by Danica Flynn
After the game in San Jose, I went out with the boys for drinks, but I felt my phone burning a hole in my pocket. I pulled it out and stared at the screen at that sentence some more. I didn’t want to respond at all, but I had to know why. I had to know what I did to make her just end it all in a snap decision.
ME: Why?
I saw the dots typing, then they stopped. That went on for a little bit, but stopped again. I shoved my phone back into my pocket and guzzled down my beer. I flagged down the waitress for another and pretty much gulped that one down quickly too.
Riley eyed me with worry. “Kennedy…”
I gripped the glass hard in my hand, so hard I thought I was going to break it. “I’m fine.”
He leaned back in his chair and took his phone out too. He was typing something and looked up at me with a worried glance. The silver ring on his finger glinted underneath the low bar lights.
“Ri, are you seriously still married?” I asked.
“Yeah, man, wooing my wife takes time,” he explained.
“Why aren’t you in like an open marriage or some shit?” TJ asked.
Riley balked at that and gave him a dirty look. “I DON’T cheat.”
TJ stood up to go talk to the cute Asian girl he had bought a drink for earlier, leaving Riley and I to stew in our lady drama. Riley turned to me and said, “I asked Fi to check in with your girl, she can’t figure out why D just up and broke up with you either.”
“Appreciate it, man. I think I scared her away,” I admitted honestly as I took another swig of my beer.
He raised an eyebrow. “You told her you love her, didn’t you?”
I nodded.
Riley scratched his jaw. “I don’t think that’s why she broke up with you though. I’ve hit on her multiple times throughout the years, and she’s only had eyes for you.”
“I just don’t understand.”
“She was there when you took that big hit, maybe it scared her. Maybe it made her think about all she went through with her husband dying?”
I stared at him for a really long time.
He just shrugged at me.
“Holy fuck, I think you’re right.”
He laughed. “Women, man. They certainly make our lives…interesting.”
I finished my beer. “Complicated more like it.”
We clinked beer glasses. “That’s for sure.”
It had been two weeks since Dinah had broken up with me via text, and I was a miserable fucker. So when we lost yet another game, and were now officially out of the playoffs, I didn’t even have a reaction. I just went through the post-game motions in a fog, but luckily I didn’t have to talk to the media today. It was safe to say we all needed to go to the bar and get a bit drunk. I was heartbroken, and I needed to be drunk right now. TJ was happy to oblige.
I grabbed a beer at the bar with Benny. His brown skin shone under the bar lights, his hair perfectly styled which turned a lot of heads from the women in the bar. He was kind of a pretty-boy and women always noticed him. Also, at six-foot-four, the giant tended to turn heads. He was wearing a burden on his shoulders though, so I think he needed this too.
“You okay, man?” he asked me.
I just grunted.
He chuckled. “Okay…you know if you need to talk I’m here, right?”
I nodded.
He sighed and ran a hand down his neatly trimmed beard. “Listen, I think I get how you feel right now.”
“Oh?” I asked, curious, but also not really because I found what was in the bottom of my beer to be super fascinating.
“Yeah. Stephanie and I just aren’t working out. I think we’re going to break-up.”
I frowned. “I’m sorry to hear that.”
He shrugged. “We just want different things. Great girl, but I’m not the marrying type.”
“Is that what she wanted?”
He nodded. “Yeah, the whole marriage, kids, the white picket fence, she wanted all that shit and I have never wanted any of that stuff. A partner would be great, but marriage? Kids? That’s a hard no.”
“Hmm…” I trailed off lost in my own thoughts.
This conversation sounded very familiar to me. Someone else had told me pretty much the same exact thing. A Canadian girl who pretended she hated Benny’s guts, but secretly checked him out when he wasn’t looking. That was interesting.
“So is it over?” I asked.
He shrugged. “Not yet, but I think it’s on the way. Great girl, it just sucks when you want different things.”
