ManyactorsImeetnowadaysraisetheireyebrowswhenItellthemIlivedontheUpperEastSideforsuchalong timebecauseitwasnotaveryhippartoftown.ButthatwasthesamereasonIcouldfindthisplacefor$1,000per month.Dependingwhatpartofthecountryorworldyouarefrom,thatmaysoundlikealotofmoney,butinNew YorkCity,eveninthemid-1990s,itwasarelativesteal.Ontopofthat,itwasacornerunitanditwasn'tsurrounded byhigh-rises,soithadamplelight,whichmeantalottome.Thebedroominthebackwaslargerthanmostofthe otherapartmentsIhadseen,evenmoreexpensiveplaces.Theoneproblem,however,wasthattherewasonlyone smallclosetintheentireunit,neartheentrance(lackofclosetspaceisanotherhallmarkofNewYorkCity apartments).Withallofitsshortcomings,Iknewthiswastheplacefortworeasons:(1)itwasrent-stabilized,which meantifIcouldstomachstayingthereforalongenoughtime,itspricerelativetotherestofthecitywouldbebetter andbettereachyearastherentcouldonlyberaisedasmallpercentage,and(2)thebedroomwaslargeenoughthat, withalittlevisionandelbowgrease,Icouldturnthisone-bedroomintoatwo-bedroom,getaroommate,andsplit myrentinhalf.
“You'reanactor.Act,motherf***er!!!”
—QuentinTarantino, TrueRomance
Singularityandfocushaveagreatwayofhelpingusdothingswemaynotthinkwearecapableofinitially.Suchwas thecasewiththisapartment.Leaningonmycousin'sadviceandinstructionasabuilder,Ifiguredouthowtobuilda legitimatewall,completewitharealdoor,tosplitthebedroomintwo.BecauseIdidn'towntheunit,Ihadtobe mindfulofnotdamagingthefloorswhenIfastenedthewallwhilestillmakingitstrong.Drawingonthedesignmy collegeroommateandIhadusedourjunioryear,Ibuiltaloftformybed,underwhichIhousedmydeskinalittle
“studynook.”Formycloset,Iswipedanoldmetalfilecabinetmyfatherwasthrowingoutfromhisoffice,hollowed itoutasidefromtwoshelves,riggedacoatclosetrodacrosstheinside,andsuddenlyitwasthemostunsexy,albeit free,wardrobestorageunitinhistory.
Ibelievethatthespaceinwhichweliveshouldbeinspiring,soevenasIdescribethistoyoulikeIlivedinagiant garbagecompactor(truthbetold,Icouldstandinmyroomandtouchbothwallsatthesametimebecauseitwasso
narrow),IwasconstantlydoingwhatIcouldtomakeitfeelcomfy,welcoming,andorderly.Throughouttheyears,I didthingslikeinstallalinoleumfloorinthekitchen,paintthewallsrichercolors,andassembleunitsfromIKEA thatshowedtheTVunitaswellascouldbeexpected.Withalittlelove,thatplacebroughtmetonsofgreat memories.Whenmyfirstroommate,afriendfromcollege,gotengagedandmovedout,oneofmybestfriendsfrom highschoolmovedin.Wehadsomanylaughsinthatplacethatwestillreminisceaboutittoday.Apparentlyour improvementsweresomewhatusefulbecausehisyoungerbrothertookovertheleaseforafewyearsafterweleft.
Butthemostimportantlessonyoucantakefromunit5AonEast82ndStreetisthatthesingularityandfocusittook toremainthere,evenwhenImighthaveaffordedanicerplace,iswhatboughtmetheonethingIreallyneeded: time.LikeRockyBalboa,Iwasstayinginthefightlongenoughtogetmyshotatthetitle.
“AllThatMattersIsThatF*ckin'Box”
Towardtheendofthefourthseasonof TheSopranos,Iwasshootingascenewiththelate,greatJamesGandolfini.I havehadthefortuneofhavingworkedwithsomelegends,andGandolfiniwasdefinitelyoneofthem.His combinationofsensitivevulnerabilitycoupledwiththepotentialtosnapapersoninhalflikeatwigwaswhyhis portrayalofTonySopranohitthezeitgeistthewayitdid.Luckilyforme,hehappenedtobeagreatmentoraswell.
