“Me?” I asked, my voice wobbling as I put a hand on my chest. “I’m just…fine!”
She clucked her tongue and looked at me with sympathy. “You don't have to tell me what's going on, but it's plain as day you need to talk to someone. Or just get all those emotions out. It's not right to hold all that pain inside,” she said, placing her hand on mine. I immediately got choked up and had to excuse myself. Then I rushed to the bathroom and bawled my eyes out.
But she was right. I felt a little better after letting it out. By the time my shift was over, I was feeling somewhat put together—until I remembered that Linc had driven me to work and I had no way of getting home or picking up LuLu from Trevor's. I stood at the doors of the hospital and looked out at the trees moving in the wind, and the light dwindling as the sun set.
Well, it's not going to get any warmer. I threw my scarf around my neck and started walking down the street. I got as far as the intersection of Poplar Road and Pack Lane when I just could not catch my breath. I stopped outside the video game store on the corner and sat on a bench the store had painted with some wild looking cartoon characters. One of them was a werewolf with a mean look on its face and fangs dripping with blood. I felt tears welling up in my eyes before I burst out laughing. I could not believe my life! If someone had told me five months ago I'd be pregnant, I wouldn't have believed them. And if they'd told me the father would be a wolf shifter, who was part of a pack that lived in Timberwood Cove? Outrageous! I couldn't stop laughing, and soon my sides were aching from it.
I was breathing through my laughter and trying to get myself to stop giggling when I heard a car pull up behind me. I turned to see who it was, and then burst into another fit of giggles when I saw it was a member of the pack.
“Hey, Shawn,” Gavin said with a smile. “You need a lift somewhere?”
His question sobered me up. Had Linc sent him to look after me? I almost refused Gavin’s offer on that basis, but I was tired, and it was getting late. Reluctantly, I nodded.
Gavin turned off the car then jumped out to help me even though I didn’t need any help, but maybe they were Linc’s orders. Could Linc order another alpha who had equal standing in the pack? Maybe Gavin was doing this simply because he was a nice guy.
“You work at this store, right?” I pointed to the video game store. “I’ve sometimes seen you in there on my way home from work.”
“Well, not really… I invent and code games, and they sell them, so I'm in there a lot, but I don’t actually work there.”
I nodded. That kind of made sense. It would also explain why he was in the vicinity. Gavin insisted on helping me into the truck, and his consideration made it easy for me to let him. I had to admit, it felt good to have such a protective man around me after such a vulnerable day at work. It also made me miss Linc even more, but I tried to push the thought from my mind.
I sighed as Gavin buckled my seatbelt for me. Linc used to do that. He said he wanted to make sure I was always safe.
“Are you alright, Shawn?”
“No,” I managed to say through the sudden ache in my chest. “My life is a mess.”
“It looks pretty good from where I'm sitting,” Gavin said. “You've found your fated mate, you've got a baby on the way…”
“Trust me, it’s not all that pretty.”
When Gavin frowned I realized who I was talking to. Obviously Gavin would take up for his packmate.
“Speaking of babies, I need to pick up LuLu. Would you mind?”
“Not at all,” Gavin said, shooting me a warm smile and putting the truck into gear.
He drove me to Trevor's, and then waited outside while I dashed in—as fast as my growing belly would allow me.
“Everything okay with you, Shawn?” Trevor asked as he eyed me up and down and held LuLu's leash out for me.
“Mm, just fine,” I said as I took LuLu’s leash. It was a lie, just like my others, but I was beyond trying to explain to everyone who asked. I smiled down at LuLu, who was giving me the sweetest eyes.
“And who's that out there?” Trevor peered over my shoulder at Gavin's truck.
“Just a friend of Linc's,” I said, bending down to give LuLu a pat. She sniffed my hand with concern, and then licked it ravenously.
“Hm…” Trevor raised his chin. “Handsome, isn't he?”
I stood back up and glanced back to look at Gavin. For the first time I realized he was very good looking, in a playboy sort of way. He was talking to someone on his phone, and the angle of his jaw really stood out.
