“I was—I was scared.” I looked down at the floor. “The story I told you was the same one I told my parents. I tried to make it sound better than it was—once you and I became involved, I was terrified that you would react exactly how you’re reacting right now.”
“The truth would have been fine.” Declan leaned forward and started to stand. “Ye lied to me. I can’t look past that.”
“Wait—you’re leaving?” I looked up at him and the tears finally started to spill over the bottom of my eyelids. “I’m trying to tell you the truth now! It wasn’t malicious, I was just scared…”
Declan didn’t say anything in response but the look on his face said everything. He was hurt and disappointed—he was done with me. I watched with tears rolling down my face as he walked to the door and slammed it behind him. Honesty meant too much to him, and I was a liar. I walked on shards of broken truth and one of them finally cut me. I wished I could turn back the clock and tell him the truth from the beginning, but I had my opportunity to do it—and I made a choice to keep hiding the secret. There was no reason to chase after him—I had ruined what we had because I tried to put a pretty coat of paint on my biggest mistake.
I should have told him the truth as soon as I realized that what we had was turning into something real…
I broke my vow not to cry again when the pain inflicted by the ruler pulled emotions out of me that I had buried as deep as they would go. That vow was shattered again before Declan was out the door, and it was a river of pure regret streaming down my face once he was gone. I couldn’t even be angry at him. That might have made it easier, but I was the one that had to shoulder all of the blame. He had become a rock that I could hold onto when things were at their worst, and that rock was gone. I was all alone—just like I was when I was forced to leave school. Declan didn’t abandon me like my parents did though. I was the one who abandoned what we had by holding onto a secret that could ruin us.
That’s exactly what it did…
15
Declan
“You’re back.” Anna was in the den when I got back to my house. “I thought you were picking something up?”
“I just had to take care of something. I’m going to bed.” I turned and immediately walked towards the stairs.
“Who’s going to bed early now?” She laughed, which was fine—I was just glad she didn’t see the look on my face.
I floated between rage and heartbreak while I was at Madie’s apartment. I kept hoping that she would tell me it was a mistake—that the story Anna related was an exaggeration made up by someone at school. It wasn’t. Madie had lied to me. That took everything we had been building and stomped the life out of it immediately. I couldn’t have another relationship that was laced with dishonesty. If she was willing to lie about the pictures, then what else would she lie about? What if her heart started to wane—would she whisper lies into my ear because she didn’t want to tell me how she felt? I lived that life once. I married a woman who said all of the things I needed to hear until she could no longer pretend that she cared.
I can understand a mistake. That can be forgiven. Madie had a chance to tell me the truth several times after we became intimate—and she chose to keep lying about it.
My heart felt like there was a dagger straight through it when I got upstairs and crawled into bed. The lie hurt. It hurt to know that ending things with Madie likely put a similar dagger through her heart as well—but it was the only choice I could make. I wanted to believe that everything else she said to me was true, but the very foundation of what we had was covered with a layer of dishonesty. She didn’t stumble into calling me Daddy—she was looking for that from the beginning. I might have had pause if I knew that, but I would have still tried to give her what she needed. It wasn’t the fantasy that drew me in—it was so much more.
The fantasy is gone and all I have left is a nightmare of what could have been.
* * *
The next day
“Are you okay?” Anna turned to face me as I walked into the kitchen. “I didn’t realize you slept so late these days—you were always up before me.”
“Yeah, I’m fine.” I nodded and grabbed a cup from the cabinet above the counter. “Thank ye for making coffee—wait, ye drink coffee now?”
“Yes, of course.” She chuckled under her breath. “I need it these days—how else am I going to make it through college?”
“True.” I nodded. “Is it really better than sleeping in though? Ye had big plans for the morning hours that didn’t involve crawling out of bed.”
“I was—a little worried about you.” She tilted her head slightly. “You seemed like you were upset when you got home last night.”
Upset is an understatement.
“Aye, but it’s nothing for you to concern yourself with. I just had something to take care of.” I forced a smile.
I wasn’t in the mood to work on the house, especially with Anna visiting, so we decided to take a trip downtown after we finished breakfast. I never minded spending money on my daughter, so I bought her a few things that she seemed to believe she needed. We had lunch at a diner that we both liked, did a little more shopping once we were done, and then we went back home. Anna was planning to see her mother that evening, so she left after she put all of her new stuff away. I ate dinner alone—and then I realized how quiet the house was going to be once Anna left. I couldn’t even look forward to Monday morning—because my relationship with Madie was over. I had already gotten used to waking up next to her every morning, and things were never dull when she was around. I was going to have to adjust to things returning to the way they were before she blew into my life.
This is what my life will be like—again.
