Yield

  After pounding the hell out of the machine for over an hour, Sami called an end to the grueling session. In his kitchen, he chugged down thirty-two ounces of water, then climbed the stairs for a leisurely soak in his tub. He fell into an exhausted sleep but woke up refreshed the next morning. A shower and two cups of coffee later, he was mentally preparing for his confrontation with Jay, but then the doorbell rang. It was only nine o’clock, an hour and a half before his designated meeting.

  The scene he’d played out yesterday was on some bizarre repeat cycle, and two strangers were standing at the door asking to come in. The older guy had his arm draped over a younger biracial man who was leaning on a cane.

  “Who are you?”

  “My name is Dr. Ethan Marshall, and this is my partner, Rino Duran. We’re Jay’s friends and we’d like to talk to you privately before he shows up.”

  “What for?”

  “I believe this belongs to you,” Ethan said, turning over the mouse gun.

  These two were the do-gooders who’d taken Jay in. “Thank you.”

  “Your carelessness hurt my boy,” Ethan continued. “What were you thinking handing over a weapon to someone so unstable?”

  “Who the fuck are you again?”

  “We’re the guys who tried to help Jay and took a bullet for our effort,” Ethan stated.

  “May we please come in?” Rino asked.

  Sami glanced down at Rino’s leg and finally noticed the bandage. “Did Jay shoot you?”

  “It was an accident.”

  “Christ. How bad?”

  “It’s a flesh wound,” Ethan said. “No major damage.”

  Sami stepped back and let them in. “Listen, I’m sorry about the gun. I didn’t realize Jay had walked away with it.”

  “How’d he get it in the first place?” Ethan asked. “Don’t you keep your weapons locked up?”

  “Long story,” Sami said. “Do you want some coffee?”

  “If I can sit while I’m drinking,” Rino said.

  “Of course,” Sami replied. “Follow me.”

  Coffee was poured, and several toasted, buttered English muffins—Sami’s meager breakfast offering—were accepted gratefully. When they were done, Ethan resumed his interrogation. It was a fitting word describing an unexpected and uncomfortable scenario. Sami felt like he was back in the service, brought to task for a mission gone bad. Ethan gave no quarter, asking the right questions and patiently waiting for answers.

  The guy was older than Sami by at least a decade, judging by his medical credentials and accomplishments, facts he offered willingly before he began. Ethan deserved Sami’s respect, and he gradually let down his guard. Perhaps a competent third party might offer the unbiased advice he badly needed. When Rino shared parts of his past pertaining to Jay, everything started to make more sense.

  “You used to be a priest?” Sami asked.

  “I left the seminary before taking my vows.”

  “So you can relate to Jay’s spiritual conflict.”

  “Partly,” Rino admitted. “Jay’s issues go far deeper than religion.”

  “I know.”

  “Do you care for your boy?” Ethan asked.

  “He’s not my boy,” Sami corrected.

  “Maybe I misunderstood, but the padre admitted you guys are having kinky sex. I just assumed he was your sub.”

  “You assumed wrong,” Sami said woodenly. “I’m not into the scene.”

  “Hey, don’t get all salty with me. Rino and I are in a committed D/s relationship. I’m part owner of Heaven’s Gate, an exclusive invitation-only BDSM club. You should check it out sometime.”

  Sami was thunderstruck and intrigued by this casual admission. Too many years in the military, in a pervasively Muslim region of the world, had made him so tight-lipped he might as well have been mute.

  Seeing his reaction, Ethan continued evenly. “The only reason I’m mentioning this is because the padre—”

  “Stop calling him that,” Sami snapped. “His name is Jay.”

  “Right, sorry. Jay is convinced he’s going to burn in hell because of his sexual proclivities. It might help if we showed him a lot of people out there aren’t into vanilla sex.”

  Sami sucked in a sharp breath. “Jay has to leave the Church before he can come to terms with anything else.”

  “Am I putting the cart before the horse?” Ethan asked.

