David felt tears clogging his own throat at the obvious depth of the older man’s pain.
“I’m so sorry,” David heard Younger whisper as he hugged his uncle hard. Shawn’s children joined them, all of them desperate to bring this man some form of peace as the brother that was nothing like him lingered close to death.
Younger disengaged from the others eventually and handed him the pack. “Keep that safe. And if you’re the kind of friends you say you are, don’t let him push you away. We’re good at that, my brothers and I. We learned from the best.”
David lifted his chin. “We love him. We’re not going anywhere.”
Rig slid his arm around David’s waist and pulled him close. Younger took them both in, nodding. “Good. That’s good.”
He let go but David reached for his arm to stop him. “If you need anything…”
The stern man was incredibly handsome when he smiled. “I appreciate that, and I might take you up on it if I ever have the time. For now, remind your sister that if her dogs have puppies again, I’m first on the list.”
“I’ll slip a love potion in Hermione’s kibble if I have to.”
Younger nodded, the momentary smile disappearing as he saw his brothers filing back in. “It’s time. If you come back with us you can get Rory out of here.”
They stayed a few steps behind the members of the family who wanted to be there until the end. Four of Sol’s sons and his brother Shawn, who had his three sons behind him. Jen had stayed behind in the waiting room with her mother, Brady’s fiancé, Owen’s husband and Walter.
David watched them all crowd into the small room; their shoulders set and faces wearing identically grim expressions. With the way they were turned toward Shawn Finn instead of the bed, David had a feeling it was him they were really there for. To respect the memories he had of the boy he’d grown up with.
He had the sudden desire to call his father and thank him for always being there, but that would have to wait.
A nurse came in quietly and began turning off the machines one by one and David paused in surprise as Shawn Finn started to sing with a hushed, shaking voice. It sounded like an Irish ballad, but the tone of it was so sad David worried he might actually cry.
“Aw hell,” Rory’s words drifted to him from somewhere behind Rig. “He had to sing Ned of the Hill.”
David turned in time to see Rory swipe his knuckles over his eyes like a weary child. “Rory. We came to take you home.”
He leaned against Rig and stared at David with blue eyes too big for his face. Was it shock or the medicine? Maybe a little of both. “I need to be here for this. I owe it to him.”
“Your father?”
“Uncle Shawn.”
David moved closer and took Rory’s hand. “That’s fine then. We’ll stay with you.”
“As long as you need.” Rig’s voice caught as he wrapped his muscular arm around Rory, his fingers caressing David’s shoulder. “We’ll all stay as long as you need.”
By the time Rory’s uncle had finished his final refrain, David and Rig were slipping the sleeping Rory into the backseat of David’s car.
And Solomon Finn Sr. was gone.
Chapter Ten
“Essie, will you tell your wife to keep it down?”
“Wife, will you please tell your brother that no man is allowed to tell me to keep it down? And you might also mention that I wasn’t trying to steal Tweedlehotter. I just want him to live with us forever and cook me things. David can still do dirty things to him whenever he wants.”
Rory’s grin was weak, but genuine. He was wondering when Janice and Essie would show up. He was surprised they’d managed to stay away for so long.
It had been three days since he’d been brought to David’s apartment. He’d arranged for personal leave and his partner, Walter had called to tell him that Macy sent her love and said that she was ready to cook for him as soon as he agreed to introduce her to the “sexy sweethearts Walter met in the hospital.”
The first day was a blur. He spent most of the time thinking about what Solomon had done with him. For him. It was what the therapist had already suggested but his brother had done it instinctively. He’d given Rory closure before their father passed away.
Holding Rory’s hand, he’d pulled out one of the old journals he’d left in his lost backpack. There were three of them in total. The novel he’d never planned on publishing but had been working on for over a year. His autobiography of life with Elder.
“I didn’t just find this,” Younger told him. “He told me to bring the pack to him. I wasn’t sure why, especially after you told me it was yours, so I looked inside.” He took a breath. “I read the journals, Rory. All of them.”
Rory paled but his brother shook his head and turned toward their father, speaking quietly at Sol’s bedside and laying every ghost Rory had to rest with his words.
“I’m truly sorry your father shamed you. Sorry the woman you loved chose your brother and he chose her in return. I can’t imagine how much that hurt. But it doesn’t excuse the nearly four decades of abuse you heaped on your family because of it. It doesn’t excuse you for torturing your brother with the possibility of a reconciliation that you never wanted. It doesn’t excuse you for using your wives as personal incubators and then mercilessly cutting them out of your children’s lives just because you couldn’t have what you wanted. And it will never excuse the contempt, neglect and abuse you gave to Rory instead of your love.
You failed to protect him, but you also failed to break him. I’ll pray for your soul as you pass, and then I’ll make sure to spend my life worrying about what my heart says about me instead of my name. I’ll make sure what your brother taught me about being a man is what I aspire to. And I will make sure Rory never blames himself for your faults. That he always knows he’s loved.”
Seeing the journals, hearing Solomon’s words had ripped away years of careful façade in moments. All he could remember after that was his brother hugging him. Someone handing him water and a pill. Uncle Shawn singing and finally being rocked to sleep in Rig and David’s arms.
