by Eva Brandt
All of a sudden, the crushing force of the universe seemed even more powerful than before. When I looked around me, I felt as if I was staring into a million different souls, into an abyss I never wanted to touch. The weight of my own insignificance struck me harder than ever before. Not even that first time when I’d seen the sun from up close had I been so aware of my frail and ephemeral nature.
I blinked and just like that, the Great Mother appeared in front of me, once again looking like a human.
“You’re very confused by the turn your life has taken, Selene,” she said. “But there’s something you need to understand. Nothing about the universe is immovable. Even your own sense of self is something you can modify and shift. We’re all built to adapt, to embrace change, to grow.”
Through some kind of miracle, I managed to find my voice again. “Is that why I’m here, Great Mother? To grow?”
Much to my surprise, it was Jared who answered, not the Great Mother. “If that is your wish. Truly, Selene, no one can force you into something like that, not if you don’t want it.”
“But that’s just it,” I protested. “I never wanted it. I’ve told you a million times before that I belong on Terra, with my people.”
“Do you?” the Great Mother inquired. “You’re not just a follower of Gaia or a soldier of Tartarus. You must be asking yourself then what you really are.”
She was right. I had been looking for answers regarding my mysterious powers. I wasn’t arrogant enough to think that I was special just because of being myself. There had to be another reason for the dual gift I had received, some kind of explanation. But over the past month, those concerns had been set aside for more practical considerations. It wasn’t worth worrying about my powers right now, when I could hardly use them at all.
“Are you trying to tell me I’m a Heliad?”
The Great Mother chuckled. “No, of course not. But you could be, if you wanted to. All you need to do is believe.”
Belief wasn’t my problem. I simply had no wish to tie myself to a world that wasn’t my own. Jared insisted that humans had been the one to start the war between the two species, and I acknowledged that as possible. But no matter how much it had hurt to see my lovers commit murder on Terra, I couldn’t just blindly put my faith in a bunch of strangers.
I had to go back.
“You love them still,” Jared mused with a self-deprecating smile. “I suppose that’s not unexpected, even if they don’t deserve your affection.”
My immediate instinct was to defend my lovers, but the Great Mother didn’t give me the chance. “I think this ability and insistence to love is one of your biggest qualities, Selene, but also your biggest flaw. Wouldn’t you agree?”
“Not really,” I replied. “I mean, that sounds like you’re contradicting yourself.”
“I’m not, and you know that. You wish you could control your own emotions all the time, don’t you, Selene? But you also know that you can’t give up these feelings you have, because they are precious.”
I clenched my jaw, fighting the instinctive urge to lash out. It felt invasive to have my heart exposed like this, with such ease and nonchalance. But the Great Mother clearly didn’t care about that and there was nothing I could do about it. “I can’t argue with you there. But if everything you said is true, you can’t keep me here either. Jared, you might dislike Brendan, Pollux, Knox, and August, but in the end, you can hardly say you’ve treated me any better. And Great Mother, if you respect me in any way and truly want to help me, you have to let me choose.”
Jared twitched, obviously not a big fan of the idea of my departure. Meanwhile, the Great Mother hummed thoughtfully. “We’ll see.”
She walked away from us and sat down on the throne. Silence fell over the chamber, and despite how irritated I felt over the presumptuousness of the Heliads, I didn’t have the courage to break it.
As it turned out, I didn’t need to say anything at all. A few seconds after the Great Mother relaxed in her ornate seat, a knock sounded at the door. She twitched a finger and the gates of the Helix opened.
Another woman walked into the massive chamber. The moment I saw her, my whole body froze. It took me two seconds to recognize her, but far longer to process and accept that knowledge.
It was Pollux’s sister, Stella, dressed as a Heliad. She didn’t look exactly like she had in his vision, but the change was minor. Judging by the anger that flashed through her eyes when she saw me, she recognized me too.
She didn’t let that distract her. Instead, she walked right past me and Jared, bowing in front of her leader. “Great Mother, I apologize for the interruption,” she said, “but we’ve received word of the arrival of an external Terran force.”
“Yes, I know,” the Great Mother replied. “I admit the members of the Grand Chimera Unit were far more resourceful than I expected. But then again, they had a lot of incentive.”
Her words snapped me out of my shock. A surge of enthusiasm and fear swept over me. “The others… They came for me?”
“Of course they came,” Stella snapped. “You somehow convinced them that you’re a good match for them, when it was obviously a lie. And now, they’re all going to die, because of you.”
It looked like I’d been right to be afraid. Expeditions in apsid territory were notoriously dangerous and I doubted the others would’ve managed to get a lot of reinforcements. If they’d come here by themselves, they might as well have signed their own death warrants.
“Why didn’t you stay on Terra and disappear in the shadows?” Stella continued to vent. “Why did you have to join the Grand Chimera Unit? No one wants you there, not really.”
Jared grabbed her elbow and squeezed it tightly. “Teela, don’t do this. Now’s not the time to argue.”
“On the contrary, now is the perfect time. You’re perfectly happy to accept this state of affairs because you have what you wanted. But the rest of us aren’t so lucky, and my brother’s soul is at stake here. August and Pollux might be obliterated altogether. But you don’t care, and neither does she. Now that she’s here, she doesn’t need them anymore.”
