by A R Steele
“Well, thank you,” Shade said.
“So, anyway, how about a tour of this place?” Jesse asked, tilting his chair back.
He could tell there wasn’t much to see, but any insight into the apartment might tell him more about what Shade was up to. Plus it’d give him the chance to step a little away from Shade.
“It’s small, but I’ll take you around.”
Shade stood up and Jesse followed suit. He exhaled, trying to stop the swelling in his groin. His plan had backfired. There was no room to step away in the cramped kitchen. They were suddenly too close.
“That’s the stove,” Shade said, gesturing. “And that’s the sink…”
“I can see that.”
“And this is where I sit and eat.” As Shade pointed, his arm brushed against Jesse’s.
Jesse’s breath caught in his throat. “Yeah, and what else?”
“The bathroom is over there,” Shade said, pulling his hand rapidly away. “And that’s the closet. Nothing but a couple coats and my winter boots in there. After that there’s, uh, my bedroom.”
“Show me that.” Jesse was curious to see how Shade was living. So what if the brief waft of Shade’s spicy cologne had him aching?
Shade glanced at him, and Jesse could have sworn he saw longing in his eyes. “I guess we can take a look.”
He led Jesse through the hall. Jesse wished Shade would dangle a hand behind him and that he could hold it. He could almost feel his warm fingers.
The door to the bedroom was closed. “Go ahead,” Shade said.
Jesse stepped forward and put his hand on the doorknob. Shade stood behind him, so close that he could feel the energy radiating from his body. Jesse licked his lips, his heart rate picking up. Shade’s breath was hot on the back of his neck.
He swung the door open, and froze.
Ten
There was far too little space between Shade and Jesse. If Shade just leaned forward, he could press his lips against Jesse’s neck. He’d been getting more and more aroused all night. The urge to kiss Jesse was hard to resist.
Jesse was tempting enough when they were working at the strip club with a reasonable distance between them. Here in Shade’s apartment, it was impossible to keep from getting turned on. As the door swung open, wild and vivid possibilities ran through Shade’s mind.
He forced himself to pull back, hoping his voice wasn’t too hoarse. “Take a look. It shouldn’t be too big of a mess right now.”
Shade peeked in to see what he saw. The furniture was cracked and peeling, but the bedspread was thick and the pillows were fluffy. A small window showed the sun starting to peek over the horizon.
Jesse made a sound low in his throat as he surveyed the room. What did that mean? Shade wished he could interpret anything this guy came out with. He was perplexed by Jesse. Despite his upfront nature, Jesse was still incomprehensible to him.
He’d longed to have Jesse in his room. But nothing could happen here, and it wasn’t going to happen. He was on an assignment, and Jesse was one of his subjects. This could go no further than that… no matter what his treacherous lower head thought.
“Well, that’s my whole place,” he said hurriedly. “You can come back out to the kitchen.”
He rushed back into the other room and grabbed a bag of chips out of the cupboard. He had already sat down, popped it open, and shoved one in his mouth by the time Jesse came back. He crunched on the chip, barely tasting the salt and vinegar. Jesse had him completely off-balance.
“Nice place,” Jesse said, sliding into a chair across from him and taking the chip casually. His face was inscrutable. Was he going to act like he didn’t feel anything? Worse, did he actually not feel anything? Shade was nearly certain the attraction was mutual, but how could he be sure when Jesse looked like he did? That guy made women think he wanted them for a living. Maybe he just didn’t know how to turn off his seductiveness.
Shade wasn’t on Jesse’s level. Even if he had been employed as a stripper, he didn’t approach the flawless glory of Jesse’s face and body. His muscles were small and lean – nothing like the sculpted perfection of Jesse’s figure.
“Yes, it’s nice,” he babbled. “Like I said, it’s only six hundred a month. I couldn’t have found anything better if I tried. I’m very happy with it.”
Saying words without saying anything was one of his biggest talents. He could get through this. Jesse would leave soon, and then everything would go back to normal.
