I opened the envelope, pulled out a letter, and did what I always did: snapped a picture.
I forced myself to breathe and read the letter.
Ren—
I'm sorry. I wasn't myself. It will never happen again. I love you. You know I do. I can't live without you. I'm miserable without you. If you don't come back to me, I'll kill myself.
Please, please, take me back.
Zoe
Short and dramatic. Threatening. Manipulative. A cry for help? I swallowed hard against the rising nausea.
Ren's heart in a vault. I couldn't get the thought out of my mind. I'd truly uncovered Ren's telltale heart.
I opened the diary and began reading and snapping pictures, page after page of narcissism and obsession. I was in the mind of a sick, unhappy woman. A woman obsessed with Ren. A woman who alternated between adoring him and hating him. A woman who found a companion and accomplice in Will: a man to shag, a man to do drugs with, a man to give her a title and an estate—things she was entitled to, she felt. But not a man to love like she loved Ren, if you could call obsession love.
She recorded every drug session in the white room. She recorded her sexual encounters with Will, and the one with Ren, laughing and gloating at how she'd tricked him back to her bed. How she would have him again. How she knew he couldn't resist her long.
And then there was the depressed ranting. She would kill herself if Ren didn't take her back. She'd kill them both. She'd kill Will.
Ren had loved this woman? He'd memorialized her?
I couldn't read any more. I snapped pictures of the rest of the pages and set the journal aside.
My phone rang in my hand. Ren was calling. I ignored it. I couldn't talk to him. I was too emotional, too upset. I needed to think. I needed to get my head on straight. I needed to make sense of everything I knew and everything I'd discovered. If I lost my temper with Ren now, he'd think I was as crazy and disturbed as Zoe. I'd scare him away.
If I cracked and shared the news about being pregnant in this frame of mind, I'd do it out of desperation or anger, and ruin what should be a beautiful moment between us.
I put everything back in the box just the way I'd found them.
Ren hung up and left a voicemail. I ignored that, too.
The problem with any scene was that there were dozens of angles to view it from. Was I looking at this one from the right angle? The engagement ring, for example—sign of true love or capitulation to blackmail? The letter—kept as a cherished memory of a woman's love or as a reminder never to fall under the spell of such a tormented woman again?
My mind was awash with thoughts. I thought best when I walked. I turned my phone to do not disturb, including Ren's number, grabbed Ren's box and stuffed it in my backpack again, grabbed a sweater, and headed for the loggia. I could be alone there. The ghost hunters had taken the day off to analyze the data they'd collected. They'd be back at Halloween to conduct tours and collect more data.
As I walked through the maze to the lake, a story was forming in my mind. By the time I reached the loggia, mist was rising off the water. The conditions were perfect to see the knight of the lake. Manly had described it many times in his journal. Maybe I'd get lucky.
"Come on, knight," I whispered. "Show me your face."
I set my backpack next to me on the stone bench and got my phone out, ready to snap a picture of the knight, should he appear. The view was strikingly beautiful and reminiscent of the evening I'd met Ren. It alone would make a beautiful picture. This time, though, I was dressed in jeans and tennis shoes and faced the lake. The roses were gone and leaves littered the loggia.
I pulled Ren's box out and held it in my lap. For the moment, at least, I didn't see the knight, but there were ghosts here all the same.
I turned my face to the sun and felt the last bit of the day's warmth. I remembered Ren sneaking up on me and the shock of the instant chemistry between us. And then my mind drifted to a scene I'd only ever imagined. But this time, it was crystal clear and rolled out before me like a movie.
Will and Zoe freebasing in the white lady's room with the purest coke money could buy. The coke in the box next to me. If I had it tested, I was positive we'd find it was stronger than what Will was used to. Or maybe cut with something that made dosing more unpredictable than usual. The euphoria and confidence, the physical pleasure, were stronger than anything he'd ever felt. The effect wore off, and the low was worse, too. Will takes another dose, anything to get rid of the low and get that euphoria back.
