by Sandell Wall
Kaiser offered his hand, and Sorrell accepted it. With his help, she regained her feet.
“I think I’ll inspect the surrounding area,” Brant said. “Just to make sure there aren’t any surprises waiting for us.”
Brant drifted away, leaving Kaiser and Sorrell alone. The two of them moved into the shade of a rock outcropping and waited for the ice to turn into water. Kaiser sensed the awkwardness between them.
“I’m surprised Tarathine’s sleeping so soundly,” Sorrell said.
“Me too,” Kaiser said. “The blight star attack must have taken a lot out of her. None of us are working at full strength.”
Neither of them spoke for a few minutes. Kaiser wanted to say something, anything, to dispel the weirdness between them, but he had no idea what to say. Sorrell did it for him.
“I can’t understand not caring for people,” Sorrell said. “Altruism aside, from a purely selfish perspective, caring for people provides far more advantages than the opposite. On the open sea, one man might row for a day in a tiny boat, but his energy and supplies will quickly run out. However, a crew of sailors working together can sail a ship around the world and back again.”
“That’s true,” Kaiser said. “But using that analogy, who decides where the ship is bound?”
“The captain does, you know this.”
“And if one of the crew takes issue with their destination? What then?”
“He can’t. He’s bound to the course the captain sets.”
“There you have it, then. Such a man puts a desire for progress, any progress, above his wish to make his own way, to walk his own path. I’m not that kind of man. Make me captain or give me a rowboat.”
“There are other reasons to care for people.”
Kaiser opened his mouth and closed it again. The way Sorrell had said that left him speechless. Sorrell sat next to him in silence.
“Do you know what I was, who I was, before all of this?” Kaiser finally said.
“The others have filled in the gaps of what you’ve told me,” Sorrell said.
“They want to look at me and see something other than who I am. I’m still the same man. I can’t change that.”
“Your mistake is that you think anyone wants you to change. They like you for who you are, flaws and all. You can let people in without letting go of your identity as a reaver.”
Kaiser swallowed hard. As Sorrell spoke, his mind was filled with memories of Mariel. He had carried the pain of her loss for so long that it had become a part of him. To let others in now would require letting go of that pain. Before Sorrell, no one had been worth that effort. Now, Kaiser was no longer sure.
When Kaiser did not respond, Sorrell changed the topic.
“Part of why people admire you is that you never quit,” Sorrell said. “No matter how bad things get, you keep on fighting. I find myself believing we can get out of this just because you say that we can.”
For the second time in as many minutes, Sorrell took Kaiser’s breath away by turning her beautiful brown eyes on him. “What do we do next?” she asked. “How can we come back from this?”
“I don’t know,” Kaiser said. “But I’ll find a way.”
Chapter 3
SORRELL LAY NEXT TO Kaiser on the warm sand. She needed to rest. The sickness that had been growing in the pit of her stomach was getting worse. Sorrell had watched Gustavus deteriorate rapidly over the last three months, and she was terrified that the same fate awaited her. She knew that the others watched her with concern, but there was little they could do to offer relief.
Kaiser’s words echoed in Sorrell’s mind. Sleep would not come, so she replayed their conversation in her head. They had grown close, but not so close that Kaiser had lowered his guard completely. Lacrael had told Sorrell about Kaiser’s dead wife and missing son. He never mentioned them himself. Sorrell could not stop herself from pushing Kaiser to open up to her. In her mind, he did not fully trust and accept her until he was willing to talk about his past.
Why did she want him to trust her so badly? Sorrell did not know. In some strange, unspoken way, Kaiser had been a source of comfort and strength for her over the past three months. More so than any of the others. The first few weeks after passing through the portal, Sorrell had stumbled around in a daze. Her soul had felt empty. Over the course of her life, she had become strong, learning how to build foundations within herself from which to face any challenge. Now, those foundations were gone, destroyed along with her foolish ambition for an empire that did not want her.