Notonlydidheactwithme,buthedoledoutnuggetsofgoldthatIcarrywithmetothisday.
Inthisparticularscene,wehadtoenteraroomatacasino,extremelyinebriated,withmycharacterdrapedaround Tony'sshouldersforsupportashewastoodrunktowalkonhisown.Werehearsedthescene,asisnormal,and workedouttheblocking.Butjustasthelightsandcamerahadbeensetupforourfirstshot,beforethecamera begantoroll,Gandolfiniputhisarmsstraightouttohissidesandstartedspinningaround.Hestoppedandgestured formetojoinhim,asawayforusbothtogetdizzypriortoenteringthescene.Iwasonly30yearsoldatthetime, butIwassmartenoughtoknowthatwhenTonySopranogesturesforyoutojoinhim,youjoinhim.Sotherewe bothwere,spinninglikemadmen,untilthedirectoryelled,“Action! ”Oncehedid,weenteredthesceneswaying, ploppedontothecouch,andplayedthrough,doingourbesttoregainourbalanceaftertheintensedizziness.This techniquehelpedustoreallypossessthequalitiesofextremedrunkennessratherthanplayatthem.
Wedidafewtakeslikethis,spinningbeforeeachone.Andafterthreeorfourtimesthrough,notbecauseIwas reallyembarrassed,butmoreinalameattemptatsmalltalk,Inoddedtowardthecrewandsaid,“Ikindafeellikea jackassspinninglikethisinfrontofthem.”Notonetomissateachingopportunity,Jim,aswecalledhim,walked overtomeandsaid,“Hey.Don'tworryaboutthem.”Thenhepointedtothematteboxthathousedthecameraand thelens.AndinthatincrediblewaythatonlyJamesGandolfinicoulddo,hesaid,“Allthatmattersisthatfuckin'
box.”Itwassosimple,andyet,itwasalessonofalifetime:knowwhatyourgoalisandblockoutanythingand anyonethatlessensyourchancesofachievingit.Heknewthepeoplehewasservingandtheywere notthepeopleon thatsetwithusthatday.Hewasservingthestory,creatorDavidChase'svision,hischaracter,andtheotherpeople representedinthestory.Hewasalsoservingthepeoplewho,intheyearsthatfollowed,wouldexperienceour performances.Hewasteachingmetokeepmyeyesontheprize,andremindingmethatthecomfortofmyegohad nothingtodowithwhatI reallywantedonthatsetthatday.
Intheseventhseasonof TheWestWing,Iwasshootingwhatmanyactorswouldconsideraquickand inconsequentialscenewiththelateJohnSpencer,whomIlookeduptoasthequintessentialactor'sactor.Atthis point,Spencerhadshotalmost150episodesofthisshow,hadwonanEmmyAwardandtwoScreenActorsGuild Awards,andhadbeennominatedcountlesstimesforotherawards,includingaGoldenGlobe,forhisportrayalof WhiteHouseChiefofStaffLeoMcGarry.Whilemanyotheractorswouldhave“phoneditin”forascenelikethis, Spencerdidnot.Heremainedfocusedonhischaracterandhischaracter'smotivationsfromepisodeonetothelast onehefilmed.
Aswesetuptheshotandranthroughblocking,Spencerlookedaroundthedeskandfoundapenwiththe PresidentialSealinscribedonitsside.Heexcitedlytookthepenandplaceditinsidehisbreastpocketbeforewalking overtoChristopherMisiano,ourdirectorfortheepisodeandoneoftheshow'sexecutiveproducers.Interruptinga conversationMisianowashavingwiththecinematographer,Spencerexcitedlyshared,“I'mgonnakeepthepen, Chris.IthinkI'dhaveitherebecauseJedgaveittomewhen…”hecontinuedwithaspecificreferencetoLeo'spast relationshipwithPresidentJedBartlett,playedbyMartinSheen.OnceSpencerhadexplainedit,hetuckedthepen backintohisbreastpocketandreturnedtomovingaroundthespace,preparingforthescenewiththespiritofa childonChristmasmorning.
