When I opened the cabinet door, the boxes of tissue were exactly where he said they'd be. But a tube of lipstick was exactly where it shouldn't be. It rolled out at my feet with a clatter. I jumped back, startled, and let out a gasp of surprise as violent as if it had been a snake. My fingers shook as I picked it up.
Ren strode into the bathroom. "Something wrong—" He saw the lipstick in my hand immediately. He took it from me and tossed it in the wastebasket. "I always hated that shade." He forced a grin.
I stared at him. "You mean it's not your color?"
"Bliss—"
He took a step toward me.
I took a step back. "It's all right. It's fine. It's…Cory's?" I took a deep breath. "I need to know about Cory. So I know what I'm up against and how to act. And where we really stand."
He looked taken aback. "You don't beat around the bush, do you? You know about her? I thought you didn't follow your press? If you did, you'd know it's over."
"You came back to London to tell her about our marriage," I said. "You still had empty drawers in your dressing room until I moved into them this afternoon. You had a gap in your closet as if someone only very recently left. A tube of her lipstick just attacked me. And you had a knockdown, drag-out with her Sunday night, when you came back to London after the wedding. If it was over, she hadn't gotten the message."
He paled. His jaw set. "How do you know about the fight?"
"A wise man once told me never to trust Melly."
Ren swore beneath his breath and caught me by the arms. "It's been over for months. She took her things months ago. She must have missed the lipstick."
"From what I hear, it's 'been over' before," I said. "Many times."
He shook his head. "I've been a fool before, thinking I could change myself and how I feel about her. Cory's a wonderful, steadfast, patient woman. Too patient for her own good. And too good for me." He took a deep breath. "Are you sure you want to hear this? It's not a very flattering picture of me."
"I think I need to." I leaned against the bathroom counter, tissues forgotten.
"I guess you deserve to." He leaned against the counter next to me. "Cory was the first woman I really cared about after Will died. I met her several years later, after my wild period of hooking up and trying to get out of my own head. I fell hard for her. And she was good for me and good to me. I needed someone steady." His Adam's apple bobbed. "And Cory was that steadying influence. But…" He looked down before I could read his expression.
"But?"
"I have my own issues," he said, sounding genuinely regretful. "One of them being fear of commitment. Cory wanted to get married and start a family. I couldn't do it. The truth was, her steadiness became…boring." He glanced at me.
I thought of Zoe and her reckless behavior.
"You think I'm a real douche?"
"I think we can't always choose how we feel."
"I broke it off," he said. "But Cory wanted me back. She wanted another shot. So we'd get back together. And then the fights would start because she wanted more and I didn't. I hate to admit it, but the fights were the most exciting thing about our relationship."
He slumped. "I, our relationship, was turning Cory into a person she wasn't and making her miserable. I finally manned up and ended it several months ago. For good. But given what I've told you about our history, you can understand she never thought it was really over? She thought we'd eventually get back together when I came to my senses. And showed up with a ring." He grimaced. "I felt I owed it to her to tell her about our marriage in person before she heard it somewhere else. She deserved that much. So I rushed back to London."
I put my hand on his arm. "So I'm not a rebound marriage of convenience?"
"No. Sorry. Just a plain old marriage of convenience, I'm afraid."
"Plain old? That's hardly flattering."
He caught me around the waist and pulled me to him. "There's nothing plain old about you and me, Bliss. You have to know that. You're all I think about since I met you. I should thank Uncle for forcing me to marry. I'd never have done it on my own." He tilted his head and angled his lips toward mine. "But please, never wear Carnelian Kiss?"
"I'll stick to other shades of reds, I promise. But, Ren, do we have to fight to keep the excitement in our relationship?"
"Oh, duchess." His voice became low and sensual. "Please, let's not. We have all the excitement I can handle and need."
I closed my eyes as he kissed me.
