Despite these hardships, there we were, still alive and on set, covering the pandemic for a show seen across the country by millions of people. But now, it wasn’t only Amy suffering with breast cancer or me suffering through the death of my ex-husband—it was all of us, everyone on set and everyone watching from home, suffering through a profound and universal hardship. And yet there we all still were—not only surviving but functioning and even stepping up in ways we never thought possible.
When I look back at the initial outbreak, I still can’t believe it. Day after day for months on end, I went on air for up to thirteen hours a day, processing, analyzing, and integrating massive amounts of medical news. I did it because I had to—I had no other choice. I stepped up for myself, my ABC News work family, and the job that I love. I stepped up for the up to 11 million viewers who relied on me for accurate and honest information. And I stepped up because I knew that, among the millions of viewers, there were two people always watching me: my children. And there was no way I was going to let them down.
While your circumstances are undoubtedly different, your story is the same as mine: You stepped up. We all did. You stayed strong in one way or another, whether it was for yourself, your family, your colleagues, your neighbors, or simply the strangers you encountered on the street or in the stores every day. We all stepped up in our own way, and as a result, every single one of us is more resilient now than we were in December 2019.
While other major crises—wars, famine, natural disasters, 9/11—have shown us how much strength some people have, the coronavirus outbreak has proven the power inside us all. Unlike other crises, the pandemic has been global, not regional or specific to a certain city or country. Additionally, there’s been no way for anyone to escape it—you couldn’t hop on an airplane and fly out of the danger zone, hide out in remote areas of the country (there have been viral hot spots in rural regions, after all), or buy your way into a guarantee against infection.
Perhaps most profoundly, the pandemic has lasted for more than a year—not days or weeks—battering and burnishing each of us over time. This, in turn, has caused a tiny rock of resiliency to form inside us all, not unlike a precious diamond that won’t weaken or fade with time. To me, this universal uptick in individual resiliency is one of the biggest silver lining lessons out of the entire pandemic: Hard times create little stones of strength inside everyone who endures them.
We’ve learned other silver lining lessons, too. Many, at first blush, can appear more like negative outcomes than positive developments. But in each of these difficult lessons, there’s an opportunity to leverage the hardship to improve ourselves and our lives.
It reminds me of what happens with some of my patients. In my twenty years as a doctor, I’ve had to tell many the unimaginable: They have cancer, for example, or they’ve tested positive for HIV; their unborn baby has died; they won’t be able to have children. These are difficult diagnoses to live through, but in some patients, the hardship unlocks something amazing inside them. Months later, these patients come back and say to me, You know what, Dr. Ashton? Getting cancer (or X, Y, or Z ailment) was the best thing that ever happened me. They then proceed to tell me how they felt like they were running on a treadmill before they got sick, but that their diagnosis forced them to get off, learn to savor the moment at hand, start living life again, and prioritize what’s important.
This is not an unusual story—you might have heard something similar from someone you know. Or maybe you’ve even experienced it yourself. Either way, not every patient can see, let alone leverage, the silver lining lesson in a difficult diagnosis. But the silver lining lessons always exist, and it’s up to you to leverage what you’ve learned and transform an unfortunate situation into a remarkable opportunity.
The new normal has changed how we all look at silver linings. While they’ve traditionally been things we recognize only in hindsight, the pandemic has forced us to look for silver linings right now in real time—both the duration and disruptive nature of our new normal don’t give us the luxury of hindsight. We need to be able to spot the breaks through the clouds while the storm is still occurring. Doing so allows us not only to stay sane but also to learn the lessons that the silver linings can teach us so we can build more resilience to weather the storm even longer.
For the first part of this chapter, I want to share with you the silver lining lessons that we can all use to improve ourselves and our health. In the second half of the chapter, I want to share with you the pandemic’s silver lining lessons that I believe we can use to improve medicine and the future of healthcare for everyone. I’m not talking only about healthcare as it relates to countries or hospital systems—I’m talking about the healthcare for YOU and your family.
Silver Lining Lessons for Life
Hardships can prepare ordinary people for extraordinary things, especially if you take the time to acknowledge what you’re been through and consciously leverage what you’ve learned to make yourself healthier and happier. These are not abstract lessons we’ve learned during the pandemic but real, tangible truths to put into practice if we choose to. Here are four ways to do that and make the most of the difficulties we’ve all been through.
Silver Lining Lesson #1: We’re All Responsible for Our Own Health
The coronavirus pandemic revealed a fundamental truth about the human condition that many have never had to face: Ultimately, each of us is responsible for our own health and well-being. The pandemic proved that institutions can’t necessarily save us—or the government, technology, and medicine can’t always prevent or defeat misfortune. Instead, it’s up to each of us to assume control over the fate of our own bodies and well-being. In other words, individual health starts and ends with one person: the same one we see in the mirror every day.
