by Bree Wolf
Robert drew in a slow breath. “I…He…Well, I…”
“Last night at the ball,” Maggie interrupted her brother’s somewhat awkward search for an appropriate answer, “I saw him with a woman out in the gardens.” Robert’s gaze widened in shock and so Maggie hurried to add, “Today, I asked him about her and he told me that to him she was nothing more than…a distraction.”
Her brother nodded, relief palpable on his face to hear her phrase it in such a manner. “He told me so as well.”
“He never married?” Maggie asked, needing to erase even the slightest doubt.
“No.”
Her heart skipped a beat and, for a moment, she felt like a young girl again. “As far as ye know, did he ever…come close?”
Holding her gaze, Robert shook his head. “I’ve never seen him look at another the way he’s always looked at you, Maggie.” He sighed. “I was angry with him−disappointed−that he behaved in such a callous, disrespectful manner, but now I…at least part of me can understand why he did what he did.” The look in her brother’s eyes spoke of deep longing, and Maggie had no doubt he was thinking of his beloved wife. It would seem imagining Cecilia gone from his life had made her brother see things in a different light.
“What about his son?”
Robert’s hands on her own tightened abruptly, and his gaze fell to hers in one sudden swoop. “His son? What do you mean? I told you Nathan never married. I didn’t lie; I swear it. He−” Robert stilled, and the muscles in his jaw clenched. “He has a child?”
“So it would seem,” Maggie replied, disappointed that Robert could not provide her with more details. “Blair told me.”
Shock dropped his jaw. “What? How could she possibly−?” His eyes narrowed in anger. “Are you saying he told her?”
Maggie shook her head, regretting she let that bit about Blair slip. It was hard enough under normal circumstances to explain her daughter’s unusual talents; however, in a moment laden with emotions, it was probably impossible. Still, there was nothing to do about that now. “‘Tis hard to explain,” Maggie began. “Blair sometimes has a way of knowing things. Let’s leave it at that.” Robert looked rather displeased by her casual way of brushing him off, but fortunately, he did not object. “So, ye know nothing of a child?”
Shaking his head, her brother scoffed. “Are you genuinely surprised? Have you forgotten how English society works?” He sighed and sat down on the edge of his desk. “If Nathan indeed has a child−and I’m not saying I doubt your words, mind you−then I doubt more than a handful of people know. Otherwise, it would be common knowledge.”
Maggie nodded. “Do ye have any suspicion who…the child’s mother could be?”
With his gaze on her, Robert pushed to his feet. Then he stepped toward her, and his hands came to rest on her shoulders. “Why do you ask?” His brown eyes searched hers. “What is it you hope to hear?”
Sighing, Maggie closed her eyes. “I dunno,” she whispered, knowing that nothing would change what was.
“Look at me,” Robert urged, and his hands gave her shoulders a gentle squeeze. “Are you hoping for a future with Nathan? Are you hoping for a second chance?”
Maggie chuckled, not quite knowing why. Life in all its facets was simply too much right now. “A second chance? Robert, I−”
“Because he sure as hell does,” Robert interrupted her, his gaze watchful. “What about you?”
Maggie stilled. “He does?”
This time, Robert chuckled. “Are you genuinely surprised? The man has been in love with you for over a decade. The only thing that kept him from your side was his belief that you loved another, which is precisely why I didn’t tell him what Mother had done. Believe me, not even your marriage vows would have dissuaded him.”
Maggie could feel tears forming in her eyes; quite obviously, she still wasn’t all cried out. Her heart warmed, and strength returned to her limbs. It was like the sun had risen after a long, dark night, and Maggie desperately wanted to feel its soft caress. She wanted Nathan with every fibre of her being, and to hear Robert speak of him in this matter chased away all the doubts she’d entertained before.
“I asked him myself,” Robert told her, “what it was he wanted, why he had come.” He smiled at her. “He said he wanted what he’s always wanted, you.”
Weeping rather uncontrollably, Maggie threw herself into her brother’s arms, and he held her with all the strength and warmth she remembered. All of a sudden, it was as though no time stood between them. He was her big brother, and she was his little sister.