Thursday
Thursday was as much of a honeymoon day as we were likely to have. We woke early for sex, breakfasted at one of Ren's favorite neighborhood cafés, and went on a tour of some of his buildings. Seeing the excited side of Ren as he showed off his work and explained his vision gave me such a different view of him. This Ren was open and animated. Excited and fun. So at odds with the mysterious, brooding Ren of Manly Manor. It made me wonder, with some sadness, if the castle really was the best place for him.
And yet the castle was a part of him he couldn't deny. Ren was delighted when I pointed out the hidden Manly Manor details in his work. It became a game to see how fast I could point them out, kind of like architectural Where's Waldo. I was excited to see them in person. Excited that the buildings were even more stunning than in pictures.
Ren showed me the insides of the buildings, introduced me to clients who'd commissioned them, and took me behind the scenes to the inner workings and private offices. He had a deep interest and affection for history and making a place for modern architecture in it. The more we talked, the more I fell for him—and the more I had the feeling that fate had thrown us together.
There was a retail section inside one of the buildings. We walked past the shops on our way to the restaurant he wanted to take me to for lunch.
"You like black?" he said as we stopped in front of a boutique's window.
I admired a sexy, colorful fall blouse in the window.
"So you don't only wear black? Or, at least, you don't only like black?"
I stared at him. "What makes you say that? Why do you think I'm so fond of black?"
He gestured toward my black blouse and jeans. "I like your style, don't misunderstand. It's very hot. But a little color wouldn't hurt."
"I'm in mourning," I said. "I thought you Brits stood on tradition. I have to show Manly some respect."
"For how long?"
"A week," I said. "Or two. After the funeral, I'll switch to dove gray for a week, and then—"
He slid his arm around my waist and whispered, "This isn't the Victorian period. You're newly married. Shouldn't you let your wedded bliss show through?"
"Wedded Bliss. Very nice. Better than the Deadly Duchess, I suppose."
Ren grabbed my hand, pulled me into the shop, and bought the blouse I'd admired, insisting I change into it and wear it out.
It was beautiful and much more to my tastes than black, black, always black.
"Beautiful," Ren said when I came out of the dressing room, his eyes sparkling as his gaze ran over me. "You need dozens more."
I bought two more and we went to lunch. The restaurant staff recognized Ren and sat us at a lovely window table with a great view. We ordered and settled in with a bottle of wine.
"Thank you for the tour," I said.
He took my left hand in his. "My pleasure."
My large diamond glinted in the light.
Ren lifted my hand to get a better look at it. "I can't believe I married you with Uncle's ring. And not even a family heirloom, at that." His brow furrowed as he looked at me. "Do you like this?"
I shrugged. "Manly did. He repurposed the diamond from one of the family jewels and had it reset."
Ren's furrow deepened. "But do you like it? It looks very much like Uncle's tastes to me."
"Let's not have secrets between us," I said. "Why don't you just come out and say you hate it?"
He laughed. "I wouldn't have chosen it."
"Neither would I," I said. "But it reall
y didn't matter. I didn't expect to be married to him long. Not liking it would only make it easier to take off after."
Ren released my hand suddenly. His expression darkened. "Why did you agree to marry him, Bliss? Really? Now that we know each other a little better, we can be more honest with each other. Uncle was an old fool. He'd been looking to marry a young woman with money for years. He was a big joke in my circles. My female friends made endless fun of him. The longer he went without finding someone… My friends said they weren't ever going to be—" He cut himself off.
"Desperate enough?" I said.
"Your words," he said. "We were all stunned when you appeared out of the blue—beautiful, rich, smart, confident. Not at all what we expected. We didn't think anyone would take him, especially not with his terms, and especially not a desirable woman."
I smiled at the compliment. "Mom wanted me to have a title. She thinks I'm her puppet. And it's best she does."
I took a sip of wine. "That way, she underestimates me. I'm not a fool. And I'm not desperate. I knew what I wanted. I know how to compete. Most people like to describe me as a pampered little heiress. But I have a bachelor's degree in computer science and an MBA. Someday, I'll inherit Mom's empire. I've been working in it since college.
