— HenryWinkler,EmmyAward–WinningActor,onthemeditativequalitiesofflyfishing MycollegeroommatesandI,havingseen Caddyshackmoretimesthanwecaretoadmit,havebeenquotingChevy Chase'scharactersinceourfreshmanyear:“Betheball,Danny.”Inthecontextofthishilariouscomedy,theline induceslaughter.It'sdeliveredalittletongue-in-cheek,andyetitisalsotheunderlyingthemetotheentirefilm.
DannyNoonan,whoworksasacaddytoChase'sTyWebb,carryinghisbagsaroundthecourseforsomepocket cash,reallywantstobeaprogolferhimself.Whilethemovieisfullofquotablelinesandamazinglyfunny sequences,ithasheldupovertimebecauseunderneathallthelaughsisameditativemessageaboutlettinggoofthe pressuressocietyhasplaceduponyouandallowingyourselfthespaceandrelaxationtofullytakeadvantageofthe giftsyouhaveatyourdisposal.
WelcometotheNewAge
Thetrendshavechangedimmenselysince Caddyshackdebutedin1980,particularlysociety'sviewofeastern philosophiesandpractices.WhileIcan'trecallanyproathletespointingtomeditationaspartoftheirtraining regimenwhenIwasakid,todayIcanpointtoStephCurry's2017commercialforKaiserPermanenteinwhichhe laysinafloattank,visualizinghimselfperformingallkindsoffeatswithabasketball.OrsuperstarquarterbackTom Brady'sTB12method,whichstressespracticeslikestretching,deep-tissuemassage,andabstinencefromsugar, alcohol,andcaffeine,aswellasampleofamountsofhydrationandsleep.Whilesuchpracticeshadareputationof being“unmanly”backwhenIwasakid,theyhaverapidlyshiftedintotheconsciousnessofthemainstreaminrecent years.Thereasonforthisshiftissimple:meditationandrelaxationproduceresultsthatcannotbedenied.
“IwasjustasskepticalasyouandIcametothissoreluctantly.Iliterallyhadmiraculousresultswithmy daughterwhenshewasvery,verysick.Shehadanimmunologicalcondition.”
—AmyBudden,MeditationTeacherandCertifiedHypnotherapist Ifyouareshiftinguncomfortablyinyourchairasyoureadthis,youarenotalone.Myownrelationshipto meditationandrelaxation,ifvisuallychartedonagraph,wouldresemblethatofarollercoasterride.Beinga productofatraditionalEastCoastupbringing,surroundedbymanypeoplewhohavegoneontosuccessfulcareers inindustriesthatcouldbedescribedasmoretangiblethanmine,Iwasresistanttomeditationwhenfirstintroduced toit.OnlyinlookingbackdoIrealizeIwasstudyingandpracticingaspectsofmeditationlongbeforeIhadatermto applytoit.Acting,inmanyways,borrowssomanyprinciplesfrommeditation.Withoutrealizingit,Ialreadywas utilizingcertaintechniquesthatareverymuchinlinewithwhatIhavesincebeenexposedtothroughmeditation practitionersIhaveinterviewedandbefriended.Andyet,whenIfirstattemptedtomeditateinthetraditionalsense, Ihadonerecurringthought:“Thisisnotforme.”
Becauseofthisrockyrelationship,Ifeelqualifiedtoserveasabridgebetweenmeditationproponentsandthosewho haveneverdabbledin,orcan'tenvisionthemselveseverbenefitingfrom,meditation.If,ontheotherhand,you happentohaveafirmmeditationpracticeinplace,feelfreetoskipahead.
Takemewithagrainofsalt,andpleaserefrainfromjudgingmeifyou'reatraditionalist,butIbelievethereare manywaystomeditatethatdonotinvolvesittinginapretzel-likepositiononayogamat.Infact,amorerelaxed interpretationoftheartespousedbythepopularappHeadspaceiswhatgotmemeditatinginthefirstplace.Full disclosure:asofthiswriting,IhavenotusedHeadspaceforanysignificantamountoftimeandIdonotengage regularlyinwhatIwouldcallameditationpractice.However,Idoemployabastardizedandpersonalizedversionof meditationeverydayofmylife.Inmanyrespects,that'sthepointofmeditation:practicingitinawaythatworks bestforyou.
