Ready to tell me he had just caught a case of cold feet and he’d run off to the courthouse with me that instant and say “I do.”
How pathetic was that?
If Jason asked me to still marry him, I’d probably say yes.
I didn’t know what that meant for my strength.
“Thank you, Luis,” I told Connor’s driver, who had been nice enough to take me home.
Jason’s home.
It definitely wasn’t mine to claim.
“Of course. If there is anything you need, I’m sure Mr. Roe would be all right with me transporting you to a different location today.” He was so kind to me, and I was thankful for that. I needed all the kindness I could get.
“I think I’ll be okay, thank you.”
We said our goodbyes, and I took a deep breath before walking inside the building. The moment I went through the front doors, my stomach tightened. Katherine sat working at the front desk, and her eyes widened when she saw me. Katherine was an older lady who’d been working in that same spot for over twenty years. She was the face that’d greeted me for the past few weeks since I’d moved in with Jason, one I was happy to know and love.
“Aaliyah, hi, sweetheart.” She stood quickly, and the heaviness that sat in her eyes held guilt. “How are you?”
I gave her a tight grin. “Seen better days.”
“I can imagine. I’m sorry about everything that happened, but Mr. Rollsfield said to let you know you’re more than welcome to stay here as long as you need.”
I stood a bit. “You’ve talked to Jason?”
“Yes, ma’am.”
“Is he here now?”
“No, ma’am. He stopped by yesterday to pick up some things before he headed out. Said he was going on a trip.”
“Did he say where to?” I asked.
Katherine grimaced. “I think he mentioned France?”
“Our honeymoon.” Or what was supposed to be our honeymoon.
“Look, sweetie”—Katherine rubbed the back of her neck and lowered her brows—“I was really betting on you being the one this time. I’ve seen Jason with many different women. Many, many, many—”
“I get it. Jason used to get around,” I cut in. “What are you trying to say?”
“I’m just saying, it was different with you. He was different with you.”
I huffed at her words. They annoyed me for many reasons, but mainly because even though he had been different, he’d still left me. I wasn’t enough to make him stay.
I was never enough to make them stay.
“I wanted to be the girl who changed his life,” I confessed. My mind was having a hard time coming to terms with the fact that he had truly stood me up. Before in my relationships, I could see all the red flags—but Jason had seemed like he truly cared. This one had blindsided me.
“You did change his life.”
I rubbed the palms of my hands over my tired eyes. “I didn’t. If I had, I wouldn’t be here all snotty-nosed and teary-eyed. If I were the woman who’d changed his life, he would’ve been able to say ‘I do.’ But instead, he walked away.”
“Even if that is true, you still changed his life.”
“How do you know?”
“Because people can’t meet you and not be changed, Aaliyah.”
I smiled and thanked Katherine as I reached around to grab my key from my purse.
“Aaliyah,” a voice said from behind me, making me turn around in haste. I knew the voice the moment I heard it, and the sound alone made my heart sink.
“Marie, hi.” I breathed out as I looked into a set of eyes that had grown to mean so much to me. “What are you doing here?”
“Well, I was on a quest to try to find my son, but I just got word that he’s taking a mini-vacation to France for a while.” She frowned as she looked down at her hands and fiddled with her fingers. When she looked up, tears were flooding her eyes. “Oh, Aaliyah. It wasn’t supposed to go like this.” She covered her mouth and broke down into uncontrollable sobs.
It was an instant reaction of mine as I wrapped my arms around her. There I was, standing in the lobby, comforting the mother of the man who’d left me on my wedding day. I couldn’t help it; seeing anyone falling apart made me want to comfort them.
“He loves you, Aaliyah. I know he does,” she said, pulling away a bit. “Do you think you and I can have a word upstairs?”
I hesitated for a moment. I wasn’t sure I was ready to face a conversation with Jason’s mother. I wasn’t even ready to face myself and my heartache.
Before I could reply, Marie seemed to read the words I wasn’t able to express. “It’s fine, really. I’m sorry. I’ll give you your space. I want you to know you deserved more than what my son did to you. From the moment I met you, I knew you were something special,” she said.
“Thank you, Marie.”
“I know this sounds crazy, but do you think…” She sniffled, pulled out a tissue from her purse, and wiped her eyes. “Do you think you and I can stay in touch? Maybe still get coffee with one another? I know it sounds selfish, but in a way, I feel as if you are a part of my world.”
I felt the same way, yet the idea of seeing her any time soon seemed a bit too daunting a task. “I think I just need time, Marie. Honestly, this is all a lot to come to terms with. My mind is still spinning.”
“I understand, sweetheart. I won’t take any more of your time but do know you’re welcome to stay at this apartment as long as you need. I’ll make sure to keep Jason away to give you the time you need to move into a new place. But, I hope you know what my son did to you was cruel, and I do apologize for all the hurt he has caused you.”
I let out a nervous laugh. “You don’t have to apologize to me, Marie. You aren’t your son’s mistakes.”
