by Clive Barker
The youth looked down at the ground. “What do you mean by this?” he said.
“That we do not belong to ourselves. That though we cannot know the full purpose of our creation, we should look to those who came before us to understand it better. Not just our fathers and our mothers, but all who went before. They are the pathway back to God, who may not know, even as He counts stars, that we’re quietly digging a hole, planting a seed . . .”
Now the youth looked up again, smiling, entertained by the notion of God the Father looking the other way while His human hands grew a garden at His feet.
“Does that answer the question?” Zelim said.
“I was still wondering . . .” the student said.
“Yes?”
“Your own father—?”
“He was a fisherman from a little village called Atva, which is on the shores of the Caspian Sea.” As Zelim spoke, he felt a little breath of wind against his face, delightfully cool. He paused to appreciate it. Closed his eyes for a moment. When he opened them again, he knew something had changed in the room; he just didn’t know what.
“Where was I?” he said.
“Atva,” somebody at the back of the room said.
“Ah, yes, Atva. My father lived there all his life, but he dreamed of being somewhere quite different. He dreamed of Samarkand. He told his children he’d been here, in his youth. And he wove such stories of this city; such stories . . .”
Again, Zelim halted. The cool breeze had brushed against his brow a second time, and something about the way it touched him seemed like a sign. As though the breeze was saying look, look . . .
But at what? He gazed out of the window, thinking perhaps there was something out there he needed to see. The sky was darkening toward night. A chestnut tree, still covetous of its leaves despite the season, was in perfect silhouette. High up in its branches the evening star glimmered. But he’d seen all of this before: a sky, a tree, a star.
He returned his gaze to the room, still puzzled.
“What kind of stories?” somebody was asking him.
“Stories . . . ?”
“You said your father told stories of Samarkand.”
“Oh yes. So he did. Wonderful stories. He wasn’t a very good sailor, my father. In fact he drowned on a perfectly calm day. But he could have told tales of Samarkand for a year and never told the same one twice.”
“But you say he never came here?” the master of the school asked Zelim.
“Never,” Zelim said, smiling. “Which is why he was able to tell such fine stories about it.”
This amused everyone mightily. But Zelim scarcely heard the laughter. Again, that tantalizing breeze had brushed his face; and this time, when he raised his eyes, he saw somebody moving through the shadows at the far end of the room. It was not one of the students. They were all dressed in pale yellow robes. This figure was dressed in ragged black breeches and a dirty shirt. He was also black, his skin possessing a curious radiance, which made Zelim remember a long-ago day.
“Atva . . . ?” he murmured.
Only the students closest to Zelim heard him speak, and even they, when debating the subject later, did not agree on the utterance. Some thought he’d said Allah, others that he’d spoken some magical word, that was intended to keep the stranger at the back of the room at bay. The reason that the word was so hotly debated was simple: it was Zelim’s last, at least in the living world.
He had no sooner spoken than his head drooped, and the glass of tea which he had been sipping fell from his hand. The murmurings around the room ceased on the instant; students rose on all sides, some of them already starting to weep, or pray. The great teacher was dead, his wisdom passed into history. There would be no more stories, no more prophecies. Only centuries of turning over the tales he’d already told, and watching to see if the prophecies came true.
Outside the schoolroom, under that covetous chestnut tree, two men talked in whispers. Nobody saw them there; nobody heard their happy exchange. Nor will I invent those words; better I leave that conversation to you: how the spirit of Zelim and Atva, later called Galilee, talked. I will say only this: that when the conversation was over, Zelim accompanied Galilee out of Samarkand; a ghost and a god, wandering off through the smoky twilight, like two inseparable friends.
Need I say that Zelim’s part in this story is far from finished? He was called away that day into the arms of the Barbarossa family, whose service he has not since left.
In this book, as in life, nothing really passes away. Things change, yes; of course they change; they must. But everything is preserved in the eternal moment—Zelim the fisherman, Zelim the prophet, Zelim the ghost; he’s been recorded in all his forms, these pages a poor but passionate echo of the great record that is holiness itself.
There must still be room for the falling note, of course. Even in an undying world there are times when beauty passes from sight, or love passes from the heart, and we feel the sorrow of partition.
In Samarkand, which was glorious for a time, the lozenge tiles, blue and gold, have fallen from the walls, and the chestnut tree under which Zelim and Galilee talked after the prophet’s passing has been felled. The domes are decaying, and streets that were once filled with noise are given over to silence. It’s not a good silence; it’s not the hush of a hermit’s cell, or the quiet of dawn. It’s simply an absence of life. Regimes have come and gone, parties and potentates, old guards and new, each stealing a portion of Samarkand’s glory when they lose power. Now there’s only dirt and despair. The highest hope of those who remain is that one of these days the Americans will come and find reason to believe in the city again. Then there’ll be hamburgers and soda and cigarettes. A sad ambition for the people of any great city.
And until that happens, there’s just the falling tiles, and a dirty wind.
