“Where’s her bathroom?”
“Up the stairs, first door on the right is her room. Her bathroom is in there.”
I run up the stairs taking them three at a time. I barge into her room and stop dead. She’s sitting there on her bed in just her underwear. “Shit sorry, Alana, I didn’t mean to barge in. Susan said you were locked in your bathroom and wouldn’t answer. She was worried.” I turn away from her to give her some privacy.“ I’m really sorry. I’ll wait downstairs for you.”
“No, Theon, don’t go. Just one second.” I can hear movement and rustling.
“Ok, you can turn round now.” I do slowly. She’s dressed in a plain sleeveless black dress.
“Hi,” she says as I look at her. She looks stunning. I move over and stand in front of her. I take her face in my hands and tilt it, as I lean down and kiss her on the lips softly.
“Hi, yourself,” I say pulling away.
“How are you feeling? I know it’s a daft question, but seriously, how are you?”
She’s looking me in the eyes. “I don’t know. I don’t seem to be feeling anything. I’m numb. Honestly, I just want the day to be over. I know it’s not Caroline there. I know her soul has left and this is just the day to say our goodbyes.” She moves away from me to a set of drawers, on top sits the turtle trinket box I bought her. She opens it and takes out a simple diamond stud earring for each ear. I love she is using the trinket box I bought. Her hair is tied up on top of her head in a simple bun. I know it’s a really sad day, but she looks beautiful.
“Alana.” She turns to look at me. “You look beautiful, baby.” I look away quickly. I start for the door to head downstairs before making a complete idiot of myself.
“Don’t go, Theon.” She walks towards me. She stands in front of me and takes both of my hands. “Thank you. It’s been a long time since anyone has said anything like that to me, and I’m flattered. It means so much you being here for the twins and me today. Outside of Susan, I don’t have any other support. You are such a kind gentle and loving man, Theon. How have you not been snatched up already?”
I look her straight in the eyes. “No one has ever interested me since Evelyn.”
She looks down when I say that. I lift her chin with my finger. “No one until you that is. Let’s say our goodbyes to Caroline today. This day is for her, you, and the twins. I’m here for you all day and night if you need me.” Did I just say that? What is wrong with me, and my mouth today? She raises an eyebrow at me.
“Shit, I didn’t mean anything by that, Alana. Just that I’m here for you. Sonia has got Evelina and Evander until tomorrow. So what I meant was, I don’t have to rush back anytime soon. If you want company afterward, I’m here for you.” I squeeze her hands. She rises on her tiptoes and kisses me on the lips this time.
“Oh, before I forget.” I reach into my inside pocket and pull out two plastic bags. I hand the one that says Alana to her. She takes it from me and opens it. The card Evelina did for her is inside, and she pulls it out. The glitter falls everywhere.
I laugh. “That’s why it’s in a bag, or I would be covered in the stuff.” She laughs with me, and it warms my heart so much to hear it. She studies the picture on the front and runs her finger over it. Then she opens it and reads inside. I can see the tears falling down her cheeks. I take her head in my hands and wipe away the tears with my thumbs from both cheeks.
“I’m sorry, baby. I didn’t want it to upset you. Evelina thought it might bring a smile to your face on this sad day. She’s done one for the twins too. Should I not give it to them? I don’t want to upset them.” She looks at me and shakes her head.
“No, you should give it to them. It wasn’t that the card upset me, more because of what it’s for. I love it, Theon, honestly. Make sure you tell Evelina she did make me smile. The tears are happy tears when on a day like today there shouldn’t be any happy tears. I think it’s the most perfect gesture ever. She really is an amazing little girl. Did she think of these all by herself?”
I nod yes. “Her drawings and her words are amazing for a ten-year-old, Theon. She is so caring and thoughtful, just like her daddy. Make sure to thank her for me tomorrow.”
