by Dori Lavelle
Everyone at the table laughs except for Justin, of course.
“I appreciate the warning.” I wink at Caleb. He winks back and I feel myself relax. “I’ll take what I can.”
Just as we think the toasts are over, Justin’s hand trembles toward his glass of apple cider. It’s a bit of a struggle for him to lift it, but he succeeds. “I want to say something,” he says and everyone turns to look at him in surprise as he had barely said a word to anyone since he arrived in Cabo.
He grows quiet again, but we give him time to gather his thoughts. When he finally speaks, his voice is strong and angry, his eyes fixed on Caleb’s face.
“I hate you,” he says. “I hate you because you don’t love us.”
“Justin,” I scold, humiliation heating my cheeks. “How can you say that?” I get out of my chair and go to stand behind his wheelchair, ready to wheel him out if he steps even more out of line.
“It’s true. If he loved us enough, he would not want to die. I heard you talking to him. I heard him say he doesn’t want treatment.” Justin is crying now, his whole body trembling. When I try to touch him, he uses the little energy he has to shake me off, then he presses a button on the armrest of his wheelchair and wheels himself from the dining room.
“I’m so sorry,” I say to everyone. “I’ll speak to him.”
“No,” Caleb says, his voice broken. “This is between me and my son.” He stands up and goes after Justin.
Cindy leaves the room after helping me get dressed and, just when I think I have a moment alone, Justin enters.
“Hi, mom,” he murmurs. There’s a softness to his face I have not seen in a long time.
“Hi, baby.” I had felt humiliated after what he said last night at the table, but Caleb told me not to give him a hard time, that it was his way of dealing with the situation.
When they had returned to the dining room twenty minutes later, both of their eyes were damp.
Until last night, I had no idea just how attached Justin was to Caleb. It makes it that much harder to think of him leaving our lives for good. I’ll never forget how I felt when Caleb referred to Justin as his son. My child might end up losing yet another father to the grave.
“I’m sorry about yesterday,” Justin says now, his head bowed. As the ringbearer, he’s dressed in a cream and black tux that makes him look so much more grown-up. My breath catches when he moves closer to where I’m sitting on the bed.
“There’s nothing to be sorry about, sweetheart.” I had been upset last night, but he only did something most of us wished we could do. Instead of swallowing down his frustration, like I’m doing, he let it out. I have a feeling doing that made him feel better.
I sweep a lock of hair from his forehead. “I know you’re angry about what’s happening to Caleb. But, baby, he’s hurting too. Sometimes undergoing treatment makes some people even more sick.”
“He said he wants to spend more time with me and not in the hospital.” A tear rolls down Justin’s cheek. “I love him, mommy.” I don’t remember the last time he called me that. He sounds like my baby again.
“I know you do, my love.” I press my forehead to his, the way Caleb does when he wants to feel especially close to me. “He loves you too very much.” I move my head back to look into his eyes. “He’s still here with us. Instead of being sad, we should try to enjoy every moment we have with him.”
“When will he die?”
His question steals my breath. I scramble my mind for something to say, something less painful. “You know what, let’s not think about that today. We have something beautiful to celebrate. You look so handsome in your tux.”
“I like it,” Justin says, his face brightening a little. His outburst was worth it. It allowed him to come out of his shell, to enjoy this day with us as best he can.
After he leaves, I shed a few tears, then I pull myself together. My life is waiting.
* * *
I didn’t plan on having a fairytale wedding, but it happens anyway. With Caleb standing before me, wearing an almost identical tux to the one Justin is wearing, I feel like a princess.
I can’t let this moment pass without enjoying it fully. Yet again, I force myself to pretend that the cancer is not real, that it was just a bad dream I had. I pretend that what I feel inside my heart is pure happiness, untainted by pain. But it’s hard to pretend for long because as soon as Caleb smiles at me, the truth hits me again. How many more times will I see his smile? How many more times will I see his eyes looking back at me? How many more times will I feel the touch of his hand against my skin?
