“Of course I am,” Sami jeered. “I never pretended to be anything else.”
“A man with no heart wouldn’t have paid for my upgrade,” Jay pointed out.
“And look how you’ve repaid me.”
“I couldn’t tell you the truth in the beginning, but things are different now,” Jay lamented. “You must have feelings for me?”
“No one is indispensable,” Sami asserted. “Least of all you. I can find someone with far less baggage to warm my bed. Whatever hold you think you might have on me was lost the first time I caught you in a lie. It got worse when you brought God into the mix. I don’t believe in organized religion. The atrocities carried out in the name of the lord or other deities negate their very existence. Kill yourself or man up and leave the fucking Church. I get all the reasons you joined, but they no longer apply. You’re a grown man who needs to stop blaming his past for his current mistakes.”
“Are you so damaged you can’t feel any sympathy for the abandoned child who sought solace in the arms of God?”
“Don’t you dare make this about me,” Sami said with a vicious snarl. “Maybe if you were six, I would feel a shard of pity, but you’re thirty!”
“Age has nothing to do with,” Jay argued. “I’m still hurting.”
“Cry me a fucking river!” Sami exploded. “You don’t have a patent on misery, Jay. Stop whining about the past and get on with life. I’m so done with your pity party.”
“You can hit me if it’ll make you feel better.”
Sami’s hand shot out and latched on to Jay’s collar, dragging him closer. “Don’t think I haven’t thought of it. The only time you drop the playacting is when I’m slapping you around.”
“Do it,” Jay challenged.
Sami bit Jay’s lower lip and blood spurted out of the cut. His resolve to keep sex out of the argument vanished as a hot coil of lust gripped his innards. Sami invaded Jay’s pliant mouth with a hard push, and Jay reciprocated with a welcoming suck. They remained locked in the kiss, tongues twirling and teeth clacking, as they devoured their mingled taste in greedy gulps.
In a shuddery voice, Jay begged, “Take me upstairs.”
“You’d like that, wouldn’t you?”
Jay tossed the handgun away and stripped. Sami watched intently, and when Jay was naked, he cursed under his breath and reached for him, tossing him over his shoulder like a sack of cement. He took the stairs two at a time and made his way toward the bedroom at the end of the hallway. After throwing Jay on the bed, Sami stripped and went to grab the length of rope he kept in a special drawer inside a walk-in closet. Snapping the nylon in his hand, he re-entered the room, never taking his eyes off Jay whose erection jutted away from his body like a rosy red flare.
“You ready for this?”
“Do whatever you want,” Jay said invitingly. “I’ll renounce the priesthood.”
“Now you’re talking,” Sami said. “Life will be good without the religious claptrap.”
“I promise not to renege,” Jay vowed, adding, “if you keep me in your life.”
“Don’t bargain with me, or I’ll lose my boner. Lift your hands and grab hold of the rails.”
Sami got down to business, and after Jay was tied up and vulnerable, he went to get the flogger, lube, and a box of condoms. Despite his hardline stance, Sami couldn’t help reacting to Jay’s generous submission, but he refused to admit it out loud. Doing so would put him in the same vulnerable position, and he’d be damned if he turned into a lovesick fool over a jerk and a squirt. He needed someone mentally stable to bolster him when he fell into his own black hole. They would end up destroying each other if nothing changed. Hopefully, this latest breakup would get Jay back on track, and they might start living a normal life, minus regular meltdowns over bad career choices.
“How tender are you down there?” Sami asked.
Jay dug in his heels and lifted his hips off the mattress. “Never too sore for you.”
Sami grinned, marveling as always at Jay’s resilience. The guy was perfect for him. From the start, he’d been tentative but willing to try anything. Innocence and depravity were a heady combination, especially when he was the lucky recipient. Nothing had been off-limits, and when Sami realized how much physical pain Jay could endure—actually needed to get off—it blazed the path for one grueling session after another. Sexually compatible, their highs were transcendent, while their infinitesimal lows only occurred when Jay donned his disgusting black robe. Then he turned into a head case like the religious fanatics Sami had met on the other side of the world.
