“I did wake up, Daddy. Like I normally do after a sleep. I love you too.” We just smile at each other. She has no idea how long she’s been asleep.
“I need to phone your grandma and grandpa and Evander so they can come in and see you.” I get up and let the nurse do all the checks. I go and stand just outside the door, and I phone Sonia.
“Good morning, Theon. Is there something you need me to bring for you?”
“She’s awake.” It’s all I can manage to say. I have an enormous lump in my throat and tears start flowing down my cheeks.
“Sweetie, did you say she’s awake?”
I can’t answer. “Theon, are you there? Theon.”
I nod, but she can’t see me. I try to clear my throat. “Yes,” I manage.
“Oh, thank the lord. Thank you. Thank you. ARNOLD, EVANDER!” she screams, and I can hear her running
“She’s awake. Our princess is awake.” I hear her say then Arnold comes on the phone.
“Theon, is that you, son? Sonia’s in tears. Is it right? Is she awake?”
I’m nodding again. “Yes. Yes. Arnold. Can you all get down here? Bring Evander, please.” It’s all I can manage. The emotions swimming around me right now, the relief I feel like the weight of the world has been lifted from my shoulders, are just too much. I fall back against the wall then slide down to the floor.
A couple of nurses pass, and one stops. “Are you okay, sir?” I nod and smile.
I must look like an idiot, sitting here crying and smiling. “My baby woke up,” is all I say. She smiles back at me before they carry on. I hear more footsteps and look up to see Dr. Cassidy almost running down the corridor. She stops in front of me.
“I was just told Evelina is awake. Mr. Tourney. That is the most wonderful news. And Dr. Davis said all seems perfectly fine with her.” I just smile and nod again. I wipe my eyes then stand up.
“I can’t believe it. I keep thinking I dreamt it. I have to keep checking it’s not a dream.”
“Come on. Let’s go back in, and I can speak to her.” We both go in, and Evelina is sitting up in bed. The TV is on, and she’s cuddling her new teddies, Lotso bear and Sulley, along with Stitch and the turtle.
“Oh Dr. Cassidy, I’m sorry I thought Evelina was in here, but I don’t see her. All I see are teddies. Maybe she left to go for a run,” I joke then hear the most beautiful sound in the world that melts my heart.
“I’m here, Daddy, silly. Look at my new Lotso and Sulley. I love them, Daddy.” She squeals trying to hug the three teddies all at once.
“Well, look at you, Evelina. It’s so lovely to see you awake.”
“Everyone sleeps. I must have been tired after my surgery. Did it happen, Daddy? I don’t feel any pain. Or haven’t they done it yet?”
“Well, poppet.” I sit next to her on the bed and tuck her under my arm. “You did have the surgery, yes. But you were asleep more than a few hours, and you have healed all up, so you didn’t feel any of the pain. It’s a good thing in a way, but daddy didn’t like it.”
“Why?”
“Well, because I didn’t get to speak to you for a long time, or hear you laughing and giggling, or see your beautiful smile and your beautiful eyes. However, I didn’t miss your sass.” I smile so hard at her, she grins at me and pulls her tongue out at my remark. That’s my girl.
“So how long did I sleep for, Daddy, if I’m all healed?” I look to Dr. Cassidy, and she nods slightly.
“Well, it was four weeks.” I see the shock slowly appear on her face as she registers what I just said.
“Silly, Daddy, no one can sleep for four weeks. They need to eat and use the bathroom and go to school and …” She looks up at me and realizes I’m serious as she’s reeling off the things she has to do.
“So did I not go to school for four weeks?” I shake my head no
“Aww shucks, Daddy. I missed having four weeks of school, and I didn’t know about it.” She lifts her shoulders up and drops them in a huff being very dramatic and pouts as she sulks. I burst out laughing. That is the sweetest thing ever. I pull her into my chest laughing.
“Oh, poppet, I love you so much, and I’ve missed you, sweetheart.” I explain how she’s also had chemo and how her body kept her asleep to allow her to heal.
We are watching TV when we hear running before the door bursts open, and Evander practically leaps onto the bed, pushing me out of the way to get to Evelina. He grabs her and kisses her all over her face.
