“There’s an aloe vera plant in the garden,” he said. “I’ll get you some after we finish.”
Thunder was a little unnerved by their interaction, so he petted his head in reassurance. After a minute, Josh moved closer. He lifted the brush and started again, using slow, even strokes. He even hummed a quiet tune as he worked. When he moved toward the horse’s tail, he hesitated again.
Cole went to help him, keeping his movements slow. They ended up close once more, Josh’s back touching Cole’s chest now and then as they worked. Cole didn’t mind, and Josh didn’t seem to either, even pushing back toward him as if seeking the contact. He liked Cole, wanted Cole to touch him, but there was an understandable hesitancy there.
Once Thunder was brushed, and Josh had fed him his treats, Cole led him to his stall. On the way back to the cottage, Cole stopped to break off a leaf from the aloe plant. When he tried to hand it to Josh, the omega looked mystified.
“Am I supposed to eat that?”
“No,” Cole said with a laugh. He showed him the broken stem of the leaf. “It’s got aloe in it. See that gel stuff oozing out? It’s got healing properties. You can put it on burns, bruises, scars.”
The bewilderment and disbelief on Josh’s face was oddly endearing.
“I could put it on for you, if you like?” he offered. It was as good a reason as any for them to touch, which he strongly suspected Josh was craving just as much as he was.
“Okay,” Josh said, his voice small. He reached for the neckline of his T-shirt and tugged it aside, revealing an almost-healed bruise.
Cole scooped some aloe onto his fingers and rubbed it into Josh’s skin with the pads of his fingertips.
“Any more? There’s plenty left in this,” he said, indicating the aloe stem.
Josh hesitated, then inched up his T-shirt and turned away from Cole, revealing a deep purple bruise in the small of his back. Cole hissed in sympathy. “That must have hurt.”
He squeezed more aloe out and spread it across Josh’s back, using small circles of his fingers to rub a light layer into the omega’s skin. He didn’t linger any longer than was necessary, not wanting to make Josh uncomfortable.
“How’s that feel?”
“Better, thanks,” Josh said, moving toward the stove. He reached for the kettle but hissed when his hand wrapped around the handle, letting go.
“What is it?” Cole asked, striding forward. They’d been gone for hours, there was no way that it was still hot.
“Just a splinter, I think,” Josh said, examining his palm closely.
“Let me see.” Cole held out his hand.
Josh placed his hand in Cole’s, and Cole took a look, running his finger lightly across the skin. It was a splinter, and it was in deep.
“Sit down. I’ll grab the first aid kit and some tweezers.”
He returned, setting the kit on the table, and dragging a chair over to sit right next to Josh. The omega held his hand out readily, and Cole took it in his again. He carefully teased the splinter out from underneath Josh’s skin. The omega barely flinched.
“There, all better. Good thing we still have this, huh?” Cole joked, holding up the aloe.
“More aloe?” Josh asked, looking amused. “Is that the answer to every problem?”
“I could kiss it better, if you’d prefer,” Cole offered.
“Can’t I have both?” Josh said, licking his lips. “The aloe and a kiss?”
Cole rubbed the aloe into Josh’s palm with lazy circles of his thumb as he leaned over and pressed a kiss to the omega’s lips. Josh returned the kiss eagerly, running his hand through Cole’s hair.
They smiled at one another as they pulled apart, a little breathless.
“I thought that would never happen,” Josh said.
“All you had to do was ask.”
Before Josh could retort, and knowing it was a little unfair, he kissed him again. His fingers teased the nape of Josh’s neck, and he swallowed the omega’s moan.
Josh covered Cole’s hand with his, gently tugging it away.
“I… I don’t think I’m ready for more…” he said, panting for breath. His eyes were anxious as he waited for Cole’s response.
Cole was a little blindsided at the assumption that just touching Josh’s neck meant things had to go further. He eased back and cupped his cheek instead.
