I shook my head. Preston was Sophia’s nanny. Her nanny, not her father.
He claimed he wanted a future with me, with us. But I had to remind myself that this was a job. He was present, he took care of Sophia, fed her meals, and took her out for activities because he was paid to do so. And after talking with his friends the other night, I knew just how badly he needed the money.
Not that it took away from their incredible relationship. He was great with her, and she adored him. But it was a reminder that come the end of summer, he’d move on to another family. Just like Cal had moved on.
“Alexis, does that still work for you?” Margaret’s voice floated to me from somewhere in the distance.
“Hmm?” I glanced away from the window, only to realize everyone was staring at me. Right. “Yes, that will be fine.”
We’d been discussing the back-to-school plans as well as the fall carnival and silent auction. My brokerage firm would be donating a number of items for the auction, which would raise funds for a new gymnasium.
“Great. Unless there’s anything else…” She glanced around the room, waiting for anyone to speak up. They didn’t. “Then we’re done.”
Everyone started to pack up. A few parents dashed out, but many lingered, discussing their exotic summer travels or their children’s latest accomplishments. Sophia was attending a music camp this week, and a STEM camp for girls next, but I didn’t feel the need to brag about it.
“Hey.” Margaret approached, speaking in a dulcet tone that told me she wanted something. “I wanted to talk to you about Cal.”
I frowned, wondering where she was going with this. Sophia had been attending this school for two years now. Everyone knew that if they had a question about Sophia, they could ask Gabriela or me. Cal had maybe attended one performance when she was in kindergarten, and he never picked her up from school. In fact, I wasn’t even sure his name was listed as someone authorized to give her a ride.
“What about him?”
“Do you think he’d be interested in donating something to the auction?”
I forced a smile as I struggled to get my tablet back into my purse. It was bursting at the seams, overdue for a much-needed purge. But I hadn’t had time. Like everything in my life at the moment, it had been pushed to the back burner. Between work, Sophia’s upcoming party, school starting soon, and struggling to fit in time with Preston where I could, I was always in a rush.
“I can see,” I said. “But I wouldn’t count on it.”
She nodded. “Okay. Well, if you can persuade him.” She gave me a devilish grin, and I tried not to visibly cringe. “We’d be most appreciative.”
“Sure,” I huffed, finally getting the tablet in. “Ava received the invite to Sophia’s birthday party, right?”
Margaret nodded. “Oh yes. She’s very excited about her mermaid party.” She placed a hand on my forearm. “I’m sure it’s going to be incredible. So much better than Bella’s Shellebration.” Her frown was disapproving. “I mean, come on. Talk about tacky.”
Wow. I could distinctly remember Margaret making a big fuss about how adorable the party was. She’d practically fawned over the decorations; now here she was, ripping them apart. It wasn’t entirely surprising, but it was disappointing nevertheless.
She patted my arm. “You always do everything with such style and grace that I’m sure it will be very…tasteful.”
“Thanks,” I said, knowing how much pressure there was to throw the perfect party, have the perfect child, the perfect house, the perfect life. If you wanted to do well, you had to fit in, you had to play the game.
“Did you hear about Hennessy and Staci?”
I shook my head, needing to get out of there. It was suffocating—the pressure, the expectations.
“Apparently, he was cheating on her with his assistant. Can you believe it?” Her smile was disapproving yet sinister. It was clear she relished the gossip, even if she pretended to be sympathetic. “What a cliché. And poor Staci.”
Spots swam before my eyes. If she only knew…if she only knew I was falling in love with my daughter’s nanny. Talk about a cliché.
Chapter Twenty
Alexis slid an envelope across the kitchen counter. “This is for you.”
We’d barely seen each other in days. She was gone before I woke, and she came home late, often long after Sophia had gone to bed. I knew she was stressed and exhausted, but a little hello would’ve been nice. Maybe a kiss. Or was a simple “How was your day?” too much to ask?
I tried to understand. Really, I did. I knew how much Alexis loved her job. I knew how important it was to her. I also knew that I didn’t fully appreciate the pressure she was under, but I tried. I tried to be there for her, but it was difficult when it felt like she was shutting me out.
I picked up the envelope and opened the flap. “What is it?”
“Just a little something to say thank you for all the extra hours you’ve been working.”
Inside, there was a check for five thousand dollars. I stared at the amount before placing it back in the envelope and pushing it away. There was no way I could accept that. It felt wrong—dirty. Like she was trying to buy me off or something.
“What’s wrong?” she asked. “Is it not enough?”
I crossed my arms over my chest, my eyes wide. “Are you kidding? Not enough? It’s way too much.”
“Preston,” she said. “You’ve been working on your days off, staying over late. I don’t expect you to do it all for free.”
“I do it because I love Sophia. I love you.”
She didn’t say it back, didn’t look me in the eye. Finally, she sighed. “Look, I know what it’s like to feel like you’re being taken advantage of. I would never want you to feel that way.”
She slid the envelope back across the counter toward me. “Please—take it. It’s what I’d pay Gabby if she were working extra hours for me.”
I shook my head, holding her gaze. “No.”