I didn’t really know what to say, but I guess it didn’t matter because I saw his mouth drop open slightly at something behind my head. I turned around, and just laughed at him straight up gawking at the curvy blonde who had walked into the bar and was hugging TJ tightly.
Roxanne Desjardins.
What was she doing in Philly?
Benny’s eyes swept over her form, almost zooming in on her ample chest. It probably didn’t help that Rox was wearing a low-cut top and jeans that fit her perfectly. Not that I was looking. Rox was just my friend, but she was an attractive girl. I nudged him, but it was too late, her eyes crossed the room to us and she pinned Benny with a death glare. It was so hard, if looks could kill, Benny would be a pile of dust right now. She gave him the finger and Benny turned away to scowl into his beer all grumbly.
“Benny!” I exclaimed and punched him in the arm.
“What?” he grumbled, annoyed at me.
I shook my head. “You have to stop foaming at the mouth around her. And maybe fucking apologize for what you said to her the last time!”
He grumbled and tossed back his drink. “I did apologize. She’s made it clear that she rather make-out with a skunk than ever have a normal conversation with me.”
I just shook my head at him again, because he didn’t see the way Rox’s eyes scanned across his body when his back was turned to her. I didn’t know if she knew she did it. Someone definitely needed to knock some sense into those two. This man was so in love with her, he was hopeless. Benny looked as miserable as I felt, but I left his side to go greet Rox. She was probably the only other person that knew what I was going through right now.
“Noah!” she greeted with a smile.
I hugged her tightly. “Hi, Rox. What are you doing in Philly?”
Her gaze slid across to her brother, and the twins shared some sort of telepathic conversation. “I had some time off, so I figured it was time to come visit.”
The smile plastered across her face was fake, but I didn’t know if it was for my benefit or hers. Rox was an attractive girl, but I was pretty sure TJ would straight murder me if I ever showed an interest in his sister. Some guys took the code very seriously. She was a like a sister to me too anyway.
“Let’s get a drink!” she exclaimed, and led me over to the bar. Benny was still at the bar staring into his drink, but Rox side-stepped him to go towards the other end of it. She ordered shots for us to take.
“Rox, come on,” I complained.
She grinned wickedly and handed me the shot. “I think we both need this.”
We clinked glasses and downed the hatch. Maybe it would be okay to just bury myself in being with my friends and having a good time. I could ignore my heart as it broke each day that I wasn’t with Dinah. I ordered another round. In hindsight, it was probably a bad idea because Rox could drink me under the table. She could probably drink all the guys under the table.
Rox and I settled into the bar stools and she casually put a hand on my shoulder. “You okay?” she asked.
I shook my head. “Not in the fucking slightest.”
She gave me a small smile in sympathy.
“What about you?”
“Fucking terrible,” she admitted.
I took her hand and gave it a little squeeze. “I’m sorry about what happened with you and Lisa. You want to talk about it?”
She sighed. “Not really. She cheated on me. Three years down the drain like that, a
nd then kicked me out.”
Anger coiled itself around my chest. “What?”
She waved a finger at me. “Do NOT tell my brother that last part. I’m fine.”
I could tell by that last part that she was definitely not fine, but if there was anything I learned from living with TJ, it was that the Desjardins were the most stubborn people on the planet. I put my hands out as if to surrender. Rox knew her secrets were safe with me, because I wasn’t one to go telling everyone.
She fixed me with a pointed glare. “So what happened? I really liked you and Dinah together. The height difference is kind of comical, but you two always made sense to me.”
I just shrugged and opened my mouth but the words wouldn’t come.
“What?” she asked confused.
“I have no idea,” I admitted. “She came to a game, I took a bad hit to the boards and then she broke it off via text.”
She put an arm around my shoulder. “Noah, I’m so sorry. Maybe I can talk to her?”
I shook my head. “I don’t know, she’s not really talking to anyone. I’m about ready to go track down her brothers that’s how bad it is.”