"But I need to show Mom I can build a business from scratch before she'll trust me with her baby after she's gone. The last thing I want is for her to leave control to one of her cronies. Some people would disagree that I'm starting from scratch, because I have Mom's money behind me. I like to think of it as venture capital."
I paused, wondering how vulnerable and honest I should be. "I grew up in a low-touch, high-tech household. My parents divorced when I was young. Mom was always focused on her career and Dad on his own life. I dreamed of starting a business that was high touch and personal. I love history. I'd never really been in love—"
"You've never been in love?" Ren looked incredulous. And maybe sad. Or possibly even impressed. He was always hard to read. "How did that happen? Guys would be crazy not to chase you."
"I've had boyfriends and puppy love," I said, flattered he, a gorgeous man with his pick of women, thought I was worth pursuing. "And flings and fun."
"But never love?"
"It's hard to tell whether men love me or my mom's money," I said. "It makes them hard to love back. You must think I'm emotionally unavailable. A cold fish. A hard heart."
"Not at all," he said. "And me? Why did you marry me?"
"You only married me for half a castle, not billions," I teased. "You signed a prenup."
"So I did." He poured himself another glass of wine. "Better to have not loved, I suppose, than to have loved unwisely." His expression clouded. He was talking about himself. "Sorry. You were telling me about Manly when I diverted the conversation."
I shrugged. "It's not so very interesting. My career and life kept me too busy to have time for a serious relationship. But I wanted children, and wanted them while I was young. And I wanted to raise the children the way I wanted. With lots of love and attention. Short of going to a sperm bank or adopting—" I leaned toward Ren across the table. "Can you keep a secret?"
"Can I keep a secret?" He lifted an eyebrow.
I laughed. I was trying to pry secrets out of him, and we both knew it. "I never had any intention of consummating my marriage with Manly. We were going to use a fertility specialist. In case you were wondering, he'd frozen his sperm years ago. When he was more…fertile. So, basically, yeah, I was going to a private sperm bank."
Ren looked both relieved and amused. "So I can wash all those images of you lusting after a centenarian out of my head?"
"What is it with people imagining my sex life?" I shook my head and sighed in mock exasperation.
"If you're talking to me, I don't have to imagine that hard." He ran his gaze over me like he could see right through my clothes.
I nearly blushed. "Stop it. You're terrible."
He grinned.
I leaned back into my chair and sat up straight. "To my point, marrying Manly gave me the opportunity for everything I wanted. There was never much doubt that he wouldn't live long enough to see his children grown. They'd be mine. All mine."
"Greedy woman. You need to rub your hands together to really sell your point."
I raised my wine glass to him.
Ren's expression changed suddenly. He looked contemplative. "Marrying me wasn't just about the castle?"
"No." It was also about lust and longing. And the desire to connect with another person on an intimate level. To see where our chemistry and connection took us. But I couldn't tell him that.
"So why did you marry me?" he asked. "Unless I'm hit by a bus, I very much plan on living long enough to raise my children. And be a father to them in every sense. Any woman who selfishly wants to raise them without help would be well advised to avoid me."
I smiled seductively, amused by him. "Too late for that deal breaker now. If only I'd known." I snapped my fingers. "Seriously? It was a calculated risk. Worst case, we're stuck together for a miserable year and I get half a castle. Best case, we fall madly in love and make a beautiful family together, living happily ever after in a castle. In the middle, you're a beautiful sperm donor and the process is fun."
He laughed. "I'd prefer ruggedly handsome. But women like to call me beautiful for some odd reason. I've learned to live with it. At least you're honest."
"And you married me," I said, "because deep down you know you don't want to be the duke who lost the family estate. Am I right?"
"Maybe I just wanted a beautiful egg donor and incubator for my heir. Ever think of that?"
Chapter 20
After lunch, we walked around the rest of the ground floor of Ren's building hand in hand, window-shopping.
Ren stopped in front of a high-end jewelry store. "It's still here. My ring." He pointed to a modern engagement ring that was so pretty I coveted it as soon as I laid eyes on it. "If I were ever to propose, that's my ring."
