“Hey,” Gert said. “What are you doing tonight?”
“Uh,” Big Todd said.
“We’re going to dinner. To celebrate. Why don’t you and your guy come with us.”
AK47 and I looked at Gert.
“Yeah?” Big Todd said.
“Sure.”
Once Big Todd was gone, we asked Gert what the shit was going on.
“What?” Gert said. “Stop looking at me like that.”
“You don’t like gay people,” I said.
Gert said that wasn’t true. And AK47 said it’s kind of true, and Gert shrugged and said that was the old Gert. Me and AK47 looked at each other again while Gert walked back to the apartment. He asked if we were coming.
“Well, fuck me,” AK47 said. “Excuse my French.”
* * *
The restaurant we went to was fancy and Gert dressed nicely and so did me and AK47. I had never seen Gert so happy. It made me feel like we were getting close as a tribe. They asked me to tell them about the interview, and when I did Big Todd said that I impressed the librarian, even though she said there weren’t any jobs at first.
“She cleaned house,” Big Todd said.
Noah, Big Todd’s boyfriend, was funny and didn’t talk very much, and I was worried that Gert would call them faggots or make fun of them for being gay. But Gert said he looked fit and asked if he played football ever, and Big Todd’s boyfriend said he had.
“What position?”
“Corner,” he said. “You?”
“Wide receiver.”
“You got the build for it. What happened?”
“He hurt his knee,” I said.
“ACL?”
Gert put down his lemon water. “Yeah. Tore it to shit.”
They talked about football for a while, while Big Todd and AK47 talked about how the government was talking about not giving the Community Center as much money next year to help make programs for people they called disadvantaged.
During dinner Gert’s phone buzzed. Gert looked down and shut it off, turning it upside down so he couldn’t see the screen anymore. AK47 was looking at him but pretending not to. Then she looked at me and smiled, because even though being nice to Noah and Big Todd and talking about football and the government wasn’t one of the RULES FOR GERT, it was like he had added a rule to the RULES, one that said he should be nice to people like Big Todd and Noah and not say fuck-dick things about gay people.
chapter fifteen
We had to reschedule our time with Dr. Laird, since I now had to work at the same time as our Thursday meeting. Dr. Laird’s secretary, Hanna, was at first not very happy, since we had to give more than a day’s notice before canceling the appointment, and her entire schedule for the next month had me and Gert coming in Thursdays. Then Dr. Laird came on the phone and said it was all right by him.
“This is huge,” he said when I told him why I couldn’t come in. “And at a library. How cool is that?”
“Very cool,” I said.
Normally changing my schedule would make me nervous, but in order to perform in the world, as Dr. Laird said, I had to become okay with schedule changes, since not everything works according to the same schedules.
Gert and AK47 and Big Todd had warned me that the library might schedule me to work a different day every week, and that it might mean my schedule would be changing a lot. But I told them I was up to the challenge and would defeat it by counting to ten whenever I felt nervous about not knowing what was going to happen next.
Thursday morning, on my first day of work, I told Gert that I would go myself, by bus.
“What’s the difference? My morning’s free,” Gert said. “And what about our rules? We need to make sure you know where you’re going.”
“I am going to take the bus there, and also take it back.” I showed the bus schedule. “It will take less than one hour.”
“A ride would take fifteen,” Gert said.
“Dummy, she wants to go herself. To her first day of work.” AK47 elbowed him. “Hint hint, nudge nudge.”
“What about the rules?” Gert asked.
“I am making new rules,” I said back.
I had also made my own lunch—a tuna fish sandwich with mustard and mayonnaise and tomato slices. I made sure to put the tomato slices between the tuna fish and the mayonnaise, so that the tomato slices wouldn’t get the bread wet. I also packed a water bottle, which I could refill at work. AK47 made sure that I dressed properly. That was the only help I allowed.
She gave me a hug and said she knew I would do great. “Just listen to the instructions, and don’t be afraid to write them down.”
“Got it,” I said.
“And if you need anything, just call,” Gert said. “Okay? And call when you’re done with work and heading home.”
“She’s fine,” AK47 said.
“I’m fine,” I said. “But I will call.”
* * *
The library is a very heroic place to work because librarians help people get stronger brains. They also help people who are homeless by giving them food in cans that other people put into the cardboard box by the door.
Being a librarian is mostly about knowing where books go, so that you can answer questions for the people trying to find them. Also people leave books on the tables. If you know where to bring the books, you do not need to go to the computer, which is the hardest part of being a librarian, and was something that I did not get to do right away.
The first thing I learned to do was to go around and pick up books and put them on a cart. If people left garbage, I took that too. Carol was the most important person who worked there. The library had four other women, and two men. But Carol was the leader of their tribe.
Even though Carol acted partly like a fuck-dick during our interview, she was actually really nice when nobody was around and it was just the two of us. I knew that she had to be a fuck-dick in the interview because you have to prove yourself worthy of being a librarian.