“Not my type, but I can put in a good word for you if you like,” I said with a wink.
“Please,” Trevor slapped my arm. “I don't have time for romance, not with all of these puppies who need me.”
“Alright, your loss,” I said, wondering if it would actually be a loss considering Gavin was a wolf shifter. Trevor may have thought the idea of being with a shifter kind of sexy—but being a human mate of one was not particularly easy. They had a profound sense of possessiveness, which could be kind of intimidating when focused on someone who had no idea about their dynamics. To be truthful though, when I found out about Linc I’d been tempted to say something to Trevor, but I’d promised Linc not to mention anything about the Timberwood Cove pack. Now I wondered if Trevor actually knew about shifters when we’d had that conversation months ago, and had tried to tell me without actually telling me. Wow. Maybe I should have listened to him and I wouldn’t be in this situation now. But no. No matter if I knew about shifters or not, I still would have fallen for Linc.
“Thanks, Trevor. See you tomorrow,” I said, deciding I needed to get out of there before I did say something to Trevor about the pack.
I hauled myself up into the cab and sat with LuLu on my lap. I would have preferred to have her put into a harness in the back seat, but Gavin didn’t have a dog, and therefore didn’t have a safety clip to attach LuLu to.
“Everything alright?” Gavin asked. He was off his phone now and his attention was on me.
I nodded. “Who was on the phone?” I asked, though I suspected the answer.
“Uh, just Linc, actually,” he said, clearing his throat and looking out the window.
I sighed, and then looked down at LuLu who was resting her head sleepily on my knees. “How…is he?” I was barely able to squeeze out the words.
“Worried about you.”
I scoffed and rolled my eyes, but I had to admit that was exactly what I was hoping he would say.
“He is. He's very protective over you,” Gavin insisted.
“Yeah, which is why he wished on a star that I’d be someone different… And it’s why he keeps postponing the claiming ceremony,” I grumbled, crossing my arms over my chest.
Gavin looked at me and raised his eyebrows. “Do you know why he did that?”
“Because he's having second thoughts about us,” I said, my voice breaking as my throat tightened. “He already has Cole, he doesn't want another baby.”
Gavin's eyes looked like they were about to pop out of his head. “Wow, wrong!”
I scowled and pressed my lips together, not really wanting to get into a debate.
“Shawn, listen to me. Linc is crazy about you. He's so cut up over this, he's really devastated and worried you've broken it off with him. Maybe you can't understand how strongly he feels because you're not a wolf shifter—” I glared at him, and he quickly added, “Yet. But you're his fated mate. He's in love with you.”
“Then why would he—” I swallowed, trying to get past the lump in my throat, but I couldn’t, and I started to cry.
“He says stupid things. He’s an alpha. We’re idiots. And the ceremony… Well, you know he's worried that the claiming bite could hurt you and the baby,” Gavin said softly.
I looked at him through blurry tear-filled eyes and let out a pathetic sob as something in my chest twisted painfully. “Why doesn’t he trust the doctor who said it’ll be okay?”
“I don't know.
” Gavin sighed and reached over to rub my shoulders. The touch was comforting, and I sniffled my way out of my heavy sobs. He grabbed a box of tissues from the glove compartment, and I gratefully used half the pack to blow my nose and wipe up my tears.
LuLu pawed at me and leaned up to try and lick the rest of the tears from my face.
“I'm so sorry, Gavin. I wish I could stop crying,” I whimpered, clumsily pushing LuLu aside.
“Pregnancy is a crazy time, huh?” He smiled at me compassionately and squeezed my shoulder as I nodded. “Let's get you home. Oh, wait… Food first. I don't think anyone can safely cook when they're crying, right?”
