by R J Nolan
Like a balloon losing its air, Jess deflated. She made her way over to the couch. "No. Wait." Jess sat down on the couch, then reached up and tentatively clasped Kim's hand. "Please."
Kim allowed herself to be tugged down to sit next to Jess. She smiled when Jess didn't let go of her hand. That was one of the things that had changed between them. They each seemed to find any excuse to touch the other — however casually.
"I'm sorry. You startled me." Jess blew out a breath. "But that's no excuse." She ducked her head. "You're welcome to be in this office any time you want. I hope you know that."
Kim used just the tips of her fingers to urge Jess's head up. "You don't have to hide your feelings from me, Jess. Everyone gets angry. You want to talk about what made you mad?"
Jess shook her head. "It's just work..." Her eyes widened suddenly. "Um, what patient were you waiting to find out about? It wasn't the one in the hall was it? Who had a hold of you?"
"Yes, that's Brian. He was in one of my therapy groups a couple of months ago."
"Oh," Jess said.
A trickle of dread crept down Kim's spine at the look on Jess's face.
Jess took hold of Kim's other hand. She cradled both of Kim's hands within hers. "I'm so sorry."
No. It can't be. Jess's expression made it clear that it was, but Kim needed to hear it out loud. Her throat constricted. She struggled to force the words out. "He's dead?"
Jess nodded. "Yes. I'm sorry."
Kim's stomach churned. God, no. It's not fair. He's just a boy. She leaned forward over their joined hands. When Jess pulled her hands free and wrapped her arms around her, Kim sank into Jess's embrace.
Jess gently stroked her back.
The strong beat of Jess's heart under her ear soothed Kim. She soaked in the comfort of Jess's strong arms wrapped securely around her for several long moments while she regained her composure. Although it was the last thing she wanted to do, she knew she should break the embrace. They were at work and anyone could walk in. She forced herself to ease out of the warmth of Jess's arms.
"Better now?" Jess asked quietly.
"Yeah. Sorry."
"No reason to be sorry. It's tough to lose a patient." Jess took one of Kim's hands in hers. She rubbed her thumb over the back of Kim's hand.
"It's just so hard to believe. He was confused, but he was talking and..." Kim shook her head. "What happened?"
"It's like that sometimes with head trauma. After having a second seizure, he arrested." Jess's shoulders slumped. "I couldn't get him back."
Oh Jess. "I know you did everything you could."
"It wasn't enough." Anger flared across Jess's face. "He was just a kid."
"I know. I'm sorry." Kim took Jess's other hand in hers and gave them both a strong squeeze.
Jess pulled away, clearly uncomfortable with even that small show of sympathy. "Let's get out of here." She stood and walked over to her desk.
Kim followed in her wake. Now she understood Jess's earlier outburst. Her anger was a shield to protect her against more painful emotions. Anger was a safe emotion to feel. She longed to pull Jess into her arms and soothe away her hurt. If only you would let me.
Their eyes met over Jess's crumpled lab coat.
A blush stained Jess's cheeks. She gathered up the rumpled coat and tossed it over the back of her desk chair. Jess turned back toward Kim and her eyes dropped to the scrub shirt Kim was wearing. Jess's eyebrow arched. "I didn't damage your shirt, did I?"
"No." Looking down at her shirt, Kim shuddered. She swore she could still feel the blood on her skin although she had scrubbed herself raw in the locker room. "It had blood on it. I tossed it in the trash."
Jess's eyebrows shot up. "Where did you get...?" Realization dawned. "Oh. Right."
Kim rubbed her hand over the spot on her chest where the blood had been. She tried to push away the memory of the lurid stain on her shirt.
A glance at her watch made Jess frown.
Looking at her own watch, Kim mirrored her expression. "Are you going to be able to make it to pick up Thor?" While Kim knew that Thor stayed at doggie daycare three days a week, she didn't know their hours or exactly where the kennel was located.
"No. They close in twenty minutes." Jess shuffled together some of the scattered papers on her desk. "I hate for him to have to stay again." She sighed. "But it's better than him being home alone for hours on end. I'll give them a call and let them know I'll get him first thing tomorrow morning." A halfhearted smile appeared. "At least tomorrow is Saturday."
