Woof Woof Story: I Told You to Turn Me Into a Pampered Pooch, Not Fenrir!, Vol. 1

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Woof Woof Story: I Told You to Turn Me Into a Pampered Pooch, Not Fenrir!, Vol. 1 Page 11

by Inumajin


  “Awoooooooooooooooooo!! (Garooooooooemon! I need your heeeeeeeelp!!)”

  …call for help.

  I call Garo from the cliff that I stood on when I first howled at the moon.

  Pfft. Laugh at me if you want. It’s totally like me to rely on others to get what I need.

  And besides, I have no clue where to find a dragon’s nest or what wyrmnil even looks like. From how Hecate went on about it, I’m guessing I’ll know it when I see it.

  “Grwl. (At your service, my king.)”

  She soon appears after hearing my howl.

  “Woof! (Garoemon!)”

  “Grwl? (Yes, my king! …Er, ‘emon’? Forgive me, my king. What does ‘emon’ mean?)”

  “Woof. (Oh, it’s nothing.)”

  I really wanted someone to say something like, “Aw, Routa, you’re so helpless. What’s wrong? Did Zenobia whale on ya again?”

  I guess I’m asking for a bit too much.

  “Woof. (Anyway, why are you standing all the way over there? Come here.)”

  Usually when she pops up out of nowhere, she appears right next to me, but this time she was far enough away that I wasn’t sure she could even hear me.

  “Grw… (O-okay. No, wait— But…)”

  Is she still worried about me saying her face was scary?

  Sorry I was being so honest. I thought you were a guy.

  I really can’t tell the sex of a wolf just by looking at it.

  “Woof. (Sorry. I take back everything I said before. My face is much more terrifying. I’m truly sorry.)”

  “Grwl. (N-no! Your eminence’s face is most glorious! I-it’s…w-w-w-wonderful…)”

  It doesn’t matter how bashful you sound. I’m not suddenly going to swoon over you.

  I’m really not a furry, after all.

  But you are incredibly fluffy. As someone else who’s fluffy, I am quite jealous.

  “Grw. (So, my king. How may I assist you today? …Wait! Do you finally want to invade the human—?)”

  “Woof… (No, just drop that already…)”

  She really wants to get rid of the humans.

  That’s just the kind of provocation Zenobia’s waiting for.

  “Woof. (I wanted to ask you about something.)”

  “Grw! (Yes, whatever you need!)”

  “Bark? (Do you know where I can find a dragon’s nest?)”

  Garo and the wolves watch over every nook and cranny of this forest. They probably know if there’s a dragon here.

  That’s why I called her.

  I can’t just wander around the forest aimlessly. That’s too much work.

  “Grw… (A dragon…)”

  Garo thinks for a while before her head snaps up as if she thought of something.

  “Grw. (I have never seen one myself, but I did hear a story about one from my mother.)”

  Ooh, I’m glad I asked Garo. Looks like she has an idea where one might live.

  Garo points her nose north. I can just barely see the faint shadows of mountains against the cloudy night sky.

  “Grwl, grwl. (You can see them, right? Just north of the forest, at the foot of the sacred mountains, a blue dragon sleeps behind a waterfall. My mother told me this as a bedtime story.)”

  “Woof. (Yikes. That’s really far away.)”

  “Grw. (Yes, it is. It would take us three days to get there. It would possibly take you half the time, my king.)”

  Don’t be ridiculous.

  I ignore her outrageous assumption. The only way to know for sure is to go.

  “Bark. (All right, no time like the present. I’ll be off, then.)”

  “Grwl! (Then I shall accompany you! It would be an honor to hunt a dragon with you! Please grant me this privilege!)”

  “Woof. (No, no, no. I’m not going hunting, okay? I’m going to sneak in and steal some wyrmnil. Got it?)”

  Just imagine the dragon finding me sneaking into its nest. A dragon so strong, there’s nothing you can do against it. No way to look cool at that point. If I were found, I’d just have to turn tail and run. All I could do is run. And if I have to run, it’s best if I’m alone.

  “Grwl! (But it’s dangerous to go alone…!)”

  “Woof, woof. (Don’t worry. I’ll be in and out lickety-split. You can just wait here.)”

