“Hi there,” he murmured, slowly crouching down.
He held a hand out, letting the cub get his scent before petting him gently. The cub rolled onto his back, and Josh ran his fingers through the soft fur of his stomach.
Another few seconds passed before he realized the room had fallen silent. He glanced up to find he’d garnered some attention, and Cole approached him from around the side of the couch.
“I thought you said you weren’t good with kids?” he teased.
The cub escaped from under Josh’s hand and raced toward the alpha, making a valiant effort to climb his legs before Cole swooped him up into his arms.
“I haven’t been around any, not for a long time,” Josh admitted, pushing to his feet. He seemed to have the attention of the room. “I don’t think I’m a good influence.”
He was surprised when everyone laughed instead of agreeing.
“I vote for lunch out on the grass,” Zane said suddenly. “It’s a lovely day out there.”
“Just what we need,” Oliver teased. “Grass stains on every babygro.”
“It’ll come out in the wash,” Brax said easily.
“You can be the one to put on said wash,” Oliver countered darkly.
Josh didn’t get the sense there was any real anger or malice in their bickering, just good-natured teasing.
“What do you say, Josh? Are you hungry?” Cole asked.
“Sure,” he agreed.
It was all hands on deck to prepare the food and carry it outside to where two picnic blankets had been placed side by side. Josh had been left with the easy tasks of chopping cheese into cubes and pouring drinks.
Lunch itself was the definition of casual, everyone eating with their fingers, sharing plates, passing food around as the conversation flowed. More often than not, Josh wound up with a baby or a cub on his lap. A feeling of comfort settled over him, a sense of safety he wasn’t used to. It wasn’t just nice, it was easy. There was no double-talk, no expectations on him, he wasn’t constantly waiting for the catch—who he’d have to have dinner with, which party he’d have to go to, who he’d have to keep happy. Everyone there was easy to talk to. When things got heated, especially between Cole and Thorn, a few well-chosen words or a light press of his hand to someone’s arm usually evened things out.
Just like at brunch, no sooner had he recognized how good he was feeling than he started to become anxious and overwhelmed by it. He excused himself and went to the bathroom, splashing water over his face, and trying to talk himself down. It was all going so well, yet he couldn’t help but feel vulnerable, like he was wide open for anyone to reach in, grab hold, and twist. He’d sacrificed a lot to get to where he was in his life, to get control over his life. He wouldn’t give that up for a few minutes of polite conversation at a picnic.
He met Cole as he walked back to the kitchen.
“I’m going to head back to the cottage,” he told him.
“So soon?” Cole asked, surprised. “Okay, I’ll walk back with you.”
“I can find my own way back,” he said sharply. He winced internally at his tone, seeing the way the alpha’s eyes flashed in surprise and anger.
“Is something wrong?” Cole asked carefully.
“Playing happy families isn’t exactly my idea of an afternoon’s entertainment,” Josh said. “So I’m out of here.”
He could see Cole was confused and even caught a flash of hurt crossing the alpha’s face. His instinct screamed at him to try to soothe it, to make it better. He ruthlessly shoved that down. He didn’t need to play at being a happy homemaker, he needed to put some boundaries between him, Cole, and Cole’s pack. It wouldn’t do for Josh to get too comfortable. This was not his world.
Chapter Ten
Cole didn’t know what to make of Josh’s abrupt departure from the packhouse, but he let him go. There was no point chasing the omega or insisting he stay. Still, he was glad he’d brought him. It had given Oliver the chance to get the measure of him. The omega seemed intrigued more than anything, which only fueled Cole’s belief that there were hidden depths to Josh beyond what they knew about him.
He returned to the cottage later than afternoon, unsurprised when Josh went out of his way to avoid him for the rest of the day. Any time they had any sort of confrontation, they both liked to keep their distance afterward. All said, today’s argument had been minor compared to their previous. Sure, Josh’s words had stung, but Cole didn’t think he meant them. It was as if he’d felt cornered, his hackles raised, his spikes out to protect himself. All in all, Cole called the day a success as he settled down to sleep that night.
