by Heather Long
“Lovely?” Zhan caught me before I could slide down to the floor. “Are you okay?”
The lightheadedness lessened just a bit as the black spots moved to the edges of my vision. For the moment, I was okay.
I still had three days.
“Yeah, let’s go find a place to sit down.” Tarus took my other arm, and together, they led me to a table on the far side of the bar from where we normally sat. It was mostly secluded over here, at least as far as Keepers went. They always seemed to congregate close to the bar.
“I’ll order food from the bar.” Seth pressed a kiss to my forehead. “Maybe you need to eat. We did skip lunch today.” Then he was gone, pushing through the crowd toward Quetta at the end.
“Sit.” Tarus helped me up onto the stool like I needed his assistance, and honestly, right now I really did.
When I felt more like myself, I glanced up to find both brothers looking at me. Their gazes were solemn, and their lips turned down on the corners.
See, this was why I hadn’t wanted to know when I was going to just dissolve into the ether. Or let Bish take me. There was this pregnant cloud of doom hanging over our heads, and it was here to stay. Call me crazy, but I felt the change in myself, and if I could feel it, my angels would notice it and be twice as upset as me.
I wished I could make this better for them. Out of the four of us, I was the most at peace with my death. Sighing, I rearranged the salt, pepper, and napkin canister on our table. This late in the game, there was not much else I could do besides love them.
I’d never told them I loved them…
I darted a look at each brother under my lashes. Just in case the worst happened before I was ready, I needed to tell them. They may not even care about the words, but I did.
“I—”
Seth plopped down on the stool next to me with two trays. One full of burgers and fries, then one full of glasses and a pitcher of water.
“What, no cocktails this time?” I tried to smile, but it fell flat.
“No.” Seth’s tone was firm, distressed. “Not a good idea right now.”
He passed out the food while Tarus filled our glasses. Then we started to eat in silence. It wasn’t the comfortable sort of silence I’d become accustomed to, but a dreadful sort that filled the space between us, almost physically pushing us apart.
Fuck it. The short reprieve was already diminishing, even with the sustenance I was stuffing my body with. It was completely unromantic, and the worst time, but I needed to get it off my chest.
“Seth.” I waited until he looked at me, then I moved my gaze around the table. “Tarus. Zhan. I want you to know before something happens, I—”
“No, Lovely. Whatever you’re going to say, it can wait. We have time.” Zhan reached across the table, cupping my arm with a gentle squeeze.
What the hell? You can’t cut off someone’s heartfelt speech. It took away from the importance. Going for attempt number two, I said, “Listen, this is important to me. I—”
“The fuck?”
Twisting in my seat, I was curious who would yell out over the bar like that. More than a little alarm went through me on the off chance we were about to be in a fight zone. This was a bar, after all.
Instead, my jaw dropped to my lap as I helplessly watched Bish storm toward our table with a fierce and slightly frightening expression clouding his face.
Tarus stood and moved fluidly around the table until he stood between me and the incoming angel. “Bish,” he warned. But against what?
“What did you three imbeciles do?” He demanded as he sidestepped Tarus and blocked me in with his arms. Bending low, he peered into my eyes, although he didn’t seem to actually be looking at me but through me.
“I don’t like your tone, Bish.” Seth stood, towering over Bish in an attempt at intimidation.
“When I last saw Dahlia, she had a week. She should still have days left. She doesn’t anymore. What. Did. You. Fucktards. Do?” Then Bish stood and stared down Seth, then Tarus.
Zhan, however, was the one who spoke. “Don’t.”
“Don’t what, pretty boy?” Bish snarled. “Tell her the truth? What. Did. You. Do? And don’t make me—”
“Bish,” I said quietly, and put a hand on his arm. The tension ballooning around us all threatened to suffocate me. The dark spots flickered at the edge of my vision, but if I didn’t focus on them, I could pretend they weren’t there a little longer. “Stop.”
“My sweet…” Seth began, but I shook my head.
