by Amanda Tru
Missy ended up having a baby, but she was still a teenager and didn’t really know what to do with a baby of her own, so she and her mom moved to one of the bigger cities up north, and Mom didn’t hear from her for years. Kind of sad if you ask me. Mom seemed pretty upset talking to my sister Blessing about it and said that those boys who did that should have gone to jail.
So Mom had a black best friend growing up, but once Missy and her mom moved away after what those white boys did to her, it was still quite a long time before she met my dad. And would you believe that by the time they met, she was actually planning to marry someone else? It doesn’t sound at all like the sort of thing my mom would do if you knew her now, but she’s told me the story herself, and I know she’s telling the truth on account of her never having learned to lie when she was a little girl.
So anyway, Missy moved right before my mom started high school. Dad said she was as pretty as a movie star. I’ve seen pictures of her, and I guess she looked all right. Her hair was lighter back then and super straight, not like Becky Linklater, who has all those springy curls that are so fun to watch when she’s twirling around on her ice skates.
Mom had a boyfriend in high school, a doctor named David or Dave or something like that. It’s kind of weird thinking about the people your parents dated before they met each other. Which leads me to wonder about your parents, Miss Sheldon. Are they still alive? Do you go to visit them for Christmastime? What kind of ornament are you making them this year?
Well, this boyfriend of Mom’s —I’ll just go ahead and call him Dave even though I might not have remembered it exactly right —he was quite a few years older than she was and was one of her older brother’s friends. So he was already in college by the time Mom started high school, but he came home on breaks with her big brother.
He was going to school to become a doctor, and everybody thought that he and Mom should become boyfriend and girlfriend, so that’s exactly what they did. It’s funny. Sometimes people like to insult the people that they’ve broken up with in the past. Like Becky Linklater, she tells me that every time she goes to her dad’s house, she doesn’t like it because he’s always saying mean things about her mom.
I’ve been at Becky’s house and heard the mean things that her mom says about her dad, so I know it goes both ways. Well, Mom’s not like that. She’s never said anything bad about Dave, just that she wasn’t sure she was in love with him. He came from another rich family in the South, and that sort of thing made a bigger difference to her family than whether or not you really loved each other. And she even said that she wasn’t sure if he loved her either or if he just loved the idea of marrying her because her family was even more important than his. Like, did you know that if Mom actually had married Dave, their kids would have two great-great-grandparents who were Civil War generals? Dad jokes that it’s a good thing they didn’t actually get married and have kids because if you look at their family tree with a magnifying glass, you may even discover they were cousins, but I’m pretty sure he’s mostly joking about that part.
So anyway, by the time Mom graduated high school, she was planning on marrying Dave. He was finishing up college, so she went to the same college he did, and she said that it wasn’t until they were both away from home that she realized she wasn’t sure she wanted to marry him. And from the sound of it, he might not have been the nicest guy either. Here’s what I mean. You remember my mom’s friend Missy? The one who had to move away after getting beat up so bad by that group of white boys? Well, one day Missy found out where Mom was going to college and sent her a letter. Mom was really happy about it, and she told Dave that she was fixing to invite Missy to visit, only he couldn’t understand why she would want to spend some time with the daughter of her old black nanny because he’d had one of those black nannies too, and he never thought about her after he grew up and left home. They didn’t have a fight about it or anything, at least I don’t think they did, but Mom said it was those kinds of things that started to get her wondering about Dave.
He went to church, but he didn’t really like to talk about God all that much, so Mom said she couldn’t be totally sure he was a Christian, and she knew she didn’t want to marry someone who didn’t love the Lord as much as she did. Well then what happened was, Dave had to move once he finished medical school so that he could do some more of his training, and he wanted Mom to move with him and go to another college instead. She didn’t really want to because it would mean she’d be even farther from home, but her parents said it was a good idea. Her mom thought that if she didn’t go where he was, Dave would find someone else over there and marry her, so Mom moved to start college in another state.