  “Grw… (…P-please forgive me. It was rude of me to oppose your will. Unforgivable…!)”

  She grovels on the ground in apology.

  Uh-oh. I may have overdone it with the “Silence, whelp” thing.

  Just as I’m at a loss over what to do with Garo, I hear the crunch of someone stepping on the stones behind me.

  “Grwl?! (Wh-who’s there?!)”

  Garo instantly leaps forward to protect my back.

  “Grwwl…?! (What are you?! How could you have gotten so close without me knowing……?!)”

  “Arwf? (Huh?)”

  The way she asks that catches my ear, and I spin around.

  “Y-you… You’re secretly meeting monsters in the dead of night……?!”

  There stands the knight, Zenobia.

  “A-arf! (A-ahhh, crap! She’s the last person I wanted to find out about this!)”

  This is bad!

  This is the worst situation ever!

  Zenobia is the least oblivious person in the mansion, and now she’s seen me with Garo.

  “Grrrr…! (Human…! Don’t you dare take another step toward the king!)”

  She wrinkles her nose and bares her teeth.

  Whoa! Whoa! Hold it! Wait, Garo! Your threat’s going to have the opposite effect!

  “That giant form and murderous intent…! You’re not just any wolf…! I thought you were suspicious, but you’re actually—!”

  Uh-oh. This is an explosive situation between Garo and Zenobia.

  This is going to end in a bloodbath.

  Everything’s fine. I can fix this. I actually devised a plan just in case this ever happened.

  I was worried the day would come when my identity would be discovered, so I’ve been practicing diligently. I failed a lot, but through trial and error, I managed to work out a great killer technique. It’s unmistakably my strongest killer technique to date.

  And now is the time to reveal it.

  “Arwf! (Let’s do this!)”

  I quickly lower my head and roll forward.

  Their glares move to me.

  I remain lying on my back, loll out my tongue in a cute way, and start panting like an excited pup.

  “Haah-haah-haah-haah! (Killer technique: submission pose!)”

  Let me explain.

  Submission pose is a technique dogs have used since ancient times as a sign of ultimate fealty toward humans while also letting them know there are no enemies nearby, executed by exposing their vulnerable midsection, causing weak-minded humans to drop their guards and approach the irresistibly fluffy body of the dog until they give in to the urge to pet them. (Deep breath.)

  “You…you still think such cute behavior will work on me…?!”

  “Haah-haah-haah-haah! (Mwa-ha-ha-ha-ha! You cannot kill me! You can’t even try! Even a proud knight like you is defenseless, right?! Riiiight?! For shame! You will be embarrassed till the end of your days if you try to cut me down now! Riiiight?! Right?! Riiiight?!)”

  “U-urgn…!”

  “Haah-haah-haah-haah! (Mwa-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha! I love your frustrated expression!)”

  I really want to lick her.

  “Grwl… (Wh-what is that pose, oh king…?! One as lowly as I could not possibly fathom what the great king is doing at present…!)”

  “Woof, woof! (Garo! What are you doing?! Hurry up and get with the program!)”

  “Grwl?! (Wh-what?! Me?!)”

  “Bark! Bark! (Of course! Come on! Hurry up! Do it now!)”

  “Grr… (B-but it’s so… No, I swore I would be loyal to the king. No matter what order he may give me, I shall humbly accept it as his imperial guard! Everything my king does is righteous!)”

/>   Garo flashes Zenobia a glare, then does exactly as I did, exposing her tummy.

  “Haah-haah-haah-haah! (This may be an order from my king, but it’s still a disgrace…! Tch. I’ll kill you! I’ll kill you, human!)”

  “Haah-haah-haah-haah! (Good! But not good enough! More cuteness! Tilt your front paws and really sell it! That’s it! That’s good! Now look! She’s going to give in any moment now! We’ve almost won!)”

  The two of us Fen Wolves convey with all our might that we’re not Zenobia’s enemies as her eyes spin.

  “Ugg…grk…ghn. All right, fine! Stop it! I surrender!”

  Zenobia finally gives in and falls to her knees.

  Phew. We won.

  That was easy.