“I have a question,” Jesse said.
Shade froze with his hand halfway into the bag of chips. That didn’t sound good. What could it be?
“I saw a notebook on your bed,” Jesse said.
Shade’s jaw dropped open, and he shoved the chip inside in the hope that it would look natural. The only notebook in his room was the one where he scribbled his thoughts and musings about the club. But Jesse couldn’t have seen that much from the door.
“What about it?”
“I saw some names in it,” Jesse said. “Like, some of the guys from the club.”
“Well, this is embarrassing,” Shade said, his heart pounding and his face hot. “I… I keep a journal.”
“A journal?”
Shade nodded, chewing the chip until his teeth hurt. “Yeah. A way to organize my thoughts about the day. It’s fun to look back at it later. I know it might seem a little silly, but it helps me.”
“What kind of grown-ass man keeps a diary?” Jesse looked more incredulous than anything else.
“It’s a journal,” Shade said again, his face flushing even more. He wished there was some way to get out of this besides embarrassing himself to the hottest man he had ever seen. He had no other ideas, though. Jesse had seen something real, and Shade couldn’t come up with lies that fast. It had been a mistake to bring Jesse over here in the first place
“All right,” Jesse said, seeming thoroughly unconvinced. “You keep a diary. But I was also wondering about when I saw you in the change room earlier.”
“I… I had to make a call,” Shade said, his throat dry. He reached for the can of pop Jesse had been drinking earlier, but found it empty.
“Who were you calling?”
“Is it any of your business?”
Shade couldn’t think of anything better than that, but Jesse just shrugged it off. It hardly even gave him pause.
“Fine, it’s not,” he said. “But I did have your phone for a day, and someone texted you a bunch of times. I was wondering if you could tell me a little about that.”
Shade’s heart pounded. Jesse had seen right through him. He was caught, and his entire article was going to be ruined. Three months of work down the drain for nothing. Worse, Jesse was only interested in him because he had figured out that he was a reporter. Jesse wasn’t interested in him as a man, and he wondered how he had ever tricked himself into thinking he would be.
“I was texting a friend,” Shade said, trying to keep his voice steady. “I was telling her about something, and she wanted to hear more.”
Jesse’s eyes narrowed. “About what?”
“Again, I have to say that that’s none of your business.”
He couldn’t believe he had mistaken Jesse’s curiosity for being into him. What a fool he had been to even hope. He should have known from the start that Jesse would only want to figure out who he was. As if Jesse could ever be interested in him on a personal level!
“I don’t believe you,” Jesse said. “None of this is adding up.”
Shade stood up, his legs shaking. “Maybe you should leave now.”
Jesse’s face twisted, but he got up as well. “Yeah, I guess I probably should.”
Shade walked silently to the entrance. He could barely see Jesse through his haze of emotions. The only thoughts in his head were about how stupid he was. Thinking Jesse was into him! What a fool he was.
By the time Shade opened the door, Jesse’s hostility seemed to have faded. “Hey, I don’t want to leave on ba
d terms,” Jesse said. “I’ve been a terrible guest. You let me invite myself into your home, and in return, I accused you of being a cop. I was out of line.”
At first Shade was appeased by the apology. Jesse was nice enough to apologize when he wasn’t even in the wrong. Shade hated himself for lying to him.
Wait… had Jesse said he’d accused him of being a cop?
Shade blinked. Maybe he wasn’t screwed after all. If his ears were working right, Jesse had no suspicions of him being a reporter. Now his little joke from the car made more sense. Well, Shade could truthfully say that he wasn’t a cop.
“That’s okay,” he said. “I can see how the things you’ve seen might seem a little odd. I can tell you I’m not a cop, though. Those things are all just… coincidence.”
Jesse nodded. “Glad I’m not leaving on bad terms, then.”
Shade could keep his secret safe a while longer. He wasn’t doing as badly as he thought. And he didn’t want this night to end.