I elbowed him. "Hey! Stop dreaming of proposing to someone. In case you've forgotten, you're a married man."
"Aced out of my dream of getting down on one knee with the ring of my dreams." He grinned. "Do you like it? What would you pick? If you could have any ring in the window?"
I took my time looking, even though I already had my favorite. So many enticing choices, but one clear winner. "At the risk of having you think I'm just a yes-girl, your ring. I'd pick it." I turned to him so he could see I wasn't flattering him. "Kind of scary, huh? We agree on something."
"Yeah, kind of scary. Kind of nice," he said.
"Ren? How many times have you been in love?" It seemed like as appropriate a place as any to ask.
"Counting crushes, infatuation, and puppy love?" he asked.
"No," I said. "Just real love."
"Twice. Once foolishly, when I was young. Once not deeply enough, when I was old enough to know better."
"Cory and…Zoe?" I had to know.
He tensed.
I touched his arm. "Please, Ren. Tell me about Zoe. Tell me something. There are so many terrible rumors in the village. Did you love her? Tell me that, at least."
He pulled me away from the jewelry store and sat on the edge of a fountain in the glass atrium away from anyone else. I sat next to him.
"Whatever you've heard probably isn't worse than the truth," he said, looking distant and sounding resigned. "Or maybe it is. Yes, I loved her. I was almost twenty-one when we met. Here in England for a year of college. I met Zoe at a local pub. She was…" The corners of his mouth turned up. "Wild and beautiful. Totally uninhibited. Reckless. Funny. Smart."
I looked into my lap, feeling I fell short in many of those categories. "And you fell hard. Love at first sight?" I couldn't help comparing how he felt when he met Zoe with how it felt when we met in the loggia.
"Lust, certainly," he said. "I was in my early twenties, after all. That's a horny age. She was a skilled older woman. She'd just dumpe
d that bore Royce Smith. She met me and thought I was perfect. We were great together. For a while." He turned to me. "You really want to hear this?"
"Yes," I said, though I wasn't sure my heart did. My head, however, needed to know what ghosts we were wrestling with.
"It soon became apparent that Zoe was jealous and possessive. It was flattering at first. And then it just became consuming. She wanted all of me. Wanted to know where I was every minute. Who I'd been with, even if I was just out with friends or family.
"She was insanely jealous of my female friends and demanded I stop hanging out with them unless she was along. Every time 'she was along,' she developed a headache or some excuse to cancel. Soon we were only spending time with her friends, her colleagues, and her family. Worse, she spied on me. She checked my phone to see what I'd been up to. Read my texts and email." He sighed. "She hated my mom and stepdad." He hung his head for a moment. "Then her volatile moods started showing. One minute I was a god to her, the next I was the worst piece of garbage on the planet.
"I was walking on eggshells all the time with her, never knowing who to expect. We started fighting more and more often, until it felt like all we did was fight. When she was in a mood, there was no reasoning with her. She made wild accusations. Her behavior became reckless and compulsive. She drove like a maniac. She spent and spent and spent. She couldn't control her impulses. She'd eat a whole cake and vomit it up. She became bulimic. Maybe she had been all along, well before I met her. I don't know."
He paused, looking reflective. "I was too young. I should have been stronger. I should have set limits. I shouldn't have let her cut me off from my support group. Instead, I appeased her."
"And then she fell in love with Will?" I asked, because I had to.
Ren turned to me. I expected to see pain in his eyes. Instead, I saw apathy. I hoped he never looked at me like that. It was terrifying. Despite myself, I felt some empathy for Zoe. To lose Ren's love so completely…
"She crossed the line," Ren said. "I didn't even realize I had one until she did." He swallowed hard. "She slept with Will. To hurt me. She was immediately apologetic and contrite, like she always was. She wanted me back. Will meant nothing to her except as a weapon against me. But she killed something in me. I saw her for what she was—sick. I went numb. I didn't want her. So she went after Will. He was too weak to see who she was. He wouldn't listen to me when I tried to warn him."
Duked: Duke One, Duke Society Series Page 20