Her eyes widened. “You’ve met her brothers?”
I nodded. “They’re a bit much, but I think they really love her.”
She laughed. “That’s for sure. Her brother Tony hit on me aggressively last time I came to visit. Eddie’s cool though, I might get a tattoo from him.”
I laughed and eyed the maple leaf tattoo on the inside of her wrist.
Rox seemed to be pondering something, her black manicured fingernail tapping against her plum-colored lipstick. “Noah, I love you and I feel for you, but I don’t think this is about you.”
I gave her a confused look.
She sighed and ran a hand through her hair in frustration. “I think whatever reason Dinah broke up with you, it might not be about you. It might be about her issues with her dead husband. I think maybe you just need to give her some time.”
Chapter Twenty-Seven
DINAH
“I need to take a sick day,” I called into work. I wasn’t really sick, I just needed a mental health day.
“Are you okay?” My boss Stacey asked with concern in her voice. I sighed as I laid on my couch still in my pajamas. I thought I had covered the phone, but she heard it. “I get it, it’s the anniversary of Jason’s death, that must be really hard for you.”
I closed my eyes. No wonder I had decided to just call it quits on Noah like a fucking asshole. I called quits with a really good guy, because I was scared of losing Noah like I had lost Jason. It had been a couple weeks since I had done it, and I still felt sick to my stomach. He had wanted to know why, and I couldn’t even tell him. I would have to wait to talk to him when he got home from his road trip, if he would even speak to me.
“I’m ahead of deadline, but call me if you need anything.”
“I understand. You guys pulled me out of the gutter after my divorce. Take the day, we’ll see you on Monday.”
I hung up my phone and just sighed some more, dropping my head onto the arm of the couch in defeat. I turned in my final edits on my second novel, and now I just wanted to wallow in my sorrow. Losing my husband had been really hard, and everything that came after it had been the worst thing that ever happened to me. But watching Noah get slammed into the boards like that had broken me. It was like everything about Jason’s death came crashing back down over me. I was helpless and I couldn’t find a way out of it. I had messed up big time, and if I was Noah I wouldn’t have forgiven me either. I wasn’t even sure if I could win him back.
My phone buzzed on my chest where I had dropped it. I saw Fi’s name scrolling across my screen. “Hey,” I answered.
“What are you doing?” she asked briskly without any real introduction.
“Um…wallowing?”
“Why the fuck did you break up with Noah?” she demanded.
“Hi, Fiona, it’s nice to hear from you too.”
“At least you finally answered me this time.”
I sighed. “I’m sorry.”
“Riley has been getting on my shit about sorting this out, because Noah’s a sweet baby angel and you have gutted this boy’s poor heart!”
I picked at a loose thread on my throw blanket. “I know.”
She sighed on the other line. “Fuck, I’m coming over.”
“Why?”
“We’re getting drunk and are going to figure this shit out!”
She hung up before I could protest. I was still hungover from last night from getting drunk with my brother Tony. Who was also nursing a broken heart, which I only found out when I had to finally admit to my family that I wasn’t calling them back because Noah and I had broken up. Tony came over with a bottle of wine that we polished off in no time. I threw my phone on the floor and just flopped back on the couch. I had made my own bed and now I had to lie it in. In no time, Fiona was at my condo, with a bottle of whiskey. I let her in reluctantly, and she immediately made me a drink.
She shoved the glass into my hand and I took it. It wasn’t like this woman was giving me a choice. We clinked glasses and both of us took a huge gulp.
She looked pointedly at me. “Okay, what the fuck?” she finally asked.
I just shrugged.
She was still glaring at me. “Do you know how up my ass my husband has been to get you and Noah back together?”
My eyebrow raised at her phrasing. “Um, I didn’t really need to know that about your sex life.”
She gave me the finger. “You know what I mean.”
I sighed and took a large sip of my drink. “I’m sorry.”