As for Atva, it no longer exists. I suppose if you dug deep in the sand along the shore you’d find the broken-down walls of a few houses, maybe a threshold or two, a pot or two. But nothing of great interest. The lives that were lived in Atva were unremarkable, and so are the few signs that those lives left behind them. Atva does not appear on any maps (even when it thrived it was never marked down that way), nor is mentioned in any books about the Caspian Sea.
Atva exists now in two places. Here in these pages, of course. And as my brother Galilee’s true name.
I have one additional detail to add before we move on to something more urgent. It’s about that first day, when my father Nicodemus and his wife Cesaria went down to baptize their beloved child in the water.
Apparently what happened was this: no sooner had Cesaria lowered the baby into the water than he squirmed in her hands and escaped her, diving beneath the first wave that came his way and disappearing from view. My father of course waded in after him, but the current was particularly strong that day and before he could catch hold of his son the babe had been caught up and swept away from the shore. I don’t know if Cesaria was crying or yelling or simply keeping her silence. I do know she didn’t go in after the escapee, because she once remarked to Marietta that she had known all along Galilee would go from her side, and though she was surprised to see him leaving at such a tender age she wasn’t about to stop him.
Eventually, maybe a quarter of a mile out from the beach, my father caught sight of a little head bobbing in the water. By all accounts the baby was still swimming, or making his best attempt at it. When Atva felt his father’s hands around him he began to bawl and squirm. But my father caught firm hold of him. He set the baby on his shoulders, and swam back to the shore.
Cesaria told Marietta how the baby had laughed once he was back in her arms, laughed until the tears ran, he was so amused by what he’d done.
But when I think of this episode, especially in the context of what I’m about to tell you, it’s not the child laughing that I picture. No, it’s the image of little Atva, barely a day old, squirming from the hands of those who created him, and then, ignoring t
heir cries and their demands, simply swimming away, swimming away, as though the first thing on his mind was escape.
PART THREE
An Expensive
Life
I
i
You remember Rachel Pallenberg? I spoke about her briefly several chapters back, when I was figuratively wringing my hands about whose story I was first going to tell. I described her driving around her hometown of Dansky, Ohio—which lies between Marion and Shanck, close to Mount Gilead. Unpretentious would be a kind description of the town; banal perhaps truer. If it once had some particular charm, that charm’s gone, demolished to make room for the great American ubiquities: cheap hamburger places, cheap liquor places, a market for soda that impersonates more expensive soda and cheese that impersonates milk product. By night the gas station’s the brightest spot in town.
Here, Rachel was raised until she was seventeen. The streets should be familiar to her. But she’s lost. Though she recognizes much of what she sees—the school where she passed several miserable years still stands, as does the church, where her father Hank (who was always more devout than her mother) brought her every Sunday, the bank where Hank Pallenberg worked until his sickness and early demise—all of these she sees and recognizes; and still she’s lost. This isn’t home. But then neither is the place she left to drive here; the exquisite apartment overlooking Central Park where she’s lived in the bosom of wealth and luxury, married to the man of countless women’s dreams: Mitchell Geary.
Rachel doesn’t regret leaving Dansky. It was a claustrophobic life she lived here: dull and repetitive. And the future had looked grim. Single women in Dansky didn’t break their hearts trying for very much. Marriage was what they wanted, and if their husbands were reasonably sober two or three nights a week and their children were born with all their limbs, then they counted themselves lucky, and dug in for a long decline.
That was not what Rachel had in mind for herself. She’d left Dansky two days after her seventeenth birthday without giving it so much as a backward glance. There was another life out there, which she’d seen in magazines and on the television screen: a life of possibilities, a movie-star life, a life she was determined to have for herself. She wasn’t the only seventeen-year-old girl in America who nurtures such hopes, of course. Nor am I the first person to be recounting in print how she made that dream a reality. I have here beside me four books and a stack of magazines—the contents of most of which don’t merit the word reportage—all of which talk in often unruly metaphor about the rise and rise of Rachel Pallenberg. I will do my best here to avoid the excess and stick to the facts, but the story—which is so very much like a fairy tale—would tempt a literary ascetic, as you’ll see. The beautiful, dark-eyed girl from Dansky, with nothing to distinguish her from the common herd but her dazzling smile and her easy charm, finds herself, by chance, in the company of the most eligible bachelor in America, and catches his eye. The rest is not yet history; history requires a certain closure, and this story’s still in motion. But it is certainly something remarkable.
How did it come about? That part, at least, is very simple to tell.