“All of you stop. This isn’t a time to fight.”
Seth’s stoic expression tightened, but the pained look in his blue eyes gutted me. No, I’d never wanted any of them to hurt. Zhan let out a harsh sound, but Tarus braced him with one hand, and I smiled at them. They would be there for each other. I just wanted them to be there for Seth, too.
Forcing myself to look back at Bish, I tilted my head. “Do I have time to finish my dinner?”
Shock rippled across his face.
“We were having a nice date. You could…you could join us if you have to.” I understood what I asked. His dark eyes flashed with understanding. The raw anger in his demeanor gave way to the single worst emotion on the planet… pity.
“Dahlia,” he said, and the answer was right there. There was no more time. Grief fisted in my chest.
“Okay. May I have two minutes?” I swallowed around the lump in my throat. There were things I needed to do, and Bish gave me a pained look. His wings were out, the black dipped in gold appearance gleaming even in the dim light of the bar. More, he had a far more majestic appearance. This wasn’t his human guise anymore. I barely saw them at all, even when my guys wrapped themselves up in it.
Still, I kept my mental fingers crossed, and when Bish nodded, I squeezed his arm. “Thank you.”
Turning back to my guys, I steeled myself for the pain waiting there. Zhan’s eyes were wet, already mourning me. Tarus’ eyes were coldly furious as he glared past me at Bish, as if holding him responsible for this loss. And Seth…oh, my poor darling Seth.
He looked so damn lost.
Pushing up against the stool, I cupped Seth’s cheek, and he ducked his head so I didn’t have to stretch. “My sweet…”
“I love you.” I whispered the words, because as unromantic as this moment was, he had to know. They all needed to know. “Thank you for finding me that day. Thank you for the chance to get punishment… You don’t have to punish Alex. I don’t care about him anymore. Just, take care of you. Take care of your brothers.”
I licked my lips as his whole expression seemed to crack. When a tear from his eyes dampened my fingers, I kissed him. “I love you,” I whispered against his lips. “Don’t forget that. In my judgment, you deserve to be loved.”
The faintest uptick of a smile curved his lips. Then I looked to Zhan and held out my hand. Bish was just behind me, but I focused on my sensitive angel. The tears falling down his cheeks broke my heart. “I love you, too.” When he raised his hands to my face, I caught them and pressed a kiss to each palm. “I love you and your romantic comedies. I love you and how you like to tie me up. Mostly, I love you because you care so much. Don’t stop…I know you think it doesn’t make a difference. But what you do, it mattered to me. Loving you matters to me. I’d rather have had these few days with you than a lifetime without. That’s justice in my book.”
When he crushed me to him, I hugged him tight. His tears soaked my shoulder, and I bit my lip as I met Tarus’ agonized gaze. Zhan released me slowly, but Tarus was there. “I love you, too, you wicked, wicked angel.”
He chuckled, but it was a raw, almost hollow sound.
“You see so much,” I told him. “When you look, you see. Don’t close your eyes. Don’t lock yourself away. I’m not going to tell you to look after your brothers, because I know you will. You deserve everything, punishing yourself isn’t what I want for you.”
I had so many other things I wanted to say to them. Fing
ers shaking, I touched his lips and then he kissed me. It was soft, ephemeral, and reminded me of flying with him. Then he kissed the tear sliding down my own cheek despite my efforts to hold them back.
“I love you all, so much,” I whispered. Then I sniffed a little. “Maybe make a regular night here…have an Afternoon Delight and toast me?”
The two minutes were up. It was done. I stared at them, determined to commit every part of them to my memory.
Everything slowed, and the world went completely dark.
I sucked in a breath.
Well, not really because I was dead.
Light shimmered next to me, and I turned to find Bish staring at me, sympathy so deeply etched into his face that it left grooves at the corners of his mouth. “Thank you.”
At my words, he jerked in surprise. “For what?”