She placed a hand on my arm. “What happened? You were all ready to tell him how you felt and then you freaked out when you saw him take that bad hit.”
I downed the rest of my drink, hoping I didn’t have to answer her question. She crossed her arms and tapped her foot on the tile of my kitchen floor impatiently.
I ran a hand through my messy hair. “I just…I had flashbacks about Jason dying and feeling so hopeless. I just couldn’t go through that again.”
Fi put a hand to her heart and then she pulled me into a hug. “Oh, honey. You can’t sacrifice your happiness just because you’re afraid of what’s gonna happen.”
“I know, I know,” I agreed and ran a hand through my hair in frustration. “I just don’t think Noah’s gonna give me the time of day.”
“You did kind of break his heart,” she agreed.
She poured another drink and we slunk into the chairs at my island counter. “We’re quite a pair, eh?” I asked with a laugh.
She smirked but nodded in agreement. “I think Noah will listen to you. I think he was really hurt you wouldn’t even tell him why.”
I ran a hand down my face. “God, I really fucked up.”
I looked at my phone and saw a text from TJ.
TJ: OMG! Will you two just talk to each other? I am sick of this.
I furrowed my brow and started texting him back.
ME: What do you mean?
TJ: Can you please just get back together, already? You’re both annoying when you’re not together.
ME: I really FUCKED up.
TJ: Then un-fuck it up, girl! I miss hanging out with you and I’m not allowed to hang out with you if you and Noah aren’t together.
ME: Says who?
TJ: BRO CODE, girl!
TJ: Just apologize.
TJ: And then get it in, because he’s annoying when he’s not getting laid on the reg!
I put my phone down and laughed out loud. Fi gave me a quizzical look, and I just shook my head. I needed to figure out what I was going to do to get Noah to talk to me again. He wanted to know why, and I could tell him that but I didn’t know if doing it via text was a good idea.
Fi and I spent the day brainstorming, and drinking a lot of whiskey, which in hindsight was probably a bad idea. I didn’t even like whiskey! At the end of the day she was lyin
g on my couch moaning about her issues with her weird marriage of convenience, while I was lying on the floor below her trying to text Noah without making it appear that I was drunk as fuck.
“Why don’t you just tell Riley you love him, you weirdo,” I finally told her.
She leaned down to look at me with a confused look. “Are you high?”
I stuck my tongue out at her. “No, just drizzunk!”
She eyed me texting on my phone. “Are you texting Noah?”
“Trying to! Your drunk ass keeps on interrupting!” I exclaimed and glared at her. “Why did you bring over a bottle of whiskey during the day? This was a bad idea!”
She laughed and leaned back on the couch again. “I feel like this is the experience that makes us best friends! Two strong-willed writing women who ended up with hockey players. What are the odds?”
I shook my head at her and looked back at my phone where there were just a bunch of question marks from Noah. Oh fuck. I looked down at my phone to see I actually had hit send on it. Oh no!
ME: heyyy….we nedz to talkkkk whennn you get………
NOAH: um…okay?
ME: Supperrrr
NOAH:????
NOAH: Are you drunk?
ME: no?????????????
NOAH: What do you mean no? Like you don’t know??
NOAH:????????????
“Oh, fuck!” I exclaimed, but Fi just erupted into laughter. I put my phone down so I wouldn’t continue to make a fool out of myself. “Now he’s never gonna take me seriously!”
“Oh, that shit doesn’t matter! Riley has never taken me seriously, but somehow his dumb-ass decided to marry me. Still don’t know why!” she laughed.
“Girl!”
“What?”
“That dumb-ass loves you, that’s why.”
She leaned down at me. “What are you smoking? No, Riley’s just a good guy. There’s just no way. He can’t.”
I gave her a dirty look. “How does that equal, ‘hey let me marry my best friend who was left at the altar?' No! He married you because he wanted to be your knight in shining armor and hoped that maybe you would fall in love with him in the process.”