by R J Nolan
Kim pushed her chair back out from under the umbrella covering the table. She tilted her face up to soak in the warm California sunshine. "I should call my brother and tell him I'm outside, in shorts, working on my tan. He'd be green with envy. He's probably busy putting up our mom's storm windows."
"Where do they live?" Jess asked.
"Detroit."
Jess shivered. "Too cold for me. My parents live in Northern California. I left and headed for Southern California as soon as I graduated high school."
Pleasure filled Kim. Jess was starting to open up a little. "So you and your sister both live in Los Angeles?"
"No. Sam lives in San Diego." Jess shifted in her chair and stretched her long legs out in front of her. "You mentioned at work that you'd done your residency out here. Did you decide you didn't like the cold after all? Is that why you left Detroit?"
Kim had never mentioned her previous job to anyone, not wanting to have to dodge uncomfortable questions. Anxiety gripped Kim and held her tight. She pushed away the irrational fear and forced herself to be calm. You didn't do anything wrong. And it's not like it's a big secret.
Still that lingering caution remained. Just say yes, it was the cold, and be done with it. No matter how tempting, Kim knew she couldn't do that. She wanted a friendship with Jess. Starting that friendship with a lie would doom it before it ever got started.
"No. It wasn't the cold," Kim said. Despite her resolve, Kim's response came across sharper than she intended. She dammed Pruitt and Anna for the millionth time.
Jess's relaxed posture disappeared. Like a flower closing in on itself, she sat up straight and pulled in her legs, then crossed her arms over her chest. "Sorry. Didn't mean to pry," Jess said, her voice flat and devoid of emotion.
Kim's heart sank at Jess's defensive posture.
Things had gone well today, and she had enjoyed her time with Jess immensely. Now this. Just tell her. They may share a job title, but she's not Anna. Jess had proven that in just the short time they had been working together. It was time to move past what had happened in Detroit.
Determined to take the chance, Kim reached across the table and laid her hand on Jess's forearm. The muscles felt like granite. "You're not prying. I had some problems at Memorial. I guess I'm still kind of defensive." The tight knot in her stomach eased when the muscles under her fingers lost their stiff rigidity. She gave Jess's arm a quick squeeze before retreating back to her own side of the table.
"I understand." Silvery-blue eyes filled with the weight of Jess's own pain and secrets met Kim's.
Brimming with a yearning she knew that she could never act on, Kim longed to wrap Jess up in her arms and soothe the hurt so readily apparent in her eyes. While she couldn't provide that comfort, she could offer Jess something important to both of them: her trust.
"About six months ago, I saw a young woman in the ER who presented as an attempted suicide." Keeping her eyes locked on Jess's, Kim began to share her story. "Her mother had caught her in bed the month before with another girl and made her life a living hell. She was admitted to psych, and I took her on as a patient."
Jess winced. "That would be tough on anyone, no matter what age."
Kim nodded and they shared a sympathetic look.
"Her mother wasn't happy with me from the start, because I wouldn't divulge anything her daughter told me in therapy. She claimed because her daughter just turned eighteen and was still living at home that made her a minor." Kim held Jess's gaze. "Even if she had been a minor, I'd still never breach someone's trust like that."
"I know you wouldn't," Jess said.
Kim took comfort from the certainty in Jess's voice. "Anyway, her mother also worked at Memorial. I guess she decided to ask around about me, and someone informed her that I'm a lesbian. She flipped out." Kim shook her head, remembering that scene. "She stormed into my office and demanded that her daughter be assigned to a different psychiatrist. One that would 'cure' her, not indoctrinate her in a deviant lifestyle. She ordered me to stop treating her daughter."
"Christ!" Jess rolled her eyes.
"Yeah. Tell me about it. I thought I was going to have to call security."
Jess's expression darkened. "She didn't hurt you, did she?"
"No. Nothing like that." Kim instinctively reached out to lay a comforting hand on top of Jess's.
Flipping her hand over, Jess cradled Kim's palm in hers. "So what happened next?"