  “Grw… (What my king did was certainly effective… But is it all right like this…?)”

  Garo seems to be suffering from the bottom of her heart as she mumbles.

  Of course it’s all right. We won without spilling a single drop of blood.

  My pride as Fenrir, King of the Fen Wolves? I don’t care about that. The only thing I want to do is live my life as a pampered pooch.

  Oh, I feel like I just said something really cool.

  “…I won’t ask you what you truly are for now.”

  Zenobia takes a deep breath and looks directly at me.

  “……Hey. Can you stop that now? I’m trying to have a serious conversation.”

  Oh, whoops.

  We roll back over and sit down with our backs straight.

  “I overheard what Lady Hecate said to you.”

  Hey, now… Eavesdropping is not an admirable thing to do.

  At least, I’d normally give a jab like that, but I couldn’t dismiss her sober expression.

  “I want to help the young lady, too. So you’re after wyrmnil, are you? I’m going with you to get it.”

  “Grwl! (No way! I will not allow a human like you to guard the king!)”

  “Woof, woof. (Stop it. Garo, sit. Sit, girl. Siiiit. Doooown!)”

  “Arwn… (As you command, my king…)”

  She was about to bare her teeth again but stopped.

  “You asked this black beast about the dragon’s nest, didn’t you? I’m guessing it’s at the foot of the sacred mountains.”

  Wow, she’s sharp.

  It’s like she’s a different person from the one who keeps picking up fake swords.

  “Do not worry. I have already prepared everything.”

  She certainly does seem well prepared with travel clothes and cloak, a bag on her shoulder that smells like it has food in it, and a giant steel case on her back. She’s certainly better off than me, who left with nothing but the fur on his back. She has it all.

  Looks like it’ll be impossible to convince her otherwise. Not that she’d understand what I’m saying either way.

  “We should hurry. The sooner we do this, the sooner the lady’s illness will be cured.”

  Then she runs off.

  “Woof. (Oh, in that case, you’ll have to stay here, Garo. I would really appreciate it if you protect the mansion while I’m away.)”

  “Grw. (As you command. I, Garo, shall protect your home with my life. Please be safe.)”

  I leave Garo with her head bowed low and chase after Zenobia.

  Wait up, Zenobia!

  That’s not north!

  Dirt flies up as my four paws dig into the ground.

  I take the lead, racing through the dark forest.

  I glance behind me to see Zenobia easily keeping up.

  The canopy blocks out the moonlight, so there isn’t a single source of light in the pitch-black woods. The ground is uneven because of the mulchy soil and exposed roots. If it weren’t for my wolflike body, I wouldn’t be able to traverse this area at all.

  Yet, Zenobia is running through the forest as if she’s traveling along a road.

  “Hey, stop looking back. You needn’t concern yourself with me. You should focus on the goal ahead,” she says without needing to catch her breath.

  Just you watch.

  She said all that with a straight face, yet she was the one who went the wrong way just now.

  She usually acts like she’s got her head on backward, so I was sure she’d struggle. She’s in rare form today, though. I didn’t think she’d be able to keep up with me.

  The giant metallic case on her back looks incredibly heavy, but she’s so strong that it appears weightless.

  It also seems like she can see clearly through the dark forest.

  So she has amazing eyesight and good legs.

  Looks like I can probably pick up the pace a little more.

  I bark once and run a little faster.

  “Hmph, what’s this? Is that all you’ve got? I have a lot more energy left, you know.”

  Zenobia scoffs through her nose.

  Oh, really? Do you really?

  Little Zenobia wants me to turn it up?

  Bring it on! I’ll make you cry!

  “Woof! Woof! (Here it comes! I’ll show you just how fast I can really run!)”

  Grrrr.

  Like a bolt of lightning, I weave through the gaps in the trees.

  “Tch. Not bad! But I won’t lose!”

  Her face scrunches slightly as she matches my gait.

  No way! I thought I was running with everything I had!

  She’s carrying gear and only has two legs! How is she able to keep up?!

  Whoa, Zenobia’s really something.

  What an amazing physique.

  If she hadn’t used fake swords that snapped in half, she might have actually killed me…

  U-uh-oh… If she manages to get a sword that’s not a piece of crap, she might actually succeed…!