“Just aiming for a more memorable kiss, that’s all.” He had no intention of pushing Josh into anything he wasn’t ready for.
The smile he got from Josh was worth every word.
“In that case, maybe we could do more kissing,” the omega suggested. “In the living room, on the couch?”
“Sounds good to me,” Cole agreed, getting to his feet and holding out his hand.
And if they didn’t quite get that far, Cole kissing Josh breathless against the kitchen door moments later? Well, they had time to get things right, and they’d enjoy practicing.
Chapter Twenty
The next day, Josh found himself constantly distracted. He couldn’t help but fantasize about what his future might be like with Cole and the pack. It was a different life, a life he’d never imagined, even in his wildest dreams. Yet now that the possibility had dangled itself in front of him, he wanted it, badly.
It took a single text from Stewart, reminding him of where he’d come from, to bring him crashing down to earth. Who was he kidding? He was nothing but a diversion for Cole, and a charity case for the pack. They wouldn’t want an omega like him joining them. Not with his past, his reputation. Not with him admitting to Cole that he’d basically sold himself to get ahead in the industry, that he’d done drugs—willingly or not—and had a long history of making poor decisions or letting people make his choices for him.
He just wished he didn’t feel so comfortable when he was around the pack. With Cole, there was always a tension there, a frisson in the air that never quite dissipated. But when he was around all of them, it was different. He felt almost content, like he belonged. That was a dangerous feeling, and he needed to be wary of it. He had to take a step back, take himself out of the danger zone. And that meant keeping his distance from the packhouse. Easier said than done where Cole was concerned.
“We’re eating dinner up at the house this evening,” the alpha said as he passed him in the hallway.
“You know, I’m not really that hungry. You go, I’ll hang out here.”
Cole gave him a measured look and said, “Come for the company then. I know everyone was looking forward to seeing you again.”
Josh doubted that was true, but he couldn’t exactly challenge the alpha.
“I’m actually pretty tired. Maybe I should pass on it?”
Cole glanced at his watch. “Why not take a nap now? Dinner’s not ‘til seven. I’ll wake you when it’s time.”
Josh tried not to groan. Cole just couldn’t take a hint, could he? And if Josh came up with yet another excuse, the alpha would see through it and start demanding answers.
“Thanks. I guess I’ll go get my head down.”
A while later, as they walked the short distance to the packhouse, Josh decided that if he couldn’t talk his way out of visits to the house, he could certainly make Cole and the others think twice about inviting him.
He deliberately sat between Duke and Thorn at dinner, and opposite Cole, then put every effort into subtly, and not so subtly, flirting with the other two alphas.
It took a while before anyone cottoned on to what he was doing, except for Cole. Cole’s attention never wavered throughout the meal, his frown growing deeper with each casual touch and each smile Josh threw the guys’ way.
Thorn gave Josh a bemused but gentle brush-off when he got a bit carried away. Duke kept the banter up a little longer but kept trying to draw Cole into the conversation. By the time dinner was over, Josh felt satisfied he‘d demonstrated to Cole exactly how much better it would be to leave him at the cottage from now on.
They walked back in silence, C
ole stomping ahead of him, his shoulders tense. He could tell the alpha was angry and was just waiting for the explosion, certain it would happen once they were out of earshot of the house. But they made it all the way back to the cottage without incident, and Josh felt the first twinge of unease in his chest.
“I’m going to make some coffee,” Cole called over his shoulder as they stepped inside. “You want some?”
He sounded… ordinary. Not angry, not pretending to be calm. He was just as he always was. But he had to be angry. Josh had spared no effort throughout the evening to wind the alpha up, and he was sure Cole knew it. So why was he pretending otherwise? If they didn’t have it out now, he’d just end up having to do it all over again the next day. One evening of ambivalent flirting was more than enough for him.
“Sure, coffee sounds good,” he said, following Cole into the kitchen. “I really liked that shirt Thorn was wearing tonight. All that training at the firehouse is paying off. He’ll be Mr. July next year for sure.”
