Damned If I Do

by M. J. Schiller

  Chicago was too close to Bloomington, and Sam, for me not to be thinking of her. Hell, I'd thought about her since she closed the door in my face in Denver. Especially since Dani told me what she went through. I figured out before that conversation something in her past kept Sam from opening up, but I would have never guessed someone slept around on her. What kind of idiot would cheat on a woman like Samantha? And not just because she was a looker—although I may seem as shallow as that, I'm not. What attracted me to Sam was her love of life and sense of humor. And simply her sass and flair, and the fact that, underneath all that crap, I sensed she possessed a heart of gold. The question remained—how was I supposed to win over that heart?

  I kept returning to the fact she told me to act like a Canadian Mounty and "mount" some other woman. That really ticked me off. To have her cheapen what happened between us. I mean, it was hot. Definitely hot. But it wasn't cheap, and I couldn't stand to hear her talk about it like that. I know it meant much more to her than that. Or at least I felt that way. Maybe I deluded myself. Funny thing is, if she were talking about any of my other "relationships," she would be dead right. They were empty and meaningless. Why was this any different? Why did it matter so much to me? It was only one night. But something happened that night. Something changed inside me.

  So that's what I thought about the day after I reffed a Blackhawks game. I paced my hotel room like a caged panther, looking back at the way I reacted when a girl came on to me after the game. She was built and gorgeous, and I met her for a drink. But it all left a sour taste in my mouth, and I went back to my place alone. Dancing with her felt wrong and stirred up memories of Sam and our time together in Denver. As I thought about that now, I kept getting more and more keyed up. Finally, with a frustrated huff, I snatched the keys to my rental car off the dresser and flew out the door, letting it slam behind me.

  Chapter 2

  Danielle

  It had been a week since Denver. I'd finally located Tucker, and we'd talked every day since. Or every night since. We'd decided it would be easier to talk after little ears were in bed. I anticipated meeting him in the Dells as soon as school finished. He would bring his kids, and I would bring Tabby. Thinking about it made my stomach flutter, but my desire to be with him outweighed my fears his kids wouldn't like me. I don't know why I worried so much. I got along with kids. But I knew there was a chance they would resent anyone coming into their lives at this point, and perhaps think I would come between them and their dad. But being with Tucker had become too important to me to back away. The closer the time got, the harder it was for me to put in my hours at work.

  But, that's exactly what I was doing one morning when the phone rang.

  "Dani, your phone is ringing," Max grumped as she wrestled with filling out each box on the final menu of the year.

  I snatched it off the shelf where we all set our cells and glanced at the number, which was unfamiliar, but the programmed name popped up with it, and I clicked to receive the call.

  "Kyle!" I screamed in delight. I turned around and caught sight of Sam coming to an abrupt halt as she walked toward me, a dirty pan in her hand. Her mouth hung open.

  "Hey ya, gorgeous. How's life treating you?"

  "Good. Good." I watched Sam's face. She composed her features and waltzed past me into the dish room. She hadn't been herself since Denver, but refused to talk about it.

  "How's Sam?" he asked tentatively.

  Hope surged through me. "Good. Do you want to talk to her?"

  "Yeah. No. No. I don't know... I think it needs to be in person. I'm about twenty minutes from you."

  I glanced at the clock. Sam came out of the dish room, and I took the call out the back door, feeling her gaze following me. "That's perfect," I whispered to him, despite the fact no one was around to hear me. I gave him directions, wished him luck, and hung up, crossing my fingers as I returned to work.

  "What did he want?" Sam asked disdainfully, though I could see how hollow her eyes had become, and how tense the lines in her face were.

  "He wanted to see how you were doing."

  "Huh. Guilty conscience."

  "As I recall," I said, aggravated with her, "he didn't have anything to feel guilty about."

  She glared at me, then returned to her work without another word. The cold shoulder she gave me could freeze a giant pot of chili, but I ignored it, and looked forward to what would come next.