You cannot just be a librarian without overcoming obstacles.
The person who was working in the library before me was a college student named Teddy who did a very good job. That was what Carol said.
“So the bar is pretty high,” she said.
She showed me how to use the Dewey Decimal System, and how to figure out where books go by the numbers and letters on their stickers, and how to use the computer.
I came in twice a week, on Thursdays for four hours, and on Sundays for two hours, but sometimes more if someone was sick. At lunchtime I was allowed to go wherever I wanted in the library to read, as long as I didn’t bug anybody. I could also eat in a room that nobody else was allowed to see, in the back.
One of the most important Rules of the Library is you are not allowed to eat near the books, or drink soda except when your bottle has a cap. All the drinks needed lids.
There were people who always went to the library. Two old men named Tyrone and Mac played chess together in the morning. A woman who smelled bad, with red legs that looked like they had cracking skin, slept in the chair by the window.
A group from the elementary school came in once a week to read books, and on Sundays parents brought their babies to Sunday Bunny Reading Hour. Famous writers also came to read to crowds of people.
The best part of the library was being paid and being able to put money into my bank account, which I had opened in the Bank of America. You can take out money and put the money back into the ATM bank machine as many times as you want.
* * *
Marxy came to visit me at the library on my second day of work, which was a Sunday. He put his arms around me and tried to kiss me on the lips.
“Not while I’m on duty,” I told him.
“Oh,” he said, stepping back. “Sorry.”
“But I’m very happy to see you.”
It is against the rules to kiss at the library. Carol said once she caught two high school kids, a boy and a girl, snogging in the Cooking
section, 641.5, which is where International Cookbooks are.
Snogging is a British word for kissing.
She said that sometimes kids from the high school down the street came in and smoked pot in the washroom or snogged inside and that neither was allowed.
“Everyone is very proud of you,” Marxy said. “That you have a job and your own money.” He pulled on his fingers, one at a time. They went pop pop pop. “I miss kissing you.”
Marxy asked me if I was still a Viking.
“Why wouldn’t I be a Viking?” I asked.
He shrugged. “You are a librarian now. And I haven’t heard you talking about Vikings in a long time.”
“I’m both a Viking and a Librarian,” I said. “Ask me where you can find a type of book.”
And Marxy thought about it and said, “What about comic books?”
Many librarians will try to find comics. But actually the comics in a library are called Graphic Novels and so I knew where in the library to find them. I brought him to 741.5 and showed him all the different comics we had.
“There are also comics over there.” Across the library there were stacks of magazines and newspapers and on spinning racks there were comic books, the newest ones that weren’t made into books yet. They were covered in plastic to make sure they didn’t get ruined.
Carol came over and asked how things were going.
“Good. I am helping this patron find comic books,” I said. “His name is Marxy.”
“I’m her boyfriend,” Marxy said.
“Is that so?” Carol said.
“We will not be snogging while I am on duty,” I told Carol.
She nodded. “I was just about to check on the Cooking section.” She told Marxy it was nice to meet him, and then said there were books to put away by the Children’s Books. “The middle school section,” she added.
“I’m very proud of you,” Marxy said. He reached over and held my hand and squeezed it. I squeezed back and told him I had to go back to work.
Pearl came to pick Marxy up a half an hour later. I was trying to show her that I was responsible and heroic and a good girlfriend for Marxy. She said that it was good to see me, and that she thought me working in the library was a good thing.
“Marxy wants to get a job now,” she said while Marxy checked out books with Carol at the front desk. We watched him.
“I think he can do it,” I said.
And then Pearl smiled at me. “I still need those Tupperware containers back,” she said, putting her arm around Marxy, who checked out the comic books and waved to me on the way out.
chapter sixteen
For Vikings, a hólmganga is how people who have conflicts with each other solve problems. They fight according to serious rules and whoever wins the hólmganga wins. It turned out Gert had lied to us and that he actually was kicked out of school. Since Gert couldn’t duel with the school, he had to do a Þing, which is a group of people who decide whether you need to be punished for your crime. Kepple’s Guide to the Vikings says that a group of wise elders would hear about the crime that was committed and would decide what happens.
The Dean would be the wise person who would decide Gert’s fate.
There is also a Viking ritual called járn-burðr or jernbyrd, which means trial by fire. You walk holding something hot from across the room or field to the other side. That is how you prove you are brave and worthy of being forgiven. Inga from Varteig did it to show that her son Håkon Håkonsson should be the king of Norway.
Gert had to do it to prove he should be allowed back in school.
He said he probably wouldn’t get to go back to school, so what was the point. AK47 wanted him to wear his suit to show that he was serious. Gert hated the suit and wouldn’t put it on, so AK47 told him to stop being a baby.
“You think Zelda didn’t have odds to beat when she got the job at the library?”
“That’s totally different,” Gert said.
“Yeah. Totally different as in she’s got more balls than you. So put on the damn suit.”
I said going in the suit and acting sorry, even though he hated doing that, was important.
