by TJ Fox
He glances over to where B is sleeping and says quietly, “We need our big brother, but you can’t get us that.” His eyes are full of the worry and concern that have been tearing through him since being left in the ER waiting room hours ago.
“I would if I could. Hopefully it won’t take long for Betty to get us some answers.” I lean forward and clasp my hands together in front of me. “I will do everything I possibly can to help you get everything sorted out. Let’s get some sleep for now, and we will deal with the next part when we can think again.”
I just get a head tilt in response before he lies down and rolls to face away from me. I don’t bother messing with the other pull out. I just snag the last pillow and pull the chair I’m sitting in up against the chair at the head of the bed, so I have a little bit of room to stretch out.
Sleep doesn’t come easily. You’d think it wouldn’t be that hard, but I’m overtired and overstressed. I have a mountain of shit to worry about, but it’s all out of my control, and worry isn’t going to do a thing to change any of it. I make the attempt anyway.
Chapter 9
The sun brightening the room forces me to abandon any attempt to grab one more snippet of sleep. B is still zonked. I’m sure, in part, because of the pain medication since none of the early morning visits woke him as they did me. Simone seems to have slept, but Riff moved around quite a bit. I have no idea if that is typical for them.
With everyone still asleep, I take the opportunity to step into the hall and try to find some coffee. A nurse points me to a vending machine. I note the hot chocolate option for Simone and Riff for later.
Coffee in hand, I am headed back to the room when my phone rings. It isn’t a number I recognize, but with everything going on, I don’t want to risk missing something important.
“Hello?” I step back into the area with the coffee machine.
“Is this Teri Griffin?” The voice is male.
“Yes, this is Teri.”
“This is Dr. Riley. You left a message with my answering service last night about Dylan? I understand you are at the hospital with him. Is he alright?” His deep concern is clear in his voice.
Finding a chair next to a small table off to the side, I take a seat. The knot in my stomach that had loosened when B got out of surgery tightens up and seems to double in size. “I’m sorry, there must have been some confusion with my message. I’m not at the hospital with Dylan, but his younger brother, B-Rad. It is complicated, but Dylan let me know that he has given permission for me to contact you, and I have some questions. Is that alright?”
“Yes, of course.” He sounds a little confused. “Dylan made it very clear that he wanted you to have full access. It seemed a little odd with your lack of family or marital ties, but he was adamant and did what was necessary to ensure you had access. We do our best to accommodate our patients in whatever way makes things easier for them, especially when there is so little we can do.”
My stomach drops, and I’m glad I’m sitting because my knees would have given out. No. No, that can’t be right. “So it’s true. He’s dying?” Let there be a mistake.
“Well, yes. Didn’t he explain things to you?”
I have to clear my throat because it feels like I swallowed a block of ice. “No. He wrote a letter, but I didn’t understand it and he wasn’t very clear about the specifics.”
The doctor lets out a sigh. “That is worrisome. To be brief, yes. Dylan has a tumor in his brain. It is very aggressive. He first came to me almost two years ago, and the prognosis was not good. I told him he could expect about two to two and a half years and that, with treatment, we could potentially extend that by a few months. He opted to forego treatment, citing his mother’s experience as a reason not to go that route. We have therefore been working to keep his symptoms in check to give him the best quality life we could. You said you are at the hospital with his brother. I wasn’t aware he had any family. There is nothing in his file.”
Bent over, elbows on knees and head in my hand, I’m trying desperately not to be sick. What am I going to tell those kids? It takes me a moment before I can speak. “Yes, his younger brother. He also has another brother and a sister. They are all here with me. They don’t seem to know anything about this. With everything that has happened, I think it would have come up by now if they did. Dylan didn’t mention it in his letter either. They are going to be devastated. He’s the one that took them in when their mom died.”
“Took them in? How old are they?” He sounds shocked. I’m right there with him.
I rub my forehead, trying to ease the ache. “A grade schooler, middle schooler and a high schooler. Dylan is their guardian. I take it you haven’t heard from Dylan recently. We are trying to find him.”
There is a muffled sound on the other end of the line before Dr. Riley says, “No, I haven’t seen or spoken to Dylan since our last appointment a couple of weeks ago. I’m very concerned by what you are telling me. It could be a sign that he has reached an advanced stage if his behavior is becoming erratic. Have you seen anything unusual with him lately? Extreme mood swings, acting irrationally, forgetfulness, seizures, poor coordination or problems with his motor function?”
“You mean besides disappearing and leaving his brothers and sister with me when the youngest is in the hospital? No. I don’t…” I pause to really think about that question. Have I seen anything like that? A memory tries to poke at me, but I can’t pinpoint it. I run through the last few times I saw him, trying to remember, when it hits me. “I’m not sure, but… maybe? He seemed to forget what he was doing tonight… no, it was last night... and he seemed to be favoring one side as he was walking, but I didn’t think anything of it. I can’t recall anything before that, though, but I haven’t been around him that much. The kids might have seen other things.”