Thisdisplayofpassion,andotherdisplayslikeitthatIwassofortunatetowitnessfrommytimewithJohnSpencer, exemplifiesthepoweroffocusthatIamtalkingabout.Whetheryoubuildskyscrapers,companies,orchildren's esteem,yourpursuitofdoingitbetterthanmostwillrequiresimilarfocusandsingularity.Whileyoumayhavea naturalaptitudetowardyourcareerorhobbyofchoice,itisfoolishtothinkthatitwillblossomintotheskillofa truecraftspersonwithoutsteadyanddeliberateintention.Whilethisfocusandsingularityinherentlyinvolves sacrifice,whatyouchoosetogiveupnowwillbeoutweighedbythegoldyoufindonthefarsideofyoursteadfast journey.
TopThreeTakeaways
1. Rewardsmotivateus.Butchoosingwhichrewardwewantiswhatputsusonthetrac
kweneedtobeon.
2. Behindanyoriginstoryisusuallysomethingthatcontributedmajorlytoone'seffortsthatisnotassexyas mediaorpublicistswouldwantyoutobelieve.
3. Knowwhomyouserveorwhoyourcharacteris.Itmaynotbethepeopleimmediatelysurroundingyou.
CHAPTER16
FacadeversusReality
“ImaskedwhoIwasentirely.AndIpretendedIwassomeonewhoIwasn't.AndIhidthispersonwhomIam showingyoutodayfromtheentireworld,includingthepeopleclosesttomeinmyfamily.SomywishisthatIcan encourageotherstodothiswaybeforeIdid.”
— MelissaBernstein,Co-founder/CEO,Melissa&DougToys
There'sasayingthat'sbeenmadepopularoverthepastfewyearsinthisageofsocialmedia:don'tcompareyourlife tosomeoneelse'shighlightreel.Whilethismindsetmaybetrendingnow,thetopicoffacadeversusrealityis somethingIhavebeenobsessedwithfromanearlyage.Likely,thisobsessionistheresultoftheopticsofmy parents'marriageandourfamily'splaceinthecommunity.IoftensayIwonthe“parentlottery”becausemyparents aretrulyincrediblepeopleinsomanyrespects.Theyarehonest,caring,hardworking,patient,smart,andloving.
Havingtheirguidanceandloveisoneoftheluckiestaspectsofmylife.Buttheirrelationship,despitetheirattempt tokeepitgoingfor29years,haditsissues,likeanylongmarriage.Whatmakestheirsituationalittledifferentis that,whentheydecidedtoseparateaftermysenioryearofcollege,peopleinourtownwereshockedbythenews.As I'vegrownolder,Ihavelearnednottobeshockedbyanythingbecauseyouneverknowwhat'sreallyhappening behindcloseddoors.Growingup,however,Idevelopedakeeneyeforseeinghowpeople'spresentationmanytimes differedfromwhatwasreallygoingon.
Don'tBelievetheHype
Thischasmbetweenfacadeandreality,insomeways,becameevenmorepronouncedasIstartedtogainsome successasanactor.Televisionandmovieshaveawayofprojectingtheirplayersinwaysthatmightappearlarger thanlife.Peopleseeanactoronthescreenintheirlivingroomplayingcousintoafamousmobboss,orawhip-smartpoliticalhandlerwhoendsupwithanofficeintheWhiteHouse,andtheytendtoprojectthosequalitiesonto thatpersoniftheyevermeetthem.But,asyou'venodoubtlearnedbythispointinthebook,thosemomentsare merelyblipsontheradarofmylife.Inbetweenthosehighlightsexistlargegapsofunemployment,constant rejection,andstruggle.SoafterIstartedtobeassociatedwithsomeshowsthatwereverywidelyknown,Ibeganto noticehowstrangerswouldsometimesapproachmeonthestreetiftheyhappenedtorecognizemefromashowor film.Infact,thatobservationplantedtheseedsforwhateventuallybecamethe 10,000NOspodcast,andnowthis book.Irealizedthatifpeoplewerelookingat methinking mylifewasabreeze, Imustbelookingmistakenlyat othersthinking theyhaveiteasierthantheyreallydo.Ihavesincediscoveredthat everyoneisnegotiatingsome versionofthisstrugglebetweentheirfacadeandtheirreality.