  Samantha

  When I left out the back door, he stood there, slouched against the trunk of his car, hands in his pockets. He wore faded blue jeans and a St. Louis Blues t-shirt. He looked so good. I wanted to run to him. But, instead, I froze. Our gazes met, and this wonderful grin spread across his face. I searched through a swirl of emotions for one to hold on to. Shock, anger, fear, desire, pure joy over seeing him, coupled with some rather impure thoughts as well. But dueling at the top for the king of the hill of emotions was fear and joy. Dani came out behind me and, uncomfortable with the silence, I guess, she ran to throw her arms around Kyle.

  "Hey." Kyle emitted a low chuckle, returning the hug. Then he raised his head and looked at me again.

  "Good luck," I heard Dani whisper in his ear. Then she said more loudly, "Like to stay, Kyle, but I have to... pick up Tabby from school."

  "Tabby doesn't get off for another hour," I said out of the corner of my mouth, not taking my gaze off Kyle.

  "Uh, yeah. But I need a nap." She grinned at Kyle. "Pizza day. Kills me every time."

  "Traitor," I muttered under my breath.

  Kyle didn't comment, only continued to stare at me intensely, his blue eyes sparkling in the sunlight. We stood still, about five feet apart, while Dani pulled out, glancing at us, biting her bottom lip. When her tires hit the street pavement, he took a step toward me. Reacting instinctively, I backed up a few feet, blurting out, "Why did you come here?"

  He held my gaze steadily, not answering. He sighed, glancing away before saying simply, with a raise of his shoulders, "Because I missed you."

  A sharp stab of pain jabbed me, and it was several seconds before I could respond, fighting to bring air into my lungs. "You shouldn't have come!" I screamed, my voice shaky and irrational. I stamped past him to my car and fought the key into the door. My eyes filled with tears, making it hard to see.

  Out of the corner of my vision, I could see his head drop. "Sam, please..." he murmured, not turning.

  I knew I wouldn't be able to make it home without pulling over, but I had to at least hold it together long enough to get out of the parking lot. I got the car door open with a jerk, but dropped my keys. Before I could react, he was there, scooping my keys off the pavement and handing them to me. He didn't touch me, though we stood within inches of each other. "Kyle," I said brokenly, not knowing what would even come out of my mouth next.

  But, to my surprise, he took me in his arms and kissed me, softly, tenderly. And, despite all of my good intentions, I melted. As if by reflex, my fingers went to the back of his head, lacing through his hair. I wanted to hold him there. He tasted so good. Like he did in Colorado. Sweet and impossibly compelling, and totally Kyle. His lips, I don't know how to describe what they did to me. They were supple and talented. They pulled me into him, though I went a willing victim. Images of us together in his hotel bed were coupled with a shot of pure desire so strong it made me both ache and stung me with a sharper pain. The need swamped me, threatening to drown me. Pull me like the undertow into his incredible depths. We continued to kiss, his hands slipping to my hips. Maybe we weren't good at talking about things, but this we were good at.

  Suddenly I became aware of Alex and Max walking out to their cars. We broke apart a little, but he still held me fast by the hips, his fingers gripping like he was hanging off the edge of a cliff.

  "Hello, ladies."

  Max nodded, a huge smile brightening her face. "Kyle. Good to see you."

  "And you. How's work?"

  "Almost over," Max said tiredly. "Man, am I
ready for summer."

  Kyle laughed. "And how about you, Alex? How's things shakin'?"

  Alexis looked from Kyle to me with the same stupid grin on her face. "Good... good. Well, we'll see you two later." Alex nudged Max, who stumbled forward, then they both scrambled into their cars and drove away with a honk. We still stood, his hands on my hips, mine now resting on his shoulders.

  "Sam..." Kyle started.

  "We should talk," I blurted out.

  His eyes widened. "Exactly what I was thinking."

  I moved out of his arms and into my car. "Follow me. I'll take you to my place."

  "O-okay," he stammered, scurrying to his car, perhaps thinking I intended to make a quick getaway.

  All the way home I asked myself what I was doing. But I knew what I was doing. His kiss still fresh on my lips... I knew. No one so much as put a scratch in my shell before Kyle. And now he broke through that shell, there was no putting it back together. I could toss him out, but he would always be there. Like a stain you think you get out, but always resurfaces. His face, his voice—haunting me, endlessly. His kindness, his willingness to forgive me and see past the harsh way I treated him and understand I needed him—I wanted him to keep pushing despite the way I reacted to him—that I couldn't live without. I couldn't live without this man.

