertained, at least he remembered her. He’d not forgotten. She’d not been but a name among many. He might not have loved her as she’d loved him judging from the look on his face, but at least she’d left a small mark upon his mind.
He remembered her.
“Are ye all right?” Dimly, Garrett’s voice drifted to her ears, and she felt his warm hand settle on hers. “Ye look pale, Lass. What’s the matter?”
Maggie knew she ought to reply; after all, she could hear the concern in Garrett’s voice. Still, her lips would not move. Her eyes were locked on Nathan’s, and a part of her wanted nothing more but to forget all that had happened, all that stood between them, and run into his arms as she had that day when they’d last seen each other.
And then she remembered that he was married. That he’d chosen another. That she’d come back to London with the intention of breaking the spell he’d cast on her. That Claudia had urged her to hold her head high. That she’d meant to meet Nathan with dignity and not give him the satisfaction of knowing that he had broken her heart.
Not when his own didn’t even bear a scratch.
“Maggie.”
At the sound of Garrett’s sharp whisper, Maggie all but flinched and her gaze dropped from Nathan’s, momentarily freeing her from the hold he still had on her. Swallowing, she kept her eyes from returning to his, from straying anywhere near him, but instead turned to look up at Garrett, his kind, green eyes a safe haven. “I’m all right,” she whispered. “I only…” How was she to explain any of this?
Garrett’s jaw tensed. “Is that him?” he growled out with a sideways glance at Nathan.
Maggie felt her eyes widen.
An apologetic grin came to Garrett’s face. “Dunna be angry with her,” he urged her before he glanced over her shoulder−no doubt meeting his wife’s gaze. “She’s very concerned for ye, Lass, and told me to keep an eye out for a heartless scoundrel.” A corner of his mouth quirked upward. “She gave me free rein to deal with him however I saw fit.” His jaw tensed, and he glanced sideways at Nathan. “Do ye need me to…?” His voice trailed off; the look in his eyes, however, suggested a wide range of painful outcomes.
Sighing, Maggie shook her head, grateful for the full support she had from the people she loved, the people who were family. “Ye’re such a sweet man, Garrett. Thank ye. But ye know that Claudia never meant to suggest that−”
“I wouldn’t be so sure,” he interrupted, the smile on his face, however, belied his words. “The woman has a bit of a vindictive side that makes me not want to cross her.” Squeezing her hand, Garrett pulled her closer, the look in his eyes protective as he guided her back to where Claudia stood with Robert and Cecilia.
Her friend’s eyes were narrowed in concern, and Maggie could see from the way her gaze moved up and over her head to linger on something−or rather someone!−on the other side of the room that Claudia had taken notice. Her watchful eyes had in all likelihood seen all that had happened. “That’s him, isn’t it?” Claudia hissed under her breath as she all but pulled Maggie into her arms.
Garrett nodded, and a meaningful look passed between the two.
“I’m fine,” Maggie croaked, at present uncertain what exactly that meant. Her emotions were all over the place, jumbled up and in utter chaos that she did not know what it was she felt.
“Of course, you’re fine,” Claudia chirped after casting another venomous glance at Nathan. “And he needs to know that.” Her eyes softened as they swept over Maggie’s face. “We’ll stay for another half hour, talk and laugh, and then we’ll leave.” Her brows rose in question.
Maggie nodded. “I’m fine,” she repeated, still uncertain of its meaning; however, it seemed the right thing to say.
The next half hour passed utterly slowly as well as much too fast, all at the same time. Claudia urged her not to turn and look at Nathan. She reminded her to hold her head high and smile and laugh in appropriate intervals. And Maggie did for it was the only thing she could do.
Below the surface of that odd, little smile that hung on her lips, though, Maggie could sense a storm brewing.
And she feared it. She feared all the questions she knew would come, the doubts and uncertainties. She feared the moment she’d be alone with her thoughts and her mind would replay in minuscule detail the second her eyes had caught sight of him. What would she see if she dared to look closer? Had his wife been beside him and she had simply not noticed?
For a moment, Maggie was tempted to turn and look; fear of the truth, however, kept her in place. Indeed, the night had not gone as planned. She’d hoped to free herself of the man who’d haunted her for ten years. Now, however, that seemed all but impossible as her heart beat strong and daring against her ribs.
As strong and daring as it hadn’t in a long time, and Maggie cringed at the thought of how a single glimpse of him had reawakened her.
Chapter Eight
If Only
Only moments after Margaret had left the ball in the company of her husband as well as her brother and friends, Nathan strode outside and called for his own carriage. Lady Cranshaw tried to detain him, however, the seductive look in her eyes failed to appeal to him. His heart didn’t stir, not even in the slightest. Perhaps the darn thing was broken after all?
And yet, merely remembering the moment his eyes had fallen on Margaret sent it into an uproar. One unlike any he’d felt in years.
In the darkness of his carriage, Nathan slumped down. His limbs trembled with shock, with the need to go after her, with outrage, with overwhelming emotions. He felt weak, and yet, fuelled by something he could not name.
“She’s here,” he mumbled and closed his eyes, his head rolling backwards and hitting the seat with a bit of a thump. A part of him still couldn’t believe it, and even the softly whispered words that left his lips failed to grasp what the sight of her had done to him.
Unhinged his world.
Turned it upside down.
Broken his heart all over again.
His fingers curled into a fist and before Nathan had even taken note of the anger beginning to simmer in his veins, the bloody thing connected rather painfully with the carriage’s wall. A hissed curse flew from his lips as he gritted his teeth against the pain, knowing full well that it was only a mild echo of the one in his heart.
What the hell was she doing back in London? Had she not found happiness in Scotland with a bloody highlander? Could she not at least have the decency not to flaunt her happy marriage in front of him?
From one moment to the next, Nathan’s world had changed, and yet, in truth, it was no different than it had been an hour ago. Margaret was still married. She was still lost to him. Her heart still belonged to another. Was she here for a visit only? To see her brother? Would she then return to Scotland?