“Eww, Vander, that’s gross. Stop it. Stop kissing me.” She’s trying to push him away.
“God, I missed you, Lina. I missed you so much. I was so scared. I didn’t think you were going to wake up.”
“Well, I did, Vander, and I’m all better now. I guess I missed you too, I suppose.” She hugs him back, and my heart just melts. Sonia comes barreling in the room, followed by Arnold and that’s it, I’m kicked off the bed so they can all get in there and lavish Evelina with affection. We all missed her. I grab Arnold’s elbow.
“I’m just going to use the bathroom and wash up then I’m going to pop in to see Alana while you’re all here making a fuss of Evelina. Dr. Cassidy is really pleased with everything and even talked about us going home in a day or two.”
“No worries, son, we’re not going anywhere. You go.”
I wash up then head to see Alana. As I get to Caroline’s room, the door is slightly ajar, and I can hear Alana crying, “No, Caroline, no, Caroline, please no, no, no.” She sounds in pain, so I tap very quietly and edge the door open. The sight before me kills me. Alana is on the bed, holding a very limp Caroline in her arms. She’s rocking her back and forth and hugging her to her chest. Caroline’s arm is dangling down, lifeless. She’s gone. The poor kid has gone. I’m heartbroken for Alana. There are no monitors beeping, so a nurse or doctor must have turned them off after she passed away. Alana looks up at me, still rocking with Caroline in her arms and tears streaming down her face.
“She’s gone, Theon, my baby girl has gone. They didn’t get a liver for her. What am I going to do? She’s gone.” I have no words as I watch her hugging and rocking backward and forwards. I walk over, and I hug her to my chest.
“I’m so sorry, Alana. So very sorry. God, I wish I could have helped. Baby, I’m so so sorry.” She nods in my chest, acknowledging me. I don’t know what to say. I know when I lost Evelyn, I got sick of all the ‘I’m sorry’s’’, but all I can do is comfort her. I feel so bad that she’s in here on her own coping with this. What a shit thing to happen. Good news and bad news all in the space of a couple of hours. Life sucks. So I stay and comfort her by hugging her while she hugs Caroline, and I silently cry for the loss of this amazing little girl.
10 Years Earlier
I CAN’T GET out of Deborah’s office quick enough after finding the courage to say the words out loud – that I wanted to see my babies, that’s all I can focus on. I thank her for all her help. I don’t say it, but I don’t think I will need to see her again.
I run to my car and sit for a minute. I just want to rush over to Sonia’s and see them, but my heart is beating out of my chest, and I need to calm myself down before I attempt to drive. I sit and rest my head on the steering wheel, and I feel the tears slowly trickle down my cheeks. I’m nervous, but excited and scared. So very fucking scared. I can’t believe how selfish I’ve been. It’s all been about me. I know Sonia and Arnold have been suffering from Evelyn’s death, but then they’ve had to look after my babies too because I was wallowing in self-pity at MY loss. Mine, me, myself and I. As if it was just my loss. Not anyone else’s. Not Sonia’s, Arnold’s or the babies’. What a fucking selfish prick I’ve been, and I couldn’t see it at all.
“I’m sorry, Evelyn, please forgive me,” I say out loud. I calm down, wipe my eyes, turn the car on, pull out and head to Sonia and Arnold’s house.
I pull into the drive and park by the garage doors. My nerves are shot, but I approach the door. As I go to knock, the door flies
opens to reveal Sonia there, crying.
“What’s wrong? What’s happened? Is it Arnold? Is something wrong with the babies?” She shakes her head no then wipes her eyes on a handkerchief she has up her sleeve.
“Sonia, you’re scaring the shit out of me. What’s wrong?”
“Oh, sweetie, I’m just so happy to see you here. Every day, I’ve prayed you would come.” She pulls me to her and pulls my head down to kiss my forehead — then she hugs me. I hug her back, taking the comfort. It puts me at ease. I’m ready to do this.
“Thank you, Sonia, for everything. For being patient with me and for believing in me. Thank you.”
“I knew you would come in your own time, Theon. You had to be ready for this.” I nod, hanging my head in shame. “Are you ready to meet your beautiful babies, Theon?”