But this time, he overdoses. He goes into cardiac arrest and starts vomiting, choking on it. Zoe sees Will's distress, but she's high, too. And being high, her judgment is impaired. She doesn't seriously believe anything can go wrong; the drug has convinced her of that. She's confident Will will be okay. He just has to ride it out. She waits too long before deciding he needs help. But she's still confident she can get him to the hospital and all will be well. There's no need to call an ambulance.
Will can still walk. I see him stumbling down the steps of the castle, leaning heavily on Zoe. But he's steadily growing clumsier and about to lose consciousness. He's too big for her to handle on her own. Fortunately, Ren sees them from his bedroom window and runs to help.
He and Zoe get Will into Zoe's car. Ren demands the keys. He insists on driving. Zoe laughs at him, dangling the keys in front of him. He lunges for them, but Zoe dodges him and jumps in the driver's seat. Ren slides into the back seat before Zoe can lock him out, closing the door as she floors it.
Zoe is a reckless driver at the best of times. Now, she flies down the narrow, twisting road along the river way too fast. Ren begs her to pull over. He grabs for the wheel over her shoulder. She pushes him away.
Will's in distress, pale and unconscious. The death rattle is evident as he labors to breathe.
"I think he's having another heart attack," Ren tells Zoe. "We need a doctor. We need help fast."
Zoe is coming down off her high by now. She's crashing badly. Her suicidal thoughts come back in full force. This low is lower than anything she's ever experienced. She starts shaking. She wants it all to end. She comes to that fatal stretch of road and realizes this is her chance to take Will and Ren with her. She points the car toward the river and floors it.
The car plunges in and takes a moment to sink. The doors are impossible to open while the outside water pressure is pushing in. You have to wait until the car lands and fills with water. Then the pressure will be equalized and you can open a door. Ren knows this and maintains his calm, talking Zoe down, talking her through it.
He doesn't know she's crashed. He doesn't know she intentionally drove them into the river.
A bubble of air forms at the ceiling of the car. Ren tells Zoe to take a deep breath. He takes her hand. He tells her they'll get out of the car and surface together. They have to grab Will.
Zoe nods and agrees. But when Ren opens the door to let them out, Zoe fights him. She won't leave the car. She won't help with Will. Ren gets outside the car. Zoe grabs the door handle, pulls the door shut, and locks Ren out.
I see Ren pounding on the window, motioning for Zoe to unlock the door. I see her shaking her head. I see all that, but maybe the water is too dark to see anything and Ren is pounding and trying to get in again. Or maybe the dome light is on and Ren can see. Either way, it's terrifying. Ren is running out of breath.
He gives up and swims to the surface, barely making it to the bank. He's dripping. He's shaking and cold. He's in shock. And he knows going back into the river is pointless. He can't get into the car, and Will is already dead.
Ren's phone is wet and dead. He flags the first car that passes by. It's Manly. Manly is old-fashioned. He doesn't carry his phone. He has to drive to the village for help. He tells Ren to stay put and mark the spot of the accident.
Only Manly doesn't immediately go for help. He drives off toward the village, but once there, he delays. He sees his opportunity to make sure an unsuitable he
ir is out of the way. Later, he covers his tracks by gaslighting Ren, saying Ren was confused about how long Manly was gone.
And the box in my lap? Seen from another angle, it's insurance in case Ren ever needs, or wants, to clear his name.
So what was Ren doing by letting the rumors fly? Protecting the family name?
Chapter 25
The mist over the lake got thicker as twilight fell. A strong imagination may have been able to make a knight from it. But I'd imagined enough for one day. I wound my way back through the maze, taking the shortcut Ren had shown me the night we met.
When I got back to the castle, I typed everything up in an email and sent it to Ren. Everything. All my research. What everyone had told me. How I'd found the box. And seen the white lady. My conclusions and the story I'd pieced together. My absolute belief that it was true. That I believed in him without doubt. That I was tired of Zoe and the past coming between us. Tired of my own curiosity and the way it made me feel traitorous and disloyal. Tired of lies and mystery. I apologized for spying on him. I apologized for not trusting him.