“We have resources to help in situations like this. I don’t understand why he wouldn’t tell us. Do you know what his plans are for his siblings? If he is deteriorating, he could quickly become unable to take care of them, possibly even become a danger to them, like if he were to have a seizure while driving. I’m very concerned about this turn.”
That’s the million-dollar question now, isn’t it? I sit up and take a deep breath. “He left some paperwork with me, but I haven’t had a chance to look into it further. I wasn’t even convinced he was sick until I spoke with you. The social worker at the hospital here is helping me sort this mess out. Finding Dylan is our priority, so we can get an answer to that question.”
“The fact that a social worker is involved relieves some of my concerns. Please pass on what we’ve talked about, so they are aware of the potential danger to the children’s ongoing care. They should be able to guide you, but feel free to contact me if you have any further questions. When you hear from Dylan, please encourage him to call me. I am worried about his well-being. There are still many options to help make this process easier on him if he has reached the point I think he has.”
I agree and ask him to call me if he hears from Dylan. Sitting there staring at the wall across from me after ending the call, I try to digest all I was told. Dylan is dying. He didn’t lie about that. If he didn’t lie about that, then everything else is probably just as true. I can’t wrap my brain around all the implications of that. The one thought sitting at the top of the mess is that I have to tell those kids, and that is going to change everything.
I can’t do this. I need help and advice, so I call Betty and have to leave a message telling her what I know. As early as it is, I hate to disturb Jules, but I need her again. I text, knowing she will get back to me when she gets up.
Me: Talked to Dylan’s doctor and got confirmation. He is dying. Will you be able to come back to the hospital after you get up, maybe bring Jorie with you to keep B entertained while I talk to Riff and Simone? I don’t know what’s best here so I’m winging this whole thing. I could really use your
advice.
After I send it, I stick my phone back in my pocket. The overwhelming mess of emotions is churning around inside me, and I’m afraid of breaking down when I get back to the room.
Ugh! This is such crap! I get that Dylan is sick. But… Why did he take off and just leave these kids alone? Why now, when B is also sick and so desperately needs him? The doctor said there were still options. Why in the hell did he leave me to deal with it? I’m so frustrated and worried and angry and hurt, I don’t know which one to focus on. I need to get myself under control because becoming a basket case doesn’t solve anything.
I pick up my now cold coffee and resist the urge to chuck it at the wall. Instead, I take a sip hoping having something in my stomach will calm the queasy feeling. I only stay another moment before heading back to the room. I don’t want the kids to wake up while I’m gone and worry that they have been left again.
A new nurse, different from last night, is in checking on B. The name written on the whiteboard by the bathroom is Sadie. Riff is sitting up and running his hand through his messy dark hair. He doesn’t look like he got much more sleep than I did. Simone is still asleep, curled up on her side.
I walk past the end of the bed and around to my chair, bending to pick Dean up off the floor. As I tuck him back in next to B, the nurse motions me over to the door.
“I just wanted to update you. Everything looks good. The tops of the incisions are sealed with a type of glue, and there are dissolvable stitches deeper under the skin. They look good, and all of his vitals are normal. He’s only allowed liquids for a while, so I’ll order in some broth and juice for breakfast.” She hands me several slips of paper. “The night nurse also explained a bit of your situation. I thought it would help if you could eat in here, so I got some meal orders for the three of you. Depending on how he does, we can figure something out for later, if needed.”
“Thank you, that will make things so much easier.”
She nods. “I’ll be back in a few to get your orders, so I can turn them in.” The door closes quietly behind her.
I hand Riff two of the forms. Softly, I ask, “Think you can order for you and Simone? I don’t want to wake her yet if I don’t have to.”
He takes the forms and looks around for something to fill them out with. “Sure.” On a table by the bed, he finds a pen next to a phone and a small notepad. Grabbing the pen, he then returns to where he slept to fill out the forms.
“Do you want a hot chocolate or something? There is a machine down the hall. It has coffee as well, if that’s what you drink. You don’t drink coffee yet, do you?”
He gives me a small grin before it disappears again. “No. I don’t drink coffee. That stuff is nasty. Don’t know how you can drink that crap. I could go for that hot chocolate, but…” now he looks embarrassed. “Um… all my stuff is still in Dylan’s car, so I don’t have any money.” His face falls when he says Dylan’s name, and the worry and concern that is etched there adds yet another crack to the multitude that have been carved into my heart just since yesterday.
“Hey, not a problem. I’ve got you covered. Worry about that later, yeah?” I get a brief nod as he gets up from his chair and stretches.
I dig some change from my pocket and give him directions to the vending machines, then sit down to fill out my own form. Missing dinner last night and the lack of real sleep are going to hit me hard if I don’t eat something, whether I’m hungry or not. I’ve just finished when Sadie comes in to collect them.
Riff returns as she leaves. Instead of going back to his chair, he comes and sits down in the one I propped my legs in overnight. Sipping my coffee, I wait, not sure if he wants to talk or just be near when B wakes up. I decide it’s the latter when he remains quiet for so long, just staring at the floor, taking the occasional drink from his cup.
I’m surprised when Riff speaks. “Have you heard anything? About Dylan? I can’t believe he just took off and left us. He’s never done anything like this before.”