“This is your trial by fire,” I said. “Where you prove that you are worthy.”
“All right, but don’t expect me to be goddamn Beowulf in there,” Gert said, picking a piece of fluff off his shirt.
* * *
We went to the college, not to the building with the tower, but to an ugly building that looked like a shoebox. Inside the air-conditioning was very intense and too cold and made the hairs on my arms stand on end.
We were going to war. We walked up stairs, down a hallway, to a big room that reminded me of the bank, which had a maze of people standing to get to the front of the line.
“Holy crap,” I said.
“Do we really have to wait in this line?” AK47 asked.
Gert nodded. “We could always not go.”
The woman at the front called out a number and the line moved a little bit.
AK47 punched his arm. “No chance.”
After a while AK47 walked past the line and told a person behind one of the desks that we had an appointment. They talked for a while and then she waved for us to come in.
As we walked by, the people in the line gave us dirty looks. Gert hung his head down and looked embarrassed and I patted him on the back and told him to be strong.
The woman who brought us to the back said that AK47 and I were supposed to wait outside, on chairs that did not feel great to sit on. Gert went inside with the Dean, a tall woman with short curly hair. I held out my hand to give him a dab but AK47 pushed my hand down.
“Not now,” she whispered.
Gert looked back for a second before going inside. And then the door closed.
* * *
On either side of the door to the Dean’s office was glass, not the kind you can see through but the kind that was cloudy. I could only kind of see Gert’s shirt on the other side. It was almost like what things looked like when you opened your eyes underwater. I could also kind of hear them talking, not so much Gert but the Dean.
She had a very loud voice, the powerful kind.
“Why is he so afraid?” I asked AK47. “He is smart.”
“Don’t I know it. Your brother has a bit of a failure complex. He is so afraid of screwing up that he’d rather not try.”
“That sounds like something Dr. Laird would say.”
“Man, it probably is something he’s said. My best friend was like that when I was a kid. She was pretty, Zee, and smart as hell.”
“What happened to her?”
“Got pregnant when she was, like, fifteen. Started doing drugs.”
I told her I didn’t understand. Why would someone screw up on purpose?
“Well, I can’t speak for her, but my thinking on Gert is he’s gone through life with people thinking he’s one way, dumb, a thug, whatever, and it’s less scary to have people keep thinking that than to try to prove them wrong and fail and know that they were right all along.”
But Gert was smart, I said, and the people who didn’t believe in him were shit-heels. AK47 said that we might know that, but the problem was that Gert didn’t know it.
“It’s hard for him. I get it,” she said.
I wasn’t sure I got it. For me, my legend was about showing people that I was not dumb or a shit-heel, that I could help the tribe and also show the world that people like me and Marxy could become powerful. Gert not knowing that he was powerful and believing when people thought he was dumb and a thug was like the opposite of a legend.
It was like being given a suit of armor and a magical weapon, like the sword Lævateinn, and leaving it in its sheath, even when it’s time to use it in battle.
AK47 slapped my leg and got up and said she had to go to the bathroom. “Don’t move, okay?” she said.
And as soon as she was gone I did move. I went to the door and put my ear to the glass to see if I could understand anyt
hing people were saying. The glass was too powerful, though.
Since Gert wasn’t talking very much, I thought he was losing the battle. Maybe she had even defeated him and told him he couldn’t go back to school. That would be disastrous. I needed to go inside and provide backup for him, the way warriors support other warriors when they are losing.
I would be his reinforcements.
Turning the handle, I pushed open the door, making sure to stand very tall and to make myself look as big as possible.
The Dean was behind the desk. Gert had one leg crossed over the other and was sitting in a small chair, while the Dean’s chair was gargantuan, like the throne Odin sits on in Valhalla.
“I think you should allow Gert back into school,” I said.
“And you are?” the Dean said.
Gert stood up. “Sorry, this is my sister. Zelda, this is Dean Horowitz.”
“Ah,” the Dean said. “The one you wrote about in your scholarship essay. Do you want to sit down?” She pointed to the chair beside Gert.
“No. I want you to take Gert back. I think he is the smartest person going to this college, and he might be different from almost everyone but that is what makes him a powerful student.”
AK47 came up behind me. “Shit, sorry. I had to go to the bathroom and she just went rogue.” She waved at the Dean. “Hi. Sorry.” AK47 tried to pull me out of the room.
“Not until she agrees to let Gert in.”
The Dean laughed. She put up her hands. “Okay, okay. Gert, you just fill out these forms. Get them back to me. Pass summer school, and we’re back in the saddle. Fair?”
“Fair,” Gert said.
They shook hands and Gert took the forms.
Outside, Gert sighed. “She had already agreed to let me back in, you goon,” he said. “And where were you?” he said to AK47.
“Bladder the size of a thimble. Remember?” AK47 took Gert’s hand. “But you have to admit, she was willing to go to battle for you.”
When We Were Vikings Page 14