* * *
Two days later
Anna spent part of the day with me on Sunday, and then she had to leave for school. She noticed the change in my demeanor, but she attributed it to the spat we had over where I would go once I sold the house. She must have been worried though—because she said she was going to come back in a couple of weeks. Normally, she didn’t plan her next visit before she was gone, and she never visited that often. I wanted to tell her that she didn’t have to worry about me, but I was sure that I would appreciate her company when she returned. Until then, I had a house to work on—a house that needed a lot of work.
Unless there is an alternative—maybe the real estate agent hasn’t found the perfect house for her client yet.
I spent most of the morning thinking about my decision until I finally worked up the courage to call Annie Reynolds. Her client was still in the market for a house. She had showed them several, but none of them were exactly what they wanted. I decided to give it a shot—it wasn’t like I had anything to lose. I named a price that was a little outrageous considering the shape of the house. It was damn close to what I thought I would get for the place once I was completely finished. If they wanted to waste their money, then who was I to argue? I could use some time to mourn the shattered heart in my chest—the one that I thought I would never feel again after I vowed to be so fucking protective of it once the ache of my divorce started to wear off.
I wish the memories could fade away as fast as our relationship burned out…
I didn’t bother with lunch and barely ate anything for dinner. I sat on the back porch with a beer and a cigarette, consuming both vices with more frequency than I had in years. Madie and I were only together for a short time—in the grand scheme of a lifetime, our passion was barely more than a blink of the eye—but it couldn’t be blinked away. She dug her nails into my heart and latched on. What we had was incredibly special and I wished it was possible to just focus on the good parts without staring at the lie. The words she said weren’t that bad—it wasn’t a lie that was meant to hurt. It just put everything else under the microscope and made me wonder if they were lies as well.
I’ve dealt with too much dishonesty in my life to question everything about my relationship while I’m h
olding someone in my arms.
Madie lied about the pictures, who they went to, and how they got distributed. The lie made me wonder if there were other things she said that weren’t true. I was blinded by passion and desire when I was with her. I let myself believe she was as honest as she appeared. I was trusting of my ex-wife too and when she said things were fine, I foolishly believed that was true. I kept the veil over my eyes for years, even when I saw the love fading from our marriage. Maybe I saw the writing on the wall ahead of time, but it was easier to embrace what I wanted to see. Could I have done things different? Probably not. We just weren’t compatible. If Anna hadn’t come along, we probably wouldn’t have even lasted a year.
I guess I should just go to bed. Nothing productive is going to come from analyzing what fell apart.
I almost made it to bed, but once I got to my bedroom, I saw the boxes with all of Madie’s stuff sitting on the floor by the door. I hired someone to drop them off at her apartment the following day, but seeing the boxes was another reminder of the woman that I had fallen for. I sat on the edge of the bed and stared at them. So many thoughts went through my head. I missed having her in my arms. I missed the way she smelled—like lavender and honey. I missed the warmth of her embrace—the taste of her passion when it was ignited. Those things weren’t going to be gone when the boxes were. They were stains on my thoughts—bittersweet with a sting that just wasn’t going to go away because I wanted it to.
I probably won’t get any sleep tonight.
* * *
One week later
“Alright, Mr. Mackenzie. If you’ll sign right here—and here—I’ll be able to move on to the next stack of paperwork.” Annie Reynolds smiled and pointed at a line which required my signature.
“Aye, then another stack after that I assume?” I shook my head and started signing.
“Not that many. We’re almost done.” She leaned back in her chair and started organizing the other stack of papers.
The deal for my great aunt’s house moved a lot quicker than I anticipated. The buyer didn’t even try to negotiate. They did a quick walk-through and immediately agreed to my asking price. They didn’t even ask for an inspection. I thought it was strange, but then again, I never really understood rich people. They could take risks I never would because they had money to burn. I was happy that they seemed to have the same interest in restoring the house that I did. It wouldn’t be a one-man operation for them. They were going to bring in a contractor and a crew to have everything taken care of before they moved in.
“Okay, that’s it.” Annie moved the paperwork back over to her side of the table. “I’ll give this to the lawyers, and you should have a check within a few days.”
“I guess I need to go home and pack.” I smiled and started to stand.
I had already started, but there was still a lot of work to do. The buyers agreed to give me a couple of weeks to move out. Anna was going to come help me once she was done with classes on Friday. I already had a storage unit rented and was going to sign a lease for a new house that was several hours away in Arizona. The cost of living was much cheaper than California, and it would give me some time to figure out what my next move was. It was also closer to Anna’s college, so she would be able to visit a little more often—if she wanted. I might even get to meet the doctor that was rapidly stealing her heart.
That needs to be my focus now—look towards the future instead of the past. Maybe I’ll meet someone else one day, but I have no interest in that right now.
* * *
Two days later
“Wow, you’ve made a lot of progress.” Anna looked around the house as soon as her bag was dropped off by the door.
“Aye.” I nodded. “I still need to finish the bedroom downstairs and then—the upstairs.”
“Well, what are we waiting for?” Anna walked towards the downstairs bedroom.