Now it was her turn to release an anxious chuckle. “You could tell a parent that a million times, and we’d still never believe you.” She pulled me into a hug and held me so tight. I melted into her hug. I hadn’t known how much I needed that—for someone to hold me. “You are the daughter I always wanted,” she whispered, stirring up my own emotions.
She turned to walk away and paused as she held the door open for a moment before she looked back my way. “Just so it’s clear, Aaliyah, you were always the catch in your relationship, not the other way around. My son was never good enough for you. You were the prize.” She smiled and walked away, leaving me there with a set of nerves I wasn’t sure how to work through.
I took the elevator to the penthouse and felt a sense of emptiness once I stepped foot inside. I hadn’t lived within those walls for long, but somewhere along the way, I’d convinced myself I’d achieve my happily ever after there. Sometimes fairy-tale endings are only for the storybooks.
Everything was exactly as it had always been in the penthouse, except a little different. All the components of the house felt a little less like mine. I walked into the bedroom and noticed some of Jason’s clothing was missing from the closets. He really had left me, and he wasn’t going to come back.
I wasn’t sure what to do with myself. I wasn’t sure how to move forward with life. I had nothing to my name—no husband, no job, no home. I’d given all of that up to be with a man who’d left me on our wedding day.
I lay down on the bed that morning, feeling everything but love. I hated the discomfort I felt in that home. I hated the way the walls echoed to me that I didn’t belong there. I hated how my skin crawled with the idea that any moment now, Jason could show up and remind me of how much I didn’t belong.
So, I stood up from the bed, and went to the only place where I felt less alone.
Every Sunday morning, I spoke to dead people. Well, not dead people—just one. It had become a tradition to visit Grant’s grave and talk to him about life, about the ups and downs of my world. I’d read him comic books, and we’d watch the sun rise with one another. That morning, I’d missed the sunrise with him, but still, I felt his comfort.
I sat in front
of Grant’s tombstone, with my legs bent and my arms crossed on top of my knees. My head rested against my arms as I stared forward at the one person who still made me feel loved. I didn’t say anything that morning, because I knew he wouldn’t be speaking back to me at all, but in my head I’d imagine he’d say I was okay.
Scattered around his tombstone were quarters. I’d leave a quarter every time I’d visit, because it always reminded me of him. When I first met Grant, he was always flipping a quarter between his fingers. He had all his odd beliefs and sayings that stuck with me over the years. “Find a penny, pick it up, all day long you’ll have good luck, find a quarter, make it mine, and I’ll be lucky for the rest of time,” he’d say. There was never a day he didn’t carry a lucky quarter around with him. So, whenever I visited, I left him a quarter, so he’d have a bit of luck on the other side.
As I sat there, feeling hopeless, another one of his lines popped up in my head.
“Rain makes rainbows, Aaliyah. Let the water fall,” he’d probably tell me. “Break first, fix later.”
I broke.
I shattered.
I let the water fall from my eyes as the comfort of Grant’s almost words filled my mind. I was thankful for Grant’s silence that still somehow managed to wrap me up in some kind of mystical safe love.
18
Aaliyah
And now comes the part where I plead.
My stomach sat in knots as I rode the elevator up to the Passion Magazine office, where I would respectfully—okay, probably not—beg for my junior editor position back. Now that I had no need to move to Los Angeles, I was trying to put my feet back on somewhat solid ground. I was a New Yorker through and through, and what do New Yorkers do when life knocks them down? We get back up and start swinging, too—knotted stomachs and all.
I was a bit shocked when my boss Maiv agreed to meet with me after I drunkenly emailed her at four in the morning due to a sleepless night.
Jason still hadn’t called me.
I knew that didn’t matter much, but for some reason, it hurt me. You would think the man who stood you up on your wedding day would at least send an LOL my bad, I overslept and missed our wedding text message of sorts.
Still, somehow his lack of communication was what kept my mind occupied the night before. I thought about where he could be, what he could be doing…who he could be doing.
Of course he was cheating on you, Aaliyah. Hasn’t history taught you anything? That’s what men do. Now, look at you—wasted a year of your life on a man who left. Your time is ticking. Tick, tick, tick…
“Shut up,” I muttered out loud to my own insensitive brain. My thoughts had been in overdrive, trying to convince me that what had happened was all because of me, that I wasn’t good enough, that I wasn’t worthy of the happy ending, that I was bad at finding love that lasted…that I didn’t have time to find a real love.
My thoughts were currently controlling me, and all I wanted was to be able to be in control of them instead, even if that meant sometimes muttering at myself to shut up.
I walked into the front lobby of Passion and saw Greta’s smiling face. She was the front desk receptionist, and for the past few years, it was her face that I’d saw first each day I came into work.
“Hey there, sunshine,” she frowned, looking my way. She was invited to the wedding, so I was certain she knew of the outcome of said event. “How are you doing?”
I smiled, even though I didn’t mean it. “One step at a time.”
“I hate him,” she told me. “And I hope he has a miserable life.”
I wished I could’ve wished the same for him…even though my heart wasn’t there yet. All I wished was that he’d reach out and call me. “How’s Maiv’s mood today?” I asked, shifting the subject away from my failed attempt at getting wed.
