When all I ever wanted was for him to stay.
“Will you read?” I spoke softly, looking his way. “Will you read the comic book to me?”
He followed my glance to the side table where a stack of comic books sat that Damian had dropped off for me.
“Yes,” he said without a second of hesitation. “Can I pull my chair up close to you?”
“Yes,” I said without a second of hesitation.
I wanted him close.
I needed him close.
I missed his closeness.
He grabbed one of the comic books, and dragged a chair over to me. He began reading to me, and I fell asleep to his words. When I awakened during the night, I found his head resting against the edge of the bed as he slept. His hand was wrapped around something as he rested his arm in his lap. I reached down to unwrap whatever it was that he had in his grip, and my emotions overtook me as I stared down at a handful of quarters.
Before long, I fell back asleep. I was awakened again, this time by a nurse. Connor was no longer beside me, but the quarters rested against my lap. I glanced around the room and I was stunned when I woke up to my room being covered in Post-it Notes. They covered all the walls, and the railings of the bed. The television had them all over, leaving me floored.
I picked up one next to me, and I recognized Connor’s handwriting right away.
I wish for more time with Aaliyah.
I read another.
More time with Red.
I wish I could marry her.
I wish I could kiss her.
I wish for one more minute with her.
I wish for her healing.
There had to be hundreds of wishes he’d made, scattered around the room. Hundreds of tiny Post-Its with his words that went straight to my heart.
“Well, good morning, sunshine,” a nurse said, walking into the room. “I see you saw your love letters awaiting you. That boy showing up every day must really love you a lot.”
I shook my head. “No. Damian is just a friend.”
“Oh, no. I don’t mean him. I mean Connor. The guy who’s been sitting outside in the lobby every single day. The staff are calling him the modern-day Romeo. He said he knew you probably wouldn’t want to see him, but he’s waited outside the whole time. Then, when you’d fall asleep at night, he’d come in and quietly sit with you. Really sweet if you ask me.”
Her words stunned me. He’d been there every day? It had been over twenty-five days of me being in the hospital. How could he possibly wait that long without me giving him any signs that I’d give him another chance?
When it came time for me to be wheeled to surgery, the nurses told me that I had a crew waiting to wave me off down the hallway. As I turned to wave toward Damian, my damaged heart started beating faster as I looked down and saw the bluest of blue eyes staring back at me. He stayed.
Who knew that even broken hearts could still beat for love?
“I love you,” I mouthed, staring straight into his eyes. I had to say the words. I had to let him know that no matter what, I loved him. Because outside of all of the bullshit, outside of our human dramatics, I knew it to be true that he was the lights for me. He was the eastern lights that shone over me for a short period of time, in such a vibrant way reminding me that I wasn’t alone. He was the light that touched my darkness, and for that, he’d be awarded a forever kind of love.
I said a prayer before the surgery. I didn’t know to who. To God, to the universe, to aliens. I said a prayer to whatever it was that was out there, knowing that all I needed to do was stay a little longer for Connor. So we could fight. So we could scream. So we could make up. So we could fall deeper into whatever it was that we were on the tip of discovering.
Tears found me as Connor parted his mouth and whispered, “I love you, more.”
44
Aaliyah
Pump, pump.
Pump, pump.
Pump, pump…
My chest rose and fell.
I felt them. I felt the heartbeats. Heartbeats that were mine, but not exactly mine.
Borrowed time. A promise for another tomorrow. A blessing I wasn’t certain I deserved, but I knew I’d never take it for granted.
Thank you, William.
The transplant went extremely well, and I was stunned at how little pain I felt afterward.
I had to stay in the hospital for a few weeks after, but soon enough, I was released and able to go back to my apartment. Damian checked in on me every single day. Everything was going well with recovery, but even though I had a new heart, and it was beating, it didn’t take away the sadness that sat inside me. There was still so much trauma I had to work through outside of recovery—Marie, for instance.
Plus, I’d missed Connor, yet I knew it wasn’t time for me to reach out to him just yet. I needed to fully recover, to know that I was going to be okay before I could show up to him and tell him all of my feelings.
So, when my doorbell rang, and I saw it was him standing downstairs with a bouquet, I was quite surprised. I headed downstairs and opened the door for him.
“Hi,” I said, crossing my arms across my body as the chilled autumn air pushed past me.
“Hi,” he replied, his voice low. “I know you probably don’t want to see me right now, and I get that, Aaliyah, but I needed to see you. I need to see that you’re doing okay, that you’re healing…that you’re here. So, I’m sorry, but I needed to stop by.”
“It’s okay.”
He frowned. “It’s not. None of what happened between us is okay. I made a million mistakes. I knew nothing about love, nothing of heartbreak, nothing, Aaliyah. I knew nothing about love until I met you. You deserve everything, and I never want you to be unhappy because of me. But…I just want to say this.”
“Connor…”
“Please, Aaliyah. I’ll leave you alone after this, I swear, but I need you to know my truth.”
My eyes fell to the ground for a moment before I looked back up to him and nodded, giving him permission to continue.
