by Hope Ford
I fold my hands in my lap and my body tightens when he opens the door and walks in. He stops next to me, but I don’t look up at him. He sighs heavily and walks around the back of his desk.
He runs his hand through his hair, forcing it to stand up. Even like that, he’s handsome. “Is this what I think it’s about?”
I start to say yes, but it sounds like a croak. I clear my throat and nod my head, finally looking him in the eyes.
He sits heavily down at his desk and leans forward. “I don’t see what the big deal is. Do you not have everything that you want?”
I shake my head at him. I don’t know how to explain it to him. I’ve tried over and over, but he just doesn’t get it. “Brian… I don’t understand. You spend your money to pay for my college, my apartment, all of my living expenses. That money that Dad left me is just sitting there and he left it for me to be able to live on. You shouldn’t be spending your money on me. The clause in the inheritance said you were to use the money until I was twenty-one so that I could live on it.”
He grimaces. “What does it matter? My money, his money, your money? When you turn twenty-one, I want you to have all of that money. I don’t want to worry that you will need something and not be able to get it.”
His logic doesn’t make sense at all. “It’s millions of dollars, Brian. Millions.”
His forehead creases. “How do you know for sure I’m not using your money?”
I just shake my head at him. Did he forget that he gave me access to the financial reports? “I look at the financial reports. The ones you gave me access to.”
It still blows my mind. My dad left Brian in complete control of my money. He didn’t even have the lawyers give me access to the reports. It was Brian that demanded the lawyers send me the information.
He just shrugs his shoulders at me, completely oblivious to my side of things.
I stand up from my seat, and already I hate myself for what I’m about to do. “Okay, fine. Have I proven to you that I’m responsible?”
He just laughs. “You’re more responsible than most forty-year-olds, Kendall.”
I put my hands on my hips. “Okay, do you trust me?”
He leans back in his chair and settles his arms across his broad chest. “You know I do.”
I nod my head, taking a deep breath and trying to get my gumption up. “Well, then, as a responsible adult that you trust, I need you to do what I’m asking you. Please sign my money over to me.”
He tilts his head to the side. “Why is this so important? Why now?”
I have never been dishonest with him before. I’ve always told him everything. But this, I just can’t. I can’t tell him that last week when we “ran into” a nurse he knows at our weekly dinner and she ate with us how much that bothered me. I can’t tell him that all I do is think about him… what he’s doing, who he’s with, if he’s taking care of himself. I can’t tell him that I don’t want to be around when he finally decides he wants to settle down. My whole life revolves around him. And I can’t do it anymore. I can’t sit by dreaming of him and knowing that nothing will ever come of it. He doesn’t see me that way. He probably sees me as a burden, God, as a child that he needs to take care of instead of the woman I am.
All of these thoughts, especially of the nurse touching his shoulder when he told his joke at dinner, yeah, all of it is going through me and I know what I’m about to say comes out harsher than I wanted. “Because of you. I don’t want to cater my life to yours anymore. I want my own life. I want to do things, try new things, hell, I want to be able to go on a date without thinking of you and how it’s your money. It’s like you have me under lock and key and I don’t want to have to owe you anymore. I don’t want to always be looking at you for approval or to think, oh, Brian wouldn’t want me doing this or Brian would want me to do this. I want my life… just that. I need away from you. I. Want. My. Life. To. Be. My. Own.”
I enunciate every word of it. Because it’s true. If I can’t have him, I need to be on my own and making my own decisions. I need away from him before I go crazy.
I hurt him. There’s no doubt about it. He sits there, looking at me with his mouth wide open. I’ve never talked to him like that before. I know he’s stunned. Hell, I’m stunned.
He leans forward and rests his arms on the desk. He doesn’t say anything, but he doesn’t have to.
I rush over to the desk and put my hands down on it. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have…”
He holds his hands up to stop me. “I have a meeting to get to… do you need anything else?”
I want to finish this, but the look on his face tells me that I went too far. I’ve hurt him and that’s the last thing I wanted. It’s the last thing he deserved. It’s not his fault he doesn’t feel the same as I do.
My voice is soft, almost a whisper compared to minutes ago. “No. That’s it.”
He nods his head. He stands up and walks to the door. Before he opens it, he turns back to me. “Everything I’ve done… all of it… I did for you.”
I start to tell him “I know” but he cuts me off.
“I never meant for it to be like I was controlling you.”
I nod my head at him and I can’t stomach the look of sadness on his face.
He tightens his chin and nods his head before walking out.
3
Kendall
“Kendall.” His moan brings me from my thoughts.
I look down at our joined hands in surprise. I must have grabbed on to him when I was lost in thought.
“Kendall.” He moans again and I tighten my hold on him. I probably should let it go, but I need this right now.
“I’m right here, Brian.”
“What happened?” he croaks.
I grab the pitcher of water with one hand and pour it into a cup. Then I bite onto the end of the straw wrapper and pull on it before putting the straw in the cup. He’s watching my movements easily and I breathe a sigh of relief that he is alert. “Here, take a drink.”
