by Shae Banks
My instinct was to keep him with me. I felt safer with him around but knew I couldn’t monopolize his time. He’d already lost all his time off to handling the dramatics of my life, and while he seemed perfectly happy to stay, I felt guilty. I was nothing to him, really. Okay, so he’d spent Sunday night and half of Monday fucking me. I worked for him. He’d come to my rescue, supporting me following Johnathan’s last fucked up stunt. He’d even worked toward keeping me safe from Johnathan long-term and made my flat safer. I owed him so much.
“You need to go home,” I said. “I’d love to have you here just one more night, but you have a life. You don’t need to be babysitting me. You must be bored stupid.”
He looked at me for a moment, a small line forming between his brows. “Tell you what. I’ll go and do what I need to do, and if you need me I can come back. But I think you’re going to be okay. What you need to do is start working on getting him out of your head. He’s out of your home, he won’t set foot in here without an appointment. But I can’t help with your head.”
I looked at him with a frown.
“Well,” he said cautiously. “I could help with that, but I don’t think you’re ready. Not yet.”
“How can you help?” I asked, curious.
“I’d need to take over, just for a little while.”
That wasn’t an answer to my question, and I didn’t understand. “That makes no sense.”
Without warning he pulled me onto his lap and kissed me. “I want you to make the decisions,” he said, biting my lower lip gently. “You tell me when you want me.” He kissed the corner of my mouth. “You let me know when you’re ready.”
Running his tongue over my bottom lip, he slid his hand up my top and pulled my breast free of my bra. “I want all of you, Bekah,” he said while running his thumb over my nipple. My body responded right away, and I groaned against his mouth, grinding my hips. “But not before you’re ready to give it.”
He pushed my top up and dipped his head to suck my now erect nipple, and I arched my back, gasping into his mouth.
“How will I know?” It came as a hoarse whisper, just before he shifted, laying me on the sofa and kissing down my stomach.
“You’ll know,” he said, stopping at the band of my leggings. “And when you do, you’ll come to me and ask for my help.”
Raising his head, he smiled and sat back on his heels.
I looked at him, panting. “Please…”
He shook his head. “There’s something else,” he said quietly, reaching for my bra and returning my clothes to how they ought to be. “We both need to get tested before… I don’t want to put you at any risk, and I’m sure you don’t want that either. There’s a walk-in clinic tomorrow. I’ll be heading up there first thing.”
Cheeks aflame, I pulled myself into a sitting position and stared at him.
His eyes widened, and he shook his head. “Bekah, I didn’t mean…” He reached for me but stopped himself, searching my eyes instead. “I’m saying I don’t want… Shit…”
“No, I get it,” I said, turning away.
“No, you don’t,” he said firmly, finally taking my hand. “Look at me.”
I turned. I looked. I had to fight not to cry. He was right. I didn’t know if Johnathan had been carrying something, I’d never stopped to find out. I didn’t have any symptoms, but that didn’t count for much and unprotected anything put Callum at risk. And vice versa. I didn’t know where he’d been.
“I’m trying to… I want you to be safe, Bekah.”
“God, this is a real fucking mess, isn’t it?” I said looking away.
“We’re fixing it,” he said, turning my face back and kissing me softly. “I’m here, and I’m fixing it with you.”
“You shouldn’t have to. I don’t even know why you want to. I—”
He cut me off with another kiss. “You’ll work that out on your own. It’s been a difficult week, and we have to get through the next four days with our heads on work. Are you going to be okay if I go?”
I nodded.
“You’ll call if you need me?”
I nodded again.
He kissed my forehead and got up, sliding his feet into his trainers he’d left beside the sofa. “I’ll see you tomorrow.”
I managed to smile and followed him to the door. He kissed me one last time before taking his keys from the coat hook on the wall and leaving.
I locked the door, using both bolts and the chain and leaned my back against the door.
How had I gotten here? Within a few weeks, my life had fallen apart and from nowhere Callum had come and helped me start to piece it back together again.
The strange thing was that he’d been there for years.
Had he been interested long before and never said?
I’d never even considered him. He was just my boss. Some rich guy playing at hotelier. After spending just a few days with him those two assumptions had been blown apart.
He was kind. Considerate. Thoughtful. Loving, even. Okay, so he’d fucked me a few times, but the last two days he hadn’t touched me at all until just before he’d left. In that time, he’d cared for me, respected me, and gone so far as to protect me without me giving anything in return.
I walked through the flat turning off lights as I went, then dragged my duvet through to my room and tossed it on the bed.
I hated that fucking bed. All the times I’d taken Johnathan into that room, the times we’d screwed, all of it meaning fucking nothing. I considered sleeping on the sofa, but that room was worse than the bedroom. He’d been so close to raping me. So fucking close.
Callum stopped him.
He hadn’t known that’s what he was doing. But if he hadn’t called. If he hadn’t persevered and called a second time…
I climbed into bed. It wasn’t where I wanted to be, but the memories haunting that room weren’t nearly as bad as the ones out there.