“That’s not true,” I replied. “Don’t talk about things you don’t understand. I’m not the one who chose to lie and betray them. And it’s a little too late to worry about their souls, when you allowed August and Pollux to believe you were dead all this time.”
Pollux had been grieving her for years, but all along, she’d been here, with the Heliads. “How dare you claim you have any say in their lives, when you just abandoned them, when you didn’t even try to comfort them? Don’t tell me the Great Mother couldn’t have helped you reach Pollux, because I know that’s a lie.”
Stella glared at me, but didn’t try to argue against that point. “I had my reasons for acting the way I did.”
“I’m sure that’s true, but I don’t really care. Because you know what? Those reasons mean you’re not in any position to judge me.”
“No one can ever judge another person and be completely fair,” the Great Mother intervened. She got up from her throne and made her way toward us. “Even the gods have forsaken this right, granting us the ability to make up our own minds and choose our paths. But in any case, Selene, today isn’t about Teela. It’s about you and your lovers. They came here after you and I assume they won’t leave without you. Why don’t we see if their hearts are as strong as yours?”
I didn’t like the sound of that at all and my fears only intensified when the Great Mother added, “Jar’yd, Teela, go greet our guests. Bring them here.”
“Wait!” I blurted out. “Please don’t hurt them. They don’t mean any harm. If I could just talk to them, they’ll surely leave.”
The Great Mother arched a dark brow at me, not seeming offended by my interruption. “That’s not true, but it doesn’t matter. They’ll be cooperative once they realize they don’t have any other option. Rest at ease. We don’t want to hurt them, not yet. I think you understand what I mean, do
n’t you?”
The latter question was addressed to Jared and Stella, and the duo didn’t delay in responding. “Yes, Great Mother,” Jared replied, stealing a look at me through the corner of his eye. “We understand and will obey.”
“Thank you, Great Mother,” Stella offered. “We will not fail you.”
“You never do, my children. Now go. We wouldn’t want our young changeling to collapse the quasar in his anger, would we?”
She sounded amused, so I assumed there was no real danger of that happening. Even so, Stella and Jared took the warning seriously. After saluting the Great Mother, they excused themselves and left the Helix.
Once the gates had closed behind them, the Great Mother wrapped an arm around my shoulder. Considering what I’d seen earlier, I’d expected her touch to bother me. It didn’t. It felt normal, like making contact with another human being.
“Now that it’s just the two of us, I want to talk to you, woman to woman,” she said. “Tell me something, Selene Renard. Do you really think you can carry the weight of Brendan Chimera’s destiny, as well as your own? Are you prepared to save them from themselves? Do you understand what sacrifices you’ll have to make, if you choose to go back?”
The questions sounded matter-of-fact, but I still felt each individual sentence like a physical blow, no, like tachyon blasts threatening to tear me apart from the inside. “I’m not sure,” I admitted, “but I want to. Please… Help me.”
I didn’t know what determined me to make that request, but it must have been the right thing to say. The Great Mother smiled, and this time, it held the same gentleness she’d displayed when she’d first appeared in front of me. “I will do what I can, young Selene. But know this. In the end, you’ll still have to help yourself.”
“I’m prepared for that.”
After all, I’d gone to Chimera Academy fully aware that I wouldn’t have any allies there. I’d made a decision to fight my whole society, as long as it meant proving to them that women weren’t inferior. This fight would be different, far more personal, but that didn’t mean I could back out.
“So be it,” the Great Mother said. “Helios will accept your pledge and so will I.”
Our eyes met once again and in her endless gaze, I saw death. But I also saw hope, and for the first time in what seemed like ages, I felt like maybe, I could still find a future for me and my family. For all of us.
* * *
Pollux
Now
My sister was alive. My sister was alive and she was a captive of the apsids. No… She was an apsid. How could this be? Another experiment of The Grand Judiciary? It was the only explanation, but still, it didn’t make any sense.
“Stella?” I asked numbly. “Stella, is that you?”
“Yes,” she replied, and her voice held the same thick regret she’d displayed when I’d abandoned her in that strange surreal space where we’d met before. “Or at least, that was who I was.”
“And who are you now?” August asked. “Is this some kind of game or a joke? Because I warn you, we’re not joking.”
“No matter who you are, we will go through you to get to Selene,” Knox growled.
I believed him, and as much as it pained me, I didn’t disagree with him. The mere idea of having to harm my sister threatened to send me into a panic attack, but I forced myself to shut down any emotions that would represent an obstacle for me. “Don’t try to stop us, Stella. I will fight you if I have to.”
Stella didn’t answer, but the male pilot of her crystallized unit did. “That won’t be necessary. The Great Mother has given you permission to enter Eos, as long as you’re peaceful and you cooperate.”
It was a little too good to be true, but it was a better option than trying to engage the army of apsids in combat and attacking my sister on top of that. As such, I wasn’t surprised when Brendan agreed. “Very well. We’ll go. But be advised that should you try to deceive us, we will take the appropriate steps.”