  “Yes,” Rino interjected. “May I ask you something, Sami?”

  “Jump right in.”

  “Do you love him?”

  “No.”

  “How can you be so sure?”

  “I don’t love anyone.”

  “What about your country?”

  “Not the same thing.”

  “Your family?”

  Sami pushed the table in frustration, rattling coffee cups and silverware.

  “Stop trying to psychoanalyze me,” he snarled. “I appreciate your concern for Jay, and I apologize again for the whole gun thing, but I’m not going to sit here and let you pick me apart.”

  “Sorry,” Rino said. “But I can’t leave without having my say. I know what it’s like to be torn between desire and duty. Sometimes, you can’t see the love because it’s shrouded in guilt. You must care for Jay or you wouldn’t keep taking him back. He needs you more than ever.”

  Sami squeezed his eyes shut, hoping the couple would vanish into thin air, but they were still present when his eyelids fluttered open. “I know you guys mean well, but I resent your interference.”

  “We’ll be back with Jay at ten thirty.”

  “He doesn’t need handlers,” Sami argued. “We can settle this on our own.”

  “I disagree,” Ethan said. “We have him on suicide watch right now. You’d best mind your manners when you talk to him. He’s as fragile as a teacup.”

  Sami frowned but didn’t change his combative stance. “Duly noted.”

  Chapter 16

  Inside the car, Ethan buckled up and commented, “The meeting went better than I expected. I didn’t think he’d let us in the front door.”

  “Sami is nothing like Jay described.”

  “You mean the tail and horns are missing?”

  Rino grimaced. “I was expecting an insensitive brute but got a thoughtful enigma. One minute, he wanted to give us the boot, and the next, he exuded sympathy over my injury. He obviously cares for Jay, but he’s too proud to admit this situation is out of his control. Sami strikes me as an individual who’s had few failures in his life, and Jay is ruining his record. He’s already written off this relationship as a loss.”

  “Did you notice his reaction when I brought up Heaven’s Gate?”

  “I thought he’d combust.”

  “More like pop a woody.”

  “Ethan, come on.”

  “Seriously, sugar. Sami’s been living under a rock in a dangerous world for so long he’s forgotten there’s another way to live.”

  “Wouldn’t he have known about BDSM clubs before he enlisted?”

  “Not necessarily,” Ethan maintained. “He might have been more focused on his career than his sex life. Once he was in the military, and depending on the year he enlisted, there was no wiggle room for gay men. He had to keep things on the down low. The guy probably thinks he’s a twisted fuck because he’s into the S&M thing, but he wouldn’t still be with Jay if he couldn’t stomach the gore.”

  Rino shuddered. “I’ll never understand this side of BDSM, but opening legit avenues for their kink should help, right?”

  “I would hope so. What needs to be determined is whether Jay’s just another garden-variety pain slut or if he suffers from sexual masochism disorder.”

  “Sorry?”

  “It’s when you have psychosocial difficulties because of your constant need for pain.”

  “Shit.”

  “My gut tells me he’s not in the same category, but only a psychiatrist can make the determination. Getting him to leave the priesthood and seek tre
atment is the first step.”

  “We have to get Jay and Sami to realize they’re not alone.”

  “I think you’ve already done your part.”

  The underlying resentment in Ethan’s tone preempted the current discussion, bringing last night’s argument to the forefront.

  Rino had known his decisions involving Jay would have consequences, but he hadn’t realize the enormity of his mistake until last night. There had been tension on their way home, understandable given recent events. The twinge in his leg had taken his mind off the stilted atmosphere in the car, but once Ethan tucked him into bed, he’d walked out without a backward glance. Thirty minutes passed before Rino hobbled out of the room to find his Dom. Still in his suit and tie, Ethan was standing in front of the window overlooking San Francisco Bay, sipping from the drink in his hand.

  “Eth?”

  “You should go back to bed.”

  “Not until you tell me why you’re so upset.”