Josh knew alphas. He knew what made them tick, what made them lose control. Cole had to be right on the edge of losing it. All he had to do was nudge.
“And Duke, he’s really rocking the hot single dad thing. Alphas can pull that off like no one else, don’t you think?”
Cole, in the midst of filling the coffee pot, shut off the water and set the pot down. He leaned his palms against the counter and just stood there, his shoulders tense, his gaze on the kitchen window.
“Cole, did you hear what I said?” Josh prodded.
He tried to sound casual, happy even, though his stomach was doing somersaults, his heart was racing, and his palms sweating. This was what happened when you baited a trap. Eventually, you drew in a monster.
Slowly, Cole pushed away from the counter and turned. Josh took an involuntary step back at the anger burning in Cole’s eyes. He opened his mouth to speak, but nothing came out. All he could do was remind himself that this was his plan, he’d made this happen. Whatever came next, he’d brought it on himself.
Cole’s eyes didn’t leave his face, his gaze searching. He stepped forward, and Josh held his breath. All Cole did was skirt around him, slipping out of the kitchen.
After a beat, Josh followed him, stopping at the back door and watching Cole run across the grass to the tree line. The alpha paused there just long enough to throw off his clothes, then disappeared beyond the trees, shifting as he moved. A tall horse with a dark coat appeared among the branches for a brief moment before racing away. Josh was alone.
He stood at the threshold for a long time, listening for Cole’s return, and wondering what had happened. He thought they’d fight, Cole would yell, and he’d be banned from the packhouse for the rest of his trip. When he’d pushed just that bit too far trying to shove Cole over the edge, he’d expected thrown objects, maybe having to dodge a fist or two.
Cole had been angry, of that he was sure. But he’d walked away like his anger wasn’t Josh’s problem, wasn’t Josh’s responsibility to solve or make better. Which flew in the face of everything Josh knew. It was always the omega’s responsibility. Every time.
When he grew tired standing there, he went to check on the horses. Then he returned to the kitchen and sat there as the sun sank below the horizon, and it grew dark. Still, Cole didn’t return.
Josh began to worry. Hadn’t Cole himself said that he had bad days, days where he struggled? Josh had pushed and pushed him, for his own selfish reasons, never thinking about the cost to Cole.
With a groan of frustration, the self-loathing settling heavily in his stomach, he grabbed a flashlight and headed out into the dark.
Chapter Twenty-One
Cole was once again left second-guessing himself when Josh’s behavior during dinner got more erratic. None of what he and the others had talked about the previous day was visible. They were halfway through the meal before he realized Josh was trying to make some kind of point to someone. And that someone was most definitely him.
By the time the meal was over, he was irritated to hell. Like he’d been swathed in poison ivy and every inch of his skin itched with it. Josh, for his part, stayed quiet as they made their way back to the cottage. But there was an expectant air to his silence, like he was waiting for something.
As Cole made coffee, he began talking again. Just like before, Cole had the sense there was a purpose behind his words that had nothing to do with what he was saying. But all he heard were words he knew were designed to annoy him. And it was working. Between dinner and Josh’s unwillingness to back down, anger bubbled its way to the surface. Good thing Cole had plenty of practice keeping a lid on it. He forced himself to take a deep breath, stand up straight, and face Josh.
The omega’s expression held that same sense of expectancy as his tone. He’d been pushing for an outcome, and he thought he was about to get it. Cole did a quick read of Josh’s body language. He found the omega ticked a hell of a lot of boxes on his red flag list. All of them pointed toward fear and Josh’s fight-or-flight response being on a hair-trigger.
Cole kept his movements slow and deliberate, stepping around Josh and out of the room. The two of them were like unexploded ordinance right now, each just waiting to go off. And if they were in close proximity when that happened, they’d both lose their heads. The best way Cole could handle it was to take himself out of the equation.