  Danielle

  Samantha wasn't answering my texts. I wasn't sure if she and Kyle were busy making up, or if she was pissed at me for not telling her about him coming to see her. What I did know was seeing Kyle made me miss Tucker all the more. But Tabby had been asleep for an hour and a half, and I hadn't received a call from him like I had every night since we'd found each other again. My stomach was tight. Maybe he decided long distance wasn't his thing.

  To work off my nervous tension I folded laundry, laying it out on my bed and separating it into little girl piles, and piles of my own things. I tried not to think about the phone not ringing, but glanced at it from time to time and checked to see if the ringer somehow got turned off. I put it back on my pillow with a sigh and folded a pair of Tabby's shorts. I marveled for a moment over how soft the pink cotton was, and how tiny they were. This at least brought a smile as I thought about my daughter, curled up in her bed sleeping. I placed the shorts in the correct pile and turned to study the mound of laundry yet to be folded, which didn't seem to be getting any smaller, despite the growing stacks surrounding it.

  Underneath a blue towel I caught sight of a bra clasp. I stretched to pull out my favorite DKNY bra and hugged it to my chest. I normally didn't buy designer bras, but I got this one on sale, and it fit better than any bra I'd ever worn. And finding a comfortable bra was like trying to run downhill in heels. Impossible. Since that time, I'd watched for sales and grabbed up two more bras of the same design.

  But that wasn't what I was thinking about now. Right now I was remembering the night I wore it in Denver, and how Tucker ripped off the tank covering it...

  The phone buzzed, sliding off my pillow.

  "Oh." I dove for it, not wanting it to wake Tabby, and needing to hear his voice.

  "Hey, beautiful."

  Mmm... that deep baritone. It made me melt, and the smile it always brought me spread across my face.

  "Hey. I was beginning to wonder if—"

  "I know. I'm sorry. Dinner with my client ran over. I thought she'd never stop talking. How are you? How was your day?"

  I rolled onto my back in the heaps of laundry, upsetting a stack of folded towels, but not caring. The DKNY bra went zinging somewhere over my head as I flung it aside. "It's gotten much better now that you've called."

  He sighed. "Man, you sound good. Whoops. Uh-oh."

  A loud clanking made me pull my ear away from the phone.

  "Dani? Are you still there?"

  "Yes, I'm here."

  "Sorry. I dropped the phone."

  I could hear rustling in the background. "What are you doing?"

  "Sorry. I was fighting this tie off. I swear sometimes it feels like a noose."

  My sluggish brain was slow to register his earlier comment. "Wait. You were out to dinner with a she?" I feigned a jealous streak, although the thought of him and another woman did have a sizzle of heat flashing through me.

  "Yes. And she is seventy-four years old. She's attractive, but she owns a few too many cats for her to become a serious love interest."

  "So more of a one-night fling thing."

  "Dani."

  I giggled. "I'm sorry." I cleared my throat, trying to sound more serious. "Was it a successful dinner?"

  "From a romantic standpoint or a business standpoint?" We laughed. "Okay. Seriously. It was a fairly successful dinner, as far as filling her in on the progress of her case, but I could have done without a few of the recitations of Porgy and Bess's anecdotes. I did enjoy the story about Snowflake and the neighbor's dog, though."

  "Uum... you'll have to share." I yawned and flipped, sitting up.

  "I take it Tabby's in bed?"

  "Yep. She's been there for a while."

  "Sorry. I would have called right after I left the restaurant, but—"

  "Stop saying sorry. It's fine." I shoved the unfolded laundry to the opposite side of the bed, gathered the toppled towels, and plopped them on top. I'd taken my pants off earlier and gotten ready for bed, in case this conversation went long, as most of them did. I peeled back my comforter and slid beneath the sheets. I wanted to concentrate on him. "Where are you?"

  "Huh? Oh. In my bedroom."

  "R-r-really," I said coyly.