I gave him a grateful grin, and LuLu let out a deep sigh as she settled back down on my lap. Gavin drove to Snapper's Waterfront café, and then ran in to grab some take out burgers. While I waited for him to come back I mumbled to LuLu about how I might have made a terrible mistake by pushing Linc away, but right then I couldn’t think straight. Crying all day had made me more tired than I wanted to really admit. I knew my hormones were to blame for most of my mood swings, but it really hurt when I thought about how Linc had wished on that star for me to have a baby. It didn’t matter that his wish, and mine, had come true. Linc simply shouldn’t have wished for something when he believed I couldn’t give it to him. But hadn’t I wished for the same thing when I knew I couldn’t have a baby?
Gavin came back, and then drove me home. When I climbed out of the truck with LuLu, Gavin leaned across the seat.
“Want me to send any message along to Linc?”
I paused for a moment then shook my head. “No… I think we still need a little time apart before we talk. Just tell him… Tell him I'm okay.”
Gavin grinned and nodded. He gave me his number and said goodnight, and then waited until LuLu and I were safely inside before he took off.
And then we were alone. The house was dark and all I could hear was the ticking of the clock and LuLu's paws padding across the kitchen to her food bowl. I put the burger down on the coffee table, and then fed my pup before I slumped down onto the couch in the dark. I felt empty and sad, and tears started to well up again as I remembered how warm and full I'd felt just the night before, when I was in Linc's arms…
LuLu jumped up on the couch and panted at me with gross dog-food breath, so I took that as a reason to get up and switch on the lights. It was way too quiet, so I flicked on the radio, listening to the love song dedication show while trying to remind myself that love existed in the world, and maybe, just maybe, love would return to me and make everything okay…
“I really think I messed this up, LuLu. I thought Linc was abandoning me, but then I went ahead and abandoned him! Does that make me an idiot?” LuLu just cocked her head to the side. “Yeah, I guess it does, but I really, really need to just have some space and get these pregnancy emotions under control. If I talk to Linc now, I may blow up on him again, and that’s not going to help either of us.”
I was halfway through my burger when I heard a familiar voice on the radio.
“I'd like to dedicate this song to Shawn.”
I sat bolt upright and just about choked on my mouthful of food. It wasn't Linc's voice… It was Cole’s.
“I miss him and so does my dad, and I hope he'll come back soon. This is for you, Shawn.”
If my heart was breaking before, it was splitting apart into infinitely smaller pieces now. I lay back on the couch and clutched my chest as the first few notes of “Somewhere Out There” played, more tears welling up in my eyes.
I reached for my phone and almost called Linc before LuLu licked my hand. I looked at her and she coked her head to the side again.
“You're right. I did just say I needed some space to work this out. I'm way too raw to talk to him right now.”
Instead, I called Gavin.
“Can you pass on a message for me?” I asked quickly when he answered.
“Sure, anything.”
“Tell Cole I love him, and I'll see him again soon, no matter what happens with Linc and me.”
“You heard the song, huh?” I heard the sly smile in Gavin's voice.
“Did you put him up to that?”
“No! Linc would kill me for interfering. I just know Linc told Cole you were a little upset and needed a few days to yourself.”
“So, you listen to that particular love song radio show for your own enjoyment?” I was kind of joking, expecting Gavin to say he knew Cole was going to make a dedication to me, but then Gavin surprised me.
“Even us alphas have our guilty pleasures. Tell anyone and I'll never forgive you.”
I chuckled, delighted to know he had a soft side for a man so large. Just like Linc in a way. “Your secret's safe with me.”
“And your message is safe with me.”
I thanked him then hung up with a sigh, and then went about dragging blankets to the couch, not wanting to smell Linc's scent on my pillows or feel the empty space beside me in bed where he should have been.
17
Linc
I was fed up. Enough was enough. A week had gone by since I'd last seen Shawn. Summer was upon us. The fresh, warm air was filled with the sound of mating birds and the impression of bourgeoning love. And where was my mate? Still not talking to me.