I nod, all the mixed feelings are there: nerves and fear. I’m terrified and feel as though I’m going to panic. She must see it in my face as she grabs my hands. “You are their daddy. It’s understandable to be scared and nervous, but they will love you unconditionally, no matter what. You will fall in love when you see them. Come on, Theon, they are both awake and very bright after their nap. Don’t be afraid.”
We walk, hand in hand toward the rear of the house to the study. I stop dead at the door and freeze. I can hear them. I can hear gurgling noises. I swear there’s a giggle as well.
“Grandpa is tickling one of them by the sounds of it. I’d guess it’s your daughter. She’s getting to be a right little character. Your son is so good. He hardly ever cries.”
I just stare at the door. Can I do this? Sonia pushes the door open enough for me to see into the room. Arnold is on the floor and in front of him are two tiny humans. They are on a blanket, one in pink, kicking her legs and arms about as Arnold is tickling her gently. The other in blue, also kicking, but silently. I stand in awe, my heart melting.
I’m walking towards them before I realize I’m moving. Then I’m staring down at the two most beautiful, precious little things I’ve ever seen. I fall to my knees just to the side of Arnold, and I break. All the guilt, remorse, and sadness mixed with elation, love, awe, and excitement is too much for me. I feel broken inside. How could I have stayed away from them? How could I have blamed these two precious things? How could I do that to them, to me, to Evelyn? I’ve missed the first month of their lives. I will never get that back, and I don’t think I will ever forgive myself for it.
I look at them. The pure love I feel is immense. My daughter has stopped and has turned her head slightly towards me. I’m crying hard, looking at her perfect features. She looks just like Evelyn. She’s got her eyes and her mouth. She is gorgeous.
“Hello, poppet, ” my voice breaks trying to speak.
“I’m your daddy. You are my little Evelina.” I hear a gasp behind me and turn to see Sonia crying.
“Oh, what a beautiful name, Theon. Did you just decide on that or was it one you and Evelyn had already picked?”
“We had two names for each. We were going to see which name fit first, but I can see straight out she’s an Evelina.” I hold my finger out, and she grabs onto it, her tiny little fingers wrapping around my big finger. Just then my son makes a noise, and I look at him and again hold my finger out. He too grabs it with his tiny hand.
“Hello there, Evander. I’m your daddy too, my little man. So pleased to meet you.” I smile down at the two of them. They are perfect. We created the two most amazing, gorgeous little people ever. Evander looks a bit like me but still has the look of Evelyn.
“Theon, what beautiful names. Finally, they have names. Thank you. Here, do you want me to show you how to pick them up?”
“Yes, please, Sonia. I’m terrified. Look how tiny and fragile they are! What if I hurt them? Look at the size of my hands. I could hurt them.”
“You won’t, sweetie. Here, let me show you.”
I spend the day with Sonia who shows me everything she can, and I stay with Sonia and Arnold for a week until the day arrives to take them home. We keep one of the nannies on, and she is going to stay and help me through the day, thankfully. This is one of the scariest things I have ever done in my life. These two perfect tiny humans are going to solely depend on me. As I drive off with the twins in my car, I can see Sonia wiping her eyes. I know Sonia and Arnold will miss them, but I’m sure they will be relieved they can be normal grandparents now and spoil them. It’s now my turn to step up and be the best daddy I can possibly be to these two precious beings. They deserve it.
Present
ALANA LEFT THE hospital reluctantly yesterday with Susan after the mortuary came to collect Caroline. My heart broke for her, and I didn’t have it in me to tell her the good news about Evelina.
I hugged her, burying her face in my chest so she couldn’t watch them take Caroline away. It took a while to calm her down afterward. I sat in the chair with her on my lap tucked into my chest. I didn’t speak, just held her. There wasn’t anything I could say. I offered to drive her home, but she said Susan was on her way to pick her up. I waited until Susan arrived, then gave her a hug and kissed her mouth. I held her face in my hands making her look at me. “You need anything, and I mean anything at all, you ring me. No matter what time of day. Even if it’s just to talk. I’m here for you, Alana. You don’t have to be alone. Do you hear me, baby?”