He tries to sit up, but he moans. I let go of his hand and put it on his chest. “No. Don’t try and sit all the way up. Just lean your head up a little.”
He does as I ask and I put the straw in his mouth. He takes a big sip and when he’s done, I pull it away from him.
With a clearer voice, he asks me, “What happened?”
Shaking my head, I tell him, “You were hit by a drunk driver.”
“Is the other driver okay?” Of course he’s compassionate, even for someone that inflicted pain on him. Guilt hits me again.
I nod my head. “Yep, not even a scratch on him.”
Immediately, he lifts his hands up off the bed to look at them. “My hands?”
He’s one of the top performing heart surgeons in the state. I knew he would be worried about his hands. I tell him what the surgeon told me. “Your hands are fine. You have some torn ligaments and a very small fracture in your leg and a bunch of cuts and bruises, but they’ve already fixed your leg. You will be good as new.”
He takes a deep breath and lets it out. He’s staring up at me, and there’s so much I want to say to him. We start talking at the same time.
“Go ahead. You first,” I tell him.
“There was a paramedic…”
I pick the empty envelope off the bed and hold it up to him. “Yeah. She found me. She stayed with me too, until you got out of surgery.”
Brian
I nod my head, but stare openly at the envelope. It’s the one I gave the paramedic to give her. So since she has it, she knows that I’ve now turned her money over to her. She has no connection to me now. None. She is free to do what she wants, when she wants without ever questioning me.
She wipes a fresh tear off her cheek. “About earlier…”
I know how kindhearted she is. So I know how hard that had to be for her to say to me. My feelings are hurt. There’s no doubt. But more than that, my heart hurts.
I shake my head, ignoring the st
abbing pain. “Let’s forget it, okay?”
She reluctantly shrugs. She pulls the chair over from the corner of the room and slides it up next to my bed. I watch as she sits down, resting her hands in her lap. Her face is red, and I don’t know if she’s embarrassed about earlier or if she’s just uncomfortable now.
I can’t look away from her. I never can. She’s beautiful. More beautiful than any woman I’ve ever known. I’ve fought these feelings for what seems like forever, but quite honestly it’s only been a year… a very long year.
When her dad died two years ago, I stepped up. Because of my relationship with him, I took care of his daughter, never wanting her to worry, or hurt, or struggle. It’s only in this last year that my feelings for her have changed. I don’t know what or why, but I started looking at her differently. Not as the little girl that always hung on her dad’s every word. No, she’s grown up quite a bit since then. Now she’s independent and thinks for herself. She’s always wanting to be better, to do better. Just watching her brings pride out of me. But there’s more.
She crosses her legs and her skirt slides up her thigh. I drag my eyes off her exposed skin and back up to her face.
Her forehead is creased and I know that look. She’s thinking, trying to figure out where to go from here. She pretty much told me that she wanted to be rid of me earlier. And no matter how much it kills me, I made sure that she got what she wanted. I canceled all my appointments for the rest of the day and drove straight to the lawyers and made them rush on the paperwork. Knowing that there’s nothing tying us together anymore almost kills me. I know she’s only here now out of obligation. She feels like she has to be here.
I curl my hand into the sheet and grab on to it. “Kendall.”
She looks from her hands up to me questioningly.
I smile at her softly. “You don’t have to be here. As a matter of fact, you probably need to go.”
She starts shaking her head side to side and grips the railing of the bed with one hand. “No, I want to…”
I put my hand next to hers. I almost grabbed hers, but caught myself at the last minute. I stare at our fingers, right next to each other but not touching. “No, really. You have class tonight and well, I’m fine. I’ll probably get out of here tomorrow.”
She smirks. “You were in a car accident. You just had surgery… They are not letting you out tomorrow.”
I just shrug my shoulders. “Regardless, you don’t need to be here. You need to go now.”
She sits back like I’ve hurt her, but I know this is what she wants. She wants away from me and no matter how much it kills me, I will always make sure she always gets what she wants.
4
Kendall
I still can’t believe I left him. It was hard, seeing him lying there in the hospital, but I would have stayed with him. I would have taken care of him. But it was obvious he didn’t want me there. Heck, he couldn’t get rid of me fast enough, it seems. I don’t know why he would want me there after the way I talked to him in his office.
I drove to my class, but after sitting there for twenty minutes, I gave up and left. I wasn’t doing anyone any good sitting there in my own little world. I go to my apartment and flop down on the couch, at a complete loss at what I should be doing now. This doesn’t feel right. I should be at the hospital.
At times like this, I always wish my dad was here. He would tell me what I should be doing. Well, he wouldn’t tell me. But he would start a conversation with me and ask just the right questions until I figured it out on my own.