  When he responded, he didn’t make eye contact but continued looking out the window. “Learning you’ve been lied to by the man you love is disheartening to say the least. I thought you trusted me.”

  “It wasn’t a lie,” Rino said, moving a little closer. “Just an omission. Jay swore me to secrecy.”

  “Same difference.”

  “Please, look at me.”

  When Ethan turned, Rino was stunned by the bitter smile and slight waver. He’d been using Jimmy Russell’s ten-year reserve to manage his pain.

  Rino hurried forward, ignoring the ache in his leg and sank to his knees. With his hands clasped behind his back and his head lowered in the classic submissive pose Ethan always appreciated, he whispered, “I’m sorry.”

  Ethan laid his hand on Rino’s head. “Have I ever done anything to make you doubt me?”

  “Never.”

  “I thought it was always us against them.”

  “It is.”

  “Then perhaps you can explain why you chose a stranger over me?”

  Rino lifted his head and was horrified to see the gleam in Ethan’s hazel eyes. He’d been exacting in his standards as a Dom but consistently loving and dependable. Their needs as a couple—mental and physical—had been a priority from the beginning. In his attempt to play the good Samaritan, Rino had forgotten the most important rule of this relationship—complete loyalty to his Dom.

  “I’ve been taught a promise made should be a promise kept. Choosing Jay over you was a mistake, and I swear it’ll never happen again,” Rino pledged. “How can I make this up to you?”

  Ethan sighed. “Normally, I would discipline you, but your wound has to heal before I can administer anything suitable.”

  “Aren’t there other means of punishment that don’t involve standing?”

  “Standing isn’t the issue. Your immune system is compromised, and I won’t subject your body to more stress. When you’ve fully recovered, we’ll think of something appropriate.”

  “We? I shouldn’t have a say, Ethan. Do whatever you must.”

  “In due time.”

  “Will you come to bed, please?”

  “Not right now,” Ethan said tiredly. “Go and get some rest. Tomorrow’s going to be another difficult day.”

  “Do you plan on freezing me out until you’ve had your revenge?”

  Ethan’s soft mouth flattened into an angry line. “Let’s get something straight, Rino. My decision to stay up has nothing to do with payback. You’ll get what you deserve, but when it happens, it won’t be subtle. I don’t do passive-aggressive shit.”

  “I’m sorry,” Rino apologized again. “The pain pills are messing with my head. I guess I need to know I haven’t fucked up our relationship beyond repair. Having you back in bed would be reassuring.”

  Ethan didn’t reply, but he helped Rino to his feet and accompanied him to their bedroom. Once Rino was comfortable, Ethan entered the bathroom. Rino held his breath until he felt the familiar naked body pull him close. There were no words exchanged, and Ethan didn’t initiate sex, but tension ebbed with each rise and fall of his furry chest.

  In the morning, Rino awoke to find himself cocooned within Ethan’s burly arms. Despite his disappointment, Ethan had clung to him all night, a huge concession, which eased Rino’s mind tremendously. Eager to get past last night’s hard feelings and resolved to start the new day on a better footing, Rino burrowed under the covers and wound up in his favorite spot between his Dom’s legs.

  The catch in Ethan’s breath swiftly changed to a satisfied groan, the reaction Rino had hoped for, and he poured his all into the loving act. Afterward, Ethan gathered him close and whispered words Rino longed to hear but didn’t feel he deserved.

  “I love you, sugar.”

  A muted sob rose unbidden, largely driven by relief at their renewed connection.

  “Hey, none of that,” Ethan said gruffly.

  “Are we good?” Rino asked with a hitch in his voice.

  “You bet.”

  “I love you, Eth.”

  “I know you do,” he responded. “Try to get some shuteye. It’s still early.”

  They shared a shower when they woke the second time, and Ethan redressed Rino’s wound, which looked and felt a lot better.

  Back in the moment, Rino suggested a Starbucks detour.

  “I could use a shot of caffeine.” Ethan’s tone had returned to normal, and Rino breathed a sigh of relief. At the drive-through, he asked, “What do you want?”

