Under the Christmas Star

by Amanda Tru

  “I do,” Leo said confidently. “I’ll help you. I know everyone here, and I’m great at bossing them around. No one will dare say anything remotely offensive. Follow my lead. If something gets too overwhelming, grab my hand and squeeze it so I know. Come on, let’s get something to eat first.”

  Though not at all sure about Leo’s plan, especially the part about squeezing his hand, Emma had no chance to ask for clarification before Leo placed a plate in her hand and urged her down the buffet line with about twenty other talking, laughing people.

  A huge assortment of foods decorated the tables so that Emma could have easily spent twenty minutes deciding which ones to carefully place on her plate. Leo moved quickly, however, and Emma barely managed to grab some cheese and crackers before hurrying along the line to catch up. Seeing his plate much more heavily laden than her own, Emma worried that she was doing it wrong. She then carefully watched what Leo and a few others picked up, and added those to her plate, too. Finishing by adding a couple of Christmas cookies, Emma looked down at her plate and realized she wouldn’t eat half of it. Not only was it way too much food, most of it, other than the cheese and crackers, were foods she didn’t recognize or like.

  Leo led the way to a table and pulled out a chair for her to sit down. He then disappeared for about thirty tense seconds where Emma intensely studied her plate, only to return with two glasses of dark punch.

  “Emma, you know Officer Jon Kirk,” Leo said, indicating another man at the table. “And beside him is his date, Tylie.”

  “Oh, Emma and I know each other,” Tylie beamed. “I work at the florist shop with Brooke, and Emma supplies us with ornaments.”

  Emma shyly returned Tylie’s smile. Though Emma knew Tylie, she usually only talked to Brooke. Tylie wasn’t full time at the shop, and Emma tried to time her arrival for days when Tylie wasn’t working. Emma liked Tylie very much, but the young woman’s exuberance overwhelmed Emma a bit. Maybe tonight would be a good chance to get to know her a little better, and then Emma wouldn’t feel so uncomfortable around the cute blonde.

  “Over here is another one of my officers, Damon Tan and his wife, Kako. Damon and Kako, this is my date, Emma Sheldon.”

  He’d called her his date! Did that mean they were on an official date? If he just wanted her to be his friend, would he still refer to her as his date? Emma wasn’t at all sure of the social norms for such a thing, but that little word “date” injected a variety of emotions coursing through her already taxed system.

  Thankfully, Emma managed to extend her hand to cordially shake upon the introductions. But then she had no idea what to do or say.

  Hand sanitizer.

  Woong had given her a tip to bring some hand sanitizer to the party. He’d mentioned it was supposed to help with crowds and make her feel less uncomfortable. She certainly felt uncomfortable now. Maybe now was the time to use it.

  She rummaged through the left pocket of her dress, pulled out the little bottle and liberally doused her hands. The strong scent of clean peppermint quickly filled the area. Emma rubbed her hands together and replaced the bottle. She then looked back up to find the others at the table shooting covert, curious glances her direction.

  Strangely, the hand sanitizer didn’t work at all. She felt no less uncomfortable and wondered if she simply didn’t use enough. Feeling too awkward to make a second attempt, Emma picked up her fork and pretended interest in her plate while covertly studying Kako Tan.

  Whereas Tylie was cute, she seemed almost young and even silly at times. By contrast, Kako was beautiful, and her every move held elegance. Her dark hair swept upward in a loose twist, accentuating a porcelain neck that extended into a simple yet stunning black gown that hugged her tiny frame.

  If Emma could emulate Kako’s elegance, no one would notice she was different. As if listening to background music, she heard Leo holding a conversation with the other men, but Emma’s focus zeroed in on Kako.

  With a graceful sweep, Kako picked up her fork, pierced a piece of meat from her plate, and drew it up to her mouth.

  Immediately uncurling her hand as she’d seen Kako do, Emma reached down for her fork only to bang it loudly against her plate on its way past.

  After her bite, Kako delicately drew her white linen napkin to dab at her mouth.