I told him I had something important to tell him. When the time was right. I still wasn't sure if that something was about the baby or that I loved him. Or both.
I asked him what he wanted me to do with the box—wall it back up? Hand it over to him?
I was shaking badly when I pressed send. But really, what did I have to lose? Either he was the man I believed he was, and this cleared the air, or he was a man I didn't want to be with the rest of my life. Or maybe even for the full year.
The baby was my get-out-of-jail-free card. I was pregnant; that was the condition Manly had stipulated. I could wait the rest of my year out alone in Seattle if I had to while waiting to give birth.
I took a deep breath. I wanted Ren whole. I wanted his love. But if he couldn't give it to me? I'd never blackmail him to stay.
I packed a bag—just in case—and went to bed with my phone turned off.
I woke suddenly when the light was flipped on. I shielded my eyes against the sudden brightness and found Ren standing over me at the side of the bed. It must have been after midnight. He looked haggard and worried.
"Ren?" I rubbed my eyes. "What are you doing here?"
"You sent that email." His voice shook as he kneeled beside the bed, bringing his face level with mine. "You weren't answering my calls."
"I turned my phone off."
He pointed to my packed suitcase. "You're leaving me?"
I brushed the hair out of my face and leaned on one elbow. I stared into his tormented eyes. "No. Not unless you want me to?"
"No. Bloody hell, no." He let out a deep breath. "I thought… The important thing? I thought you meant you'd had enough."
"I'm not giving up my half of the castle so easily. You'll have to try harder than this to get rid of me. The important thing is something else entirely." I scooted over and made room for him to sit next to me on the bed. "I'm sorry. I bungled things. That email was supposed to reassure you that I believe in you."
He slid into the space I'd made for him on the bed.
"I told you before I believed you. I haven't changed my mind. I never thought you let Will and Zoe die. Certainly not out of greed or revenge. Or that you poisoned Manly, either. Though you may have had good cause on all three counts."
He pulled me close. "Don't leave me, Bliss. Ever."
I felt him pull up short, like he wanted to say more, something anyone else might say. Something like: It would kill me if you left. But he wouldn't step near emotional blackmail.
I wrapped my arms around him. "Ever's a long time. You might want to be rid of me at some point—"
"Never." He stroked my hair.
"Good. Because I have no plans to go now."
"Then what's with the suitcases?"
"In case you reacted badly to that email and threw me out."
"Oh, Bliss. I'm sorry," he said. "I thought we were happy—"
"We are!"
"I was selfish for not wanting to bring up the past and the memories," he said. "I didn't realize how much my secrets tormented you."
"Can I ask you something?"
"I guess I just opened the door, didn't I?" He sounded rueful.
"Were you and Zoe engaged? At some point?" I had to know. "Were you planning to steal her away from Will?"
"No." He shuddered. "No. I bought that ring months before I broke up with her, thinking if I asked her to marry me, things would get better. That if she was sure of my love, she'd be happy. But that was young me being foolish and naïve. I never asked her."
I almost sagged with relief. "Was I right? About that night?"
"In all the essentials," he said. "I knew what Will and Zoe were up to in the white lady's room, and it made me angry. Will was throwing his whole life away. Throwing away the family estate, the family's good name. And throwing it away on a cruel woman. He wouldn't listen to me about Zoe. He thought I was just jealous." He sighed. "I was, at first. Then I got angry. At both of them. Of all the women in the world, Will had to go after mine. Of all the men in the world, Zoe had to go after my brother."
"Understandable, Ren," I said. "Totally understandable."
"I was so angry, I went for a walk to the lake to calm down. I was coming back when I heard Zoe screaming for help." He kissed my hair and held me tight. "I helped her get Will into the car, and we fought for the keys. That all happened pretty much like you guessed.