  “A mocha latte with a double shot.”

  “Should we get something for Jay?” Ethan asked.

  Rino nodded. “I’m sure a mocha will be appreciated, but hold the extra shots. He doesn’t need additional stimulation.”

  Ethan placed the order, adding a plain house blend for himself.

  Bobby had nothing untoward to report when they got to the apartment.

  “All quiet on the western front?” Ethan asked before knocking on the door.

  “Not a peep.”

  “Thanks, Bobby. Go home and get some rest.”

  “Will you be needing me tonight?”

  “I’m not sure. It’ll depend on the next few hours. How about I text you?”

  “Okay.”

  Jay was dressed and eager to get going when they entered the apartment.

  “Have a cup of coffee first,” Rino suggested. “Sami’s not going anywhere.”

  “Wait—what?”

  “We stopped by his place to return the gun,” Ethan said, claiming the recliner. “I also wanted to get a better sense of who we’re dealing with. He’s not half bad.”

  “You made him sound like a monster,” Rino seconded.

  Jay’s focus darted back and forth between the couple.

  “Was he angry?” Jay asked.

  “At first,” Ethan said. “But he didn’t throw us out or call the cops, always a good sign.”

  “Do you think he’ll take me back?” Jay asked hopefully.

  “Is it what you want?” Ethan asked.

  “With all my heart.”

  “Are you prepared to leave your order and all it entails?” Rino asked.

  “Yes.”

  “Regardless of Sami’s decision?”

  “Is there a reason to leave if he doesn’t want me?”

  Ethan leaned forward, propping his elbows on his knees, and berated Jay. “Stop hedging your bets, Padre. Don’t use your god as a backup plan.”

  “He’s right,” Rino agreed. “I know you’re frightened and wondering what kind of future you’ll have if you quit the priesthood, but your decision to stay or go should have nothing to do with Sami. Even he would tell you the same. This is about your vocation, Jay. To put it crassly, you’ve got to shit or get off the pot.”

  “I might end up with nothing.”

  “There’s always that possibility,” Rino said. “I struggled with the same fear, but in the end, I realized being alone is far better than living a lie.”

  “How will I earn a li
ving? I can’t depend on your charity forever.”

  “Eventually, you’ll find a job. If nothing else, the Jesuits have given you a solid education. It shouldn’t be difficult to channel your knowledge in another direction. You were the one who urged me to go back to teaching because it was my first career choice. Why not follow some of your own advice?”

  Jay looked pensive. “Teaching might be a good alternative for me.”

  “And if it doesn’t pan out, something else will turn up. Have some faith in yourself,” Rino continued. “I know it’s difficult when your familiar world is crumbling, but you can rebuild your life. I did it.”

  “And you’re happy?”

  Rino beamed. “No regrets whatsoever.”

  “Because you’ve got Ethan.”

  “Ethan wasn’t in the picture when I walked away.”

  “You were probably a lot more grounded than I’ll ever be.”

  “Don’t be absurd,” Ethan stressed. “Making a career change, regardless of your circumstances, is one of the most difficult things to do. I don’t know how much Rino has told you about his past, but it wasn’t always smooth sailing. Making assumptions about his state of mind based on the person you know now is unfair.”

  “You’re right.”

  “Finish your coffee and let’s get going,” Ethan suggested.

  “Is there time to stop at my parish first?”

  Ethan glanced at his watch. “No.”

  Chapter 17

  Sami had been standing watch by the window overlooking the street and cursed under his breath when he saw Jay exiting a blue BMW with Rino and Ethan following closely behind. Those two strangers were pigheaded but loyal. He had to give them that much. If one of them had shot Jay, Sami didn’t think he’d be as gracious. He yanked the door open before they rang the bell.

  “I thought I asked you not to come with Jay,” Sami addressed Ethan.

  “We’re here for moral support,” Ethan said. “But we’ll be happy to wait in the car if you two want privacy.”