“Mood is the same as it is every other day: The Devil Wears Prada Miranda Priestly.” Greta frowned. “Did you really use fifty-four exclamation points in the email you sent to beg for your job back?”
“What? No. It was fifty-two at most.”
She snickered. “You’re a brave woman for having enough nerve to even ask Maiv for your position back.”
“More like desperate, but here we go.”
“Godspeed,” Greta said before holding up her fingers like Katniss from The Hunger Games as a sign of her support and love. “May the odds be ever in your favor.”
I swallowed hard as I walked down the long walkway to Maiv’s office. Everyone in the space looked at me and gave me a mix of empathic expressions and shocked Girl what are you doing? Run! looks. I didn’t know which one to listen to, so I kept walking.
Maiv’s office door was open, which wasn’t a normal occurrence. Still, I knocked on the doorframe to get her attention.
“Hi, Maiv. Is now still a good time to—” My words evaporated as she lifted her head in slow motion to look my way. Her green eyes hid behind a set of green frames, and her lips pressed together as she met my stare.
Then the oddest thing in the history of Maiv Sun happened—she smiled.
“Aaliyah, hi, yes. Do come in and close the door behind you.”
I swallowed hard and did as she said, unsure how to take her smile. I’d worked for the woman for years, and I’d never received a smile from her.
I took a seat across from her desk, and my heart sat uncomfortably in my throat.
Maiv smoothed her hands over her gray hair tucked in a perfect high bun, and she sat back in her chair, still staring my way. She picked up the pen from her desk and began twirling it between her fingers.
“So,” she started, “That was quite the wedding—or lack thereof.”
“You came,” I muttered.
“Of course, I came. I told you I was going to come. The ceremony space was very modern. You did a decent job, minus the whole no wedding thing.”
“Oh. Well…thanks?”
She nodded once. “I’m guessing you’re here because you want your job back.”
I tried to push my heart back down to its rightful placement in my chest. Time to grovel. “Yes, ma’am. Even if I can’t go back to being a junior editor, I’ll take any position and work my way up to—”
“You have connections with Connor Roe.”
I sat up a bit straighter, thrown off by her question. “What?”
“I noticed at your almost wedding that Connor Roe was in attendance. He’s the one who dismissed us all from the venue.”
“Uh…yes. I’m sorry, what does that have to do with—”
“Why haven’t you ever told me you knew Connor Roe?”
What exactly was happening? “Um, I didn’t think it was of importance. Plus, I don’t really know him, know him, and—”
“But he came to your wedding? How would you not know someone who was invited to your wedding?”
“I’m sorry, Maiv. I don’t understand what any of this has to do with my job and me getting it back…”
“Oh, yes. Well, I can offer you your position back—”
“Oh my gosh!” I exclaimed.
She held a silencing finger up. “If you do one thing for me.”
“Anything, Maiv. I’ll do anything.”
“Good. I was hoping you’d say that.” She leaned forward on her desk, dropped the pen, and clasped her hands. “I need you to get an exclusive with Connor Roe.”
I choked on my next breath. “I’m sorry, what?”
“Connor Roe is the biggest bachelor in New York City. He is on his way to being one of the richest men in all of New York, if not the world, and he has never once done an interview. Everyone in the industry is clawing at the opportunity to get him on their cover, but he refuses to allow anyone the opportunity.”
Wow. Was Connor truly that successful? Jason had hardly ever talked about work people when we spent time together. Still, I didn’t see how I could help Maiv.
“Well, if he doesn’t want to be interviewed—”
“Senior editor,” she cut in.
“What?”
“If you get Connor Roe to come to Passion to be on the cover of our September issue, I will make you senior editor.”
No way. Senior editors always received the best projects. They were able to travel and see the world. Just a few months earlier, Abby had been in Iceland following a story about an explorer for two months. That was what I’d dreamed about, doing the big stories that allowed me to see the world at the same time, to experience different cultures, different lifestyles, to see lives bigger than my own.
“You mean it?” I pushed out, feeling as if I were dreaming. “I’d be able to travel for work and write the meaningful articles?”
“If you get Connor to do an exclusive with us, you can write whatever you want.” She held up a hand quickly. “Within reason, obviously.”
“Yes, of course.”
“So”—she narrowed her eyes—“you can do it?”
What was it about Connor that made people crave to be inside his brain so much? It was almost as if Maiv was begging for me to get him to agree to the article. Well, as close to begging as she’d ever get, at least.
I nodded. “Yes, of course. Not a problem. I’ll have him on board ASAP.”
“By Friday.”
“Friday? Like…” I gulped hard. “This Friday? Like, in a few days?”
“Yes.”
“As in, one, two, three—”
“If you can’t make it happen, that’s all you have to—”
“No! No! I can make it happen. It’s pretty much already happening. There is no doubt in my mind that Connor Roe will be on the front cover of this magazine come this September. Yup, that’s right, because me and him are buddies. Pals. Amigos. Friends. We’re pretty much Phoebe and Joey. Yup, that’s us. Ketchup and mustard. Tom and—”
“Aaliyah.”
“Yes?”
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