As they’d always been.
And always would be.
“I suppose that means you want him as well,” Robert chuckled as he rubbed his hands up and down her back, trying to soothe her heavy sobs. “After all, right here and now, you’re both free to do as you wish. Neither one of you is tied to anoth−”
“I canna!” Maggie sobbed, pulling back and wiping at her tear-stained cheeks. “I canna be with him. Not now, not ever.”
A deep frown drew down Robert’s brows, and he grasped her hands with his. “Why ever not? You clearly love him, and while I object to his more recent lifestyle, I do believe he wouldn’t have become the man he is now if it hadn’t been for…the loss he suffered. He’ll be different with you by his side.”
Maggie rejoiced at Robert’s assessment of Nathan’s character, but it also made rejecting this bright future her brother painted all the more excruciating. “‘Tis Niall,” she whispered. “He sees it as a betrayal of his father. He’s always known that my heart never lay with Ian, and he adored his father.” Shaking her head, Maggie stared at her brother, wishing there were something he could say to contradict her, to prove her wrong. “If I do this now, Niall will never forgive me. I’ll lose him, and it’ll destroy us both. I willna see him hurt again, especially not by me.”
Robert inhaled a slow breath as his gaze searched hers. “Niall is a boy,” he began carefully. “He’s angry now, but given time, he will−”
“No,” Maggie interrupted. “Ye dunna know him. He’s stubborn as a mule and loyal to the point of self-destruction.” Her hands held on tighter to her brother’s as she did her best to fight off the wave of despair that washed over her. “He feels betrayed, and…and he isna wrong. Of course, we never meant for all this to happen. We didna do any of it with the intent to harm Ian, to harm anyone, but it happened nonetheless. We canna change that. Niall has lived his whole life, seeing Ian’s misery, seeing his father rejected, and it has shaped him.” The thought that her little lad had been burdened by her mistakes nearly broke Maggie’s heart. He could have been such a cheerful and life-affirming boy as Ian had once been. But somehow Ian’s bitterness had survived him and was now kept alive in Niall’s chest. How had this happened? How could she have allowed this to happen?
“What are you saying?” Robert asked, disbelief in his gaze as he looked at her. “Are you truly intent on denying yourself that which you’ve always wanted? Will you truly tell Nathan no? Can you do that?”
Clinging to her brother, Maggie wished there were another way. “I dunna have a choice,” she whispered, knowing that there was not. “He is my son, and I’m his mother. It is my job to protect him, to put him first, to do whatever is in my power to ensure that he is happy.” Her jaw tensed. “I’m not Mother. I willna repeat her mistakes. I willna make this choice without my son’s blessing, and he’s made it clear that he willna give it.” She drew in a deep breath. “I believe the sooner we return to Scotland, the better.”
Perhaps with time, her heart would heal.
It was a lie Maggie needed to believe in that moment more than ever before.
Chapter Twenty-One
An Apology Most Unwelcome
Standing on the pavement outside Baron Ainsworth’s townhouse, Nathan was well aware that he was acting rashly. It certainly would be wiser to take his time, to perhaps write to Kara−Mrs. Brewer!−as well as her husband and ask permission to spe
ak to them. No doubt they’d be shocked to hear from him after all these years. No doubt they would deny him, most likely not even answer his letter.
And Nathan knew he could not fault them for it.
He had done nothing to deserve their compassion, their understanding or even their pity. They knew him as an egotistical, unfeeling lord, who did as he pleased and never thought twice about how his actions affected others.
Nathan cringed at the thought, and yet, he knew it to be true. He’d been that man. He’d been that man until a few days ago.
Only now everything was different.
Now, Nathan could not bear the thought of continuing on as he always had. He wanted to be a better man. He needed to be a better man. For Maggie…but also for himself. After ten years, Nathan wanted to feel proud when he glimpsed his reflection in the mirror. He wanted to feel good about who he was and the life he lived.
And so he found himself unable to wait.
After all, he’d waited long enough.
He’d waited ten years.