Which was why the intensity of his nightmares caught him unawares. He woke sweating, his heart racing, and heard a soft voice calling his name repeatedly.
He glanced over at the door, and there was Josh. The omega kept his distance but seemed very intent on rousing Cole.
“Cole? Are you awake?” he asked.
The details of Cole’s fading dream came back to him. He threw himself out of bed, glancing down at his body and patting his chest and stomach with his hands. Relief flooded him. There wasn’t a mark to be found, of course. There never was.
“Cole?” Josh said again.
Cole was awake enough to realize that he was out of bed, stark naked, and that Josh was still standing in the doorway.
“Bad dream,” he said, avoiding Josh’s eyes. He didn’t know what he’d see in the omega’s gaze, but he knew he must have looked like a fool, if not unhinged. “Sorry if I woke you. You should go back to bed.”
From the way his chest still heaved with each breath he took, and his heart raced painfully in his chest, he knew that sleep wouldn’t be luring him under again any time soon.
“Want some coffee?” Josh offered.
Cole glanced over at the omega. Josh turned his head just a fraction, aiming his gaze at the wall, giving Cole at least the illusion of privacy.
“Uh, sure.”
“See you in the kitchen.”
Cole listened as Josh’s footsteps padded away.
He went to his dresser, tugging on some sweatpants and a T-shirt, then followed Josh out, running his hands through his messy hair in an attempt, however futile, to tame it.
The smell that hit him in the kitchen doorway wasn’t coffee, but… peppermint?
“Tea,” Josh said, indicating the two cups on the table. “I found it in the cupboard and made an executive decision. It’s still early, you might want to go back to sleep.”
Cole managed a weak smile at that, taking a seat and dragging a cup toward him. He cradled it between his hands, letting the heat warm him and distract him from his thoughts.
They sipped their tea and sat in silence as the minutes ticked by, marked only by a clock on the wall that was an hour behind. Cole kept meaning to fix it but never quite got around to it.
“Bad memories?”
Josh’s voice jolted him from his reverie. The omega’s gaze was on his cup, and Cole suspected that if he just didn’t answer, Josh would leave it alone. But he found he wanted to talk. He hated the dark thoughts running in circles through his mind.
“Something like that.”
His usual way of dealing with it involved going out and getting very drunk. Since opening the stables, he’d been trying not to give into the temptation, no matter how bad a night he had.
“I know what that can be like,” Josh said softly. “Memories haunting you even in your dreams.”
From what little Cole knew of Josh’s recent life, he suspected that was true.
“Yeah, I guess you might.”
They lapsed into silence again, and he nursed his cooling tea, aware he wasn’t getting any more rest that night.
He stood and stretched, then carried his cup over to the sink.
“I’m going to climb up to the peak and take in the sunrise,” he told Josh, referring to a hill about two miles away. “I don’t see myself getting back to sleep anytime soon.”
> “Want some company?” Josh offered after a pause.
Cole was glad he had his back to Josh so the omega wouldn’t see the surprise on his face.
“I’d like that.” He pressed his hands against the countertop to hide the slight shaking in his arms.
“Let me just go throw on something warmer,” Josh said, slipping from the room.
Cole took a breath, let it out slowly, then went to do the same.
A few minutes later, he and Josh ventured out into the woods.
It was quiet out there. A crescent moon hung low in the sky as it made its descent. Cole didn’t bring a flashlight, confident that his vision and the nearness of daylight would be enough. Of course, he hadn’t factored in Josh and the omega’s familiarity, or lack thereof, with trekking through the woods in the dark.
He slowed his pace when he noticed Josh struggling and chose easier paths after the omega almost tripped over a branch for the second time. He was just about to call the whole thing off when Josh’s hand latched onto his belt.
“Josh?”