She nodded and held my hands, then she kissed my palm. “Thank you, Theon. Thank you for being there for me throughout this. You will never know what it meant to me.” She was talking like this was it. Like I wouldn’t see her again. Like hell I wouldn’t.
“Hey, this isn’t goodbye, you know? Do you hear me? I will come and see you.” She nodded, stood on her tiptoes and kissed my cheek before gathering the bags of Caroline’s things and heading out with Susan. It broke my heart seeing her like that.
All Evelina’s scans come back clear, and we all sigh with relief, elated that Dr. Cassidy says we can go home. Evelina has to take it easy for the next seven days. No running, jumping, dancing, boyfriends, to which Evelina pulls her face in disgust with no fighting or arguing. She has to have complete rest, no matter how bored she is.
We pack everything up, get Evelina dressed and head out. She’s able to walk, but Evander keeps hold of her from the hospital door to the car. Sonia and Arnold follow us home. It feels like years since we have all been home. Evelina has to go back to see Dr. Cassidy for a final check-up, and as long as everything is still okay, then she can go back to school. I’m not sure if she’s upset or happy at the thought.
We soon get into a routine. Sonia or Arnold come and sit with Evelina, and I take Evander to school. I owe him my attention for a bit. He’s been a star throughout this whole ordeal and never once moaned. The first day, after I drop him at school, I pull into a restaurant car park to phone Alana. She doesn’t pick up. I try a few times after that, waiting a few minutes in between, but no answer. On the last try, I leave a message.
“Hey, baby, it’s Theon. I just wanted to check in on you and see how you were doing and if you needed me to do anything for you. Can you ring me when you get the message, so I can hear you and make sure you’re okay? Speak to you soon.” I head home, praying the phone will ring, but it doesn’t. All day, I wait for the call but nothing. When the Evs have gone to bed I text Alana, and I sit with the phone on my knee, waiting for a text back, but nothing.
The next day after dropping Evander, I do the same thing, and she still doesn’t pick up. I’m torn. I need to be with Evelina, but I also feel I needed to be with Alana. I want to see Alana. I want her to know I’m here for her. I decide to get back to Evelina and spend the day with my angel. She’s on complete rest still, but I ask Sonia if she wouldn’t mind spending more time with her tomorrow, and I will go and see Alana.
The next day I do the same thing. Drop Evander off then pull into the car park at the restaurant to call Alana. She still doesn’t pick up. She’s definitely avoiding me. She doesn’t know we are home from the hospit
al, and she doesn’t even know Evelina woke up as far as I’m aware. I feel bad.
Last night, I asked Patrick if he could find an address for Alana for me, which somehow he did. As Sonia agreed to stay with Evelina for the day, I decide to visit Alana. If she doesn’t want to see me, then that’s fine, but I need her to know I’m here for her.
She lives about thirty minutes away from me. As I approach, I can see she lives in a nice neighborhood and has a lovely family home. Not huge, but enough for them. There is only one car on the driveway. I don’t know if it’s Alana’s, as I have no idea what she drives. In all honesty, what do we really know about each other? I pull into the drive and park at the side of the other car in front of the double garage.
I pass a window as I approach the front door, but I can’t see inside as the curtains are closed. I knock on the door, and I wait. Nothing. I knock again and wait. Still nothing. Shit, what now? Maybe she’s staying with her sister. That must be it! Alana, Bailee, and Bryan must be staying with Susan. There’s no noise in the house. I knock once more just to be sure. Nothing. I head back to my car. Just as I pass the window, I see the curtain suddenly close. Well, someone is home.
“Alana, baby, are you in there? It’s me, Theon. I just want to see you and make sure you’re okay.” I peer into the window, but I can’t see anything. I tap on the window.
“Alana, please open the door.” I head back to the door and knock. Nothing. I come out of the porch and head around the side to see if I can get around the back. There is a gate at the side of the garage. I try it, and it opens. I cautiously walk down the path to the back of the house. It’s quite a small garden, but it’s enclosed and tidy. I see a flowerbed toward the back with lots of different colorful flowers.
There is a door I see leads to a utility room. There are also sliding doors that lead onto a small terrace. I walk up to the doors and look in. I see a living area with a couch and the kitchen to the side.
The Best Day of My Life Page 22