Chapter Fifteen
My early morning shift at the gas station had been hell, but I survived. I went from there directly to the drop-in session at the clinic. I’d never been in that place in my life, but he’d asked me to and honestly, it was the least I could do. All he was asking was that I didn’t pass on anything nasty. It wasn’t unreasonable.
I was okay until I had to answer the questions on my recent sexual partners.
I cried through the internal examination. I cried through the blood test. Not because of the testing. That wasn’t too bad, it was over in minutes and while invasive it wasn’t painful. It was sitting in that room telling the nurse I was a whore. I didn’t leave anything out. I told her my previous partner was married. I gave her his address for him to be informed should any results come back positive and by the time we were done I felt entirely worthless. Worse, I had two weeks to wait for the results.
I sent Callum a text letting him know I was on my way and cried from the clinic to the hotel, thankful it was only a few hundred yards.
The usual music was playing in the kitchen, and I went straight into the staff changing room to take off my coat and leave my bag.
Callum followed moments later. He didn’t say anything. He didn’t even look at me. He just pulled me into his arms and held me as I cried.
“You’ll never have to go through that again. Never,” he said softly, kissing the top of my head. “It’s done now.”
“Unless something comes back.”
“You had to check, love. For your own sake, you had to be sure.”
I pulled back and wiped my eyes. “Yeah, I know. It was just telling a stranger I’m… I was… He’s…”
“Gone. It’s done, and he’s gone.”
“But I’m still… I basically had to explain to someone I’m a whore.”
His eyes darkened, and he frowned, taking a step back. “You need to chill out before tonight. I have some paperwork to sort through. Go upstairs, I’ll grab it all from the office and follow you up.”
I nodded and left the room.
>
He got us each a drink before piling into the work he had to do. I recognised one of the folders from the previous day, the one that held invoices from various companies he dealt with. Another was labelled time sheets and another waste.
I watched him grow more and more frustrated as the hour passed and eventually got up and knelt on the floor beside him.
“What is it?”
“Can’t find this fucking receipt.”
Placing my hand over his, I said, “Let me see.”
He sat back, huffing, and I took the folder and stack of receipts and invoices placing them on the floor in front of me.
“I was never accountant material. This stuff isn’t my forte.”
“I don’t think it’s anyone’s,” I said, scanning a handwritten list before systematically working through the till receipts first. “I had to have extra tuition to get my head around it. The numbers all start to look the same after a while.” Not finding it, I started on the lager, printed invoices.
He got up. I didn’t look to see where he was going, finally coming across the evasive slip of paper tucked inside a folded invoice from the cash and carry.
From there I carried on sorting through the invoices and stacking them in date order, then looked in the folder for the form the accountant would want.
It took all of five minutes to complete, and I put all the invoices in an envelope and placed it on the sofa.
Callum was gone for ages, and when he came back I’d gone through the waste sheets, too.
“Did you find it?” He asked, sitting down and picking up the envelope.
“Yeah. Transferred the waste over, too. It’s all in that envelope ready to go. Left are just the time sheets. I didn’t do those because their private. You should just get someone to help with this.”
He nodded and held out a hand. “I’ll look into it next week. Lee’s here. I need to get down, and you need to get changed,” he said, pulling me into his lap and kissing me. “I’d rather sack it off and stay up here with you, but if I do that they don’t get paid,” he said while nuzzling my neck.
“No, we can’t do that,” I murmured as he trailed tiny kisses along my jaw. “It’s only a few hours.”
I decided right then that I could die being kissed by Callum and pass quite happily. Every tiny nip of his teeth and touch of his tongue healed me in ways I never thought possible.
“How are you feeling?” He asked, playing with a loose strand of my hair.
“I’m fine. I was just a bit... you know.”
He was quiet for a couple of seconds then said, “I went this morning. It’s invasive and unpleasant, but I don’t want you put at risk if I can help it.”
“I know,” I said, stroking his face. He hadn’t shaved, which wasn’t usual for him. “I don’t deserve you.”
He smiled. “You deserve far more, but I’ll do for now. Come on. If Lee has to come looking for us it’ll make for an awkward shift.”
I raised my brows. “Oh, so this is a secret?”
“Absolutely not,” he said sternly. “This is more than I ever thought possible. But if Lee is forced to come looking for me and finds us in this compromising position then I will be forced to answer questions about how our relationship developed for the next six hours. I’d rather not have to navigate that or have anyone question you given the difficult week you’ve had. It’s no one’s business but ours.”
“But it’s not a secret?”
He shook his head and nipped at my bottom lip. “Why would I want to hide you or our relationship?”
I grinned against his mouth as he kissed me.
I pulled back. “What?”
My lips twitched. “You want a relationship?”
“Yes.”
“With me?”
“Yes.”
I frowned. “There’s a but...”
He kissed me quickly and moved me from his lap to sit on the sofa beside him. “We’ll talk about it later. We’re late, and you aren’t changed.”
“Oh... what will Lee say when he sees me walking through the kitchen to change? Shall I sneak out and walk around to the staff door?”