Themorewecanmergeourinnerexperiencewithourouterfacade,themoreatpeacewewillbe.Iamstillworking onthis,butthepodcastandthisbookarebigstepsintherightdirectionbecauseinthemI'vetakenmyinnerlife,at leastalargerportionthanIhadpreviouslyshared,andbegunshowingitonmyfacade.WhenIwasayoungeractor, Iusedtothinkthatthisdiscrepancywasuniquetome.Iwouldpointouthowsomanyofmycharactersstraddled twodifferentworlds.CousinBrianCammarataon TheSopranoswascaughtbetweenhislily-whiteexistenceasa naivefinancialadvisorandhisbeingenamoredwiththedarkersidesofTony'slifestyle.MycharacterofMichael Ambrusoon ScandalwaspresentedasanupstandinggraduatestudentworkingtowardhisMBA,untilitwas revealedthathewassellinghimselfformoneyasasexworkerinWashington,DC.Thelistgoesonandon.Butwith theexperienceofage,andthebenefitoftheinterviewsI'vedoneonmypodcast,I'vecometodiscoverthat everyone isstraddlingmorethanoneworldinsomeway.Thegoalistobealignedsothatallofourdesiresarepointingin roughlythesamedirection.Thatway,wearenotconstantlyfightingourselves.
Becausethepointofthisbookistomakeyoufeellessaloneinyourownstruggles,itisimperativethatIexpressthat theseissuesarenotonesthatIsolvedadecadeagoandneverworryaboutanymore.AsI'vesaidrepeatedly,my educationandevolutionwillbeendless,becausenoneofuseverreally arrives.Sothenexttimeyouwatchared carpeteventbeforetheOscars,orleafthrough EntertainmentWeeklyasyoumakeyourwayuptothecashregister atthegrocerystore,rememberthisstoryI'mabouttotellyouandremindyourselfthat noone,noteventhepeople infancysuitswithscreamingfansandphotographerssurroundingthem,hasitmade100%ofthetime.
BeyondtheFacadeoftheRedCarpet
I'vealreadyrelayedtoyouanentirestoryaboutmylongandwindingroadfromatablereadtodoingamoviewith ReeseWitherspoonandSofiaVergara.Thefollowingspring,neartheendofthepost-productionphaseofthefilm, weweregiventhedateandlocationofthe HotPursuitpremieremonthsinadvance.Inanticipationofthereleaseof thisfilm,whichcameduringmybusiestyearofworkupuntilthattime,whichsawmetogglingbetweensignificant stintsonseveralshows,myrepsandIdecideditwasworthitformetoinvestinapublicistpriortothestudiofilm's premiere.Thewayitworkswithbigpublicistsisthatyousignaretainerforusuallyafive-tosix-monthtermsothey havetimetoworkongettingyoupressinmultiplemedia,fromonlinementionstomagazinearticlesandTVtalk-showappearances.Thisretainercancomewithaheftypricetag,butasstatedinthechapteronrisk,playingitsafe cansometimesallowopportunitiestopassbywithoutbeingseized.
Becauseofthemurkinessofthepublicitybusiness,itcanbehardtoquantifyhowfarone'smoneyisbeingstretched intheserviceofbuildingone'sbrand.Whenagoodopportunitycomesin,itfeelsworthit.Whenthereareminimal
pressopportunitiesit'shardnottosecond-guessyourdecisiontospendsomuchmoneyonsomethingsointangible.
Therewasafairamountofsecond-guessingformedespitesomephotoshootsandmagazinementions.Butthena chanceencounterI'dhadwithajournalistfromtheAssociatedPressayearpriorledtoagreatscore.Thisone interview,whichwaseventuallyparsedupanddispersedviamultiplelargemediaoutlets,wasthesparkmy publicistsneededtogrowourpublicitycampaignevenfurther.Bytheweekofthepremiere,asIeagerlyanticipated beingamajorpartofWitherspoonandVergara'snextbighit,everythingfeltlikeitwascomingtogetheratlast.The publicistsevensetmeupwithastylistwhofitmeinanincrediblesuit,whichtheygaveme,andamakeupartistto prepmywifeandmeforthepremiere.