If she was not an imperial admiral, if she was not blood kin to the emperor, Sorrell did not know who she was. For a time, grief was all she had been capable of. She had grieved for a life she could never return to, grieved for a home she would probably never see again. And above all else, she mourned Stone, whose life had been cut short because of Sorrell’s shortsightedness.
In the midst of her sorrow, Kaiser had stayed close. He had watched over her, saying little but never straying far. Sorrell had come to rely on the calm reassurance of his presence. She sensed a similar grief in Kaiser. A grief that he refused to let go. Sorrell wanted to tell him about Stone, but until Kaiser opened up about Mariel, she stayed silent on that topic.
It seemed silly to admit that she cared for Kaiser. They had known each other for so short a time. It was certainly not a conscious decision on her part. The growing affection Sorrell felt for him was matched in equal measure by guilt. Stone’s death was still a black mark upon her heart, but as she grew closer to Kaiser, the immediate pain of Stone’s loss had faded into memory. And sometimes, she forgot even that.
What would Stone think of her now? He had died before learning about Sorrell’s strange powers. Would he have followed her here? Would he have turned his back on everything he had ever known to stay at her side? Sorrell’s heart wanted to believe that Stone would have stayed with her, but in truth, she did not know what he would have done.
On her good days, the days when she felt almost whole again, Sorrell could feel her old self returning. She may no longer have a ship or a country, but she could still carry herself like an admiral endowed with the blessing of royal blood. Taking hold of those truths would bring confidence, and Sorrell would work up the courage to confront Kaiser. Everyone else deferred to his leadership, and Sorrell was tired of it being assumed that she would just follow his orders without question.
But before she could voice her frustration, the sickness would return, stronger than before. She would spend hours curled up in a ball, trying to think about anything other than vomit. Sorrell wondered if she was dying. Many of the others had shown symptoms of sickness, but none of them were as bad as Sorrell save for Gustavus.
Gustavus suffered daily. He had been Sorrell’s rival back on the great oceans of Praxis, yet she would not wish the fate he now endured on her worst enemy. Despite being a smuggler and a pirate, there was no denying Gustavus had been a formidable man. His legend was known throughout all of Coriddia. To see him reduced to a sack of bones with nothing left in his heart but bitterness and anger was a tragedy.
Sorrell felt her bile rising, and she forced herself to think about something else. In desperation, her mind latched onto memories of the sea. Her soul yearned for the open ocean so hard it made her bones ache. Sometimes, when she closed her eyes, she imagined the endless waves and the salt spray on her face. There was no greater freedom than an open horizon with a sturdy ship beneath her feet.
This terrible desert they found themselves trapped in was a prison in more ways than one. Sorrell had not seen the sky in months. She lived with a cloth mask over her face, forced to draw every breath through a musty rag. And this mask did nothing to hide the rotting stink. The world had been reduced to hues of gray and brown. If they stayed here much longer, Sorrell worried she might forget what colors looked like.
Lacrael and Niad called this place home, but Sorrell had not seen another living soul since arriving here. Sorrell had a hard time b
elieving that anything could survive here other than the disgusting snails they were forced to eat.
At the thought of the slimy snail meat, Sorrell lost the battle with her nausea. She sat up quickly, surprising Kaiser.
“I’m going to be sick,” Sorrell said.
Sorrell scrambled to her feet and stumbled away from Kaiser. She did not like to be sick in front of anyone else. After ten steps, she dropped to her hands and knees and gave in to the dizziness. Sorrell tore the mask from her face. Her stomach heaved, but it was already empty. Bitter bile splattered the sand beneath her face.
Tears spilled down Sorrell’s cheeks. She hated being so weak. When her body stopped trembling, Sorrell lifted her hands out of the sand. Still on her knees, she tilted her head back and looked skyward. The miasma drifted lazily above her head. As she watched, tendrils of purple smoke formed and reached down towards her. Angrily, Sorrell swatted them away. They vanished, scattered into the wind by her hand.