All pretense goes out of the window and I return to my less than perfect reality. This is not where we thought we’d end up, but here we are.
“Caleb,” I say after the minister gives me permission to say my vows. “I love you today. I’ll love you tomorrow. I love you while you’re here. I’ll love you even when you’re not.” My voice catches and Caleb’s hands tighten around mine.
Since the lump inside my throat refuses to let me go on, he steps in to say his own vows.
“Ellie, my love, I choose to stay and fight,” he says, his voice hoarse with emotions. “I never want to leave you. Alone, I’m weak. On my own, I’m not strong enough to overcome the challenges ahead of me. But with you by my side and in my arms, I’m so much stronger.” He gazes at Justin, who’s parked not too far from where we’re standing, gives him a nod, then returns his attention to me. “You make me brave. For you, I’ll walk through the fire, if it means I’ll get even one more extra day with you. I was foolish to make it all about me and my own pain. I love you, Ellie.” Before he can go on, I reach for him and we cry in each other’s arms. “I will do the treatment,” he whispers into my hair.
I’m crying both tears of fear and joy. He has just given me the best wedding present I could ever have asked for. “Thank you.” I gulp sea air into my lungs and hiccup. “I love you so much. Thank you.”
Later, as we dance on the ship under the stars, surrounded by flowers and candles, he tells me that it was Justin who gave him the courage to overcome his fears, and to see that it was not all about him. “I don’t want to disappoint my new son.”
“Dear husband,” I say, running my hands up and down his back. “No matter what you do, you can never disappoint him…or me.”
Later, at the reception table underneath the largest chandelier I have ever seen, he tells me that after the honeymoon, he will make an appointment with his doctor.
When we’re finally alone inside our honeymoon suite, with Caleb’s face buried between my legs, I let go of every negative emotion for just one night. I let down my hair and dive into the welcoming arms of passion.
My legs tremble as Caleb’s tongue glides up and down the most sensitive part of me. I catch my breath and grip his hair when his erect tongue pushes into my tunnel, determined to give me pleasure.
The way his tongue is moving so skillfully inside me snatches my breath. “Wow,”
I breathe. “You are something else.”
He pauses, lifts his head, and winks. “I’ve been practicing inside my mind.”
I laugh. “Well, show me what else you’ve got.”
“Yes, ma’am.” He dives right back in and continues to drive me wild. My thighs tighten around his head and my back arches, causing my hard nipples to point to the ceiling. “Yes, keep going…just like that.”
He continues to lick, and nibble, and suck, and my warm wetness becomes one with his saliva. I gasp. I moan. I murmur his name. I want more of this. I want more of him. As soon as I start to feel the delicious pressure in my belly, I pull him back up to me.
“I need you to fuck me now.”
“Whatever you want, my wife.”
His wife. I’m Caleb LaClaire’s wife finally. I’m making love to my husband.
Feeling even more turned on, I reach down to touch him, pulling him inside me. We gaze deep into each other’s eyes until his entire shaft has filled me completely. T
hen he starts to thrust while I move my hips up and down to give him deeper access into me.
I tighten my legs around him and cross them at the ankles forcing him to stop thrusting for a few seconds, allowing myself a chance to relish the moment even more.
“I love you,” he says. “I’ll do everything to stay with you.” He wriggles his hips a little, sending a ball of pleasure ricocheting inside me.
“Yes. I know.” I release him from my vice and he starts to thrust again, harder this time.
I give every single sensation permission to wash over me. When you don’t know how much time you have to enjoy a good thing, you make the most of every second.
The moans get louder and the sensations merge into one big ball of ecstasy in the center of my core. That’s when I scream. My orgasm turns him on such that it doesn’t take long before he finds his own climax and his body shudders.
We recover after one hour, which we spend drinking champagne and eating chocolates, then we move to the jacuzzi for the second round.