When he woke up it was better. He was better. Lighter. Not completely. It would take time, he knew, to finally sort through all the shit. But his big brother standing up for him, for all of them, had started mending that something inside him he’d never expected to heal.
David and Rig were helping with that, more than they knew. He’d been spending his time curled around one or the other, since neither seemed willing to let him go for long. They took turns cuddling him on the couch and both slept beside him at night, keeping him safe. Loving him.
He knew their heavenly isolation couldn’t last forever. In fact, he was surprised no one had mentioned memorial services yet. Though Younger, James and Jennifer had all sent him texts each day to let him know he was on their minds.
James texting. Someone should declare a national holiday.
Rig was still chuckling at Janice. “There’s plenty of cinnamon buns to go around, but I’m afraid I’m needed here. And for more than what you’re thinking, though I do enjoy David’s dirty things.”
Cinnamon buns? Rory stepped out of the hallway and into the living room, watching the scene in the kitchen with sleepy amusement. “I hope one of those is for me.”
Essie froze in the act of keeping her wife away from the baked goods and beamed at him. “Rory. How’s my favorite vampire-loving sexpot?”
“I’ll live. How’s my favorite YouTube sensation?”
“Almost famous.”
Rory met David’s lustful stare with one of his own. “Morning.” He included Rig in his greeting and licked his lips. “Something smells good in here.”
“Wow.” Janice fanned herself dramatically. “No wonder Rig the Roman’s sticking around. I’m turned on and I don’t even like boy parts.”
“It’s the sugar,” Essie assured her with a smirk. “Icing turns you into a harlot. Now get us some juice while I set the table, okay?�
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“I kind of like it when you boss me around.” Janice sent her a playful look. “Makes me want to take you home and eat cinnamon buns in bed. Of course, we’d have to distract the boys and steal them first.”
David snorted. “Fat chance.”
Janice grabbed a bun and held it in the air as she ran around the counter.
“No power in the ‘verse can stop her,” David shrugged sagely while Essie rolled her eyes.
“It’s been fifteen years, David. You need to let Firefly go. It’s aging you.”
“But mèimei…”
“Sister is not amused.”
But Rory could see that she was. So was everyone else. Rory snagged the bun as Janice jogged by and shoved half of it in his mouth with a grin.
“Foul!” Janice shouted, laughing. “Speaking of mouthfuls.” She batted her eyelashes at her brother-in-law. “How are things going with you?”
David blushed, Rory almost choked, and Rig patted his back as he answered for the rest of them. “Best sex of our lives. And in case Essie never mentioned it? David here is hung like a porn horse. I mean, I don’t know how he gets that thing in his pants.”
Porn horse?
“Ack!” Janice covered her ears and walked over to Essie, burying her face in her wife’s cleavage. “Ear bleach. I need it.”
Essie wasn’t fazed. “It’s a family trait. You get a few Chardonnays in Mom? She will draw you a scarily detailed picture of our Dad’s junk. She loves it.”
David just lay down on the kitchen floor and shook his head while everyone else laughed until they were crying. Rory almost didn’t hear his phone ring over the noise.
He grabbed a napkin and wandered to the side table where Rig had plugged his cell in for him last night. “It’s Younger.”
“Hey.” A hush fell as Rory answered and he walked toward the balcony and slid out so he wouldn’t disturb the rest of them. “What do you need?”
Thank you. I love you. How are you? Were all the things he should have said. He didn’t know how to talk to his brothers without his usual attitude in place and the attitude was MIA. He wasn’t feeling sarcastic or witty. He was all soft underbelly and no shell.
Luckily, Younger wasn’t offended. “Well eventually, I’m going to need you to grab the laundry you left after you crashed here last week. I washed it, but now it’s just sitting on my dryer, taking up space.”
Rory leaned against the railing, watching the chimes across the way sway in the breeze. “I can do that. Eventually. David’s been shirting me, but eventually I will need clean underwear.” He hesitated. “Anything else going on?”
His brother’s sigh was heavy over the phone. “I want to say no but you deserve to know what’s been happening. The department held a wake at Finn’s last night. Seamus and I were there with Uncle Shawn, but the rest of the family decided not to attend.”
What? “What about Noah and Wyatt? Brady?”
“Like James said, none of us want to be hypocrites. I only went because I didn’t want Shawn having to field questions about our absence. He doesn’t need that.”
“What about the burial?” He felt strange asking, like it wasn’t his place.
“We took care of it two days ago. He already had a plot.”
So…that was it? It was over?
Elder was gone.
He felt like he was trying to breathe under water. “That’s good, I mean thanks for telling me. I hope the guys aren’t upset that I wasn’t there for it.”
“No one is upset with you, Rory.”
“Good. I’m glad.” He bit his lip. “Even Uncle Shawn?”
“Especially him. He’s been asking about you a lot, making sure you were taken care of. The other day he made Trick tell him everything he knew about your guys.”
I hope he didn’t say anything about pickles. “He did?”
“Yes and when he realized that David was Essie’s brother you wouldn’t believe how happy that made him. Did you know he follows her on YouTube and they chat online?”
