But Orivan hopped onto the bed itself and took Korinna’s hand. “We were just doing our duty. Thanks for sending Galenos, by the way. I wasn’t expecting to see the duke fighting. But without him leading us, I don’t think we would have known what to do, and the extra fighter really helped.”
“I only wish I had been there to help fight, too.” Korinna sighed. “I’m sure your friend fought just as bravely before he fell. He made the ultimate sacrifice to protect this city.”
Tatiana turned her face away, afraid of what the others could read in her expression.
Orivan cleared his throat. “We were both very upset when we heard the news. It’s rare that we lose a rider, so the whole company feels his loss.”
“I’m sure that Sungold mourns Northstar, too,” Korinna went on. “The marewings are like family to each other, and so are us riders. It’s been a rough few days. I admit, I’m happy that you visited me today, so I could be with other riders. I’m cut off from your community here in the city and no one knows what I feel like—except Galenos, of course, but he’s busy.”
Anger flared in Tatiana, and before she even realized what she was doing, she turned around and glared at the duchess. “It’s not about you,” she snapped. “You didn’t even know him.”
Korinna’s eyes shone with sympathy. “No, I didn’t know him very well. Maybe you could tell me more about him?” she asked gently.
The words started spilling out of Tatiana’s mouth before she could stop them. “Philagros dreamed of being a marewing rider since he was a little boy. He trained hard at every chance, always taking the heaviest fishing net for himself, running messages to neighboring villages, rowing the boats the longest. He was the only one who could beat me, but he was never boastful about it. If I wasn’t trying to beat him, I wouldn’t have pushed myself so hard…”
She found tears running down her cheeks, although she’d thought they were all dried up. She rubbed her face awkwardly on the back of her sleeve and looked at the others, but they were silent, listening to her.
It was like the knots inside of her were slowly starting to untangle, but there was more, buried deeper, that she had to speak aloud. “I didn’t think it would be like this,” she admitted. “I wanted to fight to be a hero, to save others, but I didn’t think about how dangerous… it almost seems worse to have him die instead of me. I thought I would have more time with him. I don’t know what I am without him now. I didn’t just lose a rival—and now I’ll never get the chance to tell him how I felt.”
Orivan smiled sadly. “I think he knew.”
She stared up at him. “What do you mean?”
“You cared about him,” Orivan said gently. “And he cared about you. Maybe you didn’t admit it to each other, but it was obvious the way that you acted together that you were more than just friends.” He sighed. “It’s a shame that you never got the chance to overcome your mutual shyness, but I think you can take comfort from the fact that deep down, he knew.”
Tatiana shrank back, hiding her face again. “You could tell all of that? But I never thought—I mean, if he’d cared about me, I thought he would have told me a long time ago.” Her heart sank at the thought that he could have been shy and hesitant just like her. Philagros had always seemed confident about everything else, so why would he be afraid to talk to her?
“He spoke of you at the end,” Korinna added. “I was there, helping the healers when he was brought in. He asked about Northstar first, but his last thoughts were of protecting you. I don’t think he considered you to be just a rival.”
Tatiana pulled her knees up under her chin, curling up on herself. She was probably getting dirt on the duchess’s chair from her boots, but she didn’t care at the moment. Maybe she was selfish for the way she missed Philagros, thinking of her pain at being alone instead of the tragedy of losing his life. Maybe she was selfish for never speaking up and telling him how she felt. It was too much for her to sort out. Her heart broke again with the weight of it all.
“Oh, come here, dear,” Korinna said soothingly, beckoning her over to the bed.
She got up awkwardly and crossed the floor, hesitating if this was inappropriate. But the moment she sat down, the duchess enfolded her in a comforting hug, rubbing her back and letting her cry.
Korinna spoke softly over the top of Tatiana’s head as she held her. “It’s not fair. Sometimes we get caught up in things inside our own heads that stop us from saying how we really feel. But the gods remind us, time and again, that we never know how long we have with anyone. All we can do is try to make each day count.” She sighed. “I thought I learned that lesson when I lost my mother, then my father, but I let my pride keep me from Galenos for a long time. It wasn’t until I was in my first real battle that I finally admitted how I felt and went to him.”
Orivan shifted uncomfortably, which barely moved the large, heavy bed. “Do you really think it’s better to tell someone even if you don’t think things will work out between you?”
“Hmm, that depends.” Korinna’s voice took on a gentle teasing tone. “If this is about who I think it is, why do you think it won’t work out?”
Orivan coughed. “Who—who do you think it is? Has he said something to you?”
Tatiana lifted her head curiously to look at him. It was hard to tell with his dark skin, but she thought he was blushing. She wasn’t used to talking with other people about romantic relationships so this conversation was becoming very interesting, a welcome distraction from her own grief.
Korinna shook her head. “No, but I thought I noticed something going on when we were in Neusici. So it is Varranor?”
Tatiana sat up in surprise. “The commander? But—is that even allowed?” Then she remembered his supper invitation the night before, and her eyes widened. She hadn’t realized why the commander had approached them after the fight.
