He rubs my back as compassion crosses his features. “I’m so sorry.”
I’m not sure what starts it, maybe because I’m finally opening up to someone, but all my emotions, all my thoughts, suddenly spill out—in front of a man I’m finding myself trusting more than anyone. “It kills me,” I say around a groan and a sob. “I see so many women, my sister being one, who don’t deserve—” I pause to correct myself. “That’s mean of me to say. I see these women who don’t want to be mothers or take care of their children, and it kills me to see them take it for granted.” Sadness overcomes me. “God, what I’d kill for that.”
“Babe,” he says, continuing to rub my back.
I wipe away the tears while Kyle stares at me, giving me his undivided attention with a concerned face. Shame corrodes my insides. “It’s what a woman was created to do, right? Our bodies are made to bear babies. As little girls, it’s what we look into our future for, hoping for. I remember when I took care of Trey when I was fifteen. Sometimes, I’d act like he was my baby. I couldn’t wait to be a mother someday.” Pain grips my chest as my throat thickens with sobs. “All that was taken from me by a simple diagnosis. Sometimes, I don’t even feel like a woman. Sometimes, I hate my body for being this way, for doing this to me.”
Kent’s mother helped me post-surgery. She was kind but couldn’t hide the sadness in her eyes that I wouldn’t be giving her a grandbaby. Coming to terms with my infertility is hard enough, but seeing the disappointment and judgment on others makes it so much worse.
Kyle is quiet. He never cuts me off, never tries to justify what I’m feeling. He listens and takes my pain in. “Don’t you dare base your worth off your ability to have children. You’re still a woman—a strong, compassionate, sexy woman who gives out unconditional love for so many people. Why aren’t you giving that same love to yourself?” He strokes my face, collecting all my tears with his fingers. “You, along with other women, weren’t put here for that. Period. You’re over here, helping Trey and Gloria and taking a job that pays half of what it should. Anyone who makes you believe any different shouldn’t be in your life.”
I gulp, unable to produce any words. I’m not withdrawn from him like when I told Kent.
“There are alternatives,” he goes on. “Adoption. Surrogate. Don’t let your diagnosis stop you from being a mother if it’s what you want.”
I nod. Adoption crossed my mind, but worry set in that it’d be selfish for me to bring a child into a single-parent home. I grew up without a father, and it hurt. I want to give a child that perfect life—mother, father, stability, white picket fence, all that. Right now, I can’t.
Kyle isn’t finished speaking. My honesty with my confession opened up the emotional floodgates. He doesn’t blink as we make steady eye contact, and my body feels weak as he looks at me with … I’m not even sure what it is.
His voice is rich with emotion when he finally talks. “Chloe, last night, we wanted alcohol in our systems to speak our sober thoughts, but speaking honestly, no bullshit, I’m falling in love with you. I’ll say it drunk, sober, today, tomorrow, and every day for the rest of my life. I want to make this official. I’m done pretending like we’re just casual sex friends. I want you to be mine, and in the future, if we make it there, we can adopt all the babies in the world.”
Kent never talked about it with me; he’d shut down when it was brought up. He was pissed about his life plan changing drastically. It scared me to hear another person call me a failure, so those wounds always stayed with me.
Kyle wanted this conversation with me.
Kyle will never put me down for flaws I can’t control.
He’ll stay by my side, exploring every alternative.
Kyle will stand by my side always … until he learns my lie.
Eighteen
Kyle
I’ve been on shift for three hours. So far, we’ve settled a domestic dispute with exes fighting over custody of their golden retriever and handled another where a woman slapped a man for rear-ending her car.
I’m thankful the crime rate in Blue Beech barely exists, and because of that, there’s a great deal of downtime during our shifts. Gage is definitely grateful for it. He worked for Chicago PD before returning to Blue Beech and had no downtime on the job. I’ve considered moving out of Blue Beech and taking a job where I can save more lives and make a bigger difference, but I could never leave my family.
Gage thrums his fingers against the table and smirks my way. We’re at the diner, having dinner. We’re regulars here when our shift is slow, and we need a bite to eat. If we receive a call, Shirley will sometimes keep our food and heat it up when we come back.