Rachel left Dansky planning to begin her new life in Cincinnati, where her mother’s sister lived. There she went, and there, for about two years, she stayed. She had a brief but inglorious stint training to be a dental technician, then spent several months working as a waitress. She was liked, though not loved. Some of her fellow workers apparently considered her a little too ambitious for her own good; she was one of those people who didn’t mind voicing their aspirations, and that irritated those who were too afraid to do so for themselves, or simply had none. The manager of the restaurant, a fellow called Herbert Finney, remembers her differently from one interview to the next. Was she “a hardworking, rather quiet girl”? as he says to one interviewer, or “a bit of a troublemaker, flirting with the male customers, always looking to get something for herself”? as he tells another. Perhaps the truth is somewhere in between. Certainly waitressing didn’t suit her for very long; nor did Cincinnati. Twenty-one months after arriving there, in late August, she took a train east, to Boston. When she was later asked by some idiot magazine why she’d chosen that city, she’d replied that she’d heard the autumn months were pretty there. She found another waitressing job, and shared an apartment with two girls who were, like her, new to the city. After two weeks she was taken on by an upscale jewelry store on Newbury Street, and there she worked through the fall—which was indeed beautiful, crisp and clean—until, on December 23rd, late in the afternoon, Christmas came visiting in the form of Mitchell Geary.
ii
It began to snow that afternoon, somewhere around two, the first flurry coming as Rachel returned from lunch. The prediction for the rest of the day, and into the night, was worsening by the hour: a blizzard was on its way.
Business was slow; people were getting out of the city early, despite the fact that they could calculate the shopping hours left to Christmas morning on their fingers and toes. The manager of the store, a Mr. Erickson (a forty-year-old with the wan, weary elegance of a man half his age again), was on the phone in the back office discussing with his boss the idea of closing up early, when a limo drew up outside and a young dark-haired man in a heavy coat, his collar pulled up, his eyes downcast as though he feared being recognized in the ten-yard journey from limo to store, strode to the door, stamped off the snow on the threshold and came in. Erickson was still in the back office, negotiating closing times. The other assistant, Noelle, was out fetching coffee. It fell to Rachel to serve the customer in the coat.
She knew who he was, of course. Who didn’t? The classically handsome features—the chiseled cheekbones, the soulful eyes, the strong, sensual mouth, the unruly hair—appeared on some magazine or other every month: Mitchell Monroe Geary was one of the most watched, debated, swooned-over men in America. And here he was, standing in front of Rachel with flakes of snow melting on his dark eyelashes.
What had happened then? Well, it had been a simple enough exchange. He’d come in, he explained, to look for a Christmas gift for his grandfather’s wife, Loretta. Something with diamonds, he’d said. Then, with a little shake of his head: “She loves diamonds.” Rachel showed him a selection of diamond pin brooches, hoping to God Erickson didn’t come off the phone too soon, and that the line at the coffee shop was long enough to delay Noelle’s return for a few minutes longer. Just to have the Geary prince to herself for a little while was all she asked.
He declared that he liked both the butterfly and the star. She took them from their black velvet pillows for him to examine more closely. What was her opinion, he asked. Mine? she said. Yes, yours. Well, she said, surprised at how easy she found it to talk to him: if it’s for your grandmother, then I think the butterfly’s probably too romantic.
He’d looked straight at her, with a mischievous glint in his eyes. “How do you know I’m not passionately in love with my grandmother?” he’d said.
“If you were you wouldn’t still be looking for someone,” she’d replied, quick as silver.
“And what makes you think I am?”
Now it was she who smiled. “I read the magazines,” she said.
“They never tell the truth,” he replied. “I live the life of a monk. I swear.” She said nothing to this, thinking she’d probably said far too much already: lost the sale, lost her job too, if Erickson had overheard the exchange. “I’ll take the star,” he said. “Thank you for the advice.”
He made the purchase and left, taking his charm, his presence, and the glint in his eye away with him. She’d felt strangely cheated when he’d gone, as though he’d also taken something that belonged to her, absurd though that was. As he strode away from the store Noelle came in with the coffees.
“Was that who I think it was?’ she said, her eyes wide.
Rachel nodded.
“He’s even more gorgeous in the flesh, isn’t he?” Noelle remarked. Rachel nodded. “You’re
drooling.”
Rachel laughed. “He is handsome.”
“Was he on his own?” Noelle said. She looked back out into the street as the limo was pulling away. “Was she with him?”
“Who’s she?”
“Natasha Morley. The model. The anorexic one.”
“They’re all anorexic.”
“They’re not happy,” Noelle remarked with unperturbable certainty. “You can’t be that thin and be happy.”
“She wasn’t with him. He was buying something for his grandmother.”
“Oh that bitch,” Noelle sniped. “The one who always dresses in white.”
“Loretta.”
“That’s right. Loretta. She’s his grandfather’s second wife.”
Noelle was chatting as though the Geary family were next door neighbors. “I read something in People where they said she basically runs the family. Controls everybody.”
“I can’t imagine anybody controlling him,” Rachel said, still staring out into the street.
“But wouldn’t you love the opportunity?” Noelle replied.
Erickson appeared from the back office at this juncture, in a foul temper. Despite the rapidly worsening storm they had been instructed to keep the store open until eight-thirty. This was a minor reprieve: two days before Christmas they were usually open till ten at night, to catch what Erickson called “guilty spouse business.” The more expensive the present, Erickson always said, the more acts of adultery the customer had committed during the preceding year. When in a particularly waspish mood, he wasn’t above quoting a number as the door slammed.