WarnerBrothersandMGM,whichco-financedthefilm,hadsentabeautifulblackCadillacEscaladetobringusto thehistoricGrauman'sChineseTheaterinHollywood.Thedriverwouldwaitforus,andthentakeushomefromthe after-partythatwouldtakeplaceatthefamedpoolsidebar,Teddy's,intheRooseveltHotel.WhileI'dtravelledin styleforjobsinthepastandaccompaniedfriendsinstyleto theirpremieres,Ihadneverreceivedthiskindof treatmentmyself.Butonthewaytothepremiere,despitetheanticipationofwhatgoodfortunemightbeheadedour way,Iwasacutelyawarethat,evenwithalloftheworkI'ddonethatyear,myfeewasnotlargeenoughtocoverall theexpensesI'dbeentakingon.Ifyou'reeverinasimilarsituation,mywordofadviceistoholdoffonmentioningit toyourwifeuntila differentevening.Ican'trememberwhatincitedit,butsomehowIblurtedoutmystressover financesduringourride.Bythetimewereachedthetheater,Iwasabletoturnitaroundandremindherofthe promiseofthefilmwewereabouttowatch.Butjustasmywifewasaskingmeifourfinancialstresswouldeverend, ourdriverhadpulleduptothepresslineandcomearoundtoopenourcardoor.
Suddenly,IwasinapositioninwhichIhadseenotheractorsfromafarbuthadyettoexperienceformyself.The entirecityblockwasclosedoff.Photographersalongtheredcarpetwereca
llingmyname,andfansbehind barricadesacrossHollywoodBoulevardjostledeachothertocatchaglimpseofWitherspoonandVergaraaswellas theotheractorswhosharedthescreenwiththem.ItdawnedonmethatIwasoneofthoseactors.Thisexperience crystallizedtheideathatwhatyouseeisnotalwayswhatyouthinkitis.
I'veFinallyMadeIttoThatCityonaHill
Iamguardedlypleasedtosharethatafterover47yearsonthisearth,aquarter-centuryofthemspentlearningand employingthetacticsandbeliefsdiscussedinthisbook,Ihavefinallylandedacovetedseriesregularroleonashow thatIlovewithpeopleIlove.Actoracquaintancesofminewhoarenotinmyinnercirclehavebeenflabbergasted whenItellthemthatafterallthistime,asidefromonepilotepisodeinwhichIwaspaidasaregular,forallmy previousstintsonshowsIhavebeenpaidasaguest.Fromtheoutside,itappearsasthoughI“workallthetime,”
andstrangersseemyfinancialfacadeaswhatevertheyprojectittobeforanactorwhohasbeenapartofasmany respectableshowsasIhave.Buttherealitytellsadifferentstory—oneofstruggle.Mywifeknowsit,myclosefriends andfamilyknowit,andI'msuremykidshavefeltit.Therehavebeennearmisses,showsthatseemedlikea“sure thing,”andballsthatjustdidn'tbouncemyway.
Ihavecriedonmorethanoneoccasionwonderingwhy,iftalentedpeopledeemedmetalentedenoughtohiremefor alltheseyears,Icouldn'tbepaidcomparablytootheractorsinsimilarpositions.PerhapsitwasthatIwasnot owningmypowerandwalkingawayenough.Ormaybeitwasourdecisiontoliveinpartsoftownthatwerenotthe cheapestbecausewewantedourkidstohaveacertainexperience.Possiblyitwasjustbadluck.Eitherway,there wasalargegapbetweenhowIwasperceivedandhowIwaspaid.Butasthisbook'sfinaldraftwasinitseleventh hour,theplanetsalignedinawaythatshinedonmeandmystorychanged.Bythetimeyou'rereadingthis,Iwill havecompletedthesecondseasonofShowtime's CityonaHillwithKevinBaconandAldisHodge(ifthepending writer'sstrikedoesnotthwartit).Notasagueststar,asIdidinthefirstseason,butasapartofthecore,regular cast.Doesthatmeanmystruggleisover?Ofcoursenot.Therewillbenewstrugglesandpossiblyrecurrencesofthe onesI'vealreadyhad.Butinthefaceofconstantandconsistentprofessionaluncertainty,withthehelpofsomany people,Iwasabletostickitoutuntilmyfatechanged.Ihopethat'sthecaseforyouaswell.Isharethisnewsnotto boast,butrathertoremindyoutokeepasking,“Whynotme?”
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