Gavin reported back to Jaxon and me that Shawn was miserable but he was still going to work, seemed in good health, and was even stargazing. But he sure wasn't replying to my texts. I'd sent so many I'd actually become quite poetic in an effort to not repeat myself outright. I'd also realized I could have been more understanding about Shawn’s abandonment issues. Though I’d explained as best I could about my concerns over the claiming bite, I hadn’t actually convinced him I had every intention of claiming him once the baby was born. I also could have been more considerate when he’d been upset about me wishing on that damn star. I just thought it was what he wanted. I loved Shawn exactly how he was, and now all I wanted was to show him—and to win him back.
I'm so sorry for hurting you.
Nothing in reply.
I wish I could take back everything I said. It was a misunderstanding, but I could have communicated better. You're the light of my life. I want to be with you forever. Please forgive me.
Silence.
I'll do whatever it takes to get you back. I miss you so much.
Dead air.
By day seven, I was even having nightmares about him ignoring me, and I woke up feeling painfully anxious. My wolf stalked back and forth inside me, frustrated and desperate to get its mate back. After rolling out of bed before dawn, I stumbled down the stairs, and then shifted into my wolf form at the back door. I ran right to Jaxon's house.
My pack leader, his mate and I sat in their kitchen while their perfect baby slept peacefully in the next room. Bryce had bags under his eyes and couldn't help but yawn every few minutes, and I apologized at least ten times for waking them up.
“It's fine,” he insisted. “This is important. Besides, I'm really good at napping these days.”
I chuckled and nodded, remembering what it was like raising a newborn cub when Cole was a baby. My heart ached when I thought about the unborn babe I wanted to raise, if only I could get Shawn back.
“I need your advice,” I said. “What Shawn wants, I think, is to be part of the pack. To feel like I'm really, truly committed to him. That I accept him and I won’t leave him. And I think the claiming ceremony is what he needs to show him that I'm all in.”
Bryce was nodding so furiously that Jaxon and I raised our eyebrows at him.
“Well, duh. As an omega, I get it. Especially as someone who's been in his shoes as a human omega. He's on the outside of so much of your life, just by virtue of you being a completely different creature.”
“Hey, we're not that different—”
“Yes, we are,” Bryce insisted. “You are. From his perspective, the two of you really are very different. You have to remember he'd never heard of a wolf shifter before he met you. That
’s as foreign as it gets.”
“Hm,” I said, and considered Bryce's point. “I'd actually never thought of that. All of this must be really scary to him.”
Jaxon nodded.
“Hell yeah,” Bryce agreed. “And as a shifter, you come with this whole pack. It's not just your in-laws or your son's mom he has to fit in with. It's your entire community. He's an outsider until he becomes one of us. You're asking him to trust that you’ll be there for him, but you haven’t included him fully in your life.”
“But the bite changes the human body. There aren’t enough facts about pregnant humans receiving the bite. What if he accidentally shifts…” I shuddered. The unborn baby, though a shifter, couldn’t shift in uterus if its mother or father shifted. Could it?
“It’s never been documented that it’s ever happened,” Jaxon said as calmly as he could.
“Sure, but I need to fully understand the risk if he does,” I insisted.
“What did Maddie say when you asked her?” he asked.
“That she’d never heard of any complications.”
“See?” Jaxon smiled as if that was settled.
“Yes, but—”
“I think you need to talk to her again,” Bryce said. “Really explain your concerns.”
I glanced at Jaxon, who sighed, but I knew he understood. “Fine, I’ll call her.” He made a quick phone call and within ten minutes, Maddie Reed walked into the living room, carrying a doctor's bag.
“Everything okay with Lori?” she asked.
“Just fine, thanks, Maddie. She's an angel,” Jaxon said. “There's someone else here who needs your help.”
I waved and grinned sheepishly, suddenly embarrassed that she'd come all this way just for me.
“Lincoln,” she said in acknowledgment. “Is Shawn okay?”
“As far as I know.” God, it felt awful saying that. I was supposed to be taking care of my mate, making sure he was safe and well looked after, and I hadn’t seen him in a week. I’d basically abandoned him, exactly what he’d been afraid of.
Maddie raised her brow, and I felt guilt heat the back of my neck.
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