Well, maybe it won’t come as any big surprise to you, but that’s when she met my dad. This was after things like him getting arrested and listening to Dr. King’s speech about dreams, and even after he stopped being a real football player. By that time, he had a job (I forget exactly what it’s called just now), but it was basically like being a pastor except instead of preaching in a church, you preach to college students.
Since college students don’t tend to have a lot of extra money to give to pastors, Dad had to do the kind of thing that missionaries do where you ask people from other churches to pass around a plate to give you money. So Dad was a college pastor, and this was after the civil rights movement. So he wasn’t getting into too much trouble for being black because by that time black students and white students could go to the same schools and stuff and nonsense like that. Which makes me wonder what kind of school I would’ve gone to if Mom and Dad had adopted me all the way back then. Would I have to go to a black school because my dad was black? Or would I go to the white school? Or maybe they’d have an entirely different kind of school for Asian kids except when I asked him once about it, Dad said there weren’t that many Asians living in the South at the time.
So anyway, Dad was working as a college preacher, and Mom moved to his school so she could stay close to her boyfriend while he worked on his doctor training. They met at one of their Bible meetings, and he says that the first time he saw her, God actually spoke to him. Which makes me wonder, Miss Sheldon, has God ever said anything to you before? Because when I listen to Dad’s story, it’s like God was right there talking to him.
I know God is everywhere, and I’m sure he can talk to us any way he wants to. Like did you know that he even used a donkey at one point? So if he can do something like that, who’s to say he can’t show up and tell you or me something? Except it’s never happened to me. Not that I know of, at least, and that’s what gets me worried. What I mean to say is what if God really is talking to me except I don’t hear him? Or what if I do hear him, but I just think it’s one of those normal thoughts that come into your head all the time? How do you know if the things you’re thinking are God talking to you or not? That’s what I really want to know. Because the way God spoke to my dad that night he first met my mom is really cool. Dad says he was looking right at her. She was wearing a long, flowery skirt and had her hair in a braid, and God said, That’s the woman you’re going to marry.
And here’s the really funny part of that story. See, Mom brought a friend with her to the Bible meeting, and that friend happened to be a black girl. It was actually the same friend Missy I told you about earlier, the one who wrote Mom that letter. She was visiting, and Dad said that when he heard God say what he did about my mom, he turned back to God and said, “Lord, I think there’s been a mistake. You must mean the other one.”
But then Dad said that even though she was standing way over on the other side of the room, Mom looked over at him and caught his eye, and God talked to him again and said, I’m the Lord Almighty. I don’t make no mistakes.
So they started out by becoming friends first, which my mom said is most important bit of advice to give to anyone who was thinking about dating, that you need to start off as really good friends. It makes a lot of sense to me. Like what if you fell in love and got marri
ed, and you realized that your wife doesn’t like superhero movies, or maybe you like Star Wars, but she thinks it’s kind of stupid? Those are the sorts of things you need to figure out before you start dating, and I guess that’s how it worked between my parents back in the olden days.
Her side of the story’s a lot different, by the way, on account of God not telling her that she was going to end up marrying my dad but keeping that part a surprise. So she was still dating that doctor guy except he was so busy she hardly even saw him. She did see an awful lot of my dad, though, on account of him working at the exact same school she was going to, and she went to all of his meetings, not because she was looking for someone else to fall in love with but because she just liked church that much, and she said Dad was a really good college pastor, and even now he’s still her favorite preacher.