“Who chats online?”
“Essie Mills and Uncle Shawn. He’s having Jake teach him how to compile all his videos of Angus. You remember Angus? The dog he taught a million tricks? He wants to upload it on his own channel so he can show her what Hermione’s little boy is up to.”
“That’s crazy.” Wasn’t that crazy? Essie did ask for pictures of the puppies, but that she and Uncle Shawn would talk to each other online? “Wow.”
“Right, so, the point is, he’s watched David online too, and he says he’s very intelligent and he approves.”
Solomon would never understand how much that meant to him. Then again, maybe he would. All of his brothers were close with Shawn. He’d been more of a parent to them than their actual father. “I wish I could be there for him. He needs us now and after all he’s done for us—”
“He understands. He saw how we grew up, Rory. Bits and pieces, anyway. He understands. But he’s Shawn Finn, you know? He needs to find the good in everything. That’s how he gets through it. Right now he’s getting through by remembering someone we never got to meet. Someone who used to share his toys and defend his brother.”
Rory was nodding but he wasn’t sure what to say. He just knew he wanted to say more. He liked talking like this with his brother. It was something he wanted to get used to.
“Are you still there?”
“I’m here.”
“Should I have kept my mouth shut?” There was a vulnerability in Younger’s voice that Rory had never heard before. “I wanted to talk to you about something, but I don’t want to push when you’re already working through so much.”
“No.” Rory turned back to find Rig’s gaze through the glass. It steadied him. “No, I want you to talk to me. I like this. Honestly, fact that you still want to after everything you know—”
“What I know? Rory, I’m the last person who would ever…” His laugh was raw and choked with suppressed emotion. “I can’t believe I’m doing this over the phone,” he muttered to himself.
“Doing what over the phone?”
“Confessing my sins.”
“Whoa now.” Rory held up a hand his brother couldn’t see. “That’s crazy talk. You’re the saint of the family. Especially compared to yours truly.”
“That’s just it. I’m not. I found a way to cope and I told myself it was to protect my brothers. But by towing the line I made you a bigger target.”
“Younger, you’re not making any sense.”
“I’m gay, Rory.”
He’d never actually felt his jaw drop before. “You’re what?”
“Gay. And before you ask, no it’s not new. I’m not a late-bloomer. I have been this way for as long as I can remember. It’s not a phase, and I haven’t been celibate because I hate myself for being a sinner. All I’ve been is discreetly visiting a bar one state over when the need arises.”
Rory was glad there was a chair on the balcony because his knees refused to hold him up. “Give me a minute. I really wasn’t expecting you to say that.”
“You weren’t? The guy who thinks every man is potentially gay?” Younger couldn’t hide his amusement. “The guy who literally spent the majority of his twenties proving that hypothesis?”
“You’re kind of helping my argument there, Chief,” Rory said, still reeling.
“I know.”
“Does anyone else? Know, I mean?”
Younger paused. “I think James and Seamus suspect, but I haven’t talked to anyone in the family about it until now. I needed it to be you.”
Rory couldn’t believe it. “Why me?”
“Because you, of all people, deserve the truth. And because I used to wish I could be more like you all the time,” he said sincerely. “You were proud and fearless. You owned yourself. Not just your sexuality—your life.”
“I was a mess,” Rory corrected. “A paper tiger.”
“I don’t think so, Rory. You were the last in a long line of followers an
d you decided to go a different way.” Younger sounded sure. Adamant. “We were football players because that’s what we were expected to be. You decided to take gymnastics—and you kicked ass at it. When the rest of us leaned on each other—James and I, Noah and Wyatt—because we were taught not to trust anyone who wasn’t named Finn? You said ‘fuck it’ and found your own tribe. Men that have been your best friends for all of your adult life. Guys who support you unconditionally. A coworker who sat with us in the waiting room all night in case you needed him. It’s not blood or obligation that brings that kind of loyalty out of people. It’s you.”
Rory bit his lip so hard he tasted blood and closed his eyes. He could argue that their brother Brady had been brave too—leaving the force to join the Marines, being quietly but still unashamedly gay—but right now his big brother’s words were a healing balm for his soul.
Younger’s voice broke. “You were openly gay from day one, when we all knew how Sol felt about it. I knew he could be hard, Rory. I knew and that’s why I made the choices I did, but I swear to you I never knew things were that bad.”
“I know you didn’t,” he whispered. “No one did.”
“And you think you weren’t brave?” Younger asked, disbelieving. “I’ll be honest, a part of me wants to tan your ass for not letting someone know what was happening so we could help, but when I think about the kind of strength it took to face that and still be the kind of man you’ve become, I can’t help but admire you.”
“Don’t admire me too much. My silence was all fear.” It would take a while for Elder’s voice to disappear completely. For him to believe he deserved anyone’s praise. “And I still haven’t told David and Rig any of this.”
“You will.” He hesitated. “They really care about you, Rory. And they already know something is wrong. You should think about trusting them with this.”
The idea of rehashing it all was overwhelming. “What about you? Are you planning to tell the rest of the family?”
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