"I'm so ready for the weekend," Kim said. After the hectic week in the ER and then what happened with Brian, she was more than ready for a break. God, Brian. Ambushed by the vivid memory of Brian's bloody, mangled face, Kim's eyes started to sting. Shit. She turned her back on Jess. Get hold of yourself.
Jess was around the desk before Kim finished the thought. She stepped close. Without a word, her hand began to move up and down Kim's back in slow, comforting strokes.
Looking up, Kim gazed into caring blue eyes. Touched by the warmth and understanding in Jess's gaze, she felt a single tear slide down her face.
Using her thumb, Jess gently wiped away the tear. "Let me take you home."
Conflicting emotions pulled at Kim. On one hand, she didn't want Jess to think she was helpless or weak. On the other, she craved the comfort Jess offered. She couldn't bear the thought of going home alone to her empty condo. A second gentle stroke of Jess's thumb across her cheek made the decision for her. Leaning into the touch, she stared into Jess's eyes for just a moment, then nodded. "Thank you."
The ringing of the phone made them both jump.
Growling under her breath, Jess moved to answer the phone. "Dr. McKenna." Jess listened, her scowl growing. "I already talked to her —" She rubbed the back of her neck. "Fine. Put her in the main conference room. I'll be there shortly." Jess smacked the desk with her palm after hanging up the phone.
"What's wrong?" Kim asked.
Jess started as if she had forgotten Kim was there. She tugged at the bottom of her scrub shirt. "The police detective wants to talk to me. I spoke to her after," Jess hesitated, then continued, "after Brian. I told her I don't know anything. Now she's insisting on talking to me about the father."
Kim blanched. "God. I was so upset about Brian, I didn't even think about his father's condition. He's not..." She couldn't bring herself to say it.
"He was in bad shape, but still alive when he left the ER. Craig Peterson, one of our trauma surgeons took him straight to the OR." Jess picked up her lab coat and smoothed it out before pulling it on. She checked her pockets and then straightened some papers on her desk.
"I guess you should get going. The detective is waiting," Kim said.
Shoving her hands into her pockets, Jess looked up. "Yeah. I'm sorry about this. I'll be as quick as I can, then I'll take you home."
Hearing the weariness in Jess's voice made Kim take a closer look at her. She had been so caught up in her own emotions she hadn't realized until now just how tired and stressed Jess looked. Guilt washed over Kim. This isn't just about you. Jess not only took care of his dad, but Brian as well and had to pronounce him. God. "I have a better idea. Why don't you go talk to the detective and I'll head out and pick us up something to eat on the way home? When you get done, come on over and we'll eat and share a bottle of wine." Kim moved over close to Jess. "We could both use a break. What do you say?"
"I don't mind —"
Kim reached up and placed a finger on Jess's lips to stop any further protest. "I appreciate that. Let me do this. It will help take my mind off — things. Unless you're too tired?"
Jess shook her head. "Are you sure?"
"Positive."
Some of the tension seemed to ease from around Jess's eyes. "Okay. You're right. I could use a break too. I better go meet with the detective." She walked to the door, then turned back to face Kim. "I'll be over as soon as I can." She pulled open the door and was about to s
tep out, then stopped. "Damn."
"What is it?" Kim asked.
Jess walked back to her desk and tugged open the center drawer. She pulled a business card from inside. "I hate to ask this, but could you call the kennel and let them know I won't be picking up Thor tonight?" She held out the card to Kim. "Please tell them I'll pick him up first thing tomorrow."
"Sure. I'd be glad —"
Jess's pager shrilled. She glanced down at the display and grimaced. "Looks like the detective is getting restless. I better go." Jess stopped in the doorway. "Thanks for calling the kennel, and I'll be at your place as soon as I can." Jess seemed reluctant to leave.
"Go," Kim said.
Jess offered a half-salute, then turned and hurried down the hallway.
Kim picked up the phone and dialed the kennel. That Jess was trusting her with this meant a lot.