  Emma looked down to see her napkin still tightly wound together with a little napkin holder. She struggled to slide the napkin out, but the paper ring held it too tightly. Finally, she tore into it with a conspicuous rip, managing to shred half the napkin in the process.

  She quickly wadded the torn napkin in one hand and picked up her fork with the other, checking with furtive glances to make sure she positioned it exactly like Kako while tilting her head and pretending to listen to the conversation around the table. However, so intense was her focus, she didn’t actually hear a single word.

  For the next few minutes, Emma imitated every move Kako made. Every time Kako speared a piece of food with her fork and brought it to her mouth, Emma did the same. She so focused that she didn’t pay attention to what the food actually was, only to gag as soon as the morsel hit her taste buds. She covered it well, or at least she thought she did, and quickly brought her napkin up to her mouth to deposit the bite inside. She managed to swallow a little of the food, but by the time Kako set her fork down and laid her napkin beside her plate, Emma’s napkin was crammed quite full and thoroughly gross.

  The other people at the table stood, and Emma and Leo followed suit. Emma kept a close watch on Kako, making sure she did everything right. Kako brought her hand up to delicately pat her hair, and Emma did the same.

  Officer Kirk said something, and Kako laughed. Thinking that it must be a joke, Emma laughed too. Somehow though, the timing didn’t seem quite right, and her own laughter sounded loud, even to her own ears. Emma focused harder, and when Kako laughed again about thirty seconds later, Emma was ready, laughing again with a much more delicate giggle.

  This was going well! Emma was doing everything she was supposed to. No one looked at her strangely. Leo didn’t seem embarrassed. Was this what fun felt like?

  Kako reached back to the table, retrieved her glass, and brought it to her lips. Hurrying to do the same, Emma snatched her glass and almost had it to her mouth when she heard Kako laugh. Without thinking, she immediately responded with her own shadowed giggle at just the wrong moment.

  The movement set her glass off balance in her hand, tipping the juice down the front of her dress. Startled, Emma leaped back, barely managing to keep her glass from shattering to the floor as her hip knocked the table and her other hand swung around, knocking her heavily laden napkin to the floor where the entire contents of half-eaten bits of food spread across her silver shoes.

  “Drinking problem?” Damon Tan teased unthinkingly.

  By the murderous looks he immediately received from both his wife and Leo, he likely regretted the words as soon as they parted his lips.

  Hand sanitizer. Where was her hand sanitizer?

  “Here, let me help,” Kako said, hurrying to the rescue.

  Emma stepped back, looking around wildly. Tylie’s hand was to her mouth in an expression of shock, and once again, all eyes were on her.

  “It’s okay,” Emma said, waving Kako off. “I’ll go clean up.” Without a backward glance, Emma practically sprinted across the room, dodging well-dressed men who glanced her way with curiosity and beautifully-gowned women who gazed at her in pity.

  Emma scrambled into the restroom, her breath coming in short gasps. Unable to look at herself in the mirror, she ran the water in the sink and grabbed a rough paper towel, loading it with antibacterial hand soap. She slathered it over the large spot on her dress and scrubbed. The green velvet turned white and foaming with soap, and still the dark spot remained visible.

  Emma bit her lip and warm tears coursed down her cheeks.

  She scrubbed so hard the material should have given itself up in a hole, but all Emma could see was the
dark stain appearing on her beautiful dress and the chewed food decorating her shoes, and all she could feel was the humiliation of all those she longed to fit in with, now looking her way in pity.

  She’d messed up and made a fool out of herself. What was she thinking? She didn’t belong here. She shouldn’t have ever come. No matter how much she wished to be different than she was, she never would be.

  Realizing the soap was making the situation worse, Emma took out the bottle of hand sanitizer and unscrewed the lid to douse the stain. It hadn’t worked on her party anxiety, maybe it would work for this.

  Thinking that the spot was so large, it may require the entire bottle, she tipped it.

  The door to the restroom opened.

  “Oh, Emma! Are you okay?” Kate asked, looking as if she was about to join Emma with tears.

  Emma started to nod, but then stopped and set the hand sanitizer on the sink. “No,” she whispered hoarsely. “The juice won’t come off my dress,” she explained, though her dress was the smallest reason for her tears.