WhilethereisapartofmethatisashamedtoadmitthatIdon'tspendanhoureverymorningandevening meditating,Ifeelthatadmittingittoyouisactuallypartofmymeditativepractice.Thisisbecause,atleastinmy simpleunderstandingoftheart,atitscoremeditationisaboutacceptingthings astheyare,not aswewishthemto be.Soifwehaveathoughtthatcouldbelabeledas“notgood,”ratherthanjudgeitandlacerateourselvesforhaving thatthought,meditationencouragesustobreatheandreleaseit.Theimagethatmadesenseformewastoimagine mythoughtsasconstantlyfloatingdownariver,eachlikeasmallboat.Justbecausetheyfloatby,wearenot requiredtojumponeachandeveryone.Infact,it'sprobablyagoodidea nottojumpontheonesthatwilllikely sendusoverawaterfall.Inthesameway,ratherthanhidingmylackofpracticefromyouandpresentingmyselfas someonewho“hasitall,”asI'dlovetoseemyself,IamchoosingtoshowyouthewayI reallyam.Thetruthisthat, whileImaysomedayengageinamorerigorousdailymeditationpractice,rightnowIdonot.Andthat'sokay.We canjustchalkitupasanotherofmy10,000“no”s.Andwhereveryouhappentobeinyourpracticerightnowisalso okay.Butmaybeinlearningmoreaboutthis,youwilladdittoyourever-growingevolutiontowardbecomingyour bestself.
BeingaStraight-AStudentIsOverrated
OneofmyfirstactingteachersinNewYorkCitywasTerrySchreiber.Istudiedwithhimforfouryearsandlearned manythingsaboutthecraftofacting,andmyself,athisT.SchreiberStudio.Terryintroducedmetoawarm-up exercisethatisrootedinthesamefundamentalsasmeditation:breathwork.Terryalsoencouragedmetolookat myselfinawaythatwasdifferentthanIhadupuntilthatpoint.My realeducationfromTerry,however,camevia somethinghesaidtomerepeatedlythatbackeduptheprinciplesofmeditationthatwerepracticedinthose breathingexercises.Terry'srecurringstatement,tomespecifically,inthatscene-studyclasswas,“Don'ttrytobe suchastraight-Astudent.”
SomethingI'vecometoknow,afterseeingandassessingmanyperformancesovertheyears,isthatbadactingcan oftenbetracedbacktoanactorattemptingtopresentthemselfas havingitallfiguredout.WhenIcatchglimpsesof itinmyownperformances,causingmetocringe,IrememberwhyTerryworkedsohardtobreakmeofthehabit.
Whathewasdoing,whileitwasn'tcalledbythisname,haditsrootsinmeditation.Itstartedwiththephysicality andrelaxationthatwastrainedintheexerciseI'mabouttodescribe,soI'llbeginwiththatandworkmywayforward fromtheresoyoucanseethelink.Youcanthenchoosetoapplysomeoralloftheprinciplestoyourownlife.
GroundingExercise
1. Standingup,withfeetpointedforwardandbarelytouchingoneanother,interlockyourhandsby intertwiningyourfingersthewaythatcomesnaturallytoyou.
2. Shiftyourinterlockedfingerssothattheyareinterlockedtheoppositeway(whicheverhandwas dominantisnowshiftedandreversed;thissendsamessagetoyourbrainthathelpsgetyououtofyour habitualpatterns).
3. Turnyourinterlockedpalmstowardthefloorandbendyourkneesslightly.Bemindfuloftensionthat maybepresentinyourneckandshouldersbybringingawarenesstothatareaandbreathingintothe tensiontoreleaseit.
4. Keepyourupperbodystraight,notthrougharigidattempttostaystraightbutbyimaginingastringthat extendsfromyourpelvisupthroughyourtorsoandoutthetopofyourhead.Begintobobupanddown slightly,bendingatthekneesandhips.