He hit the cool air of the outside running, making his way to the edge of the woods. There, he shed his clothes, aware of Josh’s eyes watching him, though the omega stayed silent. He walked into the trees and shifted, throwing his head back as he sank to his knees. His feet and hands became hooves, a long neck replaced his own. Strength, power, and above all, speed, were at his fingertips.
It was all crowding in on top of him, the noise in his head inescapable—Dutchy, Andy, Jackson—everyone they’d lost. Josh, who was just another person he was failing to protect, even from himself. With a toss of his head, he raced off into the woods and gave himself over to the anger he felt.
It was dark when he came to, back in human form, splayed out on the grass in the middle of the clearing. He lay there, staring up at the sky, feeling calmer but still not settled. There was so much to atone for—he’d made so many mistakes.
First thing tomorrow, he’d tell Brax and Oliver they needed to move Josh into the packhouse or over with Thorn. Anywhere, so long as it meant he was safe and away from Cole. Josh had enough of his own problems without being exposed to the mess that was Cole’s life. He could paper over the cracks, pretend he’d turned a new leaf, but he was still the same shattered soldier who came home from war broken, like so many before him. All the king’s horses and all the king’s men… it would take more than an army to put him back together.
“Cole!”
He froze, hearing Josh’s voice in the distance. What the hell was the omega doing out here in the dark? The guy could barely keep his footing when it was light, nevermind stumbling around on a moonless night like this.
“Cole?” Josh called again. “Where are you?” It was followed a short, sharp cry and a loud thump.
Cole was on his feet and running before he’d had time to think.
“Josh?” he yelled.
“Here,” a subdued voice called from nearby.
Cole rounded a tree to find Josh on the ground, cradling his ankle between his hands, a cracked flashlight on the ground beside him.
“What are you doing out here?” Cole demanded.
“Looking for you,” the omega said, close to tears. “It’s all my fault.”
Cole ignored that, crouching down beside him. “What did you do to your ankle?”
“I caught it on a tree root, twisted it.”
“May I?” he asked, gesturing toward the ankle.
Josh let go of it and nodded. “It hurts.”
Cole gently ran his hands over it as Josh winced. “I bet it does. It’s already swelling. Can you move it?”
Josh did, hissing from the pain.
“It really hurts.”
“I don’t think anything’s broken,” Cole said. “But you may have torn a ligament. You shouldn’t put any weight on it if you can help it.”
He glanced around, trying to figure out where, exactly, they were. He cursed under his breath when he worked out they were almost three miles from the cottage.
“How’d you even find me?”
Josh shrugged and avoided his gaze. “I followed your scent. Hedgehog, remember? I’m not completely useless.”
“You should have stayed at the cottage.”
“I couldn’t. You never came back. I was worried.”
“Oh, now you’re worried.”
“It’s my fault, I know it is. I’m sorry. You’re right to be angry with me.”
Cole sat back on his heels. “No, I’m not. And I’m the one who’s sorry, Josh. I shouldn’t have left you alone like that. Then you’d never have wandered out here and ended up hurt because of me. Not much of a Protector, am I? I couldn’t keep Dutchy or Andy safe. I can’t keep you safe. It’s only a matter of time before I fail the pack. We have so many enemies, and most of them don’t even have faces. They’re nameless laws and regulations, creeping up on us from the shadows.”
His thoughts spiraled into blackness again.
“Hey.”
He was startled by the press of Josh’s cold hand to his face.
“It’s just a sprained ankle. It’s not the end of the world. I drove you out here and then chose to come out after you. That’s not on you. And I don’t know who Dutchy or Andy are, but I’m sure you did your best for them.”
Cole kept silent. There was so much Josh didn’t know. So much Cole couldn’t tell him. So much Cole couldn’t tell anyone. The cost of saving the world seemed such a huge burden when placed all on his shoulders. Everyone else seemed to think they’d gotten off lightly.
“Here, help me up,” Josh said, squeezing his hand. “I’ll hop back.”
Keeper (The Lost Pack Book 2) Page 10