He grabbed the lube, squeezed out a generous amount, and applied it liberally onto Jay who sucked in a sharp breath. His eyes widened as Sami disturbed healing tissue, but Jay didn’t stop him.
Sami reconsidered and decided to concentrate on blood play instead of fucking. He’d already had a taste with the split lip, and it was time to claim ownership if it was truly what Jay wanted.
“Are you serious about leaving your religion behind?”
“Yes.”
“No more backsliding?”
“I swear.”
“Ready to be branded?”
Jay’s breath caught and his skin flushed, but his cock never flagged. “What did you have in mind?”
“I’m carving my initial into your chest.”
“With your nails or a knife?” Jay asked in a breathy voice.
“Name your poison.”
“Which hurts more?”
Sami snorted. “The knife will leave a better scar. My nails aren’t sharp enough and I’d have to dig to get good results.”
“Use your nails.”
Sami crushed Jay’s mouth possessively while dragging his fingernails down Jay’s left pec and nipple. Pinpricks of blood oozed behind the shallow trenches. The contrasting color against Jay’s pale skin ignited Sami into further action, and he used the nail on his forefinger to carve a large S in the middle of Jay’s chest, going over and over the same spot until the skin broke. The bloody mark was distinct and impossible to disguise. His harsh breaths and Jay’s keening were the only sounds in the quiet room, and they quickly changed to gasps of pleasure when Sami, reverting back to his original plan, rolled on a condom and buried his shaft into Jay.
Blood and sweat combined, turning their joined torsos into a noteworthy Pollack canvas. Soon the bedsheets were streaked, and the noises changed to harsh slaps of skin on skin as they pushed toward completion. When it was over, and Sami had collapsed over Jay, it looked like a crime scene.
A soft whimper pulled Sami out of his satisfied stupor, and he moved to repair the damage. First, he untied Jay, murmuring encouraging words of approval. Serenity had replaced confusion on Jay’s face and Sami was content. Perhaps the internal battle with his conscience was finally over.
He dabbed rubbing alcohol and then a light film of antibiotic cream over the impromptu brand before covering it with a large bandage. The only sign of discomfort during this aftercare were beads of perspiration dotting Jay’s forehead and hairline.
“You okay?” Sami asked, checking to make sure Jay hadn’t gone martyr on him.
“I’m fine.”
“Good.” Sami kissed him lightly. “I can’t wait to see my initial once it’s healed.”
“Does this mean I’m yours?”
“For as long as it works for both of us.”
Jay didn’t reply. Sami considered revising his statement to make it slightly more binding, but he didn’t want to put ideas in Jay’s head. There were too many challenges to overcome, and despite Jay’s assurance, Sami had to see it to believe it. There was no sense making promises if this major bugaboo wasn’t finally laid to rest.
They stripped the bed and threw the mess into the washing machine before heading downstairs. Jay cooked scrambled eggs while Sami made coffee and toast. They ate in companionable silence, and all was well until they heard the doorbell ring.
Chapter 12
Four hours earlier, Ethan had waited f
or Rino at the curb in front of the apartment building. He’d insisted on giving his sub a ride, even though it was out of his way, and Rino swore it wasn’t necessary. Good reasons notwithstanding, Ethan wanted to talk about last night’s aborted phone call. Once they got started at work, it would be difficult to connect, and he needed answers right then.
They kissed as soon as Rino got into the car.
“I missed our morning cuddle,” Ethan said warmly.
“Me too. Did you get any sleep after we disconnected?”
“I went to the club for dinner,” Ethan replied. He started the engine and headed toward the dental office on Dolores Street. “And I hired security to watch over the priest.”
“Professionals?”
“They work at Heaven’s Gate.”
“So they’ll be discreet.”
Giving Rino a sidelong glance, Ethan asked, “What happened last night?”