CHAPTER 22
"HEY, JESS. Come on in." Kim stepped back to allow Jess inside.
Some of the day's tension melted away at the warm, welcoming smile on Kim's face. It never ceased to amaze Jess how a simple smile from Kim could have such an effect on her. Kim's damp hair made it apparent that she had not only had time to change but to shower as well.
"Sorry for holding up your dinner. Traffic was a mess with the rain." The storm that had been threatening all day had finally let loose just as Jess left the hospital.
"Don't worry about it. I'm just glad you got here safe and sound." Kim led her to an already set table. "Let's eat." She quickly pulled the food containers from the oven and poured the wine.
Companionable silence held as both women concentrated on the meal.
As Jess pushed her chair back from the table, a contented sigh escaped her lips. "Thanks. That hit the spot." This was the first meal she had shared with Kim at her condo. Most of the time they went out to eat. Any other time spent together was at Jess's home because of Thor. Kim's complex did not allow pets — not even visiting ones.
"Hardly a gourmet meal, just some takeout Chinese." Kim smiled from across the table. "But you're welcome nonetheless."
The lack of conversation during dinner had been a relief. It gave her a little time to decompress before she had to face telling Kim about Brian's father. She was not looking forward to once again being the bearer of bad news. It was hard enough at work dealing with a patient's family when delivering distressing news. At least with strangers she was able to keep an emotional distance. She didn't seem to be able to close off her feelings anymore where Kim was concerned. And if she was honest with herself — she didn't want to.
"Ready to tell me now?" Kim asked, startling Jess out of her thoughts.
Ah, shit. Jess found it disconcerting just how good Kim had become at reading her. She briefly considered dissembling. A single glance at Kim's open expression promptly quashed that idea. Still, Jess wasn't quite ready to face the inevitable. Picking up her wine glass, she asked, "Could I have a refill?"
Kim opened her mouth, then closed it. She rose from her chair and took Jess's glass from her hand. "Sure." A few steps took Kim into the kitchen area.
Jess gathered up the cardboard containers that held the remains of their dinner.
After refilling Jess's glass, Kim held it out to her. She motioned with her free hand toward the living room. "Have a seat. I'll take care of this."
"Thanks," Jess said as she accepted her wine. She set the glass on the table. "You got dinner. Least I can do is help you clean up."
"That's okay. Relax. It'll just take me a minute to toss these plates in the dishwasher." Kim set the plates on the kitchen counter before turning back to Jess. "Besides, my kitchen isn't meant for two people."
A glance over at the narrow kitchen bracketed by a stove and sink on one side and a refrigerator and cabinets on the other confirmed Kim's contention. Jess smiled. "Okay. I see your point."
A gust of wind rattled the glass patio door.
"Storm is really picking up," Jess said.
"Yeah, it's getting cold and damp in here." Kim shivered. She scrubbed her hands up and down her goose bump covered arms.
Jess's gaze followed the path of Kim's hands and inadvertently grazed her chest. The sight of Kim's taut nipples poking through her T-shirt momentarily froze Jess in place. The chilly room suddenly seemed much warmer. She swallowed heavily. God... she's not wearing a bra. She immediately berated herself for the thought. You're here to comfort her, not ogle her. Jess jerked her gaze back where it belonged. Thankfully, Kim did not seem to have noticed her wandering eyes.
"Tell you what you can do. Would you turn on the gas fireplace? There's a wall switch next to the sliding glass door," Kim said.
Looking across the room at the fireplace tucked in the corner, Jess was easily able to spot the switch in question. "Sure." Kim's condo consisted of a large room that encompassed the living room, dining nook, and kitchen. Although Jess had never seen either room, she knew the short hallway off the living room led to a bedroom and a bath.
"That's the only thing I don't like about this place," Kim said as she finished cleaning up the remnants of their dinner. "A single electric wall heater is the only other source of heat besides the fireplace." Kim laughed. "And you know me — I hate being cold."
Jess snorted as she flipped the switch. "No kidding." The flames leaped to life. The way Kim reacted to the cool, rainy December weather you would have thought she was the native Californian — not Jess. She walked back toward Kim. "I don't know how you ever survived Michigan."