5. Whiledoingthis,imaginethreepointsonthebottomofeachofyourfeet(attheheel,theballofyourfoot, andtheoutsideofyourfootacrossfromtheball)growingrootsthatbreakdownthroughthefloorboards orearthbelowyouandsinkdeepdownunderthesurface,groundingyou.
6. Asyoumovegentlyandrhythmicallyupanddown,inhaleandexhalethroughyournosewithgentle burstsofairthatreleaseatthebottomofeachbob.
7. Throughoutthisexercise,bemindfuloftensioninyoursphincterandreleaseit.(Whilethislast instructionusuallybroughtawkwardgigglesfromyoungjackasseslikemyselfbackthen,ithasprovento beveryusefulthroughoutmycareer.)Bemindfuloftensioneverywhere,particularlyinyourcalv
es,and shiftyourcenterofgravityinawaythatrelievesyouasmuchofthattensionaspossible.
8. Manytimesthebobbingwillcauseaburningsensationinthethighsastheyaredoingmostofthework.
Breatheintotheburningsensationanddoyourbesttoacceptit.Afteraperiodoftime,usuallywhenthe burningfeelslikeit'stoomuchforyoutohandle,gentlyslowdownthebouncingtoastop,withyour kneesbent.
9. Workingtoovercomethepainoftheburn,stayrelaxedandbent,whichkeepspressureonthosethighs.
Keepyourkneestogether,andswishyourhipssidetoside,asifyouareaduckwaddlingitstail.
10. Afterabouttenswishesintotal,cometoarestagain.Yourthighswilldefinitelybeburningbynow,but you'renotdone.Remaininginposition,youwillnowbendyourkneesandhipsevenmore,lowering yourselfbyafewinches,intoaslightlydeeperbend.
11. Beginagainwithsteps4through10.Particularlyfocusontherelaxationaspectsamidthefatigueofyour thighs,andenvisiontherootsextendingfromyourfeetsinkingintotheground.ThisiswhereIgetthe mostrewardfromthisexercise.Whenyou'vereachedyourthreshold,slowlybringthebouncetoastop andextendyourlegsstraight,standingup.Youcanunclaspyourhandsfromeachotherandshakeout anytension.
Theendresult,ifyoudothisevenforonlytwominutes,isthatyouwillfeelmuchmoregroundedinyour body.Itisasifyou'vebeeninaself-inducedtrance.Bloodcirculatesthroughoutyourextremities.Ihave employedthisexercisefordecadesnow,beforeauditions,inmytrailerwhenshooting,orwheneverIhavefelt theneedtobemoregrounded.Itcanbeusedbeforeabigpresentation,ajobinterview,orjustwhenyouwake upinthemorningtostartyourday.Itgiftsyouwithbeingintouchwithyourphysicalityandlessinyourown head.
HopefullyyoucanseethatoneofthelessonsofthisexerciseislinkeddirectlytotheimageIpresentedearlierabout notattachingourselvestoeverythoughtthatpassesbyasitfloatsdowntheriver.Inthisinstance,theburninginthe thighsisnolongerincontrolofshuttingusdown.Wecanacknowledgeit,butalsoletitpassbywhileweinstead focusonourbreath,relaxation,andgrounding.Itisanexerciseinacceptingwhatisandcarryingonregardless.
Muchinthesameway,Terry'sadvice,“Don'ttrytobesuchastraight-Astudent,”washiswayoftellingmetoaccept mywholeself.WhathenoticedinmyworkwasthatIwasonlyrevealingtheaspectsofmyselfthatwerestrongand smartand“together.”Heexplained,“Wedon'tcometothetheatertoseethat.Wewanttoseewhat's underneath.
Whatareyoustrugglingwith?What'scomplicated?What'sunresolved?Wewanttoseeyouworkthatoutrightin frontofoureyes.Don'thidebehindthispersonayou'vecreatedofthisguythathasitall.That'snotveryinteresting.
And,moreimportantly,it'snottruthful.”
