He rubbed the sleep out of his eyes and gave me a lazy smile. “That sounds amazing.”
“It’s a tradition that I’ve adapted.”
He stood up from his chair and walked in my direction. “Can I come with you?”
I was a bit taken aback by his request. I’d spent months with Jason trying to get him to come visit Grant’s grave spot, but he always said it was too early and just plain odd.
Connor asked without even being invited to come. Plus, he was running on zero to no sleep.
“Are you tired?” I asked him.
“We can whip up some coffee to take with us,” he said. “I remember you talking about Grant a few years back, about how important he was to you. I’d be honored to meet someone that special to you.”
The way he said ‘to meet’ made the butterflies swirl in my stomach. As if Grant was still alive and well.
“If you want to come, I’ll be glad to have you.”
“I do,” he promised. “Let me get the coffee brewing, then we can head out.”
Once the coffee was brewed, we were on our way to see Grant, with blankets and comics galore. When we arrived, Connor lay out the blankets for us to sit on and smiled as he stared at Grant’s tombstone. I sat down, and he followed my steps, sitting right beside me.
“There’s a lot of quarters,” Connor noted.
“Yeah, I leave one every single time. Grant believed that if a penny was lucky, then a quarter had to be twenty-five times as lucky. Whenever I find a quarter, I figure it’s a kiss from Grant. It’s stupid, I know.”
“There’s nothing stupid about that.”
“Jason thought it was,” I told him.
“Jason also thought Italy was a continent. His opinion is mute and void.”
I snickered. Touché.
“Can you tell me stories about him?” Connor asked, bending his legs and resting his crossed arms on top of his knees.
“You really want to hear stories about Grant?”
“Yeah. Stories about him, and you together. I want to know it all, if you want to share it with me.”
That felt so odd to me. Jason never asked, and he never wondered. But, Connor seemed so interested in knowing more about my past, more about what made me into the person I’d become. Talking about Grant felt like talking about a parent. He meant the world to me, and I loved how when I began to speak, Connor listened intently to every word that left my mouth.
Then, he read the comics to Grant and me, which made my heart began to beat for him. He didn’t have a clue how much him showing up with me met. It felt so special to have someone to watch the sunrise with as I sat at Grant’s grave.
When it was time to leave, Connor pulled out his wallet, grabbed a quarter, and left it on the tombstone for Grant to have. I wondered if Connor had any clue of how good of a person he had been.
Each day, I loved waking up and not being alone in the household. There was something comforting about having someone else in the penthouse with me, even if Connor and I weren’t always interacting. I liked knowing that if something ever went wrong, there was someone right around the corner.
Still, I worried about Connor and his work habits.
One night, I woke up around three to go get a glass of water, and I found him still sitting in his office typing away. His shoulders were rounded forward, and exhaustion sat heavily on his face. I didn’t interrupt him, but the image stayed with me for a few days until I felt as if I needed to step in. I might’ve been crossing a line, but when he came home from work one night, loosened his tie, and sat grimacing, I knew he needed a break. I was even more certain that he wasn’t going to give it to himself.
His office door was closed around ten p.m. that night, and I could hear his heavy sighs. I knocked twice, and he invited me to come in. I carried a package behind my back to help persuade him to give himself a break.
“Hey, Red. What’s up?” He smiled genuinely, but I saw how tired his eyes were.
I leaned against the doorframe. “You need an RB.”
He raised an eyebrow. “A what?”
“An RB—a roommate break. Come on. You’ve been killing yourself in the office, working way too hard, and you need a break.”
“As nice as that sounds, I don’t really have time for a break.”
“Well, you need to make time. Otherwise, your body will start to break down, and you need your body to function correctly. Nothing good comes from working yourself to death.”
“You sound like my mother,” he muttered before growing wide-eyed. “Ah, shit, I forgot to call my mom back. She’s going to leave me a million messages about it.”
“It’s okay. You can call her tomorrow after a night of good rest and some RB time. Come on.”
He raised an eyebrow. “You aren’t going to let up on this, are you?”
“No, I’m not. Plus, I have a surprise for you if you agree.” I pulled the box from behind my back and held it out in front of me.
His eyes narrowed. “What’s in the box, Red?”
“I guess you’ll have to stand and walk away from your paperwork to come find out, Captain.”
With hesitation, he pushed his chair back and walked in my direction. He ripped the tape off the box and gasped when he saw what was inside.
“Are those…?” he whispered.
“Yes.”
“And they’re for me…?”
“Uh-huh.”
He reached into the box of treasures, also known as Cheetos Paws, and I smacked his hand away before he could grab a bag. “Nope! None for you until RB is agreed upon.”
“Where did you even find these?”
“A good player in life never shares her secrets. Now what do you say? Do we have a deal?”
He swiped one of the bags from the box, opened it, and began shoving the Cheetos Paws into his mouth. “Deal,” he said, with his face stuffed, grinning like a kid on Christmas morning.
We took the chips along with some other snacks and drinks up to the rooftop to talk. My only goal for the night was to get Connor to relax a little. I could tell he put too much pressure on himself to take over the world and do good with the power. All I needed was for him to take over himself for a bit of time and learn to slow down.