  He caught on quickly. "That's right. I'm in my bedroom taking off my clothes." His playful tenor changed. "Uum. Ouch!"

  "Tucker? What did you do?"

  "My foot got caught in my pants, and I banged my shin on the bed frame. Damn, that hurt!"

  "Ooh. Poor baby. I wish I was there to kiss it and make it all better."

  I could tell he was smiling by his tone. "I wish you were, too. Isn't there any way—"

  I rolled on my side, tugging the covers around my shoulder. "Tucker. We've been over this. I can't ask the Capodices to watch Tabby again so soon. The poor people are still recovering from having her on spring break."

  He sighed. "I know. I wish I could come to you, but this case..."

  "I know. We're both stuck where we are for the time being. We'll have to make the best of our phone conversations." I turned the lamp off. "Are you in bed?"

  "Yes," he purred. I guess waiting to talk to each other had both our motors revving.

  Recalling my DKNY bra, I added a little fib. "Me, too. In just that bra I wore in Denver... you remember that bra, don't you?" I closed my eyes. Lying down made me realize how tired I was.

  He groaned. "How could I forget. Pink. Sleek. Man. It fit you perfectly." A few seconds ticked away. "Take it off for me."

  My eyes popped open. "You want me to take it off?"

  "Yes. Take it off." His husky voice turned me on even more.

  I bit my lip. We'd never gone this far before. Teased a little. Hinted around. Threw out a double entendre or two. But never anything quite this naughty. "Okay." The bra currently rested on my humidifier. I'd spotted it before I turned the lamp off. I started to slide out of my tank instead.

  "No. Wait."

  My fingers froze. "Wait?"

  "Run your finger over your skin along the top of your bra."

  I hesitated, then yanked the tank in place and ran a finger along the lace along the top. I thought of his hands, and my breathing sped up. The fingertip grazed along my skin, following the lace down where it veed. My body became tense.

  "Are you doing it?"

  "Yes," I said breathlessly.

  "Now take it off."

  I was totally into his commanding approach. And the need I sensed behind it. I slid the tank off slowly.

  This time when he spoke, the words were low. "Is it off?"

  My heart beat faster. I wondered what he was doing on his end. Just listening and imagining? "Yes."
>
  "Mmm... I can see you lying there, the light spilling over your skin...."

  I wondered if I should turn the light on and almost reached out to do so.

  "You're so beautiful, Danielle. Inside and out."

  His voice seduced me. It didn't take much. I'd been without a man for so long.

  Oh, yes!

  I pictured his face. In my mind, my fingers brushed the hair above his eyes, slipping a few silky strands between them. His gaze raked over me.

  Yes!

  I switched to envisioning my hands running along his chest, testing the definition of his muscles.

  "You're still there, aren't you?"

  Oh, baby! I'm almost there all right. "Yes. Yes, I'm here, Tucker."

  "Damn. I want you."

  And I want you.

  The taut edge to his speech raised my temperature even more. "Thinking of you touching yourself is making me..."

  Making you what? Oh, God. If he only knew what he was doing to me right at this second. I writhed beneath the sheets, longing for his touch.

  "We could meet halfway!"

  Meet halfway? For a moment, I was bewildered. What did he mean? I brought my hand to my stomach. Halfway? Did he want me to touch my middle? I pushed the confusion away and grabbed on to the sexy feeling I had before. "Meet halfway, baby? What do you mean?"

  "I could get Denise to watch the kids again. Or my dad..." His tone had changed, filled with a new energy. "The hearing should be wrapped up by eleven. Twelve at the latest..."

  "Wh-what?"

  "We could meet halfway. Like Des Moines, or Iowa City or somewhere. I could leave after my hearing on Friday and be there by six-thirty or seven. We could have dinner, spend the night, have time together on Saturday and get up early and back home by a decent hour on Sunday. Couldn't one of the girls watch Tabby for that long?"

  "W-well... I don't know. I'd have to ask. They may already have—"

  "I know we said it's too far to drive for a weekend, but this would cut our road time in half, and we'd have more time to spend with each other. I could even bring some paperwork with me if I had to."

  His excitement was contagious. "That might work..." I could actually be in his arms Saturday.