"But the low hit Zoe earlier than you imagined. She began ranting about wanting me back as soon she pulled onto the road. Crying. Saying that Will was dead. She knew it. Even if he lived, he'd never be the same. It was too late. She bought the coke. She gave it to him. She'd be blamed.
"I tried to reason with her, but reason never worked with Zoe. When that failed, I ordered her to pull over. I begged her to stop. Will was having trouble breathing, making gurgling sounds. He was clearly dying."
His voice was shaking. Ren paused to compose himself. "Zoe insisted I tell her I loved her. Tell her I loved her, and she'd pull over and let me drive. I don't know what came over me. It would have been so simple to say the words. I didn't have to mean them. And yet… She'd manipulated me too many times. I'd freed myself of her. I refused to be her prisoner again. I couldn't say the words, not those words. Not again. Not to her."
I was horrified. "Oh, Ren."
"I was in the back seat." He sounded far away, as if he was immersed in the memories. "She gave me the cruelest, most spiteful look in the rearview mirror. She said, 'If I can't have you, no one will.' She was always so dramatic. I didn't think she really meant it. I sneered back at her and told her to go to hell. She hit the accelerator. I realized too late what she intended."
I put my arm around him, understanding now what drove him. "You can't blame yourself. Ren." I took his face in my hands. "You didn't kill Will. Zoe did."
"That's what I tell myself. My head knows it's true. My conscience thinks I let pride get in the way of good sense."
"You were tired of being bullied," I said fiercely. "She'd pushed you to your limit. You stood up for yourself."
He laughed darkly and pulled my hands from his face, kissing them. "I picked a fine time to make a stand."
"We make a stand when we can," I said. "When we're strong enough. The time picks us."
"Bliss." He held me tightly. "What would I do without you?"
We held each other in silence for a moment. I leaned my head against his chest, listening to his heart beat, strong and steady. I hoped that fearlessness meant he was conquering his demons.
"It was dark," he said. "In the river. I'd seen rescue shows that talked about what you should do if your car goes off the road into water. I remembered the basics. I tried to save Zoe. I thought she'd come to her senses when she was actually facing death." He shook his head. "She didn't. She wouldn't unbuckle. She wouldn't take a breath. She must have locked the door behind me after I got out of the car. I really don't know.
/> "It was pitch black down there. People don't realize how dark. I barely knew which way was up. Once I got to the surface, there was no point in risking my life to go back down. Will was dead. I told Manly that. And Zoe was determined to die. Manly said that if that's what she wanted, we'd all be better off."
I shivered.
"Cold?" Ren pulled the blanket up over me. "Sorry. I don't want you to think ill of Manly. He was protecting me, and the estate—in his mind, at least."
"Did he really delay, then?" I asked.
"I think so." Ren leaned his head on mine. "I think he wanted to be sure."
"Why haven't you ever defended yourself?" I asked. "Why not tell people what happened?"
"Will and Zoe were dead. Why sully their names and cause more gossip and scandal? Why drag Manly's name into it, too? I figured I could live with it."
"But you left the castle and didn't come back," I said. "The memories?"
"Only partly. When I was sitting on that bank, part of me was relieved, too, just like Manly. I hated myself for that. I realized what Manly had done and would do to protect the title and estate. We were a lot alike. We both loved this place. I worried I'd become like him. So I walked away."
"Until I came along and Manly died and forced you back here."
Ren turned my face toward his. "Nothing could force me back. I came back because I wanted to. Because I wanted to be with you. From the moment I first saw you at the loggia, I began falling in love with you. It was, quite literally, love at first sight. When you agreed to marry me on the spur of the moment, I knew you were the one. I fell even harder. I should have told you sooner—I love you, Bliss." He searched my face.
"I love you too." My heart almost broke with joy.
We kissed, slipping farther into the bed until I was on my back and he was perched over me.
He stroked my hair. "What's the important thing you have to tell me?"
I instinctively put a hand to my stomach. "We have another reason to stop the rumors and keep up the good family name."
Duked: Duke One, Duke Society Series Page 25