“You are insatiable, Mrs. LaClaire,” he says after he makes me come again.
“And you’re doing a great job satisfying me, Mr. LaClaire.”
* * *
In the morning, just as we’re about to enjoy our breakfast in bed that had been brought to our room by our personal butler, someone knocks on the door. It’s Bryant and he looks concerned.
“What’s going on, man?” Caleb asks. “Did someone piss you off?”
“Are you okay, Bryant?” I tighten the belt of my robe, my heart hammering. “Did something happen?”
“I got a call from Dr. Smith,” he says to Caleb. “Apparently, he’s been trying to reach you for days, but you don’t return his calls.”
“Can you blame me?” Caleb averts his gaze. “I’ve been busy preparing for my wedding. I was not in the mood to be talked into treatment.”
“Fair enough.” Bryant pushes his chestnut hair from his forehead, then shoves his hands into his pockets. “Now that you’ve decided to undergo treatment, give him a call back. Make an appointment.”
“I can do that when I return from my honeymoon.”
“Do it, Caleb,” Bryant says in a firm voice, his green eyes flashing a silent warning.
“Yeah, you should,” I say. “He might want to share some better treatment options with you.” My main motivation for giving him a nudge is because I’m concerned that he might change his mind about being treated. If he communicates his wishes to a doctor, I’ll know he’s serious.
“Fine.” He sighs. “I’ll call him after breakfast.”
Thankfully, Caleb keeps his promise. As soon as he’s done eating, I give him his phone. While I continue to nibble on a piece of bacon, he goes to the living room to make the call. My stomach is clenched the entire time he’s away, and I almost throw up with fear when he returns.
His face is pale and he’s still staring at the phone.
“What...what happened?”
He sinks into a nearby chair and stares into space, his mouth open.
My first thought is that the doctor had informed him that he has even less time to live.
“Come on, Caleb.” I go to him. “You’re scaring me.”
He looks up at me, but his eyes are wide with shock. “The cancer is...it’s gone.”
“What do you mean?” Now it’s my turn to be shocked. My knees go weak and I sink to the floor next to his chair. “It’s—”
“It’s gone.” His face breaks into a grin now. Before I can ask more questions, he shoots out of his chair, pulls me to my feet, and swings me around. “I’m not dying.”
“What happened?” I ask after he comes down and looks numb again.
“The cancer was never there. I was misdiagnosed. There was some kind of mix-up with the specimens or something. I couldn’t really hear anything after I was told that I’m healthy.” He cradles my face and kisses me. “I can’t believe this is happening. I’m not going anywhere, baby. I’m staying right here with you.”
“Oh my God.” I start to cry. “I don’t know what to say. I’m shocked. In a good way, of course.”
“Just say you’ll love me forever.”
“Oh, yes.” I jump into his arms. “Forever and always.”
After the initial shock, he turns to me. “How does one celebrate this kind of good news?”
“By making a baby. Let’s make a baby.” The best way to celebrate the gift of life would be to create another.
“Are you sure?” Concern erases some of Caleb’s joy. “I thought you were afraid of having more children because—”
“I know, but I changed my mind.” I pause, remembering our discussion over a year ago. After giving birth to a disabled son, I used to be terrified of having children again. But that was before I believed in miracles. “I want to do this with you. With you by my side, I’m not afraid of anything.”
Lost for words, Caleb sweeps me off my feet again and kisses me for a long time. Then he makes love to me again right where we are.
When it’s all over, we leave the room to tell the rest of our family that one of my most important wedding wishes has come true.
Unfortunately, some miracles take time. It takes two years of tears and several rounds of IVF, but we finally get what we want, a perfect pair of identical twin girls with bright green LaClaire eyes.
The moment Celine and Diana LaClaire are placed in our arms, the tears are forgotten and the pain becomes a distant memory.
Caleb and I have arrived where we always wanted to be, still happy in each other’s arms and looking forward to a future with our three beautiful children.
THE END
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