“Just sticking close. I figure you’re not likely to steer me wrong.”
“If you want to go back…”
“No way. You promised me a beautiful sunrise. I’m holding you to your word, even if you have to carry me.”
Josh’s tone was teasing, but Cole went tense at the suggestion of carrying him. There were connotations there that he didn’t know the first thing about. But the omega must have picked up on his body language, even in the dark.
“I’ll manage,” Josh promised. “Please, can we keep going?”
“Of course.” Cole shook off his tension. Josh didn’t know—couldn’t know—the implications of what he’d said. “We’re not far now.”
Not far was still another twenty minutes on a path sloping upward, but Josh was a good sport about it, not complaining once. The only sign that he was finding it tough was the way his hand would tighten around Cole’s belt now and then.
When they were close, and the path leveled out, Cole guided the omega to walk in front of him.
“Almost there,” he said. “It’s easier from here. The trees are thinner.”
It was still full dark by the time they finally reached their destination. They had some time to kill before the sun peeked above the horizon.
“Here, there’s a tree trunk we can sit on,” Cole said, showing Josh the felled tree.
They sat side by side, listening to the sounds of nature hard at work around them. An owl hooted nearby, and something small scurried through the undergrowth right behind them. Josh was a little on edge, jumping at every noise.
“Not a country person, huh?”
“Grew up in a city,” Josh replied. “Concrete jungle rather than actual jungle. You?”
“Suburbs. Never planned to live a city life, but… this wasn’t the life I planned, either.”
“What happened?” Josh’s eyes focused on him, the whites bright in the faint light of the moon.
“There was a mission. Two missions, actually.”
“Bad ones?”
“Depends on who you ask. The first one was a fuck-up. Everything that could have gone wrong, did. We thought we were never getting home. But we pulled it together, and we pulled through—only it turned us into what we are today.”
Cole saw the moment Josh got it, his eyes widening. “That’s how you became a pack?”
“Yeah. Best and worst thing that ever happened to me.”
“So you didn’t plan it?”
“Hell no. I’d heard all the stories, knew what people thought of pack alphas. Never wanted to be part of one. But needs must. Survival was paramount. Becoming a pack was how we did it.”
“And the second mission?”
“Universally considered a great success by everyone, except the people who were actually there. Crisis averted, minimal casualties, just the way the higher-ups like it.”
“What went wrong?”
“If the first mission made us a pack, this one fractured us. It cost lives. Our pack’s lives. We lost… we lost the people holding us together. It broke us. Broke me. Brax buckled under the pressure and hid it for months. Oliver pulled him out of the grave he was digging for himself.”
“And you?”
Josh’s hand settled on the trunk next to him, a warm pressure against Cole’s thigh.
“I drank myself under the table more times than I cared to count. Got in enough fights that I’m on a first-name basis with the sheriff and all his deputies. But not anymore. I’ve turned over a new leaf. At least, I’m trying to. It’s times like this that I wonder what the point is.”
“I have days like that,” Josh said. “Sometimes it’s hard to see beyond the next roadblock. People are always making demands on you, pushing you to do things. It’s a constant fight just to hold your ground.”
“Yeah,” Cole agreed. “It gets real old, real quick.” He noticed Josh shiver out of the corner of his eye. “You want to move a bit closer, get some body heat? Alphas share a lot in common with hot water bottles.”
Josh snorted at that but sidled closer, pressing against Cole’s side. Cole slung an arm around the omega’s shoulders. The contact had them both a little tense. It was new, different.
“Do you have any stories?” Josh asked suddenly. “You know, the kind you’d tell in a bar to impress the pretty omega sitting next to you.”
Cole was about to say no, war stories weren’t really his style, when he thought of one that Josh might like to hear.
“Back four years ago, Zane and I were scouting ahead on a mission.” He set the scene for Josh, how they were checking out a compound in the middle of a desert in the dead of night, the oppressive heat, the sand, the starry sky above them.