“You changed me. You awakened parts of my soul that I didn’t know were sleeping. I realized that it’s not love or commitment that I’m afraid of. I’m afraid of death. I’m afraid of losing the things that I care about more than anything. I spent most of my childhood paranoid about waking up one morning and finding my mother dead. To this day, I struggle with the fact that the cancer might come back and be more intense than ever before. I’m fucking terrified of losing her, losing you.
“I’m scared of the unknown. I’m scared of going back to living in that place where I witness the people I love hurting, and I cannot do anything to take that pain away. I’m scared, Lia…I’m scared.”
“I understand all of that, truly. But even with my transplant, there’s a chance my body could reject the heart. There’s still so much unknown about how my life will go, and I can’t take away your fear, Connor.”
“I’m not asking you to do that. I’m asking you to allow me to be afraid but still let me stay. Because the idea of not having you in my life at all is scarier than any what-if. Do I want to grow old with you? Yes. Do I want to count all of your gray hairs and mock you about it years from now? Absolutely. Do I want to fall in love with all of your wrinkles? One hundred percent. But if all I get is here and now, I want it, Red. I want this, you and me, at this very moment. I want every moment that God will give me to be yours.
“So, this is me asking, begging for you to give me another shot. I won’t be perfect, but I won’t run. Even when I’m scared, I’ll stay. Even when I feel like the world is slipping away, I’ll stay. If I had to live forever, I’d like to live forever with you. But if I’d only had today, I’d like to sit on top of a rooftop and stare out at the eastern lights with you. It doesn’t matter how many days, weeks, or years we have, I’m in. Be it today or forever, I only want you.”
I bit my bottom lip, my nerves shook from his words. “Do you want to see my new place?”
Confusion flashed over his face, but he didn’t turn down the invitation. I walked him upstairs, and when I opened the door, his eyes lit up when he looked around the place. There were hundreds of Post-it Notes that I’d been filling out over the past few weeks because I was hoping for this very moment. I was hoping for the day he’d come back to me.
I grabbed a Post-it and held it out to him.
I wish for Connor to come back to me.
“See?” I whispered, moving in closer to him. I closed my eyes as he wrapped his arms around me and rested his forehead against mine. “I wished for you, too.”
In life, we weren’t guaranteed forever. We were promised only now. So, I made it a point to live in the moment, in the now, because there was nothing else. There was no yesterday, there was no tomorrow, only that moment. If I only had one hour, one minute, one second, I was going to make it count. I was going to spend the remainder of my time sitting in love, with him, with us, with our flashes of love.
45
Connor
I’d spent every moment at Aaliyah’s apartment since she’d invited me back into her life. I promised myself, and her, that I’d never take our love for granted. That I’d be there day and night, no matter how scared I’d became. And truthfully? I was still terrified, but I was learning quickly that being scared was okay if you were brave enough to face those fears.
Each day, Aaliyah reminded me why I was facing my fears. I tackled them for her smile. For her laugh. For her love. If I was able to love her, then nothing would scare me away ever again.
“Go to work.” Aaliyah smirked as she pressed her lips against me forehead. My head had been resting against her chest gently, avoiding her incisions. Each morning, I loved to listen to her heartbeats. Each night, I did the same.
“But I like it here more,” I muttered, snuggling up against her.
“That’s the fifth time Damian had called you,” she said, pushing herself up to a sitting position. She cringed a little, and I became more alert. She was still a bit sore from surgery, but she was a trooper. I worried more than she did. I didn’t see that changing any time soon. Maybe that was what love was, sometimes—worrying about the things you loved the most.
I groaned.
She laughed and kissed my lips. “You are going to have to get back to reality at some point, Connor. You can’t stay here with me all the time.”
“Says who?”
“Says me. You have a dream to go catch.”
“I’ve already caught her,” I said, pulling her into me so now she was sitting in my lap.
“Don’t be corny,” she snickered, trailing kisses down my chin. “I mean it. You have a whole company to run. Go get showered and get to work. I’ll be here when you come home.”
Home.
The place wherever she had been.
I reluctantly listened to her demands and pulled myself together to head to my office. Damian was quick to chew my ass out for not being around, but a big part of me knew he understood.
“Listen, I know you just got all happy and shit, which, congratulations by the way, I’m glad you both pulled your heads out of your asses, but I couldn’t keep this to myself much longer,” Damian said, dropping a packet on my desk.
Instant unease hit me. The last time he dropped a packet on my desk, it told me that Marie was Aaliyah’s mother, and well, needless to say, Aaliyah was still processing through that disaster.
“What is this?”
“Walter Rollsfield’s grave dig. I know you didn’t tell me to go digging on him, but after the shit I found out about his wife, I knew I had to. I’m pissed I didn’t do it sooner. We could’ve avoided all of this shit.”
I opened the files, and the wave of nauseous that hit me made me almost pass out. Damian had gathered old emails from Walter to other clients of his. Contracts. New properties that he’d bought under another business name.
My properties.