Gritting her teeth, Kim pushed away the anger that thinking about this always brought. "When I wouldn't agree to stop treating her daughter, she went to my boss, Dr. Pruitt."
"He back you up?" Jess asked hopefully.
Kim snorted. "Not likely. I didn't find out until I'd been at Memorial for a few months that the only reason he hired me was because of pressure from the hospital administration to add a woman to his staff. Seems Pruitt thinks women are too emotionally volatile to be psychiatrists."
Anger deepened Jess's voice. "I wish I could say I'm surprised." She raked her hand through her hair. "What did he do?"
"I was coming up for my one-year review. I still had two years left on my contract, so Pruitt decided the situation would be a good excuse to get rid of me." Kim swallowed hard as the emotions of that time threatened to overwhelm her. She was brought back to the here and now when Jess gently squeezed her hand.
Drawing strength from the hand warmly clasping hers, Kim continued, "He called me into his office and explained that the young woman's mother had just come to see him and was extremely upset. She stated that she had spoken to her daughter and claimed that I had not only told her daughter I was a lesbian, but actively encouraged her to participate in deviant activities by extolling the joys of pursuing a gay lifestyle."
"That bitch!" Jess blurted.
"My sentiments exactly," Kim said. "That wasn't the worst of it. Pruitt didn't bother to investigate or even talk to the patient. After telling me about the complaint, he put on this patronizing father act as if he was looking out for me. That's when he dropped the bomb. He would make it all go away if I would quietly resign. I was to submit my resignation and state it was for personal reasons. That way there was no need for this 'unfortunate incident' to ever be reported."
A growl rumbled from deep within Jess's chest. "And if you didn't?"
"Well, then as much as he didn't want to see me embarrassed or have my professional reputation damaged, for the good of the patient, he would have to file a breach-of-ethics complaint against me."
"Bastard." Jess scowled fiercely. "We may have only worked together for a short while, but I know there is no way in hell you did anything you were accused of." Her anger fairly vibrated from her. "Please tell me you didn't resign. Or better yet that you sued the shit out of him for filing an unsubstantiated complaint."
A tidal wave of emotion washed over Kim. With the exception of one brother, the rest of her family and her lover had been adamant that she quietly resign. Jess's staunch defense meant the world to her. Moisture prickled at the corners of her eyes as she struggled not to be swamped by the rising tide of her emotions. It was a losing battle. Tears began to trail down her face.
Jess reached across the table and captured Kim's other hand. Taking both hands in hers, she began to softly run her thumbs across the backs of Kim's hands.
A loud mournful woo woo emanated from Thor.
Several people turned toward their table, reminding Kim that they were in a very public place. Mortification stained her cheeks. She dashed her tears away. "I'm so sorry," she muttered, too embarrassed to meet Jess's eyes.
Jess looked over her shoulder and glared at several people who were staring. "Nothing to be sorry for. Don't worry about it."
In an attempt to give herself some time to regain her composure, Kim leaned down and stroked Thor.
Thor's big tongue swiped several times across Kim's tear-streaked face before she could react.
"Blech." Kim sputtered. "I appreciate the sympathy, big guy, but your tech
nique leaves a lot to be desired." She used her shirt sleeve to wipe the slobber off her face.
Jess worked hard to smother her laughter. "He should at least get an A for effort." All evidence of humor fled from her expression. "Seriously, he usually doesn't express that kind of empathy. He really likes you."
Warm, understanding blue eyes met hers. Kim swore she could almost hear the "and I do too" that Jess didn't give voice to. Kim bent over and hugged Thor's neck. "He's very sweet." She captured Jess's gaze and added silently, And so are you.
A faint blush painted Jess's face, and she glanced away for a moment. Shifting uncomfortably in her chair, Jess once again brought her gaze back to Kim. "I... I'm sorry I upset you." A heavy sigh escaped her lips. "If you felt resigning was appropriate, it was totally your decision and I respect that."