We asked each other all kinds of questions. Like always with him, the conversation came easily, and I witnessed when the relaxation finally began to settle over him as he chose to live in the moment.
“If you could have any animal as a pet, what would it be?” he asked me as he finished off his third bag of chips.
“Oh, that’s easy. A dog.”
“I knew you’d be a dog person.”
I nodded in agreement.
“I used to volunteer at a humane society for abused dogs. It blew my mind the kind of torture humans would put those poor babies through. We’d gotten some who had been hurt and harmed more than they ever deserved. They had a lot of trauma, anxiety, and depression when they arrived, but over time, they still let us near them. Did it take time for them to build up their trust? Yes, but once it was there, they gave us love so freely. No creature on the planet loved unconditionally like a dog. Sadly, if their abusers came back, they’d still give them love. This world doesn’t deserve dogs.”
“I couldn’t agree more. If I had time for a dog, I’d definitely get one.”
“Sometimes in life, you have to make time.”
He smiled. “I think I’ll start with RB time and ease my way into getting a dog.”
“Make sure to adopt, don’t shop! There are a lot of babes out there who would change your world for the better.”
“Yeah,” he said, his blue eyes looking into mine. His dimples deepened. “I bet there are.”
I had to look away from him because whenever he stared for too long, my stomach filled with butterflies. I began picking at my fingernails to distract myself. “You know what saying I’ve always hated?”
“Do tell.”
“Men are dogs. Why would people disr
espect dogs like that? Dogs are loyal, even on your shittiest day. You can yell and scream at them, and they still are going to crawl into your lap and love you. Sure, maybe they have accidents in the house or chew your shoes, but you see the real guilt in their eyes from making the mistake. And they learn. Dogs are loyal and they learn! Men are just…men. And that’s the worst thing I could think to call them. Not pigs. Not rats. Not snakes. Men are men.” I looked toward him and offered an unapologetic smile. “I mean, no offense.”
“None taken. You can include me in that group.”
“But you don’t treat women badly. You actually avoid getting involved with them and wasting their time. That’s different. Jason gaslit me. He said the right things in the beginning until he thought he had me locked in. After I moved in with him, he showed me his true colors. It was always a game with him. You don’t play games. You don’t even enter the ring because you don’t want to waste a woman’s time. That’s noble.”
He waved his hand back and forth. “Er, I’m not sure if it’s nobility or just blatant fear.”
“What in the world could you be afraid of?”
He smiled. “A lot, Red.”
Gosh, those dimples should’ve come with a warning. Connor Roe was almost the perfect package. He had the looks, he had the personality, he had the charm. The only thing missing was his commitment to having actual relationships.
“I lie to myself on the regular.”
“About relationships?”
“Yup. I mean, I do work a lot and I am a workaholic, but if I wanted to, if I really wanted to, I could be in a relationship.”
“Then why are you single? You could get any woman you wanted. You’re far from a jerk. You’re charming, giving, and I’ve recently learned you are TikTok famous. You’d probably go all out and record your partner’s TikToks for her and make her famous, too. So what’s the reason?”
“Do you want a bullshit excuse or the truth?”
“I think you and I do truths best.”
“I haven’t found love because I haven’t been looking,” he explained. “I think love is beautiful. Hell, that’s why I live for flashes of love in my life. But the forever kind terrifies me, because I know how much it can hurt when it goes wrong. My mother almost died twice in my lifetime. It wasn’t a sudden thing, either. She had two battles with cancer, and each time I watched her suffer. I had to come to terms with the idea that I wouldn’t have a mother at a young age.
“That nearly killed me. I never wanted to go through losing someone I cared about that much again, so I don’t let myself get close with others on that personal level. I’m afraid of the forever kind of love because with love comes loss, and nothing truly lasts forever.”
Throughout our interactions with one another, we’d shared many pieces of us back and forth, yet I felt like Connor’s current information was actually the rawest he’d ever been with me. He was sharing things with me that I was almost certain he hardly shared with himself.
“It’s funny,” I replied, combing my fingers through my hair. “I think I’m the opposite of you. I chase after love because I’ve never had it. If I had a chance to have a mother, I would scoop it up, even with the idea of losing her. Having love once, to me, is better than never having had it at all. The problem with the way I chased love, though, is I ended up with people like Jason and my ex before him, Mario. I gave myself freely to people who probably didn’t deserve me at all.”
“Wow.” He breathed out, shaking his head back and forth as he slow-clapped.
“What?”
“It’s just nice to hear you finally realizing what I realized from the first moment I met you—that you’re a prize.”
I crinkled up my nose and shrugged. “Only took two men cheating on me, a failed marriage attempt, and a pretend life coach to get me here.”
“Doesn’t matter what it took as long as you arrived. Is it my turn for a deep question?”
“Shoot it my way.”
“Did you ever try to find them? Your parents?”
I pushed out a short-lived chuckle. “Yes, and I always ended up with dead ends. I gave up a few years ago, because what was the point? How long could I search for someone who wasn’t searching for me?”
