Interagency Cooperation

by Jaleta Clegg

stepped out from under the bush. He was less than two feet tall but knotted with muscles. Scraggly white hair covered his chin and chest. His clothing consisted of ragged bits of leaves and twine, except for the red pointy hat on his head. He wrinkled his bulbous nose and pointed a twisted finger at Tess. His other hand held another silvery knife. He cocked it back, aiming at her face. She squeezed the trigger. The top of the bush quivered as the bullet passed through.

  The evil little man laughed. The knife flickered towards her. She ducked, emptying her gun as she dropped. Dust kicked up around the little man, but he wasn't there anymore.

  Shondeen yanked Tess back to her feet, shoving her into Beavis. "You broke the warding. We aren't safe here."

  "He had a knife," Tess snapped back as she pulled free from Beavis's sweaty hands.

  "Illusion." Shondeen scanned the farm, hands fingering objects tied into the laces on her tunic. "Get inside the barn. It's got the best ley lines."

  "What?" Tess had just about all she could take of the fairy's arrogance. She squeezed her hands into fists.

  Shondeen was already halfway to the barn, herding Beavis and Roxy in front of her. They went like sheep. Stupid humans. Anger burned in Tess's chest, hot and red and so satisfying. She wanted blood. Lots of hot, red blood, dripping from her hands, splashing on the dead weeds, covering her cap in red.

  Tess blinked and shook herself head to toe, like a dog shaking off water. The anger snapped away, leaving fear behind. The little man and his twin charged out from under the porch, screaming as they ran towards her, their faces twisted into masks of insane rage.

  "Tess, run!" Shondeen's voice cracked the air like thunder.

  Tess bolted for the barn. Jagged lines of blue fire streaked past her towards the red caps. They squawked, anger and pain mixed. The unearthly sound drove Tess faster into the dubious shelter of the sagging barn.

  Shondeen slapped her twisted stick on the ground behind Tess as she crossed under the lintel and into the shade. Blue fire zipped around the inner walls, fading quickly into the shadows.

  "We're safe for now, but I'm almost out of charges," Shondeen said as she tucked her stick back into her belt. "We need a plan."

  "I think you need to tell me more about these red caps," Tess said.

  Shondeen shot a look at Beavis and Roxy, who both wore puzzled looks. She sighed. "This breaks all sorts of rules, but I don't see another way." She whirled and tossed a handful of silver dust at the two of them. They blinked rapidly for a second. Their expressions faded to vague smiles. "They will do what we tell them to do, but all they will remember is helping you catch the killers and turning them over to the FBI. They'll interpret that as your federal agency and they'll remember me only as the agent who took custody. You are going to be much more difficult."

  "You're going to mess with my mind?" Tess didn't want anyone in her head. She'd dropped her college boyfriend like a diseased toad when he'd tried to pull that kind of crap on her. She wasn't going to let some black freak from another world that she'd only met do it to her.

  Shondeen actually cracked a smile. "I don't think I could if I wanted to. You broke the red cap's spell all on your own. You have a powerful mind. You could be quite the wizard with a bit of training." She clapped her hands together, all business now. "We have to get those two through a portal back into my world. I've got magic to spare to handle them if I can get them through. The portal is out there, in the yard. I can activate it easily enough. Getting those two to go through will be much more difficult. What resources do we have?" She sucked on her inhaler as she scanned the barn.

  "Red caps?" Tess prompted.

  "Gnomes that go insane. Usually because they sniffed a little too much sulfur dust. It's a fey drug. We've been fighting to get it out of the gnome towns, but the gangs are fighting back."

  "Fairies have drug problems?"

  Shondeen shook her head. "You have no idea. You think your drug wars are bad? Add in magic and dragon crime lords and it gets ugly in a hurry. Red caps end up in a reserve where they can hunt imaginary creatures to their hearts' content, but no one actually gets hurt. The problems happen when they escape because some incompetent elf couldn't keep his hands off the unicorn. These two slipped out a week ago. It's taken me this long to track their portal. They were sane enough to pass as normal gnomes, at least long enough to buy the materials to open a portal through to here. Your world is like the holy land for dust sniffers. Every once in a while they get through and go on killing sprees. They have blood magic that keeps it from coagulating so they can play longer. They dip their hats in the blood of their victims as a way to recharge. These two are full of power right now. This isn't going to be easy."