Walter Rollsfield bought every property that I’d brought to him for my passion project, and he was secretly planning to turn them all into luxury condominiums. Every. Single. One.
“Turns out the asshole was the one getting in the way of all of your hard work. Every single location he swept up to make profit for himself. Dude…he sold you out. I wouldn’t be shocked if the Queens property fell through sooner or later, too.”
Why would he do that to me? From the jump, I looked toward Walter as a father figure. He’d taught me the ins and outs of business. He invested in me, in my dreams. Why would he go through all of that just to steal from me? To lie and cheat. To take something that I loved, something I truly believed in, and take it for himself.
Hell, he’d stood beside me flabbergasted and angered by the fact that the deals kept falling through! Was that all an act? Was I some kind of pawn in some twisted game of chess he’d been playing?
I trusted him.
I trusted him more than I’d trusted anyone else in the business. The whole time, I sat stunned by how he could raise such a monster son, when in reality, Jason had been mirroring his own father.
Right after I read through everything, I headed over to Walter’s office. His secretary was quick to tell me he was in the middle of a meeting, but I didn’t give a shit. I barged right into his conference room, not giving a damn what I was interrupting.
The moment I flung the door open, a room of about ten gentlemen turned to look my way. At the head of the table sat Walter. He narrowed his eyes at me, baffled.
“Connor, what are you doing here?”
“Is it true?” I barked, my chest rising and falling hard as I stared into a set of eyes that I’d trusted for so many years.
Walter laughed nervously, shaking his head. “I’m in the middle of a meeting. Maybe later will be a better time to talk, son—”
“Don’t call me son,” I hissed. “Is it true you bought all of the apartment buildings that supposedly fell through for me?”
Walter’s face grew grimace, and he cleared his throat. He looked to the gentlemen sitting around him and pushed out a fake grin. “I’m sorry, everyone. If you will excuse me for a moment, I need to handle this conversation in my office,” he said as he stood up and marched past me. “I will be back in no time.”
He headed for his office, and I followed behind him, staying right on his heels. The moment we were inside, he slammed his door shut and turned to me, fuming. “Are you insane, boy? Do you know how important that meeting is to me?”
“Do you know how important those buildings were to me?!” I echoed as rage shot throughout my entire system. The more I stared at the asshole, the more irritated I grew.
He walked over to his bar and released the longest sigh as he began pouring himself a glass of whiskey. “Truly, Connor, I cannot believe you are coming to me with this bullshit. After everything I’ve done for you.”
“I’ve done plenty for you, too, Walter,” I said. “Taking on Jason, for instance.”
“If you think you’ve done anything for me, you must be kidding yourself. I made you, little boy. Without me and my investments early on, Roe Real Estate wouldn’t exist. A warning—don’t bite the hand that feeds you.” He walked around to his desk, pulled out his chair, and sat. He was acting calm as a clam, as if he hadn’t ruined my dreams.
“You screwed me over and pretended that it was someone else.”
“Between you and me, I’m shocked it took you this long to realize what had been going on. All the clues were there. But you know what they say, you can lead a horse to water, but you can’t make them drink.”
“Why would you do this?”
“Isn’t it obvious? Because I love money. Don’t get me wrong, the properties you discovered are outstanding. They are going to make great homes for very wealthy people down the line. Which, in turn would make me very wealthy. It’s a win-win.” He sipped at his whiskey, and then paused. “Well, I guess it’s a lose-lose for you. But hell, I’m happy.”
“You son of a bitch,” I sneered, wanting no
thing more than to slam my fist into his face. His smugness was driving me insane. “You lied to me about everything.”
“Yeah, well, welcome to the real world. People fucking lie to get what they want. You really thought I made it this far in life by honesty? Truthfully, you’ve helped me a lot. I’ll send you a thank you check after my profits start rolling in.”
“I want nothing to do with you. I want nothing else from you. I’m done with you. Do you hear me, Walter? We are finished.”
“Yeah, well, I wish it was that easy, but you see there’s something called contracts that keep you from walking away. When you signed to work with me, I was given forty percent of Roe Real Estate. So, even if you’re mad, we are still business partners.”
“I still own a majority. I’ll work like hell to get rid of you.”
“Oh no.” He shook his head in disappointment. “You didn’t read the small print of Jason’s contract, did you? Ah, the young and naïve always forget to read the small print. When you signed over the west coast property, you gave Jason twenty percent of the company. Which means, you only have thirty percent. So, it looks like majority of Roe Real Estates belongs to the Rollfields. Tough break, kid. Really.”
“The contract only stays solid if Jason remains in the position for a year,” I told him.
“Yes, and he will. I have a fat check waiting for him after he completes his year working there, and then he will sign his shares over to me. Making me majority owner of the company. Plus, Jason will now definitely stay at the position knowing you were fucking his girl. He’s petty that way. He’ll hit you where it hurts—in his wallet. So, let’s have you stay in your lane. I don’t want to end up firing you, son, but don’t think that I won’t.”
“This was your plan the whole time, wasn’t it? You planned to take over my business all those years ago. You were using me.”
Eastern Lights Page 32