He would not wait another day.
Rapping the knocker against the polished wood of the front door, Nathan waited as patiently as he could for Ainsworth’s butler to allow him inside. He felt his skin crawl with what lay ahead. He felt hope and dread rush through him in waves, alternately urging him on and then almost making him spin on his heel and hurry back down the steps.
And then the door opened and Nathan knew there was no turning back.
After giving his name to Ainsworth’s stern-looking butler, Nathan was shown to a drawing room decorated in soft, soothing colours. Still, Nathan’s nerves lay almost bared, and he couldn’t help but picture the man’s face upon learning who was waiting in his drawing room.
The man who’d ruined his sister.
The man who’d gotten her with child and then abandoned her.
The man who’d tried to seduce his wife.
Indeed, in that very moment as he stood in Ainsworth’s drawing room, Nathan felt like the lowest of men.
And then thunderous footsteps echoed to his ears from across the foyer and Nathan knew without a doubt that it wasn’t Kara−Mrs. Brewer!−coming to see him but her brother instead. As though a stampede of wild beasts bore down on him, Nathan turned to face the door with nothing but dread and guilt, ready to accept all the man would no doubt hurl at him. After all, he was right to do so.
Hissed words were exchanged, and then the door flew open and in stormed Lord Ainsworth…followed on his heel by his wife.
Oddly enough, seeing them both side by side in that moment made Nathan realise what a perfect match they were in every way. Raven-haired with deeply unsettling eyes, they both stood tall, an authoritative air about them that bore no argument. Strength and determination radiated off them, and yet, Nathan did not fail to see the intimate glances they exchanged, the way Lady Ainsworth’s hand moved to touch her husband’s arm as well as the way he all but positioned himself between her and their visitor as though to shield her from any possible harm.
There was a bond between them that Nathan recognised. A bond he’d once had with Maggie. A bond that still existed and perhaps could be reclaimed.
“How dare you come here?” Lord Ainsworth snarled, the look in his dark gaze dangerous. “Last time we met, did I not make it unmistakably clear that I−?”
Immediately, Lady Ainsworth moved to her husband’s side and placed a cautioning hand on his arm.
The muscles in Lord Ainsworth’s jaw tightened at her interference and he looked at her with a hint of reproach. Anger still held him in its clutches as well as the need to pound Nathan into the ground; still, the warning look in his wife’s gaze held him back.
“Lord Townsend,” Lady Ainsworth finally addressed him, her tone cold and disparaging. “What brings you here today?”
Nathan drew in a deep breath, remembering well the last time he’d met Lord Ainsworth and his wife. Years had passed since, and Nathan knew he’d addressed her in a most vile way.
When she’d refused him, it had struck a nerve, reminding Nathan of how Maggie had married another, finding happiness while he had been left behind. Anger and resentment had grabbed a hold of him then, and he had lashed out at her until her husband had interfered. Ainsworth had threatened should Nathan ever dare go near his wife again, he would call him out.
Nathan well remembered that threat for he’d known even then that the man never spoke empty words.
“I came to apologise,” Nathan stated with his head held high and his shoulders squared for he knew Ainsworth would stomp him into the ground if he showed any sign of weakness. Too much had happened between them. Too much that was Nathan’s fault. He could not fault the man for loathing the very sight of him. “To you and your wife as well as to your sister.”
For a second, Ainsworth looked ready to charge him like a bull lowering its horns. His nostrils flared and his gaze narrowed dangerously. Only Lady Ainsworth’s tight grip on his arm managed to stay his hand.
“I know that you have no reason to believe me,” Nathan continued, taking this chance, knowing he would not be offered another, “and I know that nothing I say will right the wrong I’ve done you and your family, but,” a smile teased his lips as he thought of Blair, “earlier today a little girl taught me that it was never too late to say that you’re sorry.”