“Sniper must have spotted us. To this day, I still don’t know how—we were well camouflaged. Got Zane in the shoulder with his first shot. Thigh with his second. We knew we had to get out of there, and fast. But Zane couldn’t shift, and he wasn’t in any condition to walk. I shifted, he pulled himself up on my back, and I raced out of there like it was the derby and I wanted first place. They gave me a medal for that.”
Josh nodded like he understood, but Cole knew he didn’t.
“The medal wasn’t for rescuing Zane. Anyone would have gotten their brother-in-arms out of there. But when you’re a horse shifter… as a rule, we never carry anyone on our backs. It’s not a choice we make—we can’t. We’re not like the horses in my stables. We’re wild, untamed. To carry someone like that is an immense show of trust in that person.”
Josh tipped his head up to meet Cole’s eyes. “That’s why you reacted the way you did when I joked about you carrying me.”
Cole nodded, embarrassed the omega had caught that. “It’s a touchy subject, I guess.”
“I’m glad you told me. I think that’s pretty amazing, what you did.”
“How about you?” Cole asked, wondering if it was pushing it to ask for a little honesty in return. “Your shifter animal?”
Josh looked away, and Cole heaved a sigh of frustration.
“It’s not that I don’t want to tell you,” Josh said awkwardly. “It’s just that I’m… contractually obliged to keep it under wraps.”
Cole blinked at that. “Your contract says you have to keep your shifter animal a secret?”
“Uh-huh. I guess it doesn’t suit the kinds of roles I play. It would damage my brand if it ever got out.”
“Okay,” Cole said with a laugh. “Now you have to tell me. I promise I won’t tell another soul. Soldier’s honor.”
Josh met his eyes again, amused but hesitant. “Guess.”
“Fine.” Cole looked out at the horizon, nudging Josh when he spotted the first tendrils of sunlight appearing. “You’re something small, smaller than most. Vulnerable but kind of prickly…”
Josh went still at his words, and Cole realized he’d unintentionally hit on the answer.
“Hedgehog?”
Josh made a
face at him. “I know. Awful, isn’t it? No wonder they don’t want that to get out. It would ruin my reputation.”
Omegas in movies tended to be beautiful snow leopards, majestic tigers, and adorable foxes.
“I don’t see what’s so terrible about it,” Cole said easily. “Fuck convention.”
Josh laughed. “I wish more people thought like you. Too bad they all seem to think like Stewart, my agent.”
“Maybe the problem isn’t people. Maybe the problem is Stewart,” Cole suggested darkly.
He knew he’d said too much when Josh went abruptly silent next to him.
“Looks like it’ll be a beautiful sunrise,” Cole said, changing the subject.
“Looks like,” Josh said softly, leaning against him.
Cole wrapped his arm a little tighter around the omega and tried not to think too hard.
Chapter Eleven
After taking in the beautiful sunrise, Josh followed Cole back to the cottage. They had breakfast and made their way through the chores. By mid-morning, Josh was yawning and ready for bed.
“Why don’t you go take a nap?” Cole suggested as Josh leaned against the stable door. “Everything’s done here.”
He smiled lazily at the alpha. “I guess I could. It’s all this fresh air, makes me feel like Sleeping Beauty.”
Cole snorted. “A role you were born for.”
Josh wandered back to his bedroom, kicked off his shoes, and climbed under the covers. He felt indescribably happy, though he couldn’t say exactly why. He and Cole were definitely getting along better. And the alpha didn’t look on the verge of getting drunk out of his mind. They could call the morning a success, even if it had meant sacrificing half a night’s sleep.
Josh was just drifting off when the shrill sound of his phone ringing jerked him awake. He silenced it and peered at the screen. His agent, of course.
“Hey, Stewart.”
“Joey. Late night?” There was the slightest hint of disapproval in Stewart’s tone.
“Early morning,” he said instead. “Up with the dawn and all that.”
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