“Ye just had a long drive. Ye can take a few minutes to rest.” I motioned towards the den. “We’ve got all weekend. I’ve been working all day as it is.”
“Then you rest for a little bit and I’ll get started.” She smiled and opened the bedroom door.
“Let me grab some boxes first.” I walked into the room that I was using for storage and picked up a few.
Anna was a godsend in a way. I could have packed everything up on my own, but I needed the company more than anything. Every time I started packing up a new room, I found things that reminded me of my great aunt. She always expected me to sell the house when she passed away, but that didn’t make it any easier. Her whole life was there—and while I was saving most of the things that meant something, it still felt like I was packing her memories away in the process. I knew my family back in Scotland would take care of the things I was sending to them, and appreciate them as much as I did, but most of them lost touch with my great aunt once she moved to America. The fact that she didn’t have any children was a big part of that. I was the closest thing she had to a lad of her own when I lived with her, which is why she decided to leave it all to me instead of splitting it up amongst the rest of the family.
“Hey Dad?” Anna’s voice had a hint of confusion. “Is there something you need to tell me?”
“What do ye mean?” I tilted my head slightly.
“Nail polish?” Anna turned to face me and held up a small bottle. “This definitely isn’t mine—and Mom would never wear this color. Did you have a lady friend staying in this room at some point?”
“Huh…” I tilted my head slightly. “Wonder how that got in here.”
Madie must have left it—fuck, I thought I got rid of everything, but I must have missed that.
“Sinfully Crimson…” Anna turned the bottle over in her hand. “Madie used to wear that. It was her favorite color.”
Shit…
“Is that so?” I felt a lump rising up in my throat.
“Dad, you can tell me—if you have a girlfriend or had one.” Anna tossed the nail polish in the trash can.
I guess there’s no other excuse for having a random bottle of nail polish in my house, and I don’t really want to lie to my daughter—honesty has always been my policy.
“Well…” I nodded. “I was involved with someone, but it’s over now.”
“That’s—good. I mean, not good that it’s over, but I didn’t realize you were dating again. Why didn’t you tell me?” She tilted her head slightly.
That’s a really loaded question, but I can’t really be angry with Madie about her lie if I start telling some of my own.
“It’s really complicated. I almost told you the last time you visited—but the relationship kind of fell apart…” I looked down and sighed.
“Is that why you were upset after you came back home? Did you literally break up with your girlfriend during my visit?” Her jaw fell open slightly.
“I did.” I closed my eyes and nodded.
“Dad, I’m so sorry.” Anna walked over and hugged me. “She was a fool if she broke up with you.”
“I was the one who ended things.” I pulled her into an embrace—the last one I might get if she reacted badly to the rest of what I had to say.
“If you don’t want to talk about it, I understand.” She squeezed me a little tighter.
“At this point? I might as well just tell you the truth. I’d rather ye hear it from me than find out some other way…” I sighed and pulled back from our embrace. “I’ve always tried to be as honest as possible, which is why I had every intention of telling ye the truth last time ye were here…”
“Okay…” She took a step back and tilted her head.
“You might want to sit down for this.” I pulled a chair over so I would have a place to sit as well and motioned to the bed.
“You’re kind of scaring me now.” A look of concern swept across her face as she took a seat on the bed.
“If that’s all ye feel, it might be the best outcome.” I looked down at the floor for a moment. “Do ye remember how I men
tioned that I ran into Madie?”
“Yes—wait…” Her forehead wrinkled and I could practically see the gears turning in her head as she looked towards the trash can. “Dad!”
“Aye.” I sighed. “That’s who I was seeing—she was in a tough spot because of what happened at school. I actually found her sitting on a bench at the bus stop with a pretty nasty cut on her knee. I couldn’t just leave her there…”
“You always were a hero.” Anna still seemed to be processing what I said, but she didn’t flip out immediately—I considered that a small victory. “Wow, I mean—Madie had such a huge crush on you in high school, but I never thought…”
“It wasn’t something I expected either.” I shook my head back and forth. “She was in a tough spot, like I said, and I needed some help around the house, so I offered her a job…”
“Then Madie did what Madie does.” Anna exhaled sharply. “Of course…”
“It wasn’t like that.” I held up my hand. “I’ll spare ye the details, but we were both searching for something—ye know how hard it’s been for me since the divorce.”
“I definitely do. There’s a part of me that just wants to lose my mind. I mean, Madie is my best friend—you’re my father—but, I know the two of you have dealt with a lot. If you found something, even if it was temporary, then I can’t be upset about that.” She shrugged slightly.
“Thank you. I didn’t expect you to be so understanding.” I sighed. “Either way, it’s over now…”
“What happened?” She tilted her head inquisitively. “Unless you don’t want to talk about that…”
“She lied to me…” I closed my eyes and shook my head.
Best Friend’s Daddy: Once Upon A Daddy Page 12