“How unlucky of them to have never known you.”
My lips parted as our eyes locked, and I swore my damaged heart started beating for him. I gave him a shy grin before shaking my head. “Don’t do that, Connor.”
“Do what?”
“Make me feel important.”
His dimples deepened.
Goodness, I shouldn’t have liked that so much, but I did.
“Hey, Red?”
“Yes, Captain?”
“You want to go record a TikTok dance with me?”
31
Aaliyah
The hardest part of living with Connor was that he was insanely attractive and kind. It truly should’ve been illegal. No one should’ve been that handsome and nice—it ruined all other men. One of his favorite hobbies was to walked around shirtless on the regular. Some days, he’d come into the living room area dripping in sweat, and my lady parts tingled as if they hadn’t seen a shirtless men in ten years.
It wasn’t only his fit, muscular body that oddly turned me on, though. It was the way he went business mode on phone calls and spoke as if he was the HBIC—head bachelor in charge. He was thorough with every conversation he held and spoke with authority. His strength was sexy.
On the flip side, his bad jokes turned me on, too. Just watching the way his mouth moved when he spoke, how sometimes he’d bite down on the corner of his lip when he was trying to recall a punchline. Sexy.
And when he cooked? Holy crap. He turned me on when he made eggs. I was hot and bothered when he burned toast.
His laughter, his frowns, his goofy smirks. Everything about him pulled me in, and I didn’t know if once it was time for me to move on, I’d be able to let go. The more he existed in my world, the more I craved for him to stay. The more I hoped he’d notice me as more than his roommate, more than his friend.
“You sure this looks okay?” Connor asked as we stood inside an old warehouse for his photo shoot for Passion. He was dressed in a designer forest green velvet suit that fit him in all the right places. His hair was gelled back, and he had a makeup team touching up his face as I stood nearby watching.
The whole crew around us was setting up for his photo shoot with one of the top photographers in the industry, Jean Paxon. She’d shot for the royal family in the past, so having her at our shoot felt extraordinary.
“You look amazing,” I told him as I held his coffee and my tea in my hands. “Besides, there will be outfit changes and whatnot. You’re in the best hands, and remember, you’re already a pro at this kind of stuff with your TikTok.”
“Uh, this is kind of more advanced than some silly social media app. They have like fifty lights set up! Plus, this magazine is going to be in stores. The last thing I need is to end up taking crappy pictures because of my ugly face.”
I rolled my eyes. “You don’t have an ugly face, Connor.”
“You think I’m pretty, Red?” he said in a whiny, annoying voice.
“No. You’re hideous. Your nose is crooked, your lips aren’t full, and your eyes are too far apart—but we can fix all of that in editing. I just need you to get a somewhat decent shot so I don’t lose my job. Now here, take the coffee and stop whining.”
He smirked and nudged me in the arm. “Aw, I think you’re kinda pretty, too.”
What a dork.
“Also, I like your lipstick. Red on red. That’s a good color on you.”
My cheeks flushed.
I hated that I loved when he complimented me. It only made me secretly want him more.
If he felt any kind of nerves about the photo shoot, I couldn’t tell at all. The moment he was given direction from Jean, Connor fell right in line. His skill at looking professional yet sexy as hell was impressive. He also came
off as soft and approachable in some of the laughing photos he took. I loved the stills of him laughing the most because they captured his heart.
When it came time for the shirtless photographs, which Jean insisted on taking, my cheeks heated up instantly.
“Holy shit,” a crew member muttered beside me as she stared at Connor’s rock-hard body. “I can only imagine what’s hidden in those pants.”
Thor’s hammer, ma’am.
Thor’s hammer rested inside those pants, and it had powerful force behind it.
Did you know if you looked up the word Connor on Urban Dictionary, you’d find the second definition to say it stood for a huge penis? I couldn’t make that up if I wanted to, and from my own personal observation, it seemed Connor’s name was very fitting for his…assets.
Sometimes, my internet searches took me to odd places.
“Is he seeing someone?” she asked. “I might have to shoot my shot.”
The hairs stood straight up on my body as she said those words. “Uh, yeah, he’s seeing someone,” I lied.
Yup, that’s right, I lied.
I lied because the idea of any woman shooting her shot with my guy—err, my roommate—made a rage begin to rumble inside me. Who did this woman think she was talking about shooting her shot? Talking about his privates? Had she no shame in drooling over a grown man who was simply trying to do his job?
He’s not a piece of meat, lady! He’s a human being! Have some respect.
Also, did she not pick up on my context clues? I’d been throwing them out all day. I wore red lipstick because I’d hoped Connor would notice—which he did. My blouse wasn’t buttoned all the way to the top. Actually, two buttons were undone, thankyouverymuch. Also, my calves were on full display looking amazing in the four-inch heels I’d end up regretting later that night due to foot pain.
For goodness sake! Did she not notice I was on the verge of physically humping his leg on set? I was seconds away from throwing my bra at his face. My red bra. Red!
How didn’t she see that? Didn’t she pick up the vibes I was spewing?
Eastern Lights Page 23