This may be a hard truth to face, but it’s an important and empowering one. Once you accept that you’re ultimately responsible for you, you can assume ownership of your own well-being. Those who have done so in our new normal have lost weight, addressed chronic conditions like diabetes, started exercising again, finally found the impetus to treat a mental-health condition, or wrestled back control of another area of their health or happiness.
Taking control of our personal well-being also means learning the basics about when to go to the emergency room, what medications we may need and why, how to interpret medical news, and how to make good decisions—or find the right doctors who can help us make good decisions—about our own health.
Throughout this book, I’ve worked to show you what we can do to better adapt to our new normal in order to improve our health and happiness and become more self-sufficient and resilient. Instead of letting a virus decide that we can’t exercise, for example, because it’s not safe to be in a gym, we can come up with creative solutions to stay fit on our own. Instead of letting irrational fears about a pathogen prevent us from living life fully, we can educate ourselves about the disease and how to protect ourselves. Instead of refusing to travel or eat out, we can learn how to assess our own risks and make safer decisions for ourselves and everyone around us.
In many ways, our new normal has given us a do-it-yourself attitude about our own well-being. We now DIY exercise, for example, and DIY risk assessment to determine what’s safe and not safe. We DIY our own meals, with more people cooking at home more often, and without a fixed schedule, many of us DIY our own sleep. We’ve had to DIY travel, work, and even our children’s education in many instances, and with our social options so limited, we’ve been forced to DIY fun. Perhaps most important, we’ve had to step up and DIY our physical and emotional well-being. Now, as aspects of our old culture begin to return, I encourage you to retain this sense of self-sufficiency and resiliency.
Dr. Jen’s Rx: It’s a beautiful thing to learn and accept that it’s ultimately up to us to make ourselves healthy and whole—physically, mentally, and emotionally. DIY wellness in the pandemic era is more than just useful; it can also be empowering
and transformative.
Silver Lining Lesson #2: This Moment Is All We Have
The pandemic has exposed us all to a prolonged period of uncertainty that’s unprecedented in recent human history. Safety guidelines and regulations have changed frequently. Borders, businesses, and schools have closed and reopened at a moment’s notice. No one has been able to say when it would be safe to do certain activities, when there’d be a vaccine, or when life would “go back to normal.” Instead, we’ve had to live each day in flux. This uncertainty has been a curse in many ways, but ultimately, it’s a gift: When you can’t look ahead to the future, you have to slow down and look at the here and now.
For many people, including me, it’s not easy to live in the present. Before the pandemic, I was always going a hundred miles per hour, from the time I woke up in the morning to the moment I climbed into bed at night. Throughout my life, I’ve enjoyed being busy—I like the challenge, the energy, and the adrenaline it brings. I enjoyed thinking of and working toward a future goal, plan, or dream. Psychologically, being busy makes me feel good about myself, as though I’m hurtling through life full of productivity and intention.
But the pandemic has forced us all to slow down, me included. It’s caused us to stop living life like we’re hurtling along or running on a treadmill—that’s a luxury we simply no longer have. Like some of my patients who receive a frightening medical diagnosis, we’ve been forced to hit the pause button. And by doing so, we’ve been given the opportunity to slow down, stop, and finally take the time to savor each and every moment.
Think about it. Before the pandemic, our collective calendars were jammed with work, school, travel, family, and social obligations and events. But when the outbreak began, we had no other choice but to cancel, postpone, or indefinitely delay almost every activity. In our new normal, we still can’t plan for the future. What can we do? We can choose to live in the moment. That’s not a comfortable way to subsist for many, but life begins outside our comfort zone.
For me, one of the biggest silver lining lessons is that it’s okay not to plan each and every hour. We don’t need to nor can we always schedule out what will happen next month, next week, or even the next day. All we have is today, this hour, this second. When we make the conscious decision to focus on what we have, we choose the ability to be truly happy, right here and now.
Dr. Jen’s Rx: If we’ve learned anything from the coronavirus outbreak, it’s that life can change drastically and inconceivably at the drop of a hat—or the discovery of a new disease. As our calendars and schedules begin to fill up, remember to enjoy what we can have right now.
Silver Lining Lesson #3: Some Things Matter More Than Others
Close your eyes and think about what your life was like in December 2019. What was important to you back then? Perhaps you were excited about a holiday party, finding the perfect gift for a family member or friend, or taking a winter vacation somewhere. Now think about what’s important to you today. Maybe you’re now focused on just getting back into the office, finding a new job, or being with your family in any way you can, vacation or not.
Many people’s priorities have shifted as a result of our new normal. It’s another advantage of being forced to slow down and finally stop: You can take stock of what’s around you and realize what you do and don’t want or need. The trivial fades into the background, and the truly important emerges as our main focus.
The pandemic has certainly helped me reevaluate what really matters. I’ve realized, for example, that I’m no longer willing to live in a different city from my boyfriend, especially if another pandemic prevents us from being together in person. We’re now making modifications that we would never have considered if the coronavirus outbreak hadn’t occurred. For this, I’m grateful that I was forced to recognize my priorities and take proactive steps to emphasize what’s important.