“A lot.”
“Spit it out and don’t sugarcoat anything.”
“I found Jay flogging himself with a leather belt. His back was a mess.”
“So he’s a pain slut on top of everything else?”
“Apparently. What are we going to do, Eth?”
“We? This isn’t our problem, sugar. You’re going to do what I suggested in the first place. Hand him over to a shrink.”
“I know you’re right, but I can’t help feeling he’d shut down with a stranger. We’ve established a good connection, and Jay doesn’t have the luxury of time to figure out his next move. It could take weeks to find a suitable doctor, and even if he showed up tomorrow, the insurance paper trail might end up on his superior’s desk before Jay is ready to make a decision. I have more insight into his problems and I’m free.”
“Your ego is getting the best of you,” Ethan remarked. “You barely know this guy. He’s got more layers than a Russian nesting doll.”
“What if he’s like us?”
“Sorry?”
“You know,” Rino said hesitantly. “The BDSM thing.”
“You make it sound like an STD.”
Rino’s laughter failed to hide his embarrassment. “Saying I’m into the scene is still hard for me.”
“Don’t I know it,” Ethan complained. “You’re overly sensitive.”
“I can’t help wondering what people would say if they knew I was your sub.”
Ethan rested his hand on Rino’s thigh and gave it a mild squeeze. “The only opinion worth dwelling on is mine. Aside from which, you couldn’t be in a friendlier work environment. You’re surrounded by like-minded individuals.”
“I’m working on my comfort levels, but Jay has no idea what we’re about. Do you think it would benefit him to know?”
“It’s none of his concern.”
“But if he’s a kindred spirit, wouldn’t it make him feel better about himself?”
“I think this is wishful thinking on your part.”
“Perhaps. Acknowledging your orientation is one thing, but throw masochistic tendencies into the conundrum and you’re doubly damned. It’s no wonder Jay thinks Lucifer has a hand in this. You have no idea what can go through one’s head in such a stifling, moralistic environment. Anything having to do with the flesh is deemed a sin and a straight ticket to hell.”
“I’ve said this before, sugar. The Catholic religion needs a fucking reboot. The world would be a better place if those poor dudes and dudettes got laid regularly.”
Rino burst out laughing. “All roads do not lead to sex.”
“Maybe not in your vernacular, but as a physician, I can assure you a severe case of blue balls will make you insane—and I don’t mean it figuratively. People have been driven mad by repressed sexual desires.”
“I believe you. The number of pending court cases against rogue priests is proof enough.”
“And those are just the ones you know about,” Ethan rejoined hotly. “There must be thousands of men and women going back centuries who’ve resorted to unspeakable acts of depravity because sex is a natural urge that can’t be shut away like a mad relative.”
“How can a beautiful part of being human be turned into something so evil?”
“It’s unnecessary and does more harm than good.”
“In my next life, if there is such a thing, I’ll change the rules and make the world a better place.”
“Right,” Ethan said ruefully. “You’d have to be a pope to initiate reform.”
“And who’s to say I won’t be?”
Ethan chuckled and parked the car. “Get your ass in gear, Your Holiness, or the boss will dock your pay.”
Rino raised an eyebrow. “He wouldn’t dare.”
Ethan’s phone chimed a text before Rino exited the vehicle. He frowned when he read the message from Bobby Meyer.
Subject is on the move.
Ethan sighed. How fucking predictable.
“Who is it?” Rino asked.
“My PI telling me your priest has left the building.”
“For real?”
“Yup. I told you he’d go back for more.”
“Make sure he follows,” Rino said in a panic. “Jay might do something stupid.”
Ethan texted back. Follow at a distance.
Copy that.
“Can we intercept him?”
“You have a full schedule, sugar. And so do I. We can’t cancel work to go chasing after your houseguest.”
Rino scrubbed his face in frustration.
“I’ll text you the minute I hear back.”
“You swear?”
Ethan sighed. “Yes.”