  “Do you mind if I give it a try?” Kate asked gently, grabbing some paper towels and kneeling on the floor in her fancy dress.

  Emma nodded, and Kate began blotting at the soap now spreading over most of the front of Emma’s skirt.

  After a few minutes of Emma’s sniffles, Kate finally spoke. “I’m sorry, Emma. I feel like this is all my fault. I know I arranged for you to come to the party, and I didn’t really give you a choice about it. I wanted you to have a chance to do something fun. Sometimes I think of you like you’re a beautiful little bird who doesn’t realize she can fly. I wanted to give you the little push to fly and see what you’re capable of. I’m so very sorry.”

  “It isn’t your fault, Kate,” Emma assured, now feeling bad that she’d made Kate feel bad. “I wanted to come, Kate. I wish I were normal so very much. I want to do things like other people. I want to socialize and have fun. But I don’t think it’s just that I don’t know how to fly. When God made me, I think He forgot my wings.”

  “Oh, Emma,” Kate said, standing to her feet and impulsively putting her arms around her friend. “If you don’t have wings, that just means God wants to be your wings for you. It doesn’t matter if you don’t fly the way others do, especially when God’s doing the flying for you.”

  “I think He’s forgotten me,” Emma whispered, speaking the fear rooted in the depth of her heart.

  Kate teared up. “Emma, I know how that feels. But feelings don’t always speak the truth. You can’t always see the whole picture. When I thought God had forgotten me, I later found out He’d been working the whole time, but I didn’t know it.”

  Emma looked up and studied the harsh fluorescent lights up above the bathroom stalls. “But you’re normal,” she whispered, the words breathing out of their own volition. “It’s too hard for me to do things that are easy for others. Most birds don’t need to think about how to fly.”

  Kate looked at her with such gentle love. Unlike so many others, her gaze held no pity, just love. “Just wait, Emma. God is going to carry you. Pretty soon, you’ll look down to find God has you soaring, and you never realized when your feet left the ground.”

  “How is that possible when I don’t think I can even make myself go back to that party?” Emma looked at the door with clear trepidation.

  “Then don’t,” Kate said firmly. “Go do something else fun. Your fun doesn’t need to look like everyone else’s. I think I’ve done the best I can on your dress. It’s not perfect now, but if you put some stain remover on before you wash it, I think it will be as good as new. Why don’t you go spend a few minutes at the fireside room at the front of the community center? Brooke is there doing childcare duty. I’ll tell Leo to meet you there in a few minutes, and you can decide if you want him to take you home or go somewhere else.”

  Following Kate’s instructions, Emma scurried out of the restroom with her head down, praying she didn’t encounter anyone. Taking a right at the front door, she walked through where the coats lined up on racks on either side to an open door at the end of the aisle. Peeking through the doorway, Emma saw a warm fire with couches and tables scattered around in front of it. Brooke sat on the floor in front of the fire playing “Go Fish” with a group of children.

  Brooke looked up and saw Emma but didn’t say a word. She somehow seemed to know that Emma didn’t want attention but a place to hide. Soaking in the peace of the happy setting, Emma tiptoed in and perched on the edge of a couch.

  All of the children seemed so engaged and content, the only exception being a little girl playing with some paper in a corner.

  The game finished with a little boy named Kiefer being declared the winner. Some children moved over to a table to work on some puzzles, while others started building with blocks.

  “Why aren’t you at the party?” Emma asked Brooke curiously.

  “Kate asked me to help,” Brooke explained with a smile that said she could have asked Emma the same question. “My boyfriend, Dylan, owns the community center. Since he is out of town, I offered to help Kate with the preparations for this party. My brother Dallas is Kate’s boyfriend. He was supposed to help her tonight, but he got called away for work. I told Kate she could put me wherever she needed. Since the two teenagers she’d hired to do childcare both came down with the flu, I stepped in to help. It all worked out for the best, though. I know Dylan and Dallas would have had a wonderful time doing childcare tonight. I just don’t know that parents would have appreciated the zip line or obstacle course they would have surely invented to entertain the kids. I’m a safer option.”