"That wasn't why I was crying." Kim reached for Jess's hand and curled her fingers around her palm. "It was that you actually defended me. My own mother was more concerned that it might come out in the local newspaper that her daughter was a lesbian than she was about what a complaint like that could do to my career."
Jess's hand tightened in Kim's. "I'm sorry your family didn't support you. That must have been awful."
"Oh, it gets worse." Kim knew she sounded bitter but couldn't stop herself. "When I refused to resign and complained to Human Resources and the hospital administration, I suddenly became a pariah." Kim's free hand clenched into a stiff fist. "No one at the hospital supported me. Not my friends, not even my lover. Anna, my ex, was furious with me that I didn't resign immediately. Her only concern was that while investigating the complaint against me, someone might find out about us. She didn't even work in the psych department. It didn't have anything to do with her, but all she cared about was how it might affect her. She was more afraid of getting dragged out of the closet than what the whole affair could do to my professional reputation."
Jess reached out and gently brushed her tears away.
Kim hadn't even been aware of the fact that she had started to cry again. She ducked her head and began to silently berate herself. Way to go, Kim. This will really make Jess want to have anything to do with you. The first time you get together you pour out your pitiful sob story, and just to top it off tell her about your closeted ex-girlfriend.
"Look at me. Please," Jess said.
Although she was shamed by her emotional breakdown, Kim forced herself to look at Jess. A gaze filled with a combination of anger and compassion met hers.
"I'm sorry you had to go through something like that. I've seen you with patients. You're a great psychiatrist. You didn't deserve that kind of treatment. Not professionally or personally," Jess added, giving Kim's hand a firm squeeze.
Kim immediately started to choke up again.
"Hey now. No more of that. Forget that homophobic prick, Pruitt. He didn't get away with it. Right?"
"Once HR got involved, Pruitt totally backed off. I really think he believed I would resign and hadn't thought about what would happen if I didn't. There was no formal complaint ever filed against me. Even the mother recanted her statement. The official word was that it was all just a big misunderstanding."
Kim scrubbed her hands over her face. "The truly ironic part is Pruitt has a gay son, and he and his dad get along fine. Pruitt didn't care I was a lesbian. He didn't like that I was a woman psychiatrist, or maybe he just didn't like me. And in the end, he did get his way. I left. Under my own terms, but I did leave."
"Well, if I should ever cross paths with Pruitt, I'll be sure to thank him," Jess said.
"What!" Kim was so shocked she didn't even care that people were once again staring.
Jess grinned. "That's better. And yes, I said thank him. If he hadn't been such a total bastard, you wouldn't be here, working at LA Metro." Jess turned a bit shy. "And we would never have met."
Maybe there is something to that old adage "every cloud has a silver lining." A lightness she hadn't felt in months filled Kim's heart. It was matched by the brilliant smile that spread across her face.
"I'm glad I met you, Jess."
A loud woo woo from Thor made both women jump.
Carefree laughter bubbled up. Kim slid out of her chair and dropped to her knees. She wrapped her arms around Thor and gave him a big hug. "I'm glad I met you too, big guy."
CHAPTER 13
JESS PUSHED HER chair away from the desk. She had retreated into her office to get some paperwork done, but had lost her usual relentless focus. Earlier in the week, she had experienced some trepidation about seeing Kim in a work situation following their outing. Those feelings had changed as the week progressed. It was Friday afternoon and she had not gotten so much as a glimpse of Kim all week. Now a part of her longed to see her, if just for a few minutes.
A quick glance at her watch confirmed what Jess already knew: Kim was in the department for noon conference. She was lecturing the first-years. She should be done by now. Just go out and say hello. That's what a friend would do. Jess still resisted.
Her emotional insecurities plagued her. As much as she wanted to see Kim, past experience reared its ugly head and made her leery. Jess did not trust her own judgment. Myra had made her extremely gun-shy. Right from the start, Myra had not understood the need to keep their professional and personal lives separate.
You're not dating Kim. Besides, she has already proven she's not like that. She hasn't been down here trying to be your best buddy at work. You haven't seen her all week, Jess's more logical side reminded.