She’d barely responded to my texts the past few days, unless it was to tell me she was running late. Now, this?
She threw her hands in the air. “I don’t understand what the big deal is.”
“What’s the big deal? You avoid me for days, then come home and try to pay me off.”
“I’m not paying you off,” she huffed, her face turning red. “I’m paying you for services rendered.”
“Services rendered?” I laughed, but there was an edge to it. “And exactly which services would those be—the babysitting or the fucking?”
“I—” She stared at me with her mouth open, before turning and storming off toward the stairs.
I marched after her. “Is this why you buy Sophia designer clothes and host elaborate birthday parties? To try to compensate for being gone?”
I regretted the words the moment I’d spoken them, but it was too late to take them back. She straightened, and it was then I saw her hidden strength. The fire that blazed in her eyes.
“I’m sorry,” I sighed. “That was uncalled-for.”
“Yeah. It was.” Her voice was hard. “You have no idea what I’ve been through.”
“Maybe that’s because you won’t open up to me,” I ground out.
I kept trying. I’d thought we were finally getting somewhere. That she was finally letting me in. And every time I’d get a little closer, she’d retreat to work again.
I scrubbed a hand over my face. “I thought we’d agreed this was more than a fling. Maybe I was wrong.”
“You’re not wrong,” she sighed, taking a seat on the stairs.
“Then talk to me.” I sat next to her. “Don’t vanish for days, only to come home and throw money at me. It makes me feel… I don’t know…dirty.”
She cringed, leaning her head on my shoulder. “That was definitely not my intent. I was trying to be fair. I was trying to do something nice.”
“And I had to ruin it by being an asshole.” I grinned, taking her hand in mine. “It’s hard.
We’ve missed you.”
“I’ve missed you too. I’ve just been…busy.”
“We have time now,” I said, even knowing she was tired. “Tell me what’s been going on.”
She gave me a quick rundown, and I realized she’d been dealing with even more than I’d known. While part of me felt foolish for questioning her earlier, another part wondered if I was right to do so. Wondered if she’d ever fully let me in.
“How’s Soph?” she asked.
“Good. Brooklyn came over today, and they had fun swimming. She missed you at bedtime. And…I think she’s beginning to suspect something.”
Alexis stilled. “Why do you think that?”
I lifted a shoulder. “I don’t know. Just a few comments she made.”
She was quiet.
“We need to tell her, Alexis.”
“No.” She jerked her hand through her hair, turning to look at me. “I mean, at least, not yet.”
“When?” I wanted to respect her decision of when to tell Sophia, but I was tired of feeling like her dirty little secret. “The summer is almost over.”
“I…I don’t know. Let me think about it.” When I didn’t say anything, she added, “You understand, right? With your placement still in effect and her birthday coming up, we just…” She sighed. “We need to wait a little longer.”
I nodded, but I didn’t like it. And worry lurked in the back of my mind that she might never be ready to tell Sophia—or anyone, for that matter.
She stood, and I expected her to bid me goodnight. Instead, she asked, “Will you stay with me? I’m not ready to say goodnight.”
I wasn’t either, but I never was. Still, I understood and respected her wishes to have me sleep in the pool house, especially after Sophia had nearly walked in on us a few weeks ago. I couldn’t wait to tell Sophia, to not have to sneak around anymore. I was so tired of trying to hide how I felt about this woman.
I followed Alexis up the stairs to her room, shutting the door quietly behind me. While she got ready for bed, I stripped down to my boxer briefs and paused when my phone lit up on the nightstand. I frowned at the screen, wondering why Sam was calling so late. I sent it to voice mail, promising myself to call him back in the morning.
I climbed between the sheets and tucked an arm behind my head, waiting for what felt like a long time. Finally, she switched off the bathroom light and meandered over to the bed. Even in a loose T-shirt, she looked incredibly sexy. And I smiled when I realized it was one of my shirts she was wearing.
She plugged in her phone and climbed between the covers, snuggling in. We were quiet for a while, and I’d almost wondered if she’d fallen asleep when she said, “Growing up, my family struggled.” I stayed silent, waiting for her to continue. “It’s not easy being the smelly kid at school or trying to hide the fact that you don’t have a lunch or a home.”
My heart ached for her, for the child that faced hunger and homelessness. For the woman who had overcome such obstacles, but was still haunted by her past. I held her closer to me, wanting her to know that she was safe. She was loved.
“I’m sorry. I had no idea.” I felt even worse for my comment earlier about buying affection.
She sniffed. “No one does—except Lauren. It’s not something I like to discuss. And it’s not something I care for people to know about me.”
“Thank you for trusting me with this.” My tone was solemn.
Everything made so much more sense now. Her relentless drive to be successful, to make money. Her desire to give Sophia everything and more.
“I trust you with everything,” she said, rolling so she was propped up on her elbow. “And I love you. But I’m scared,” she whispered.
I cupped her cheek with my hand. Fuck if it didn’t feel good to hear her say she loved me. But at the moment, I was more focused on the fact that she was scared.
“Why? What are you scared of?”