A sound nearby caused Sorrell to jerk her gaze down from the sky. Something approached through the mist. From this distance, Sorrell could only make out a human-shaped silhouette. Alarm surged through her for an instant until she realized it was only Lacrael and Niad returning from the hunt.
The two women trudged through the desert towards where Sorrell knelt. They both carried a rock snail in each hand. When they noticed Sorrell, they diverted their path and were soon standing in front of her. Lacrael and Niad crouched, placing the dead snails on the sand.
“Another bout of sickness?” Lacrael said.
Sorrell only nodded.
“It’s getting worse,” Niad said.
Lacrael and Niad exchanged a glance.
“We’ve been talking it over,” Lacrael said. “While your symptoms are bad, they’re different from the others who’ve suffered from the miasma.”
“This poisoned air might be making it worse, but we think there is a different explanation for your sickness,” Niad said.
“What are you saying?” Sorrell said.
Lacrael paused, and Sorrell could see that the other woman was uncomfortable.
“Is it possible that you’re… pregnant?” Lacrael said.
Sorrell opened her mouth to deny such an absurd notion, but the words would not come. Images and sensations of Stone came rushing back. The scent and strength of his body, the taste of his mouth, and the love they had shared with each other. Could she now be carrying his child?
The answer was yes.
Agony, elation, and then confusion battled for prominence in the core of Sorrell’s being. It was as if Stone had died a second time. Never in a million years had she considered bearing a child. But to carry on a piece of Stone, to bring his child into the world, would be a gift beyond anything she could have hoped for.
However, to be pregnant here, now, was to invite incredible danger to herself and the unborn baby. Sorrell reeled as she contemplated the challenges that now lay before her.
“Sorrell, are you okay?” Lacrael asked.
“Yes, it’s possible,” Sorrell said.
Despite having posed the question, Lacrael looked shocked.
“Is it… is it Kaiser’s?” Lacrael asked.
Sorrell jerked as if she had been slapped. “Gods, no! He’s not once touched me. Is that what everyone thinks, that we’re sharing a bedroll together?”
“I’m sorry, I didn’t know,” Lacrael said. “The two of you just spend a lot of time together.”
At the thought of Kaiser, Sorrell’s heart sank. What would he say to learn she was pregnant with another man’s child?
“Please don’t tell him,” Sorrell said without really thinking about what she was saying.
“If you really are pregnant, he’s going to find out sooner rather than later,” Niad said.
“Of course, I know that,” Sorrell said, trying not to sound annoyed. “I just—I want to find a way to tell him myself.”
“You’d better do it soon,” Niad said. “Now, come on. These snails are getting cold.”
Sorrell’s stomach did a flip at the thought of snail meat, but now that she might be carrying a child, she was determined to try to eat. As she thought about it, Sorrell realized that she had already accepted that she was pregnant. Somehow, she knew this to be the truth.
Lacrael and Niad helped her stand, and together, the three of them returned to where the others waited. As always, Brant’s face lit up when he saw Lacrael. Kaiser got to his feet and stepped forward to accept one of the snails from Lacrael.
Kaiser summoned his spectral scimitar and set to work slicing open the creature’s shell. In three quick cuts, he exposed the steaming snail meat within. He discarded the unpalatable innards and returned a piece of the cooked mollusk flesh to Lacrael. Kaiser repeated this process with the other three snails, and soon, they were ready to eat.
Niad ate her portion in a few quick bites and went to try and convince Gustavus to do the same. Lacrael and Brant sat on the sand a few paces away and shared a single snail. Sorrell and Kaiser sat and ate in companionable silence. She forced the slimy meat down her throat and prayed that she did not wretch it back up.
Kaiser seemed content to not speak, which was fine with Sorrell. She did not trust herself to talk to him right now. The only thing she could think about was how he would react to learn that she was pregnant.
The simple truth was that she needed Kaiser. If not as a friend and companion, then as a strong sword arm and capable leader. She would prefer to be his friend, and the thought that he might now reject her hurt a great deal. But Sorrell had no doubt that her survival, and now the survival of her unborn child, depended on Kaiser. She was not getting out of this on her own.