“Well, I was hoping if it wasn’t too soon, and if you and the twins were up for it, that maybe you could come to my place either tomorrow or Sunday. I just thought it might be nice for the kids to be kids, yours and mine, and they can spend the day in the pool. Evander asked me this morning if you would all like to come over. He wants someone to play games with and knowing Bryan plays has Evander excited. Maybe, if you want to get away, then you could come over tomorrow and stay over. I have a summerhouse that you and the twins could stay in? If you think it’s too soon, then I won’t be offended, and we can take a rain check.” I still have her face in my hands looking at her.
She nods. “I think that is a wonderful idea. I will ask the twins first though. They might think it’s too soon. I know, after losing Gary, there is no use wallowing. I know life goes on for the ones that are left behind, and for the sake of us all, I know we have to go on and try to be as normal as we can. What did I ever do to deserve meeting you and having you in my life at this particular point? It’s like a miracle.”
I hear a commotion outside Alana’s door, and she opens it to find Bailee and Susan.
“I’m fine, you two. No need to worry. I just needed a few minutes to myself.” Susan just looks at Alana with a skeptical look on her face.
“Ok, Momma, as long as you’re okay. Do you want a coffee, Mr. Tourney? Aunt Susan has just made a fresh pot?”
“Please call me Theon, Bailee, and yes, I would love a coffee, please.”
“Ok, Theon.” With that, she bounds down the stairs.
“I’ll head down and help with the coffee. Would either of you like one?” I ask, heading out of the door. I feel a bit embarrassed, not sure what Bailee or Susan heard at the door.
“Yes, please, Theon. I’m almost ready now, and will be down in a minute.” I head down the stairs. Bryan is on the couch playing on his Nintendo Switch.
“Hey, buddy, how you doing?” I say ruffling his hair. It already looks like it hasn’t been brushed.
“Ok, I guess,” is all he says without looking up from his game. He may be struggling.
“What are you playing there, buddy?”
“The Legend of Zelda. I only got it last week, and I’m dope at it.” Huh? Dope? What on earth does that mean? I’m getting old. I sit next to him and watch him play. I got Evander the Switch before it hit the shelves because we’d created a game for that and we got a few other consoles before they went on general release. Evander loves that he can play it almost anywhere and with anyone.
“Evander has the switch. Maybe you could hook up and play together?” He looks up at me a bit confused.
“We already do. We play a lot of the games with each other. I thought you knew that. I saw him playing the Switch in the hospital one time, and we got talking about it and have played ever since. I just need some more of the games like he has, then we can play a lot more. Only, I have to save my pocket money for them, or my Birthday and Christmas money. Momma can’t keep buying me the games, they cost too much.” Hmm, I will ask Alana if she minds me giving games to Bryan before I suggest it. I get all the new games before they are out, and I get quite a few copies of them, so it’s no problem me giving him them. I don’t want to step on Alana’s toes by promising if she doesn’t agree. They still don’t know I own one of the biggest gaming companies in the US.
We talk a little as I watch him playing and because I know the game, I give him a few of the cheats that I know and helped create, but I don’t tell him that.
“Great, thanks, Mr. Tourney. I didn’t know you knew how to play games. Don’t tell Bailee. Now I can beat her at it. She usually beats me at most of them.”
“No worries, buddy, it’s our secret. Anytime you’re stuck, just let me know, and I will help you. I know a lot about these games.” I wink
at him then get up to go and make the coffees.
It’s time to leave for the funeral home. There is no procession, just the five of us in my car. I wanted to drive us, as I have an eight-passenger Escalade there was no problem us all fitting in. We arrive at the funeral home, and I can feel the tension coming off Alana and the twins and can see that Susan’s trying to keep it together for them all. I squeeze her shoulder as she gets out of the car to let her know I’m here for her. She takes Bailee and Bryan’s hands, and I take Alana’s. I can feel her body getting more rigid with every step we take towards the home. I pull her into my side with my arm around her shoulders. I squeeze and look down at her. “I’ve got you, baby,” I whisper to her.
She puts her arm around my waist, and I feel her grip getting tighter. When we walk into the funeral home and enter the room and see the casket waiting at the end, Alana stumbles. Her legs give way, but I catch her and hold her up. Her hand goes to her mouth to try and stop the cry that is escaping.