“I’m scared of losing you. I’m scared this won’t last. And—” she dropped her head so that she was staring at my chest “—I’m scared of hurting Sophia.”
“Do you think she would be upset by the idea of us together?” I asked. I didn’t, but I was starting to wonder if maybe Alexis did.
“Maybe not at first—she’s too young to really understand. But I’d hate to think that she’d be made fun of for our choices. You’re her nanny. I’m—” she puffed out a breath “—so much older than you.”
“Let me ask you something,” I said, rolling on my side and tucking my hand beneath my head. “Those kids who made fun of you growing up…”
“Yeah?”
“Where are they now?”
She laughed, though it was devoid of mirth. “Honestly, I’m not sure.”
“My point exactly. They don’t matter.”
“Yeah, but—” She stopped, shook her head. “It still affects me. I’m still trying to live that down. And I would never want that for Sophia.”
“Nor would I,” I said. “But she’s strong and she’s resilient. And we can get through this—together.” I believed it. I just wondered what it would take for Alexis to see it too.
She rolled onto her back, staring at the ceiling with a deep sigh. “What about the Hartwell Agency? Your job?”
“Like you said, the summer’s almost over. Besides, I can find another job,” I said. “Those are short-term issues. In the long run, you and Sophia are what matter.”
“You say that now, but what about in ten years, or even twenty? I’m not getting any younger, Preston.”
I smoothed a lock of hair away from her face. “It doesn’t matter how old you are, you’ll always be beautiful to me.”
I leaned in, needing to kiss her, needing to know I wasn’t going to lose her. Perhaps I was pushing for too much, too soon, but life was short. You never knew what was going to happen.
She was quiet, and I so desperately wished I knew what she was thinking. “You were right,” she finally said.
“Can you repeat that?” I teased, prompting her to slap my chest. “Okay, fine. But at least tell me what I was right about.”
“Money. Sometimes, albeit unintentionally, I go overboard to try to compensate for not being around as much. I’m sorry for doing that to you, and I’ll try to be more aware of it with Sophia.”
I gathered her in my arms. “You know that Sophia adores you, right? That she’d love you even if she didn’t have an insanely over-the-top mermaid party or the latest designer clothes?”
She nodded, but I wasn’t sure she believed it.
“I love you too,” I said, unable to resist telling her again. “And I would never, ever want you to feel like you have to buy my love.”
She sighed, sinking farther into me. “I know,” she sighed again. “I know that, but it’s sometimes hard to believe.”
“Because of Cal?” I asked, doing my best to keep my voice even.
“Cal, but mostly, my parents. After all the years they struggled, I was more than willing to give them money. I wanted them to have what they needed, to have a nice, comfortable life. But they just kept asking for more and more.
“Sophia is their only grandchild, and they only spent time with her when they thought it would benefit them. And when they started demanding money from me, expecting it…” She swallowed hard. “I’d had enough.”
“So, they’re not in her life at all?” I asked.
“My parents? No. I told them they could be, if they met certain conditions. But until then, they will not have access to her. The sad part is, I’m not sure they even care.”
“That’s really shitty.” I smoothed my hand up and down her back, wanting to comfort her.
No wonder she struggled with trust—her ex-husband, her parents had all done a number on her. I could never in a million years imagine my parents treating me like that. And it only made me even more determined to show Alexis that she could trust me, love me.
The following afternoon, Sophia had just returned from camp and was sho
wing Alexis and me a new game she’d learned. The three of us were playing in the living room when the doorbell rang. Alexis went to answer it, returning moments later with a raven-haired man at her side—Cal.
“Daddy!” Sophia jumped up from her spot on the floor and ran over to him.
I stood, my eyes bulging at the sight of this tall, tatted musician swinging Sophia around. When he placed her back on the floor, I sensed he was assessing me. And I knew he was trying to determine who I was and what I was doing here.
A heavy feeling settled in my gut. What was he doing here? Had Alexis known he was coming?
“Daddy! I have so much to show you and tell you and…”
“Who’s your little friend?” Cal interrupted, and I resisted the urge to roll my eyes. Dick.
Sophia jumped around, never letting go of his hand. “This is Preston. Preston, this is my dad.”
“Ah.” He jerked his chin toward me. Everything about him, from the long hair to the fitted T-shirt to the ripped jeans, seemed so contrived. Right down to the leather bracelets. “So, you’re the new neighbor.”
I frowned, holding out my hand to shake. “I live in the pool house. So yes, I guess, technically, that makes me their neighbor.”
“Pool house?” He turned to Alexis, tightening his grip on my hand. Guess I wasn’t the only one Alexis had kept in the dark.
“Yes, Cal,” Alexis said. “Preston is living in the pool house for the summer.”
Sophia bebopped around the room. “And he’s my manny.”
Cal choked. “He’s your what?”
“My manny,” she said. “You know—” she placed a hand on her hip “—man plus nanny equals manny.”
Cal glared at Alexis, but Sophia was so excited to see her dad she didn’t notice. “Come see the new game I learned at camp.” Sophia tugged on Cal’s hand, but he remained rooted to the spot.
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