He cleared his throat. “You, uh… you don’t have to leave.”
Jesse hesitated, and their eyes lingered on each other. Shade wondered if Jesse would take that the wrong way. Then again, what had he actually meant? His hand quivered on the doorknob. This was not what he was supposed to be doing. Things were rapidly going off the rails. But the words were already out, and as Shade stared at Jesse, they echoed in the silence.
You don’t have to leave.
Would Jesse offer any objection? If he did, Shade would let him leave. He’d be grateful, really. Even if Jesse just asked for a reason to stay, Shade would tell him “never mind.” He could let him go if Jesse would just break this awful, endless silence.
The silence went on, and speech refused to come to Shade’s traitorous lips. He gazed into Jesse’s dark eyes, beginning to doubt if Jesse was going to say anything. His breath came quicker, and he understood that this was out of his hands.
Jesse took a step back in.
Shade’s trembling fingers moved on the doorknob – just a fraction of an inch, but that was enough.
The door swung closed.
Eleven
As Jesse drew back from the door, he was well aware that things still weren’t adding up. Shade’s assertion of not being a cop reassured him slightly. After all, cops weren’t allowed to deny being cops. Were they?
It seemed like that was the rule in movies, but those were just movies. Jesse didn’t know anything anymore, but he was in Shade’s apartment and Shade seemed to want him to stay. If the way Shade was looking at him was any indication, his attraction toward him might just be returned.
“So you’re not a police officer,” he murmured, stepping a little closer. “Not a detective, or a sergeant, or a constable.”
“I’m not any kind of law enforcement.” Shade appeared to be choking on his words. Did that mean he was lying? His light brown eyes looked sincere, but how much could Jesse trust him?
Jesse had to get out of this situation before he went too far. Coming back in had been a mistake in the first place. He just couldn’t seem to make himself open the door again.
“What if I don’t believe you?” Jesse was barely conscious of his lips moving. The words sounded as if they had come from someone else.
Shade shrank back a little, looking decidedly disappointed. Fuck, he was so damn attractive. “Well, I’m telling the truth,” he said. “I’m definitely not a cop.”
Standing there in the hall, they were close enough that Jesse could feel the heat of Shade’s body. It was hard to think when the scent of Shade’s cologne was filling Jesse’s nostrils. Soon his mind would stop working altogether.
He stared at Shade, taking in every detail of his face. His attractiveness drew Jesse in closer, but Jesse used his last bit of strength to wrest back control of his body. He pulled away despite every part of him screaming in protest. Squeezing by Shade to put some space between them, he put his hand on the doorknob again. “I really should go.”
“I guess you’re right,” Shade said.
Why did he sound so sad about it? He was making it hard for Jesse – so damn hard. Jesse tried to drag his eyes away from Shade’s face and bring them to the doorknob. All he had to do was turn it and step out. It should have been so easy… but he couldn’t even move his eyes.
“I’ll go,” Jesse said. The way Shade looked longingly into his eyes kept him from actually turning the doorknob.
“You don’t have to leave,” Shade whispered.
What did Shade mean? That was the second time he had said that. An urgent note was in his voice.
“If you want me to stay…” Jesse started.
They stayed there like that for a moment, staring at each other without speaking. Hours could have passed in those few seconds and Jesse wouldn’t have even noticed. He was lost in the light brown of Shade’s eyes. The sharp contours of his face were perfection, and Jesse wanted nothing more than to give in to what they both desired. But he wouldn’t do it. He couldn’t.
Shade leaned in, just a fraction of an inch, but enough that Jesse knew he was making the first move. Jesse stood there, nearly panting with anticipation. He wanted to let it happen so badly… but at the last second, he thrust his hand up and held it to Shade’s lips. They were soft and tender against his fingers. Jesse closed his eyes with regret as he pushed Shade gently away.
“I shouldn’t do this. You just had a break-up.”
Shade’s eyes widened as if just realizing something. “Oh… that.”