So that’s the story of how they met, and there’s a whole lot more that goes into it, like how Mom decided not to marry Dave after all, but I don’t have all those parts memorized right now. Besides, Mom’s calling me to set the table for dinner. We’re having company tonight. Auntie and her husband and their daughter Emily are all coming over, which now that I think about it could mean that I’ll end up with even more money for babysitting, so maybe I can get two ornaments after all, one for my mom and one for Becky Linklater. I’ll have to think about that and let you know. Tomorrow I’ve got a checkup at the doctor’s, and Mom’s going to take me out for breakfast afterward, so what I’ll do is I’ll try to remember to ask her a little bit about the way she broke up with the doctor and decided to fall in love with my dad. So we’ll talk more about that tomorrow, I guess, or the next day if I end up being too busy. See you soon.
Woong
P.S. I guess I shouldn’t really say see you soon, but you probably get what I mean, right?
Hi, Miss Sheldon.
Good news! Remember how I said I was going to the doctor’s with my mom? Well, guess what? I’ve gained six pounds and two and a half inches since my last checkup. You know how I didn’t come to the States until Mom and Dad adopted me a few years ago? Well, it means I’m a lot shorter than I should be on account of there never being enough food in the part of Korea where I came from, but Mom says the way I eat I’ll be as big as Dad one day. Except I don’t think I believe her because I’m pretty sure I told you my dad used to be a real football player. He’s still really big even though he hasn’t played in a super long time, and I just don’t think I’ll ever make it to that size.
But Dad says I’ll be good at running, and he even says this spring I should join the track team at my school. I’m thinking about it. I like to run, and Becky Linklater and I sometimes have races and I nearly always beat her, but Chuckie Mansfield’s dad is one of the coaches for track, and I’m not really sure how I’d feel about that.
Anyway, I was happy when the doctor said I’ve gained so much weight and two and a half whole inches too. I may not ever get as big as Dad, but if I can at least get myself to the point where I’m bigger than Chuckie Mansfield, I’ll be happy.
After our trip to the doctor’s, Mom took me out to breakfast. Well, I guess it was more like brunch because it was almost eleven, plus I’d already had a few bowls of cereal and some pancakes and bacon before we went for my appointment. Do you like bacon, Miss Sheldon? I think it’s one of God’s yummiest foods, and Dad agrees with me, and he feels super sorry for the Jews in the Old Testament on account of all those laws that told them they couldn’t have pork or stuff and nonsense like that. I’m glad we don’t have to follow those rules anymore, aren’t you? Dad says it has something to do with Jesus taking away some of those extra rules when he died on the cross except he uses a different word for it (I don’t remember it just now). He really likes theology, by the way. I don’t remember if I mentioned that before or not.
Well, when I was at brunch with Mom, I found a way to ask her a little more about how she ended up falling in love with Dad. I did it sneaky-like so she wouldn’t suspect that I’m really trying to figure out what kind of Christmas ornament to have you make for her. She said that when she first met him, she thought he was a very nice man and that’s all there was to it. I asked her if she fell in love with him right away, but she said the thought didn’t even cross her mind. It wasn’t necessarily because he was black, by the way.
Mom wasn’t the way a lot of southern folks were back then. But remember when I told you she was dating that doctor guy, Dave? And not just dating, but they were actually engaged, which as you probably know is way more serious. Which makes me wonder if you’ve ever been engaged, Miss Sheldon. I don’t think I thought to ask you earlier, so you can just go ahead and let me know in your next email. That would be fine. Like maybe that police captain would be a good match. You never did tell me if he was your boyfriend, by the way.
Anyway, I tried to figure out how it was that Mom and Dad started dating if she was engaged to get married to someone else, but I didn’t want to ask so many questions that she’d get suspicious. So here’s what I’ve found out so far.
First of all, Dave was really busy at the hospital, so after Mom moved to that new school to be closer to him, she hardly ever saw him. So Mom got busier and busier with school and with that college church group I was telling you about earlier, the same one my dad was a pastor for. (I asked her the name of his job, by the way, since I couldn’t remember it earlier, and she said the work he was doing is what you’d call a campus minister. I don’t know if you’ve ever been to college, Miss Sheldon, but maybe you could remember to write back and tell me if you’ve ever met one of those.) Well, Mom started spending more and more time with my dad on account of him being the college pastor (or campus minister if you want to use the real name for it) and her going to all his Bible meetings.