He’s still looking at the floor. “Betty hasn’t contacted me yet, so we are still waiting. I will tell you as soon as I hear from her, though.”
I only get a nod in response. I feel terrible holding on to information that he really needs. It feels a lot like lying, but I need more time. Time. Here I’m wanting more of it, and Dylan’s is running out.
Simone turns over and sits up. “What time is it?”
I dig my phone out to check. “It’s a little after six-thirty.” She nods then gets up and heads to the bathroom.
Riff gets up, tosses his empty cup in the trash and starts pulling the blankets from his bed. I go over to help, and we get the chair put back together, then work on Simone’s.
We are just finishing when Simone comes back out. They both take up a spot on the loveseat, and I go back to my chair by the bed. An uneasy silence descends on the room. There is so much to talk about, but no good starting point. I don’t even know how much to tell them.
A noise outside in the hall has all of us looking towards the door. Sadie comes in pushing a couple of rolling tray tables. She rolls one over by Simone and Riff and the other one over to me.
“Breakfast delivery is just down the hall, so they’ll be here in a minute.” She looks to see if B is awake. “We’ll leave his on his table, and he can have it when he wakes.” Smiling, she leaves.
The door has barely shut when another woman opens the door carrying a couple of trays. She sets them both on the table by the kids, then goes back and gets two more. One only has a couple of cups on it. That one, she puts on B’s tray. The other, she brings over to me.
Simone and Riff pop the tops off of theirs, setting the covers on the floor because there is no room left on the table, then dig in. When I notice what they are eating, I start to laugh. They both look at me puzzled.
Grinning, I pull the cover off mine. “Great minds think alike.” All three of us have a tray of scrambled eggs, pancakes, bacon and a small bowl of fruit. The only differences are the juices, one apple and a couple of orange, which we exchange, so everyone has the right one. Simone’s laugh is a soft but high sound that warms me to my toes, because in this moment, this one brief break, we have all forgotten why we are here. Riff smirks and pokes her in the side which elicits an even higher, brighter sound.
“Stop!” She smacks his hand and goes back to her breakfast. They trade a few elbow nudges and pokes while they finish eating.
Feeling more awake and focused after I eat, I go to stack our dishes and trays together to make them easier to clear away. It is either the noise or the smell of food, but B finally starts to stir.
Simone and I both help him get to a sitting position, so he can drink his broth and juice. He complains about his side being a little sore, but he has no problems eating.
My phone vibrates in my pocket, and I check it to see a response from Jules.
Jules: Oh, Teri! What a mess. I’m so sorry! Yes, Jorie and I will be there as soon as we get moving. Need me to bring anything?
I look up. “Hey, guys? Do you need anything? Jules is coming by, so she’s offering to grab anything you need.”
Riff just shrugs. “Nah. I’m good.”
Simone shakes her head no, but I watch them both, and they are uncomfortable. I try to put myself in their shoes, seeing some things that could make them more comfortable.
Me: Can you grab a couple of basics, like toothbrushes? I’d suggest a change of clothes, but I have no clue what sizes. These kids have got to be feeling grubby by now. I know I do.
Jules: Not a problem. Got a plan. Don’t worry, I’ve got you covered. See you soon! Love ya!
Me: My hero!
“Teri, when can I go home?” B asks as he finishes the last of his juice.
Isn’t that a bomb getting dropped in the middle of the room? I fumble for a way to address that question, but I have to give him some
thing.
“Well, the doctor has to check you over and make sure everything still looks good before we can even think about leaving. I don’t know when she was planning on coming to check, so I just can’t say.” As I finish explaining, Sadie comes in.
“Hi there, B-Rad! I’m Sadie, your nurse today. I know it wasn’t much of one, but how was breakfast?” Smiling down at him, she checks the monitors.
“Okay, but I like pancakes best.” He watches as she makes her notes.
“Oh, pancakes are one of my favorites, too. How do you feel after eating?” She makes another note in his chart.
“Still a little hungry.” He blushes while looking around the room then whispers to Sadie, “and I have to pee.”
Sadie smiles and leans down to whisper back, “That was my next question, how did you know? Think you can get up and walk to the bathroom for me?”
She helps him slowly sit up on the edge of the bed and lowers it, so he doesn’t have so far to reach the floor. He still has an IV in, so it’s a little awkward to get up and get moving. She helps him to the bathroom and then back into bed. The whole thing looks like it tired him out. He lies back down without complaint.
Sadie checks him over, looking at his incisions. “He is right on track and doing great. We’re going to switch to an oral pain medication, so we won’t need the IV anymore. We’ll leave the port in, just in case, but I can unhook the line.” It only takes a minute to get him unhooked. “I’m going to go grab that medicine and be right back.” She is out and back in no time. B downs the cup of liquid without complaint.
Sadie glances at her watch. “I expect the doctor to be in to see him in the next hour or two. She will be able to give you an idea on when he gets to go home. This medicine will probably make him sleepy, so don’t worry if he needs to nap. I’ll be back after a while.” She makes another note on the chart before heading out of the room.