Jesse tilted his head and blinked at him, amazed that he could just forget about a two-year relationship.
“I guess I did,” Shade said, biting his lip. “I mean, we barely saw each other these past few months. It’s really been over for a while.”
Jesse let his hand fall from the door handle, his heart leaping with hope. If Shade was over it, he was in the clear. He stepped closer, holding himself back from putting a hand on Shade’s arm. He wanted to feel him so badly.
“You’re over him?” he asked, head spinning with the sudden possibilities.
“Yeah, pretty much. He and I were having problems for a while. Like I said, I’m doing all right. I feel like I’m going to be happier single, anyway.”
Now Jesse allowed himself to put his hand on Shade’s shoulder. His skin was soft and silky under Jesse’s palm, and he ached to touch even more of the other man. Every part of him cried out for Shade.
Their eyes met again, and it felt like entire thoughts passed between them. They had already communicated so much by the time Jesse spoke again. “So, there’s no reason we shouldn’t do this?”
Shade trembled slightly. Jesse had actually made him tremble! “Do what, exactly?” he asked, his voice almost a whisper.
“Anything you want.”
“Yeah, but I mean, is it just going to be a one-time thing, or…?”
Even though Jesse already knew he would want more than a one-time thing, he also knew this would just be a rebound for Shade. It was hardly possible to be over a two-year relationship in one day, even if Shade claimed otherwise. Naturally he would only want to do it once.
“I guess this should just be once,” Jesse agreed.
Again, that look from before – Jesse would have thought it was disappointment if he didn’t know better. Before Jesse could finish attempting to process what it meant, it was gone. It had just been a flicker, if it had even been there at all.
“All right,” Shade whispered. Turning just enough to change direction in the narrow hallway, he took a step toward the other end of the apartment.
Jesse followed, and Shade led him into his room.
Twelve
Shade kicked himself with every step he took down the hallway. He definitely shouldn’t be doing this, but he was too turned on to stop. He didn’t have the strength to say no to a man who looked like Jesse.
This was bound to happen from the moment Jesse had set foot in here. Shade’s timing with that fake break-up had been just perfect.
If he’d held off on that, things tonight might have gone completely differently. Still, he couldn’t bring himself to regret it.
Once they were inside the bedroom, he closed the door behind them. He hurried to close the notebook that was on his bed and threw it onto the dresser. Jesse’s eyes followed him with curiosity, but thankfully he didn’t say anything.
This would only be once, Shade reassured himself. He could handle having one hook-up with a coworker. That wouldn’t compromise his article. Sure, this might be against some journalism code of conduct or another, but no one would find out about this. He trusted Jesse not to go and blab it over town, and he himself wasn’t about to tell anybody.
Shade already knew he would want it to happen more than once, but one time would get it out of his system. He could relax after this. The sexual tension had been building for a while, and he just needed to release it once. He would be fine afterwards.
Coming to stand in front of Jesse, he bit his lip. “So, definitely just once, right?”
“If that’s what you want,” Jesse said. “I know you’re on the rebound and all.”
“Yeah,” Shade said. “It’s better to keep this to just once.”
He reached for Jesse, stroking his bicep. It was devastatingly hard. He could hardly believe the firmness of the muscle. He wondered what the rest of Jesse felt like. Was he really going to get the chance to find out?
“Kiss me,” Shade whispered.
He had been daring enough to try a moment ago, but he couldn’t work up that nerve again. It was hard enough to be rejected the first time, even if Jesse had a good reason. Jesse’s compassion only made Shade want him more.
In any case, Jesse made it easy this time. He simply took Shade into his arms and crushed their lips together. Shade trembled at the feeling of being held in his muscular arms. Not many people could make him feel small and protected like this.
“You’re a good kisser,” Shade said shyly.
That was an understatement. With only a few pecks, Jesse had him hard enough to cut glass. Shade couldn’t remember the last time he had been this turned on. The risk was definitely present, but one night with Jesse would be more than worth it.