One of Dad’s ideas was to plan a retreat over spring break. Do you know what a retreat is? It’s kind of like a summer camp except this one would be in the spring, and it would be more about praying and singing and Bible studies and less about tents and hiking and stuff and nonsense like that.
Have you ever been to a summer camp, Miss Sheldon? I was going to go to one last year except I couldn’t on account of one of my foster sisters getting married. Mom really wanted to go to her wedding even though it was all the way out on the West Coast somewhere, and with the cost of that plane ticket it ended up not working out for me to go to summer camp after all. Which is too bad because there was a special kind of program (I forget what they call those things just now) that could have paid for me go except we didn’t ask for it in time.
I hope you’re making lots of money selling your Christmas ornaments online, by the way, because then you don’t have to worry about running out of money like we sometimes do. But that gets me wondering what you do the other times of the year when people aren’t shopping for Christmas presents? Are you one of those kinds of people who make a bunch of money all at once but then have to be really careful how you save it? My foster brother who’s a real author is like that. He only writes a book a year or maybe every year and a half, and he gets paid a lot of money for them and even once won a special award, but Mom says he has to be super careful on account of him never knowing when he’ll finish his next book or how much money he’ll make from that one.
Is having a Christmas ornament store kind of like that? I hope that since it’s nearly Christmas that you have plenty of money for now, but maybe you should be careful to save some of it for the summer when folks aren’t shopping for ornaments, know what I mean? Speaking of summer, Dad says this year I can go to that camp I mentioned as long as I don’t get any really bad grades on my report card. So I’m trying pretty hard. Becky Linklater goes to a Girl Scout camp every summer, and she tells me a lot about it, and it sounds really fun (other than the part about her camp being only for girls, but you know what I mean).
Well, I was telling you about Dad planning this retreat for the college students, and he asked Mom to be his helper. He was going to be the main Bible teacher, b
ut he wanted Mom to lead some of the Bible studies that were going to be just for the ladies. So they started spending a lot of time planning this retreat together, and that’s how they became friends.
I asked Mom how long it took after that for her to fall in love with Dad, and she laughed and said it wasn’t as simple as that. See, she still had that doctor who was planning on marrying her. Plus everyone in Mom’s family wanted her to end up with someone really rich and white, and Dad wasn’t either of those things.
I asked what finally changed her mind, but she said Dad would be the better one to tell me that part of the story, so we’ve got it all planned out. Tomorrow morning is the men’s prayer breakfast. That’s where Dad and a bunch of his friends from church show up at this restaurant and eat food and talk about what they’re all reading in the Bible. Sometimes he lets me go, and tomorrow just happens to be a day when school starts late on account of the teachers having some sort of meeting or stuff and nonsense like that. So we’re going to go out to the men’s breakfast tomorrow, and then on the drive to school he said he’ll tell me about what happened once he and Mom started working on that Bible retreat together. So I think it’s kind of neat that in the same week I’ll get to go out to breakfast twice, don’t you, and it’s not even summer.
Do you ever go out to eat? Maybe there’s someone you could invite out to breakfast. I don’t know what it’s like to spend all your time making ornaments for folks, but my foster brother, the one that’s an author, says sometimes writing is a lonely job, which got me thinking that maybe making ornaments is a lonely job too. So I think you should go out to breakfast with a friend this week (if you have the money, that is). And if you don’t have the money, maybe you should bake some muffins or something and invite someone over. Mom does stuff like that all the time, and the best part is that since Dad’s gone on this special diet (he can’t eat too many sweets), I get to have all the leftovers. Let me know if you need a recipe, by the way, because my mom’s one of the best cooks in the world (Dad even bought her an apron that says so), and I’m sure she’d be willing to teach you how to make something tasty if you wanted.