  Brooke didn’t return the question Emma asked, and Emma was grateful. Her eyes strayed once again to the little girl in the corner. She only looked around three or four years old, and something about her bothered Emma so much that she found herself asking Brooke, “Who is she?”

  “That’s my niece, Chloe,” Brooke replied, her own expression looking a little subdued. “I am taking care of her for my brother, Israel, tonight. Chloe has had a rough time lately and appreciates some quiet, alone time. I think you can probably relate.”

  Emma nodded. Chloe was hiding, too.

  Brooke walked over to build a tower of blocks and Emma sat and watched the activities, feeling the stress drain from her muscles. Ever so often, her eyes strayed back to little Chloe in the corner with her paper.

  After watching and studying the little girl’s pale, sad expression, Emma finally got up from the couch and padded over to the corner. She sat on the floor beside her, but Chloe didn’t look at her and Emma didn’t look at Chloe. Instead, without a word, Emma took a blank piece of paper and folded it several times. Then she picked up a pair of scissors and began cutting. About a minute later, Emma unfolded the snowflake and held it up.

  Chloe’s eyes grew big. She then grabbed a piece of paper, folded it into a crumpled mess, cut it to pieces, and then threw the pieces, turning away in frustration.

  Seeming to ignore Chloe entirely, Emma folded another piece of paper and started making the small cuts to create another snowflake. Before she finished, Chloe had crept forward to watch the scissors doing their work.

  Two snowflakes later and Chloe had positioned herself in Emma’s lap as Emma patiently folded the paper and showed Chloe how to make tiny cuts with her kid-sized scissors.

  Chloe’s squeal of delight when she unfolded her own first snowflake thrilled Emma completely. Several more of Chloe’s misshapen, but beautiful snowflakes later, Emma decided they should make a wreath to display them. She looked up, hoping to find a paper plate where she’d seen some of the kids eating snacks earlier.

  Only then did her gaze collide with Leo’s where he leaned against the door frame, watching her. She had no idea how long he’d been watching and couldn’t quite decipher the look on his face. She only knew it made her feel warm, but not in an embarrassed way. It was a good way, like the warmth when you drink hot chocolate and it flows from your stomach outward
to touch every last part of you with warm goodness.

  He sauntered over, and Emma nodded to the snack table. “Can you please hand me a couple of paper plates?”

  Happy that she didn’t need to disturb Chloe in her lap, she accepted the plates Leo handed her, cut out the center, and quickly glued the snowflakes so they dangled down forming a wreath.

  The creation earned another squeal from Chloe, prompting Emma to make a couple more. Chloe then put one on her head as a crown, hopped up from Emma’s lap, and twirled the other two around in a dance that resembled something between ballet and a traditional Russian dance full of squats and kicks.

  “I came to ask if you’d like to get out of here and go on a walk?” Leo said as Chloe’s antics began winding down due to the girl’s dizziness from twirling.

  “I like to walk,” Emma said cautiously. “But don’t you need to get back to do the gift exchange and everything else?”

  Leo shook his head. “No, I’d rather play hooky. They don’t need me. I’d rather go on a walk if you think that little girl could part with her art teacher for a few minutes.”

  “Go,” Brooke said, speaking up from several feet away. “Those snowflakes will entertain Chloe for a while, and it looks like she’s about to have a few fellow snowflake princesses.”

  Two other girls shyly crept to Chloe, admiring her crown.

  Brooke looked at Emma and mouthed a very warm and sincere, “Thank you!”

  Emma waved goodbye to Chloe and followed Leo out, but in the aisle of coats, she stopped him. “Leo, I don’t want you to leave the party because of me.”

  “Emma, in case you haven’t figured it out yet, I’m not much of a party person and will take just about any excuse to get out of here. I would much rather go on a walk with you, if you think you’d enjoy that more than staying here.

  Fun doesn’t have to look the same.

  Emma remembered Kate’s words from earlier and let herself enjoy the thrill of Leo’s words. He wanted to be with her, and she couldn’t imagine anything more fun than walking down the peaceful, darkened streets of Crossroads with Leo.