“For being my friend. I know it’s been kind of crazy since… well, since I died.” It was so hard not to cry right now. “I’ve had an amazing death so far, you know.” So hard. “And you’ve been kind to me, even when the guys weren’t so happy with you.”
Bish let out a long, lonely sigh. “You really do love those assholes, don’t you?”
I lifted my shoulders. “They’re wonderful.”
Mouth curling in distaste, he shook his head. “They don’t deserve you.”
I laughed, even as another tear slid down my cheek. Could you be dead and tearful? I tried to wipe them away, but they kept falling. “Everyone deserves to be loved, Bish.”
“We might have to agree to disagree there,” he said, then held out his hand to me. “And you’re welcome.”
As I slid my palm across his, the darkness around us turned almost translucent with shimmers of gold spilling down like rain. It was really quite lovely, yet it lacked the colors I’d grown to adore so much. “Will they be all right?”
“I don’t know,” he admitted. “That’s not for me to know. You should have had more time.” There was that undercurrent of anger in him.
“Quality is more important than quantity.” It really was. “They gave me… I can’t even tell you how much they gave me. I’ve never been more alive. Or cared about. Or wanted.”
And now I had to leave them.
“Where do I go now?” This was the question I hadn’t wanted to ask. I was dead for real this time. I didn’t get to wake up with my angels. Or go to sleep with them. Feel their wings brush against me. Feel them push inside of me. Taste their pleasure. Hear them laugh.
“Dahlia.” Bish summoned my attention to him, and my vision wavered at the tears falling. He let out a ragged sigh. “Will you trust me?”
“I can’t tell you. That’s an odd question, even though I want to,” I admitted. “But you were my friend before I found out you were a Keeper.” The play on words made me smile, despite the profound loneliness in my soul. Dying the first time had not been anywhere near this hard. Seth had promised me it would be painless. There wasn’t physical pain. So on that level, I supposed, he had been right. “But I do trust you. I never stopped. Not really.”
I’d only been a little afraid. Afraid that when he came for me, I wouldn’t be ready to go. Even now, I wasn’t ready.
I wouldn’t ever be ready, but this was the deal I’d made.
I was only human.
“Thank you,” he whispered, then wrapped his arms around me. It took a moment for me to realize it was just a hug, not a prelude to transport. I wrapped my arms around him and returned the hug fiercely. Would I never need to transport like that again? “Thank you for being my friend, Dahlia.” He pressed a kiss to the top of my head. “Even if I always wanted more.” The whisper of words was so faint, I wasn’t sure I’d heard them.
Then the world around us shifted and changed. It wasn’t like transporting so much as sliding to the right. Angelic Tinder—the world swipes right, not the app.
A giggle escaped me, and Bish shot me a bemused look. We weren’t on his island or in Domum. We were…on a street corner in Deep Ellum. I stared at him. Why were we here?
“Trust me,” he reminded me, squeezing me once before turning. With one arm around me, he guided me toward a corner shop. The display reminded me of some of the pagan shops out on Grand Prairie. Crystals hung in the windows, but there was a leaf sign, and several others, some I vaguely recognized, but not all of them.
A waft of marijuana drifted out to greet us as Bish pulled open the door and ushered me inside the shadowy shop, even as bells chimed a welcome. The interior didn’t match the exterior at all. It was charming and warm, lights refracted from dozens of crystals hung everywhere, and it all seemed to sparkle.
Along with the smell of weed, there was also sage burning, and sandalwood, and something that smelled suspiciously like vanilla. The competing scents made me sneeze.
“Hello.” A woman with a warm voice greeted us before stepping through the beaded doorway from the back. Short auburn hair fell in a riot of curls around her face and cut off just below her chin. Her eyes were a vivid shade of amber, her smile infectious, and the air seemed to grow even lighter with her being there. Wings shimmered behind her, and they reminded me of snowflakes or crystals, but I couldn’t quite bring them in to full focus, and it wasn’t because I couldn’t see them. No, it was the way the light danced off of them.
“Do you know where he is?” Bish asked, his steely focus on the bubbly woman.