“YouAreEnough”
Anotheractingcoach,KimGillingham,whomImentionedinanearlierchapter,hadhermantra,“Youareenough.”
Shewouldoftensaythattherootofbadactingisanactorfeelingthattheyarenotenoughontheirown,which promptsthemtoovercompensateandgiveafalseandoverdoneperformance.Theseprinciplesmayapplytoacting, buttheyalsoapplytoanythingandeverything.EveryentrepreneurI'vesatdownwithon 10,000NOshasstressed that,underneathallofthevarioussystemstheymaycomeupwithtoruntheirbusiness,thereisasimplicitytotheir success:findsomethingthatpeopleneedhelpwith,andfigureoutasolution.Thatrequiresreallylookingata situation asitis:thegood,thebad,andtheugly.Eachcancersurvivor,andotherguestsofminewhohavesuffered somekindoftrauma,hasexpressedthesamesentiment: itwasonlywhenIfinallyacceptedmynewcircumstances astheywere,thatIwasabletostartmovingforwardagain.
“Youdon'tneedStageIVcancer…everybody'sgotsomewhereonthatscale,right?Andifyouthinkyou'reatthe worstendofyourscale?Thatfeelsthesameastheworstendofmyscale,soit'sneveracomparisonof,‘Ew,my tragedybeatsyourtragedy.’”
—RobWhitaker,onhisfightwithStageIVcoloncancer
Allofthiscoverstheacceptanceportionofmeditation,butthereisawholetreasurechestoftoolsavailabletous, whichIhaveyettofullyaccessbuthopetoovertime.Thisisthereasonmeditationhasgrownsomuchinpopularity inrecentyears;justasmyentrepreneurialfriendsstatedtheirneedtoservepeopleinorderfortheircompany's servicestobevalued,meditationhasincreasinglyservedmorepeople,particularlyintheareaofperformance.While Westerncivilizationusedto,andinmanycasesstilldoes,haveabiasagainstEasternphilosophiesasbeing“woo-woo”and“touchyfeely,”morerecentstudies,suchastheonebySaraLazar,aneuroscientistatMassGeneral HospitalandHarvardMedicalSchool,haveunearthedthesciencebehindmeditationandrelaxation.Brainscansof controlgroupsrevealedthatmeditationpracticehastheabilityto physicallyalterthegroovesinourbrain,thus alteringourexperienceoftheworldandourabilitytosucceed.AccordingtoBrigidShultein“Harvard Neuroscientist:MeditationNotOnlyReducesStress,Here'sHowItChangesYourBrain”inthe WashingtonPost (May26,2015),Lazar'sstudyfoundthat,“Longtermmeditatorswererevealedtohaveanincreasedamountofgray matterintheinsulaandsensoryregions,theauditoryandsensorycortex.Theyalsofoundtheyhadmoregray matterinthefrontalcortex,whichisassociatedwithworkingmemoryandexecutivedecisionmaking.”
“SaraLazarisaHarvardneurologist.Shedidbefore-and-aftersofthebrainsofpeoplewhohadnevermeditated, fiftyyearsoldandup,topeoplewhohadmeditatednonstopfortwenty-threeminutesadayforeightweeksand theirbrainschanged.”
—SuzeYalofSchwartz,Founder/CEO,UnplugMeditation
Inthe1970s,RichardBandlerandJohnGrinderstudiedbrainchemistryandtheeffectsoflanguageandbehavioron thebrain.Withtheir1979book FrogsintoPrinces,theybeganwhatwaseventuallyknownasNLP,neuro-linguistic programming.Whenitfirstemerged,manyleadersinthemedicalfieldintheUnitedStateslaugheditoffasbeing practicedbykooksonthefringesofsociety.Butresultshaveawayofsilencingcriticsandmakingtheirwaytocenter stagewhentheyareundeniable,andthat'swhathashappenedwithNLP.
“Imeditateeveryday.Idoitinthemorningsforabout10to15minutes.Ithinkit'simportantbecauseitsetsme upfortherestoftheday.”