  "When is anything ever easy?" Tess planted her hands on her hips. The butt of her gun nudged her right hand. It was empty, useless now. She didn't have much else. Handcuffs and her radio didn't seem like they'd be too useful.

  "We need some way to trick them, drive them into the portal when I open it." Shondeen paced the dilapidated barn, stepping over rusted bits of machinery without seeming to notice. "They are too strong to wrestle. Don't let their small size deceive you. They could wrestle full-grown alligators and hippopotami, then finish with grizzlies for dessert and never break a sweat."

  Roxy patted her jacket pockets. "Where'd I put those? I need a smoke." She shook out a cigarette, then resumed rummaging through her pockets. She found her lighter and sighed as she flicked it open. No flames happened, though. She flicked it a few more times. Her brow knotted with frustration. She shook the lighter, her helmet of hair shifting as a solid mass at her movements.

  "Lemme help," Beavis offered. He pulled a wad of matchbooks from his pocket.

  "Put that away!" Shondeen clamped a hand over her nose and mouth. "You want to kill us all?"

  Beavis dropped the matchbooks as if they were poisonous snakes. He danced away. "Roxy, I told you them smokes was gonna kill you."

  Roxy stabbed a red-lacquered nail at Shondeen. "I need a smoke. My nerves are just about shot and no FBI agent is going to get between me and my smokes."

  Shondeen coughed, spat a gob of mucus on the ground, then glared at Roxy. "I'm the only thing standing between you and those psychotic killers. You want to put me to sleep? Give me those cigarettes." She snatched the cigarette from Roxy's mouth and the open pack from the woman's hand. The black elf spoke a single phrase. Blue light sparked off her fingertip. Smoke spiraled lazily from the end of the cigarette. She shoved the unlit end into Roxy's mouth. Roxy automatically started puffing, though she still stared at Shondeen, eyes wide. Shondeen sucked in a lungful of the second-hand smoke. "Much better. Now, where were we?"

  Tess picked up Beavis's matches from the ground. "Red phosphorus and sulfur," she whispered.

  Shondeen prowled the barn, kicking the random rusted bits of junk. "All iron, and not good quality. It won't work, not in the least."

  Tess squatted down, matches fanned out in one hand. "How does this work, Shondeen?"

  The elf stopped pacing. "What?"

  "Red phosphorus and sulfur. You said it would put you to sleep."

  "And kill us all when my spells fail because I'm unconscious."

  Tess grinned. "I have an idea. But I need to know how this works first. Yeah, it will probably knock you out, but it will also knock out those redcaps. Wouldn't it?"

  Shondeen knelt in front of Tess. "How are you going to open the portal? You have no idea how and you have no magic. If I'm asleep, I can't do it."

  "What if we tied up the redcaps?"

  Shondeen shook her head. "Only iron will hold them and nothing around here is good enough or shaped right. Iron infused rope might do the trick but that would take weeks to prepare."

  Tess pulled her handcuffs from her belt. "Good enough for you? High quality steel."

  Shondeen nodded. "Those would work, but you've only got one pair."

  "Beavis, you bring your cuffs?" Tess called.

  The deputy slapped his hands along
his belt. "I knew I forgot something."

  "I got two pair in my purse," Roxy said between cigarette puffs.

  Shondeen poked the matchbooks with one wary finger. "I don't like this."

  "How do these work?"

  Something hit the side of the barn with a loud whump. The boards shook old dust into the air. Hay dropped from the loft overhead. The whole building creaked. The blue ward light shimmered and faded.

  "We don't have much time," Tess said. "Either the building is going to fall down on top of us, or the redcaps will take off on another murder spree. It's the best I've got, unless you have something you haven't told us about."

  "Burn them together and the gases they give off put the fey to sleep." Shondeen whispered the words as if they were being dragged from her by force. "My wand is out of charges and the ward spell is just about gone."

  "Then here's my plan. You get to the far end of the barn and hold your breath or whatever. Let the spell drop. I'll be hiding behind the door. As soon as the redcaps rush in, I light the matches. We get them to breathe in the fumes, they pass out, we slap cuffs on them, and as soon as you recover, we shove them through the portal. Problem solved."

  "I don't like it," Shondeen said, "but it's better than anything I can think up."

  The barn shuddered under another hit from outside.

  "Then let's do it." Tess gathered all the matchbooks and retreated to the wall next to the door. "Beavis, you get to the right, Roxy to the left.