A knock on the door interrupted her musings. "Come in," Jess said.
The door swung open and the focus of all her thoughts stood in the doorway. Surprised pleasure showered Jess at the sight. It was like unexpectedly coming around a corner and finding a beautiful rainbow painting the sky in vivid hues.
"Hi, Dr. McKenna. Got a minute?" Kim asked.
Jess was surprised by the use of her title until she spotted the two residents conversing in the hall just outside her door. See, she's not even using your first name, because there's a chance of someone overhearing her. She knows no one calls you Jess at work.
Jess stood and came around her desk. With a friendly smile, she said, "Sure. Come on in."
Kim smiled and stepped inside, then pushed the door shut behind her.
"What's up?" Jess asked. "Is there a problem with the residents?"
"No." Kim glanced over at the pile of charts on Jess's desk. "I don't want to interrupt if you're busy." She hesitated. "This is more personal than professional."
Springing to alert, Jess's defenses slammed up before she even had a chance to think about it. Her cool and distant ER chief persona came to the fore.
"I am bothering you," Kim said. "I'll go." Resignation dripped from her voice.
You're overreacting. Give her a chance. Jess's gaze darted to Kim's face. Worry and disappointment were easy to read. Now look what you did!
Three quick steps brought her over to Kim. Without conscious thought, she reached out and gently put her hand on Kim's shoulder. "Wait. Don't go." Jess motioned toward the couch. "Have a seat. As long as I don't get paged, I've got time."
Kim still looked uncertain but at Jess's reassuring smile finally moved toward the couch and sat down.
Jess joined her. "So, what did you want to talk to me about?"
"I was just wondering if you and Thor were going jogging tomorrow morning? I thought if you wouldn't mind, I'd join you."
"Oh." Jess's expression fell. Damn. It would have been fun to go jogging with her again. "I'm sorry. I already have plans for tomorrow."
The words had barely left Jess's mouth and Kim was on her feet.
"Maybe some other time," Kim said. Her tone said something totally different. She headed for the door.
An unaccustomed feeling of anxiety gripped Jess. You're screwing this up! She stood. "What about tonight?" Jess asked before Kim could open the office door.
Kim turned to look at Jess. "You want to go jogging tonight
?"
Jess shook her head. "Not really." Swallowing nervously, Jess forged ahead before she could lose her nerve. She offered the first thing that popped into her head. "Could I interest you in going to see Colleen Bryce's new movie?"
The brilliant smile that lit up Kim's face made Jess's heart pound. Ah, that's more like it.
"Oh! I love her Deven Masters movies. Who can resist a take-charge kind of woman? Much less a gorgeous one who wears leather," Kim said, her expression going dreamy.
Jess's libido stood up and took notice. She didn't know what happy place Kim had just disappeared to, but she would sure as hell love to join her there. Down girl! None of that.
It was time to steer the conversation back to safer waters. "We could stop and get some dinner first. I know a good Mexican restaurant not far from the theater." Now that sounds like we're making a date. A sliver of apprehension touched Jess. She forced away the almost automatic response.
"That sounds great. I love Mexican." Kim gave Jess a knowing look. "Dutch treat, of course."
How does she do that? Jess was not used to anyone being able to read her quite so easily. Pushing that thought aside to contemplate at a later time, Jess turned her attention to the here and now. She was already looking forward to an enjoyable evening spent in Kim's company.
Twinkling white lights and colorful decorations were hung around the restaurant's large patio. The area resounded with the sounds of conversation and laughter. Muted strains of mariachi music from inside the restaurant added to the festive air.
Kim sat at the outside bar, sipping a glass of wine while waiting for a table. Since the restaurant didn't accept reservations, she had offered to head for the eatery and secure a table while Jess made a quick trip home to take care of Thor.
While making the plans on where to meet, it had been a pleasant surprise to learn that the condo she was renting was only twenty minutes away from Jess's home. It made the logistics of doing things together that much easier, especially taking Thor into consideration.