—KobeBryant,NBASuperstar
ThatKobeBryantmeditatedmaynotseemsurprisingtoyouifyou'reundertheageof30andgrewupwithathletes speakingthiswayaboutmeditation.Inmychildhoodthesetrainsofthoughtcouldnothavebeenfurtherawayfrom howthebestathletesgenerallylookedatself-knowledge,oratphilosophieswithevenremotetiestowhatwas consideredthemore“feminine”sideofournature.Moretypically,maleathleticprowesswaspresentedinaway bestsummedupbyNFLsuperstarJackLambert:“Ibelievethegameisdesignedtorewardtheoneswhohitthe hardest…ifyoucan'ttakeit,youshouldn'tplay!”
Infact,itwasonlyinwritingthisbookthatmyownmemorywasjoggedaboutabookIreadinjuniorhighthathada profoundeffect,thoughIhadlongsinceforgottenaboutit.Itwasall-starbasketballplayerKareemAbdul-Jabbar's autobiography, GiantSteps.Lookingback,Inowrememberthathisstory,andthewayheframedit,resonatedwith measIwasgoingthroughpuberty.Hewritesoffeelinglikeanoutsiderwhowastrappedinhisownhead,avictim tohisthoughtsandintellect.Buthefoundsalvation,andincredibleresults,throughhisstudyofmartialarts.The sameprinciplesofmeditationandrelaxationdiscussedherewerethenanintegralpartofwhathetookwithhim fromhismartialartspracticeandtranslatedintohisprolificcareeronthebasketballcourt.
“Icandosomethingelsebesidesstuffaballthroughahoop.Mybiggestresourceismymind.”
KareemAbdul-Jabbar,NBASuperstar
IwishIcouldpresentmyselfastheguywhoislevitatingathiskeyboardwhilewritingthis,butthatwo
uldnotbe true.Besides,Ibelieveyou'lllearnmorefrommyfailuresthansuccesses,soI'dliketorevisitastoryIfirstcovered inthechapteronrisk.ThewayIpresentedtheperiodfollowingmystinton TheSopranos,whenIconvincedmy newbridetoquitherjobandfollowmewestforpilotseason,itmayhavesoundedlikeIwasthevictimofterrible luckasIrifledthroughweddingmoneyandreturnedtoNewYorkforcedtobartendonceagain.Butlet'sassessthat tripthroughadifferentlens.
Attheendof2002,Iwascomingoffmybiggestsuccessesupuntilthattime,bothprofessionallyandpersonally.
Successcanfeedtheego,evenifwearecognizantofthistendency,asIbelievedIwasatthetime.IfIcouldgoback to2003andinterview30-year-oldMattDelNegro,Iwouldhavefoundhimtobehumbleandhardworking.
However,ifIwereto reallylookathimclosely,Iwouldhavediscoveredhewasscared,anxious,andpossiblytoo ambitiousforhisowngood.Success,inthetraditionalsense,impliessomekindofexternalvalidation.Bothbeing partofahitshowandmarryingakind,beautifulwomanareanexcessofexternalvalidation.Withoutrealizingit,I wasbeingsetupforafallbecausemyappetitehadbeenwhettedbythesuccessIhadattained,andIwantedmore.
Resultsbecamemoreimportanttomeinthatperiodoftimethan process.Thatisadangerouswaytoliveand,in retrospect,Inowrealizethatmeditationandrelaxationwouldhaveservedmeimmenselythroughthatperiod.
Ibelieveitwasmostlyfearthatdroveme.IfeltliketheironwashotandIneededtostrike.Auditionsandmeetings wereflyingatmeatamuchmorerapidpacethanIhadpreviouslyexperienced.Andthemoodtowardme,andmy valueasanactor,wasnoticeablymorereceptivethaneverbecauseIwasnowassociatedwithawell-respectedshow.
Thiscombinationcreatedafrenzymindsetthatwastheoppositeofmeditative.WhileIdon'tfaultmyselffor mistakenlyrelyingonmy grindratherthanmy flow,Iseenowtheerrorofmyways.
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