“I love you,” Rino said, opening the car door. “Thank you for taking care of this.”
“You’re welcome.”
As soon as Rino disappeared, Ethan called Bobby.
“Where are you?”
“Looks like we’re heading toward Nob Hill.”
“Call me when you figure out the particulars.”
“Will do.”
“Wait and watch.”
“I know how to do my job, Doc.”
“Of course you do. Sorry. Once a control freak…”
Bobby hung up without another word.
Sami was still munching on his toast when he opened the front door. A familiar face greeted him with a sharp salute, a painful reminder of his last tour. He would give anything to be back in the sandbox, but his CO had kindly suggested he quit while he was ahead.
Everyone wanted intel on the enemy, but no one was willing to pay the emotional price to extract it. This unpleasant task was left to people like Sami who seemed to be born with an extra chromosome—or lack thereof. Immune to other people’s suffering, Sami had a job to perform, and he’d always done it to the best of his ability. After a while, he stopped hearing the screams, certain the prisoner would break before things got nastier. And they always did. His reputation preceded him, and attitudes adjusted dramatically the moment he stepped into the tiny interrogation room.
Seeing this man—Morgan or Mitchell or whomever he was—brought back memories of blistering heat, the smell of fresh camel dung, piss-covered alleys, billowing robes hiding an explosive device, and the metallic tang of blood. He gazed upon the weathered face and waited for the man to state his mission. What did he want? Sami’s discharge papers had been signed and filed away. There was no chance for a change of heart unless someone had dropped a bomb somewhere, an unlikely scenario but always a possibility. Then again, he couldn’t be that lucky.
Tired of waiting the man out, Sami asked, “State your business.”
“Master Sergeant Robert Meyer, sir. I served in Kabul 2008 to 2010.”
“I thought you looked familiar.”
“Our paths have crossed a few times, sir,” Bobby replied respectfully.
“What can I do for you?” Sami asked.
“I’m looking for a priest named Justin Blackstone. I was told he might be here.”
“You’ve been misinformed.”
“Begging your
pardon, sir. I thought I saw him enter your apartment building several hours ago.”
“He’s under surveillance?”
“Not exactly,” Bobby replied.
“Then why have you been following him?”
“I’m not at liberty to say, sir. May I come in?”
“Do you have a warrant?” Sami asked.
“No, sir.”
“Then I suggest you hightail it out of here.”
“Is Father Blackstone all right?”
“Didn’t I just say he wasn’t here? Are you calling me a liar, Sergeant?”
“No, sir,” Bobby answered. “Sorry to bother you.”
Sami slammed the door. A vein pulsed in his temple, and the anger he’d banked earlier returned in full force. He stormed into the kitchen, grabbed Jay by the collar, and hauled him off the kitchen stool.
“Get your shit and go!”
“Why?”
“What kind of bullshit have you been feeding your buddy?”
“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Jay said, voice rising. “No one knows about us.”
“Don’t lie to my face! The asshole at the door has been following you, and now he knows who I am, where I live, and because he’s ex-military, all the other pertinent information about my life is at his fingertips. Which. Is. None. Of. His. Fucking. Business,” Sami bellowed, punctuating each word with a jab at Jay’s chest. “I’ve respected your boundaries, protected your reputation from the ghouls who run your church, but you’ve vomited the details of our relationship to a complete stranger.”
Jay paled and his eyes filled with tears. “I had no idea I was followed.”
“But you divulged my identity?”
Jay nodded.
“You’re a fucking idiot. Get out!”
Jay fell onto his knees, clung to Sami’s legs, and begged.
“Get up,” Sami ordered. “Your tears aren’t working this time.”
“I’ll clear it up when I see Rino,” Jay promised. “Tell him this was a terrible mistake and you’ll be absolved of everything.”
“Absolved? Me? What in the ever-loving fuck?”
Sami grabbed a handful of Jay’s hair and forced him to his feet. “Have you twisted this story to suit your purposes?”
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