  I’d better come up with another cute killer technique soon…!

  I set off at a violent dash to try and get away from her.

  “Wheeze…wheeze……”

  “Haff…haff…”

  Th-that’s it. I’m done.

  I can’t run anymore…

  Zenobia and I stagger out of the forest and collapse on the bank of a beautiful brook.

  “N-not bad…”

  “W-woof… (I didn’t think you’d keep up till the end… Looks like I underestimated you…)”

  I remain lying on my front as I look up at the sky to see the day is already starting to break.

  So that means it’s about three…maybe four in the morning…?

  If it was evening when we left the mansion, that means we were running for close to ten hours.

  Ugh, I’m exhausted…

  I wanna go home…

  Come to think of it, how far did we go…?

  We ran as hard as we could straight north, but I’ve lost all sense of distance.

  “I can hear waterfalls. It’s close.”

  Zenobia already has her breath back and is looking north.

  How could she have gotten her second wind faster than a Fen Wolf like me?

  Upon perking my ears up, I can hear the rushing of a large waterfall. It sounds like it’s a few kilometers away from us.

  Garo said it would take three days to get here, but we arrived a lot faster than that.

  “Let’s have a quick rest, then enter the dragon’s den. We need our bodies to be in perfect condition.”

  Zenobia finds a large, flat rock on the riverbank and puts her bag down.

  I peek inside to see basic cooking equipment as well as a giant hunk of brown bread, a fist-sized lump of raclette cheese, and some smoked meat.

  “Sniff, sniff. (This smells like applewood chips. This is the smoked meat the old man made. That bastard. He had some hidden away somewhere…!)”

  There wasn’t any of this left when I snuck into the kitchen for a snack.

  Damn, he tricked me!

  “Wh-what? I didn’t take this without asking. I asked Master James, and he prepared it for me.”

  Zenobia shrinks from my glare.

  Her flustered look is still super-cute.
I really wanna lick her.

  “Go look for some dry branches. I’ll collect some water.”

  “Woof. (’Kaaay.)”

  We work together to get a fire and some food together.

  The firewood burns red with a crackle.

  “Woof! Woof! (Food! Food! Faster! Faster!)”

  “Hold your horses. There’s a way to make this even tastier, you know.”

  Zenobia slices the brown bread. The crust is as hard as stone, but when she turns it over, I can see that the center is surprisingly light and fluffy. Then she takes out the chunk of smoked meat and cuts it into thin slices with a knife before laying it across the bread.

  “And finally…”

  She stabs the tip of her knife into the cheese and positions it over the fire. The cheese emits a heavenly fragrance as it softens and begins losing shape. Once it melts and starts to bubble, she carefully lays it on top of the smoked meat. The cheese and meat become entangled as both seep into the fluffy bread.

  “Arwf?! (C-could this be…?!)”

  The dish I’ve only ever dreamed about when I was a kid, tartine de savoie…?!

  It’s not just the cheese but the meat that makes this look even more delicious!

  “Here. You’ve waited long enough. Dig in.”

  Doing her best to sound indifferent, she offers me the food.

  We don’t have any plates, so she just places it on the ground.

  She’s such a tsundere. I really, really wanna lick her.

  “I’m going to eat it all first if you’re not having any.”

  “Woof, woof! (Ah, I’ll eat it! I’ll eat it!)”

  I can almost taste the applewood used to smoke the meat that now rests beneath the gooey, melted raclette cheese. The two aromas combine in my nose, creating a smell as sweet as a bouquet of flowers.

  “Woof! (I can tell it’s good even before having any! Time to dig in!)”

  I gratefully accept the tartine de savoie that Zenobia made with her own two hands.

  “Hey, you don’t have to inhale it. I was only joking when I said I would eat it all first. Can’t you eat a bit more gracefully?”

  The fragrance of the cheese, the umami of the smoked meat, and the sweetness of the bread, which gets stronger with every bite—all possess a simple yet refined flavor.

  It’s so incredibly delicious.

  If this had been on the morning menu at the café when I was a corporate slave, I would have shown up to work every day with a smile on my face.

 

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