Korinna giggled. “He wouldn’t be the first.”
Orivan turned away, hunching his shoulders over to hide his face. “That’s the problem. He’s, uh, made it clear that he’s interested in me, but I don’t want to be just another fling. He seems to get tired of his lovers after only a few months and then moves on to someone new.”
Korinna put her hand on his shoulder. “It’s true, he does have a reputation. But you never know how long something will last.” Her eyes got a far-away look and her voice grew wistful. “Even when it’s over, you’ll still have the happy memories. Would you rather wonder what might have been and live with that regret, or give it a chance and see where it goes?”
Orivan peeked at her over his shoulder. “Which one would you choose?”
“Oh, I chose the doomed love, even though I knew I would have to give it up to marry a warlord.” Korinna smiled. “But it’s up to you.”
Tatiana stared at the duchess in a new light. So she’d loved someone else before Galenos? She was curious, but too shy to pry for details into Korinna’s personal life.
Orivan cleared his throat. “Well, if he’s been asking after me for months, I guess he hasn’t gotten bored yet.” He threw back his shoulders and managed a brave smile. “I’ll give him a chance, then.”
Korinna smiled. “That’s the spirit. And if my no-good brother-in-law breaks your heart, I will personally punch him in the nose for you.”
The image of the tiny duchess punching Warlord Varranor was so ridiculous, and Korinna said it with such conviction, that it was too much for Tatiana. She dissolved into a fit of laughter, made worse when Orivan and Korinna joined in. She had to fight to catch her breath before she went off in hysterics.
When Tatiana calmed down, Korinna called for a basin of water for her to wash her face.
“And then you’ll stay for supper, I hope,” the duchess said kindly. “Galenos will be here, but don’t be put off by his gruff manner. He feels every loss just as deeply as we do, perhaps more. He still considers himself personally responsible for all of the Storm Petrels even though he’s retired.”
Tat
iana’s stomach rumbled at the mention of food, and she thought this time she might actually enjoy eating. “Thank you,” she said with a faint smile. It would be good to be among other riders, like Korinna had said. And she seemed to have made some new friends.
Varranor VIII
Varranor had spent several days in Fort Ropytos brooding without letting anyone know why. Now that the gryphon attacks were finally over, he kept busy with the various things that needed to be set right again. But he went about it with a scowl instead of his usual smile.
The marewings had all returned to the fort, and even after repeated testing, they were responding readily to their riders’ commands once again. It was like that strange night had never happened for them. He found that he couldn’t help but trust Skyfire when she was with him and he couldn’t begrudge the other riders for feeling the same. The bond between a rider and a marewing ran deep. The incident was an anomaly after centuries of successful marewing riders, and the Storm Petrels were eager to put the whole thing behind them. The city’s government was overreacting for a little while, banning them from entering Kyratia’s walls, but Varranor was confident that after the initial panic had died down, his brother would be able to persuade them to repeal the ban.
It wasn’t that Varranor was ungrateful for the victory against the gryphons or even resentful that he’d had to rely on advice from Galenos and Mage Ameyron. But when he thought about that night in the city, when he saw Orivan holding Tatiana and choosing to be with her instead of him, he was filled with rage and disappointment. And even though he’d given orders for both of them to stay in the capital as long as they needed to recover from the battle, each day that went by with them still gone left him more and more upset. His jealous mind was all too good at imagining what the two of them might be doing alone.
If he wasn’t so angry, he would have laughed at himself. Varranor, jealous of someone else? All he had to do was crook his finger and he could have any one of at least a dozen different people in Fort Ropytos alone come to warm his bed that very night. Male or female, young or old, pale or dark, it didn’t matter what he was in the mood for—he could have it in a heartbeat. Even a tall, slender islander boy wouldn’t be hard to find. He could fly back to the capital and visit one of the taverns by the docks.
But instead of pursuing someone new, he found himself obsessing over what that slip of a girl could have that he didn’t. Was it because she was practically the same age as Orivan, while Varranor was a decade older? Was it her vulnerability, or had the loss of their friend brought them closer together? Or—and this thought made his blood boil most of all—was it just because she didn’t have his reputation? Orivan had turned him down for having too many other lovers, but trusted Tatiana not to leave him.
Well, he would let them have each other and be done with it. In fact, he didn’t want to see them at all. He’d send them to the farthest outpost on the border, or maybe even ask the commander of another mercenary company to take them off his hands. With enough time and distance he’d forget Orivan and move on to his next paramour.
By the time he saw Moonshadow and Lilywhite gliding in to the fort, he had steeled himself for what he wanted to do.
Within an hour, his clerk stuck her head in his office door. “Rider Orivan is requesting a private meeting with you, sir. Are you available?”
Varranor pushed aside the paperwork he hadn’t been able to concentrate on and stood up. “Yes, please, send him in.”
He turned and went to stand in front of the window with his hands behind his back. He pretended to look out over the training fields, but if he stood at the right angle, the glass pane actually reflected the doorway. He watched for the younger man’s entrance.