Once we reached a truce, the other crystallized units fell easily in line with Stella’s. The male pilot seemed to have some degree of authority over the others, because nobody questioned him. They weren’t mad at us for the damage we’d already done to their fellows. Since the others had accepted this strange turn of events, I decided to go along with it too.
If nothing else, I doubted Stella would lead me to my doom. I hadn’t truly seen her in years, but when we’d spoken, she’d shown me the same affection she’d always displayed toward me before. I had to trust her a little too, even if I didn’t trust anyone else here.
“It’s going to be fine, Pollux,” Scylla said. “Let’s face it. Chances are that, if they’d wanted to kill you, the apsids would have sent far more units after us. Charybdis might have thrown them off balance, but her skill wouldn’t have been enough to really get us through.”
“Yes, I know. It was a fool’s hope from the beginning, I suppose. But we just have to keep hoping and trying.”
Flanked by the crystallized units, we headed deeper into the black hole, heading toward the singularity. A small part of me felt excited at the prospect of finally visiting the apsid world, because on some level, I’d always been curious about their planet. Now that we knew August had an apsid ancestry, it seemed even more important.
I had no idea what I expected to find, but it certainly wasn’t something that looked very much like a city. It just popped up in front of us when we emerged from the currents of energy around the event horizon, taking us completely by surprise. The Scylla’s sensors went crazy, to the point where I wondered if the settlement had even been there before.
“I think we have bigger problems,” Scylla said. “I suddenly don’t feel that optimistic about this anymore.”
It wasn’t difficult to tell what was making her anxious. She was fine with the floating buildings, the strange vehicles, the glowing plants, and cut off walkways. But the spire we could see in the distance screamed power on a level neither of us could deny.
“I have a feeling that’s where we’re supposed to go,” Brendan said through the coms, “and whatever is waiting for us, it’s bad news.”
“That might be true, but I think that’s also where Selene is,” Knox pointed out, “and in the end, that’s what matters.”
It really was as easy as that. Just like we’d launched ourselves into the quasar without questioning it, we continued our flight toward the spire.
The crystallized units finally landed in front of the structure. As soon as their ‘feet’ made contact with the ground—or whatever passed for ground here—they dissipated, and their pilots emerged from inside. Naturally, the first person I zeroed in on was Stella, but her companions were pretty shocking too. Leaving aside the inhuman ones, which didn’t surprise me that much after the descriptions I’d received from the others, one particular pilot stood out. “Is that who I think it is?” I asked through the coms.
“Yeah, it’s him,” August said. “I almost thought I was seeing things earlier when I realized it, but it seems like the apsids have a lot of surprises to throw at us.”
Knox cursed viciously. “Suddenly, things make far more sense than before. That fucker took her for himself.”
Jared Glass. He was the key to all this. Even leaving aside that damn bet, he’d always seemed much too interested in Selene. Selene had been very troubled by his death and by their conversation in the labyrinth.
Just how much time had Jared had at his disposal to force Selene to see things his way? It could have been years. And considering how betrayed she’d felt when we’d been separated, anything could have happened.
“It’s all right,” Brendan said. “Don’t panic. Even if he is trying to steal her from us, we’ll just have to find a way to convince her to take us back.”
It was easier said than done, but at this point, freaking out wouldn’t help us. Besides, the important thing was that we were here. We’d gotten through the defenses of the apsids. All signs pointed to the fact t
hat Selene was alive. My sister seemed fine too, and the apsids seemed inclined to at least hear us out.
Maybe this wasn’t so hopeless.
With that in mind, I opened the cockpit of the Scylla and jumped out. My fellow Chimera Warriors were doing the same thing and together, we made our way to the group of apsids. None of us addressed the most glaring issue—the fact that both my sister and Jared were alive. It was better to prioritize and see to Selene’s well-being first.
“The Great Mother will see you now,” Stella said. “Be careful. Don’t say or do anything stupid. You aren’t on Tartarus anymore.”
“Oh, we’re well aware of that, Stella,” August murmured.
“Maybe not as aware as you might think,” Jared offered with a sharp smile.
Knox bared his teeth at him and I got the feeling he was seconds away from lunging at Jared and tearing his throat out with his teeth. Brendan grabbed his wrist, keeping Knox from losing control. “We appreciate the warning,” he said. “Please, lead the way.”
As if on cue, the gates of the spire opened. Jared, Stella, and the rest of their team entered the chamber beyond. The other apsids stayed outside. We followed and so did our chimeras.
I honestly thought the apsids would try to keep our mechas from going inside, but they didn’t. I was glad, but at the same time, it worried me. It meant the Great Mother, whoever she was, didn’t think the chimeras were a threat. But then again, if they had been—if any of us had been—we wouldn’t have made it this far.
All things considered, the Great Mother was strikingly straightforward. She and Selene were already waiting for us when we arrived. I should have probably paid more attention to the leader of the apsids, but my attention was fully drawn to my beautiful lover.
A little over a day had passed since we’d last met, which was why it struck me to see her so different. I couldn’t have put my finger on why exactly that was. Physically, she hadn’t changed. But there was a certain feeling I got about her that made me feel she wasn’t the same person she used to be.