I get up and grab my memory box off the bookshelf and sit cross-legged on the couch with it on my lap. As soon as I open the box, the memories hit me. There’s hundreds of pictures of my dad and me. He was a busy surgeon, but he always made time for me. He instilled in me what was important in life. He had money, but I know he would have given it all up to spend one more day with me. I keep shuffling the pictures around until I come across one of Brian and me. It was taken at my high school graduation, just one month before Dad died. Brian has his arm around me and is smiling at my dad, who’s taking the picture. I’m looking up at Brian with the biggest grin on my face. Even then, I had a crush on him. I knew it… and I’m pretty sure my dad knew it, too.
I stuff the picture back in the box and then open the letter that Dad had given his lawyer in case of his death. It was sudden when he left me, but he still had everything planned out. He knew what he wanted and wanted to make sure I knew too.
I open the old worn paper and read his words again. I’ve probably read it a thousand times and have committed it to memory by now, but it always brings me comfort.
After scanning it two more times, I know what I need to do. I never should have doubted my gut.
I’m going to take care of Brian. I have to. I can’t walk away from him. Not now. It may be hard to be around him, but it’s even harder being away from him, especially knowing that he’s hurt and in pain.
Once the decision is made, I already feel better. I call the hospital to check on him one more time and when the nurse tells me he’s grumpy as ever and already plotting his escape, I know he’s going to be okay. I lie back on the couch with the frayed letter pressed against my chest. I fall asleep feeling a little more at peace.
Brian
“Robby, I’m leaving. It’s a torn ligament, nothing serious,” I tell him for the third time.
Robby is a friend of mine here at the hospital. He works in orthopedics and he’s the one that performed my surgery. He just laughs. “You just had surgery. You know I can’t let you leave.”
Frustrated, I throw my hands up. “Fine. First thing in the morning, I’m out of here.”
He holds his hand out to me. “After my morning rounds and I get another look at you.”
Reluctantly, I reach out and put my hand in his and we shake on it.
He gives me a list of things to look out for and I barely resist the urge to remind him that I am a doctor too.
He opens the door but turns around. “Where’s Kendall? I thought for sure she would be here babying you.”
I try to keep the emotion off my face. “Yeah, she had class.”
He squints his forehead and nods, but I see the surprise in his face. Anyone that knows her knows she would want to be here. If I hadn’t pushed her she would have stayed by my side until I was walking without a limp. She’s definitely a nurturer. Which is why I had to make her go. She made it plain what she wanted and what she wanted was to be away from me.
Once I’m left alone with my thoughts, I can’t stop myself from thinking of Kendall. But in all honesty, she’s all I think about.
My mind flashes back to her sitting next to the hospital bed. She’s complained about the “freshmen 15” she gained and then the “sophomore 15” she gained her second year of college. She’s probably thirty pounds heavier than she was at eighteen but every curve is delicious and turns my mind to mush. I’ve dealt with these feelings the best way I know how, but I can’t push them away entirely, no matter how hard I try. Even when I’m about to go into surgery. She’s the last thing I think of before I walk into the operating room and the first thing I think of when I walk out of it. The way that she’s grown up, even with everything that she’s gone through, tells me exactly what kind of woman she is. One that any man would be proud to have on his arm.
The thought of her with someone else hits me hard. I know it’s about to happen. How in the world these college boys have left her alone as long as they have already is beyond me. Soon, they’ll come for her and it kills me I won’t be there to stop it. Maybe that’s why she wants her independence from me now. Maybe there is someone. My hands clench on the covers. In that retrospect, it’s good she wanted her independence because there’s no way I will be able to stand by and watch that happen.
I made her leave me, but the look on her face told me that even though she was surprised, she will still come back. I’ll just have to prepare myself and not let her get too clo
se.
5
Kendall
Who knew it would be this hard to chase down someone that just had surgery? This morning, as soon as I woke up, I packed a bag and drove straight to the hospital, only for Dr. Robby to tell me that Brian had already been released.
Well, of course I gave him the ‘what for.’ I mean who does that? Who lets their patient out when he just had surgery?
Walking up to the house, I use my key and walk in the front door. I drop my bags by the front door and walk into the living room to find Brian sitting on the couch, his leg propped up on the coffee table and his laptop open in front of him. “What are you doing? Why are you not at the hospital?”
He doesn’t seem surprised that I’m here. Sometimes I forget that he knows me better than anyone. Sometimes even better than myself. “Robby let me out.”
I start laughing. “Yeah, I talked to Robby.” I cross my arms over my chest and he looks at me from head to toe. His gaze burns me and I fidget, waiting on his eyes to meet mine again. I swear the look he’s giving me is a new one and I feel it to my very core. I cross my legs and by the time his eyes meet mine, I swear I see a smirk on his face. “So, uh, you don’t look like someone that was in a bad car wreck and had surgery yesterday.”
He sets the laptop on the coffee table and picks the crutch up from beside him. “Good genes, I guess.”
I watch him hobble to the kitchen and I definitely agree with him. The snug fit of his jogging pants on his firm butt reaffirms the fact that he does indeed have good genes.