Clear disbelief rested on Ainsworth’s face while his wife’s gaze narrowed in thought, as though she could not help but wonder about how all this had come to be. “It is too late,” Ainsworth growled. “Far too late. You don’t deserve our forgiveness. You don’t even deserve to voice your regret−should you truly feel it, which I cannot help but doubt!” His jaw tensed, and Nathan could see that the man was holding on to his restraint by a thread. “I must insist you−”
“You have my forgiveness,” Lady Ainsworth interrupted, her voice clear and forceful.
“Madeline!” Lord Ainsworth exclaimed, looking as shocked as Nathan felt himself. His eyes had gone wide and he stared at his wife as though he feared she’d lost her mind.
Lady Ainsworth met her husband’s gaze as she moved to stand in front of him, placing a gentle hand on his chest. “This is not about us, Derek.” She half-turned and then looked over her shoulder at Nathan. “Is it?” she asked him, her dark green eyes searching his. “You’ve come for your son, haven’t you?”
Oddly enough in that moment, both men bore equally shocked expressions. Their jaws dropped and their eyes widened. However, while Ainsworth looked even more furious than before, Nathan could not help but feel grateful for Lady Ainsworth’s perception. He could not remember the clever wit and sharp mind she so clearly possessed, but then again, back then, Nathan had not looked at her as more than a distraction.
He’d wronged her.
He’d wronged her in more ways than one.
And still, she’d forgiven him.
“Get out!” Ainsworth forced out through clenched teeth, his hands balled into fists. “Or I will end you here and now.”
Nathan swallowed, knowing that the depth of Ainsworth’s anger reflected how deeply Nathan had wounded the man’s sister. He couldn’t imagine all she had to have gone through after he’d sent her away. All she had to have suffered until Fate had smiled upon her and seen her happily married. “I assure you I only came to apologise,” Nathan said slowly and clearly as he held the man’s accusing gaze. “I do not expect your forgiveness,” he added with a sideways glance at Lady Ainsworth, “and neither do I intend to lay any claim to…to your nephew. I only mean to express my gratitude to you for doing right by him when I didn’t.”
Glaring at him, Ainsworth took a threatening step forward. “It’s what you do for family,” he growled. “He’s ours to protect, not yours. Have I made myself clear?”
Nathan nodded, saddened to realise that there was no way back into Collin’s life for him. He’d foolishly given up that chance long ago. Still, the vehemence with which Ainsworth protected Collin also brough
t relief to Nathan’s heart for it proved that his son was safe and loved, that he had a family who put him first, that he would never want for anything.
“You have been an uncaring and self-serving man all your life,” Ainsworth continued as he prowled closer, “and I will not allow you to interfere in Collin’s life. You may have fathered the boy, Lord Townsend,” the way he said it made it sound like the worst insult in the world, “but you are not his father, is that clear? You have no claim on him whatsoever and, after today, I never want to see you anywhere near him ever again.”
Nathan had expected nothing less. “I understand,” he replied, surprised at the disappointment he felt. Perhaps a part of him had hoped for a second chance after all. To see his son. To know him. To have Collin know him in return. “You have every right to protect your family, and I have proven myself not as an ally, but a threat. I’ve made mistakes, grave ones, but I wanted you to know that my eyes have recently been opened to the wrongs I’ve committed and I assure you that you’ll never have to fear me ever again. I will do what I must to prove to you that I’m a man of my word.”
Ainsworth scoffed in derision. “I’d sooner believe that pigs can fly.”
Never before in his life had Nathan felt so worthless. Ainsworth’s words stung, but they also served to remind him of the man he’d once been long ago, the man he wanted to be once more. He wanted to be a man of honour and respect, a man whose word was not called into question, a man people considered trustworthy…even if it would take him a lifetime to see this hope fulfilled.
“Nevertheless,” Nathan replied, knowing that there was no way Ainsworth would allow him to speak to his sister directly, “I would ask you to pass on my apology to Mrs. Brewer. I’ve wronged her most of all. She deserved better, much better, and it was I who should have suffered, not her. I am most deeply sorry for all I’ve done.” As the last word had left his lips, Nathan could not help but think that little Blair would be proud of him. After all these years, Nathan had mustered the courage to offer this long-overdue apology…and he had meant it with all his heart.