Similar scenarios have played out in the lives and minds of millions of others around the world. Some people have realized that their families or friends matter more than the things they own, places they go, or jobs they have. Others no longer feel comfortable being a plane ride away from their families. Some want to make it possible for older parents or relatives to live with them if and when the next pandemic occurs.
In addition to relationships, the pandemic has shifted priorities for many about what they really want to do, whether professionally or personally. Some have realized that life is too short to work a job they don’t love or have to wait to take a trip of a lifetime. Others have decided that they’d rather live a simpler life outside of the city. And almost all of us have reprioritized the importance of good health.
Dr. Jen’s Rx: Don’t lose sight of your pandemic priorities as life gets busy again. Focusing on what really matters, including family, friends, a fulfilling career, and good health, is imperative to being happy and healthy.
Silver Lining Lesson #4: It Could Be Worse
Whenever I’ve had to deliver an alarming diagnosis, I always let patients take a minute before I tell them how much worse it could be. For example, someone might have cancer, but at least they don’t have stage IV cancer. Or if they do have stage IV cancer, I remind them how lucky they are to have access to quality healthcare or nearby family or friends who can help take care of them. I don’t bring up the bright side to minimize what they’re going through. But I know it helps people to put their diagnosis into perspective and shift focus from the things they’ve lost to what they already have. This way, they can replace feelings of fear, anxiety, and loneliness with feelings of gratitude.
During the pandemic, I tried to find perspective as often as I could so I could tap into new ways to be grateful. When my brother was diagnosed with COVID-19, for example, I told myself how thankful I was that he had access to some of the best care in the world. When he ended up showing symptoms, I reminded myself how grateful I was that he wasn’t in the hospital or intubated. Putting things into perspective didn’t erase my concern, but it helped me stay positive and weather adversity with strength and resilience. (After two weeks, my brother made a full recovery and has not manifested any long-haul symptoms, thankfully.)
This is an incredible silver lining lesson of our new normal: The pandemic has reminded many that we always have the choice. We can choose to dwell on what we’ve lost or flip it around and focus on what we’ve gained. This isn’t easy, especially if you’ve suffered a terrible loss, but it can help you find resiliency in our new normal and be better prepared for whatever happens next.
Maybe you lost your job in the pandemic, for example, but perhaps you can be grateful that you didn’t get sick with COVID-19—or if you did, that you were lucky enough to survive. If your relationship with your spouse or romantic partner has taken a hit in our new normal, that could be a good thing because it’s helped you identify issues you needed to address—or maybe it will help you move on to find a more sustainable relationship in the future.
In short, there’s always a bright side. And finding and focusing on the silver linings in our new normal can help you be grateful, develop more resiliency, and find a deeper sense of happiness.
Dr. Jen’s Rx: While it can be easy to get tunnel vision during a crisis and dwell on how bad you may have it, try to put your new normal into perspective. It could always be worse. Replace feelings of fear, anxiety, or stress with gratitude whenever you can.
Silver Lining Lessons for Medicine
Just like there are silver lining lessons for each of us in our new normal, the pandemic has also taught the world of healthcare a few things that can and hopefully will reshape medicine for the better. While the full extent of these lessons are still to be seen, medicine is already changing to some degree because of what we’ve learned in the relatively short time since the COVID-19 crisis began. Similar to silver linings in our personal lives, silver linings in medicine are things that, on some level, healthcare professionals have known have been issues for years. But these last few months have reframed
the importance and the urgency of these issues. And now that the stakes are clear, we as doctors and individuals have a chance to leverage these silver linings to improve our ability to help people.
Here are seven specific silver lining lessons that I believe have the power to overhaul how we handle the next pandemic and treat patients more safely and effectively for years to come.
Silver Lining Medical Lesson #1: Things Grow Stronger When You Integrate
Hospitals and medical centers regularly practice response drills. It’s clinical medicine 101. No one wants to be doing a procedure for the first time or having to wing it when an emergency strikes. In medicine, if you don’t practice something, you can’t execute it. Simply put, drills save lives.
One of the best examples of this kind of medical preparedness happened within minutes of the Orlando Pulse nightclub shooting—the deadliest mass shooting in U.S. history when it occurred in 2016. I covered the story for ABC News and can tell you, as a fellow doctor, the response by Orlando Regional Medical Center (ORMC), located just three blocks away from Pulse, was absolutely phenomenal. Within forty-two minutes, ORMC received thirty-eight victims with gunshot wounds, most patients coming in after two in the morning when the ER was already on lockdown due to an active shooter situation in the area. Over the course of the next twenty-four hours, surgical teams at ORMC performed twenty-nine operations and saved forty of the forty-nine victims brought into the ER. Doctors there were able to do this only because ORMC, as the sole level one trauma center in all of central Florida, had drilled for this kind of scenario for years.
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