“I’ve got you. You can do this for Caroline. This is your goodbye to her, Alana. You can do this, sweetheart.” I kiss the top of her head and help her to the seats at the front. The home is full of people here to help the family through this and pay their respects. I have tissues in my pocket, which I pull out and hand to her. I have her tucked into my side with my chin on her head. I sit us down next to Bailee, Bryan, and Susan.
It’s very emotional. I can’t help the tears rolling down my face. It brings back so many memories of Evelyn’s funeral, and how I couldn’t accept she was gone.
After the service, we all leave and follow the hearse taking Caroline to the cemetery to be buried with her dad. Once we approach the graveside, Alana’s legs go again. I keep her from collapsing and sit her on the chairs next to the graveside. Out here, she can’t hold it in, and as the casket is lowered, she’s wailing as though in pain. I feel her pain with her. There are no dry eyes anywhere. I manage to get her up so she can throw a rose onto the casket as it lowers. I do the same, and we stand there and say our goodbyes.
“Can we go now, please, Theon? I need to leave.”
“Of course we can. Come on.” I keep my arm around her to help her to the car, and I have my other arm around Bailee, who is crying into my side and hugging me. I want to take the pain I know they are feeling away from them. I know this is the twins’ first funeral, they were too young for their dad’s funeral, so this is really hard for them, especially being at their dad’s graveside as well.
There is no wake. We just go back to Alana’s. Susan asks Bailee and Bryan if they want to stay at her house tonight. I think she wants to give Alana and me some alone time — to help Alana grieve properly as she holds back so much in front of the kids. Bryan isn’t that bothered, as long as he has his Switch but Bailee is more concerned about leaving her momma. Susan tells her she won’t be alone and that I’m going to stay with her. Bailee looks at me a bit funny, as though weighing me up. I smile at her.
“Bailee, it’s up to you, sweetie. If you want to stay home with me, I am more than happy for you to stay. No one is forcing you to go anywhere, darling. I can’t promise I will be good company tonight, that is all. I promise I will be better tomorrow. I just need to grieve for Caroline tonight.” Bailee looks from her mom to me and back again. I don’t interfere. This is her choice and her home.
I didn’t give them the card Evelina made for them before the funeral, and it’s still in my inside pocket, so I pull it out and hand it to Bailee. “Evelina wanted me to give you this today. She made it for you and Bryan last night.” Bailee takes the card out of the plastic bag and, of course, glitter falls everywhere. She examines the front, and she smiles at the picture Evelina drew, then she reads what she put inside.
“This is really nice of Evelina. Will you thank her for me?” I nod yes.
“Actually, Bailee, Theon has invited us to his house this weekend, but only if you and Bryan feel up to going. We could go tomorrow and stay over, then spend the day there on Sunday as well, with Evelina and Evander, or we could go for a few hours either tomorrow or Sunday or leave it for another weekend. What do you think?” She looks over at Bryan who stops playing his game to listen. He smiles and nods yes to Bailee.
“Yeah, I think that would be nice to get away for a day or two. I think it’s a good idea and Evelina can show me her Monsters High dolls that she told me all about in the hospital. I’m sure Bryan will be happy playing games with Evander. Those two are so alike.”
“I thought you guys would like to play in the pool as well. Evelina won’t be able to go in just yet, it’s too soon after her surgery, but she can sit on the side of it and play a bit.”
“You have a pool? Well, then, yes, I would love to come tomorrow and stay over, Theon.” She smiles so wide at me that I melt a little.
“I think I would like to stay with Aunt Susan tonight as well, mom. Let you grieve and then see you tomorrow.” She runs off to get her things together to leave. Bryan follows to do the same.
“Susan, you are more than welcome to come this weekend as well. I have plenty of room.”
“Thank you, Theon. Don’t worry about me, I have things planned this weekend and would appreciate some time alone to reflect.”
I understand.