How could she communicate this without upsetting him?
Sorrell gave up trying to find the answer for the time being. It was all she could do to not break down crying next to Kaiser, which alarmed her. She had never been an emotional woman. As the silence stretched on, Sorrell found herself thinking of Stone. He would have been so happy to be a father. She would give anything to have him by her side again.
Chapter 4
KAISER SAT NEXT TO Sorrell and waited to see if she would speak. It was obvious that something was on her mind, but after their last exchange, he did not feel like digging it out of her right now. If she wanted to talk, she would speak when she was ready.
The disgusting snail meat did not sit easy in his gut. Absentmindedly, he buried the piece of empty shell in the sand between his legs. Finally, when it was clear that Sorrell would stay silent, Kaiser picked up Tarathine’s uneaten portion and got to his feet.
“Tarathine’s slept long enough,” Kaiser said. “I’d best wake her and make sure she eats something.”
Sorrell gave him a weak smile and said nothing. She lowered her gaze back to the sand, her thoughts a thousand miles away.
Whatever Sorrell had on her mind, it weighed heavily on her. Kaiser shook his head as he moved towards where Tarathine rested. Maybe he would have to drag it out of Sorrell later.
At Tarathine’s side, Kaiser crouched and placed a hand on her shoulder. He gave her a gentle shake.
“Time to wake up, little mouse,” Kaiser said. “I’ve got some delicious hot snail with your name on it.”
Tarathine did not stir. Kaiser shook her again, this time using a bit more force. Still Tarathine did not wake. Her head flopped to the side, revealing her face. Kaiser froze. Something was wrong. Now that he was close to her, she no longer appeared to be sleeping.
“Tarathine, wake up,” Kaiser said. He shook her hard as he said her name.
Still no response. Scared now, Kaiser tossed the snail meat aside and scooped Tarathine off the sand. Underneath her body, he found the crushed remains of a hideous, hairy spider. Its broken legs were the color of the sand, and had it not been curled up in death, it would probably have been almost invisible against the backdrop of the desert.
Panic rising, Kaiser lifted Tarathine’s shirt and inspected
her back. To his horror, he found a bite mark where two large fangs had pierced the skin just beneath her ribcage. The wound was already swollen, and ugly purple veins radiated outward from the injury.
“Lacrael, Niad!” Kaiser shouted.
The two women were at his side almost instantly. Lacrael gasped when she saw the spider bite on Tarathine’s back.
“I thought the two of you inspected this spot,” Kaiser said, his voice hard.
“I—we did,” Lacrael said. “Neither of us saw anything that posed an immediate threat.”
“Then what do you call that?” Kaiser said, nodding at the dead spider.
“I’ve never seen a spider like that before,” Lacrael said. “I had no idea to look for such a thing. The miasma produces new corruptions all the time. There’s no way we can be on guard against every possible threat.”
Kaiser struggled to rein in his mounting rage. He knew Lacrael spoke the truth, and he knew she cared for Tarathine almost as much as he did, but he wanted to lash out. He needed desperately to be able to strike at what had harmed his daughter.
Instead, he checked her pulse.
“She’s still alive,” Kaiser said. “But her breathing is shallow.”
Brant and Sorrell were standing over them now, looking down at Tarathine with concern on their faces.
“Will she recover?” Brant said.
“There’s no way to know if that spider was tainted,” Niad said. “If it was a simple desert arachnid, she’ll probably come out of it on her own. If not… you need special medicine to treat poison born of the miasma’s rot.”
“How do we know which it is?”
“The only thing we can do is wait.”
“No,” Kaiser said, shaking his head. “I’m not going to sit here and watch her die. You have half an hour. Pick a direction. Once you do, I’m going with or without you. We’ll walk until we find help or die.”
Kaiser’s words hung in the air. No one spoke. They knew better than to question him. He was going, and all that remained was for them to decide if they were going with him.