Orivan looked nervous as he came in, eyes darting back and forth around the room to everywhere but Varranor. He threw up a shaky salute. “Thank you for seeing me, sir. I just came back from the capital and I wanted to tell you something.”
Varranor spun around and fixed him with piercing stare. “There’s something I’ve been waiting to tell you, too.” He gestured to a chair. “You may sit, if you like.”
Orivan met his gaze for a moment, growing more anxious, and then lowered his eyes to the floor. “I’d rather stand.”
“Very well.” Varranor remained standing, too, so he could loom those few extra inches over him. “Once again, I must commend you on your bravery in protecting Kyratia. The company has decided to award you the Medal for Exceptional Acts.”
Orivan bowed his head. “Oh, th—thank you, sir,” he stammered out. “I didn’t really expect anything. It was nice enough to have the time off these past few days. It gave me time to… think about things.”
Varranor waved his hand dismissively. “You deserved it. I hope that you and Tatiana have recovered sufficiently to return to your duties?”
Orivan nodded, still looking at the floor. “Yes. We’re still mourning the death of Philagros, but she’s calmed down now.” His eyes flicked up, searching Varranor’s face. “And actually, I wanted to say that I’m sorry I couldn’t accept your invitation that night. She needed me.”
Varranor turned his back on Orivan before the young man could see how his jaw clenched at the mention of her. So, he liked being needed? Well, Varranor didn’t need anyone. “I don’t begrudge you or her the comfort,” he said stiffly. “In fact, I want to make things easier for both of you. After the awards ceremony, you’ll be transferred to Bourassa Tower on the northwestern border. They don’t see a lot of action—a more suitable posting for your experience levels.”
Orivan was silent for a long moment, and in his reflection on the window, Varranor saw the young man’s shoulders droop. At last, he said in a wary voice, “If I may ask, sir, are we being punished for something?”
“Of course not,” Varranor said, a little too quickly. He could feel his anger rising again and he struggled to keep it hidden, so he needed to end this conversation soon. “I’m only thinking of your well-being. I lost one young rider already. In Bourassa, you won’t be at risk again.” He turned back with a forced smile. “Besides, it’s not too far away from the home village of Tatiana and her late friend, if I’m not mistaken. She’d be able to visit her family.”
Orivan seemed to deflate even more. “That’s kind of you, sir.” He cleared his throat. “But I want to tell you that I—”
“I’m afraid that’s all the time I have,” Varranor cut him off. He didn’t want any more apologies from Orivan about choosing Tatiana over him. “You may report to your former captain with any further concerns before you leave, but after that you answer to Captain Lysimachos. You are dismissed.” He sat down at the desk and picked up his paperwork again.
Orivan hesitated for a moment, then saluted a final time and left.
It was done. Varranor had cut ties with the young man at last. Before he could change his mind, he snatched a transfer form out of his desk and wrote down the orders for Orivan and Tatiana to move to Bourassa. He signed his name at the bottom with such vehemence that the pen tore through the paper a little, but then he could feel the rage and disappointment draining out of him.
If only all of his problems were so easy to deal with. At least now he could concentrate on the real issues without this distraction occupying his brain. Things were about to start looking up.
Orivan IV
Orivan managed to walk out of the building somehow, but then he stopped and leaned against the outside wall, shutting his eyes tight against the tears that threatened to come. He couldn’t believe what had just happened.
He’d tried, again and again, to tell Varranor how he felt about him and offer to try a relationship, but the commander had been distant and cut him off from getting the words out. He’d denied punishing Orivan, but he’d felt anger rolling off the commander in waves, a tense undercurrent to every word and gesture. The conversation had gone downhill from the moment he entered the office and there was nothing he could do to stop it from spiraling out of control.
He was such a fool for giving into his fear. They’d never even kissed, and yet his heart was broken all the same. He deserved it. This was all his fault.
But he didn’t have to cry alone, he realized, blinking the tears back. He had a friend who already knew something about his conflicted emotions toward Varranor, and she would be sympathetic if he told her how things ended. After all the time he’d spent with Tatiana, it was easy to talk to her about his feelings.
Orivan pulled himself together for just a little longer and went to go find Tatiana.
Sympaia VII
Pelagia was too old to be pacing the walls and watching the roads, but for the past week, she’d been all over the fortifications around Chesane Palace, looking down on all of the entrances into Sympaia City. She wanted to know the moment news arrived.
When the attacks first started in Kyratia, they’d received regular reports from Xeros and the other priests, delivered by a relay of scouts across the border. By the last word they’d had directly from the infiltrators, the gryphons were causing widespread destruction and Xeros thought a final surprise attack on the capital would weaken Kyratia permanently.
But then all communications were cut off. Spies sent back reports that they could no longer get into Kyratia City and there was no sign of Xeros or any of the other priests. All they could say for sure was that the gryphons had been turned back in defeat and Kyratia stood strong as ever.
That couldn’t be the end of it. Pelagia sensed that something had gone horribly wrong, but she refused to believe that all of the Varulan priests had disappeared without a trace. There had to be an explanation, something that they could learn so her next plan would not end so disastrously.
A Pride of Gryphons Page 34