Grin undiminished, she glanced from Bish to me and then back. “Really? After all this? That’s your choice?”
What was his choice?
“I didn’t ask for your opinion,” Bish growled. “Just tell me where he is.”
Leaning against the counter, she tapped her fingers against her chin, then studied me a moment. “He really likes you,” she said. “You know that, right?”
“Hope,” Bish growled.
“Shh,” she said, pressing a finger to her lips. “You asked me a question, but I need one answered myself.” Then she tilted her head as she studied me. “You do know that, right?” she asked again.
“I do,” I admitted. “He’s been exceptionally kind to me. Maybe more than I deserve. I care about him, too.”
“Do you love him?”
“Hope,” Bish snarled.
She flicked her fingers.
“I do,” I said softly, biting my lip when Bish gave a little jerk and turned wide eyes on me. Oh, I’d floored the angel of death, go me. Of course, he was Death. Why hadn’t that occured to me before?
Cause I was an idiot. Giving myself a little shake, I faced Bish. “I do love you,” I told him. “I’m not in love with you.” That part of my heart was wholly occupied and full with three others. “But I do love you.”
Bish cupped my cheek, then slid his hand down to the side of my neck as he leaned forward and pressed a kiss to my forehead. We stood like that for a long moment, some conflict raging inside of him. I didn’t move, letting him sort it out, and at the same time, I covered his hand where he held me. Because he wasn’t alone.
Finally, Bish said, “Yes. This is what I want. Where is he?”
“Follow me,” the woman said as she all but hopped over the counter. “I’ll take you.”
I braced for whatever my next great adventure would be.
At least I had a friend with me.
27
I would never have believed my death was enough to make ‘angels weep.’ I suppose it was a blessing that I wasn’t there to see it. - Dahlia
Zhan
That was it.
She was gone. And Bish took her, just like Zhan knew he would. The angel of Death always came for the ones he wanted.
Her burger was still warm, there was still ice in her water, but her seat was cold. How could she be there one minute and gone the next? It shouldn’t have happened that way.
The small crack that formed in his old, bitter heart when he learned her time would be barely a babe’s breath in the world fissured right down the center. The pain was so potent, he couldn’t move
, couldn’t talk.
Couldn’t breathe.
Warm tears spilled over, but he couldn’t muster the strength to wipe them away. They were Dahlia’s tears, and he wouldn’t hold them back. If anyone deserved them, it was his sweet, compassionate Dahlia.
Finally, he tore his gaze from her empty spot to see if his brothers were faring any better than he. Tarus wasn’t even attempting to hide his anger as he stared off into the crowd, fisting his hands on the table and grinding his teeth. Then there was Seth, who held his head in his hands. Zhan didn’t have the first clue as to his real feelings without being able to look into his eyes.
“Fuck!” The table cracked under the force of Tarus’ hit. “I can’t be here right now.” All traces of humanity fell away, and the wide black tattoo that striped down his face seemed to pulse with darkness, eating up any light that touched it.
“Tarus.” Zhan tried to grab his arm, but he was already halfway through the crowd, his wings flexing in agitation and grief.
Should he go after him? Stay with Seth?
All Zhan really wanted to do was crawl into a dark cave for a few centuries to disappear from the world. But that wasn’t a true option for him.
“He’s going to hurt someone,” Seth mumbled to the table.
“Our brother wouldn’t hurt someone out of grief. When he’s hurting, he withdraws from his grace. What he doesn’t do is embrace it.” His tone was flat, dead.
Seth laughed, but misery coated every sound. “That was before he lost the only good thing he ever had. Even with my head down, I could feel the lick of pain from his grace as he swept by. Don’t tell me you didn’t.” When he raised his head, he pinned Zhan with a bloodshot gaze.
Had he lost that much control of his grace?
Zhan was so numb from his own raging emotions that he hadn’t felt Tarus flex his grace, but he had seen the tattoo, something he hadn’t seen for millennia, until recently.