Present
I’M SITTING IN the small back garden at Alana’s house with a bottle of beer. The twins left with Susan about thirty minutes ago and Alana has gone to get changed, but she’s been a long time. I don’t want to search for her, as she may just want some alone time. She hasn’t actually said she wants me to stay tonight, and I’m not going to push it. She may want to be alone to grieve. I decide to ring Evelina and Evander. I need to speak to them — to hear their voices. It’s been such an emotional day and talking to them makes it better for me. Evelina wants to know if the family liked their cards, so I tell her they loved them and they all smiled at them. I ask them to put me on loudspeaker so we can all chat together. I need to make sure they are okay with Alana and the twins stopping with us this weekend.
“So, you two, how would you like it if Alana, Bailee, and Bryan came over to our house tomorrow, and they stayed until Sunday? They can stay in the summerhouse. There is plenty of room.”
Evelina squeals. “Yes, oh yes, Daddy that would be lovely. Bailee can see all my Monster High dolls and the house and the DVDs. She loves Monster High like me. Yippee, I get a girl to play with.”
“Yeah, Dad, that’s cool. Now Bryan can see my room, and we can play games together. Cool.”
“Evelina, you know it’s still a little too soon for you to go in the pool, but I promise, next time they all come, you can go in. You can still put your bather on and sit on the edge and maybe throw the balls, but Dr. Cassidy said not to go swimming for a little while. Okay, poppet?”
“Yeah, it’s okay, Daddy. I won’t be sad, I promise. I’m just happy they are coming over to stay.”
“Me too, sweetheart. Me too. Now be good for Grandma and Grandpa, and I will see you both tomorrow. Love you both to the moon and back.”
“We love you back from the moon to us, Daddy,” they both say together.
“Oh, Daddy, can Bailee sleep in my room? Please, Daddy, that would be so cool.”
“We will discuss sleeping arrangements tomorrow. Love you both.” I hang up and put the phone on the table.
I don’t hear the door open, so startle a bit when I see Alana standing there, looking at me.
“Hey.”
“Hey. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to eavesdrop. Those are amazing kids you have there, Theon.”
“Right back atcha, baby.” I wink, and she smiles, but it doesn’t reach her eyes. I know she’s thinking of Caroline. I pat my knee for her to come and sit on it. She hesitates at first and then comes over to me, and I pull her onto my lap.
“It’s been a tough day for you today, baby. Just relax here for a bit. We can sit in silence, or we can talk about anything you want.” She leans in and kisses me on the lips.
<
br /> “Thank you so much for being there for me. I don’t think I could have done it if you weren’t there. You will never know what having your support means.” She leans her head on my shoulder, and I lean my head on hers.
“You would have coped, baby. It’s in us all to get through the bad stuff in life, no matter how hard it hurts. You did amazingly.” We sit in silence for a while.
“Theon, will you stay tonight, please? I don’t think I want to be alone here.”
“Of course I will. I’m going to cook you some dinner first. Do you have any wine?”
“There may be a bottle in the cupboard, but I’m not sure. I very rarely drink. It’s usually just me and the kids, and I never go out.” I head to the kitchen and search the fridge to see what I can make for us. There is some chicken, some mushrooms, tomatoes and then some green beans and some milk. I look in the cupboard and find some rice and some herbs. Perfect. I’m just going to throw it all together in a pan make a little sauce to go with it and put over rice. I find a bottle of white wine in another cupboard. It’s a Morning Fog Chardonnay from San Francisco. It’s not like the Home Vineyard wines I like to drink, but its wine.
I take the wine into the living room with two glasses, and when I get there, Alana is asleep on the couch. I don’t want to wake her. She must be exhausted after the events of today, and I bet she hasn’t slept much since Caroline passed away. I take the wine back into the kitchen and put it in the fridge to chill. It’s still early. I’ll cook the food but not the rice until she wakes up — if she wakes up. I go up the stairs to her room to see if I can find a blanket to throw over her so she doesn’t get cold. I see a throw on the chair in her bedroom, so I grab that and gently place it over her, trying not to disturb her. I sit on the chair nearby and watch her sleep. She looks so peaceful. I’m glad she was relaxed enough to sleep. I just watch, admiring how stunningly beautiful she is. She is so understated. I have never seen her with a face full of makeup. She doesn’t have to plaster herself with the stuff because she is a natural beauty.
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