He looked at me. “Are you taking the piss?”
I laughed, and he grasped my hand, tugging me to my feet. “Fine. Come on.”
“Callum, I was joking,” I said as he led me down the stairs. “Seriously, I’m happy to keep this between us for the time being. I was joking.”
We reached the entrance hall, and he backed me into the office door. I looked up at him as he stepped up close, using his knee to part my thighs.
“I’m not hiding. I’m not asking you to.”
His lips brushed mine, and he held me there just a few moments. He raised his knee just enough to brush against the crotch of my pants, and my pulse increased.
Running my hands over his shoulders, I took in a breath and closed my eyes as he murmured in my ear, “I don’t care who knows how much I want you.”
“We need to...” I whispered, trying to maintain some control over myself, but it was so hard. Having him so close, hearing him say that after everything he knew about me. “Callum, we’re late... I need to get changed.”
He didn’t move. He looked directly into my eyes and held me there for a second before kissing me again. Then he broke away and said, “I’ll see you after.”
I watched him go into the dining room and heard him greet Danny. I hung back, waiting long enough for him to get into the kitchen before I followed, not sure I could get through the next six hours this turned on.
It had been hell. I was emotionally and physically exhausted by the time everything was cleaned, and I was just closing the dishwasher for its cleaning cycle when his arms circled my waist, and he kissed my neck.
“Feeling any better?
I shook my head and leaned into him feeling so much better just for him being close. “I think I’m just worn out. I’ll be better after some sleep.”
“Do you want a lift home?” he asked, still holding me.
I shook my head. “No. You’re tired. I’ll walk, clear my head.”
“I usually have a beer, but I haven’t bothered. Let me drop you off.”
Part of me had hoped he’d ask me to stay. While I was feeling better about the flat, I didn’t trust Johnathan wouldn’t be waiting for me. Waiting to have his last say. Or worse.
Taking a breath, I said, “Okay. Yeah, a lift would be good. But only if you’re not too tired. It’s not far.”
He kissed my cheek and stepped away, and I turned to look up at him. He was exhausted. There were dark circles forming beneath his eyes. “You could stay if you wanted to.”
There was an apology in his smile. “I want to, but I can’t. There are deliveries early in the morning, not to mention a lot of prep. Lee doesn’t come in until late so I’m up against it until then. I’m sorry.”
I shrugged and forced a smile. “Don’t worry, it was just an idea. I appreciate the lift.”
He looked troubled and turned away. “I’ll grab my keys. Two minutes.”
Chapter Sixteen
Friday was torture. With Lucy off, I had double the workload, and while Danny had been around to help I was feeling it by the time we were done. Again, Callum didn’t ask if I wanted to stay. He drove me back to my flat instead, and insisted I call him if I needed him at all. I understood, we had both been busy all day.
Saturday. Much the same. All three days I’d worked at the gas station before going to my flat to shower then heading down to see Callum for an hour before the hotel opened for dinner.
No invitation again.
I’d missed having him around, but I had needed the time to think. So much had happened. So much had changed. A lot of things had remained the same, but I could handle them later. The big stuff was done, and it was all thanks to Callum.
Sunday’s meant I got to sleep in a little. That was one of the things I’d managed to handle over the weekend. I was sleeping better despite the shit that had happ
ened in the flat. I felt safer with the additional locks on the door, and it helped that I’d neither seen or heard from Johnathan.
I had a message from Callum inviting me for dinner waiting when I got up. The excited flutter in my stomach when I read it was the best start to the day I could have had. I replied immediately.
I would love to join you for reheated Sunday dinner. See you in a couple of hours.
I knew he would be busy with prep, so I went straight for a shower and got ready without checking the phone again.
When I was ready, I made myself a sandwich and headed out. It wasn’t much of a breakfast, but it was enough to keep me going until six.
It turned out to be the hardest of the four working days to get through. Callum was clearly exhausted after each of the shifts, and we were both grateful for the earlier finish.
We were half way through dinner when I plucked up the courage to bring up what wasn’t said on Thursday.
“What you said on Thursday. I said there was a ‘but’, and you said we’d discuss it later...”
“Yes. You seemed surprised I could want a relationship with you.” He sat back and looked at me.
My skin prickled under his gaze, and I shifted in my seat. “Yeah. That. There was a ‘but’.”
He nodded. “I have expectations, Bekah.”
He sounded less like himself. There were two sides to Callum I’d come to accept. There was the Callum I’d known for years. Mr. Lowell. He was fast and efficient and expected the same from those around him because he was running a business. We were all cogs in the same machine, and we had to keep everything running perfectly. That was our job.
But there was the Callum I was getting to know away from work. I wasn’t speaking to him now. I was both confused and intrigued. “Right?”
“This, with you, has all the potential to be wonderful. But it could also end disastrously. Obviously, I don’t want that,” he said, watching me closely.
He had a point to make. I wanted to hear it, but he seemed to be gauging my response to what he was saying. Wanting to know where he was going with it, I smiled and said, “Okay.”