Kim looked up and her expression darkened for just a moment. "I don't know how I did either."
It was not lost on Jess that Kim wasn't referring to the weather. Two quick steps brought her to Kim's side. She gave Kim's shoulder an understanding squeeze. "Come on." Jess picked up both their wine glasses. "Let's go warm up by the fire."
A smile reappeared on Kim's face.
Together they moved toward the fireplace.
Kim detoured to grab two large couch cushions off the back of the couch. She laid them on the carpet in front of the fireplace. Sinking down to the floor, she stretched out on her side and used the cushion to support her upper body.
Jess smiled down at Kim. She handed Kim her wine glass, then carefully set her own glass down on the narrow fireplace hearth. Jess lay down opposite Kim, using the second cushion.
"Ah, this is more like it," Kim said. A contented sigh left her lips as her eyes slid closed.
Jess allowed herself the guilty pleasure of letting her gaze roam Kim's beautiful profile. Barely resisting the urge to reach out and touch, Jess rolled onto her stomach and faced the fire. She blew out a breath as the serenity of the moment washed away some of the stress of her day. I needed this. Normally after a day like today, Jess would have worked out until she was ready to drop. This is so much better. Surprise rippled through her that the thought of another person being the source of her sense of comfort did not scare her as it would have in the past. But then, Kim isn't like anyone I've ever known. That thought in and of itself was oddly soothing.
A comfortable silence prevailed as they enjoyed their wine. The fireplace, while small, put out a relaxing heat.
The peaceful interlude was broken when Kim audibly blew out a breath.
Jess rolled onto her side and faced Kim.
"I hate to even bring this up... but it's not going to go away by ignoring it." Kim tugged at her ponytail. "What happened with the detective? How about Brian's dad — was there any news about him?"
It was Jess's turn to sigh. She really did not want to have this conversation. "The detective wanted to clear up some things so she could close the case. Once I was able to convince her I didn't have anything to add, that was the end of it." Tell her the rest and get it over with. "I spoke to Craig Peterson before I left and asked about the father." Jess raked her hand through her hair.
By the look on Kim's face, she knew what was coming.
Jess forced herself to say the words anyway. "He never made it off the table.
I'm sorry."
Kim's expression crumbled. "My God. It's all just so hard to believe. First, Brian, now this." Tears sprang into her eyes. "Their whole family gone in six months."
Jess tried to make sense of what Kim was saying. Her confusion must have shown on her face.
"That's why Brian was in my group. He was having trouble dealing with his mother's death." A smattering of tears leaked out. "I only saw him for a couple of sessions before Dr. Kapoor took over, but I thought I was getting through to him."
"I'm sure you did everything you could."
Looking away, Kim focused her gaze on the fireplace log. "Not enough," she said, sorrow evident in her tone.
A sense of helplessness flowed over Jess in the face of Kim's pain. Not knowing what to say to make her feel better, Jess offered comfort the only way she could. She wrapped Kim in her arms and drew her against her chest in a body-hugging embrace. The feel of Kim trembling made her heart ache. She placed a lingering kiss on Kim's forehead.
Kim raised her head. Tears glistened on her cheeks.
Wanting nothing more than to ease her pain, Jess began to kiss away Kim's tears. She feathered her cheeks with touches as soft as a butterfly's. A soft whimper from Kim drew Jess's gaze to her mouth. Jess's insides clenched at the sight of the parted, inviting lips. Without a thought to the consequences, Jess pressed her lips to Kim's.
Surging forward, Kim tried to deepen the contact.
A groan was wrenched from deep in Jess's chest. Her tongue slipped out to lick Kim's bottom lip, silently urging her to open to her.
When Kim's lips opened and readily accepted her inside, Jess moaned into her mouth. So soft. So sweet.
The need for air finally caused them to part.
With Kim's lips no longer on hers, Jess's passion-hazed thought process began to clear. Reality hit like a dash of cold water in the face. What the hell's the matter with you? You can't do this.
Jess started to pull away only to be stopped by Kim's hand clutching at her shirt, trying to draw her close again.