“Why are you looking at me like that?” I question before taking the last bite of my cheeseburger.
He tilts his head to the side, as if he’s studying me. “Lauren ordered me to inspect you.”
The fuck?
I raise a brow. “Inspect me?”
“Yes. She’s curious if you’re looking or behaving differently.”
I scratch my head. “Why is your girlfriend worried about me looking or behaving differently?”
“She enjoyed our little double date and believes you and Chloe will make a good couple.”
I snort loudly. “You two bailed before the night started.”
After the Kent drama, the four of us went to breakfast the next day. I’d woken up with a sense of relief that morning. My talk with Chloe had answered questions I’d wondered about since our night at the bar.
I joke about sex and our relationship, but deep down, I want more. My feelings for her build the more she lets me in and opens herself up to me.
We shared more in one night at the hotel than we had in weeks. I had been outraged when Kent accused me of using Chloe as my whore. Sure, in the beginning, we’d shared orgasms more than feelings, but sex isn’t all we’re about; it wasn’t ever what I wanted us to be all about.
“We were doing you a favor,” Gage says.
“Or you two are lame,” I counter.
“Yes, my pregnant fiancée was tired, but she wanted to give you two alone time since you hadn’t been out much. When you’d suggested the arcade, she’d found the perfect opportunity for you to have fun without worrying about the curious eyes of Blue Beech residents. If we had been there, it would’ve interfered.”
I grab my napkin and wipe my mouth. “I wasn’t aware they taught relationship expertise in nursing school.”
I appear uninterested but have always appreciated Lauren’s advice about women. She’s played a role in successful relationships in our town.
“She has statistics to back up her claims. Dallas and Willow had town gossip issues. She was an out-of-towner, pregnant with Blue Beech’s attractive widower. It helped their relationship when they got out of town.” He shrugs. “Plus, Lauren offered room service, crime TV, and sex. I was down for whatever she suggested.”
“You’re always down for whatever she suggests.”
“Welcome to being in love, man. Get ready for it.”
I snort.
“I almost shot Lauren’s landlord in the head after he hurt her. You punched Kent after he insulted Chloe. A man only interested in sex doesn’t fight over a chick he’s not falling for. You like your neighbor, and for Lord knows what reason, she likes you. Happiness and possibly falling in love looks good on you, man.”
I grab my water and suck the rest of it down. There’s no disputing his claims. Even though Chloe and I haven’t labeled our relationship, every token of us having one is there. We spend all our free time together, have expressed our feelings toward the other, and aren’t interested in dating anyone else.
There’s no denying it now.
Chloe Fieldgain is no doubt my motherfucking girlfriend.
I can’t help but smile.
Now, I need to convince her to let her guard down and realize it, too.
Gage yawns and goes for his coffee, but the static of our portable radio stops hi
m. The dispatcher reports a public disturbance call. Gage flashes me a concerned look, and my stomach knots when she states the address.
He tells her we’re on it, and I throw down cash to cover our bill before we jump into the car. Gage flips on the sirens and races toward my neighborhood while I fish my phone from my pocket and dial Chloe’s number.
No answer.
Dial it again.
No answer.
“Any idea?” Gage asks, his eyes not leaving the road.
“Her sister gives her trouble sometimes,” I answer.
“Domestic problems—my favorite,” Gage grumbles.
A beat-up truck is in Chloe’s driveway, and Claudia and Roger are standing in her yard. Chloe is on the front porch, her arms folded in disdain. All attention deviates to us, and I’m positive this calm scene isn’t what it was five minutes ago.
“The sister, I take it?” Gage asks.
My eyes harden, and I nod.
“I’ve picked up the guy a few times.”
“It’s her boyfriend.”
I draw in a steady breath and step out of the car. My anger heightens the closer we get. Roger is pacing in front of the house. Claudia flicks her cigarette onto the ground and lights another.
“What’s the problem here?” Gage asks.
Roger laughs coldly with bloodshot eyes when he sees me. “You’ve got to be shitting me! The boyfriend has arrived to play hero. What a fucking joke.”
“Not here to play hero.” I glower. “Only here to do my job.”
If I wasn’t in my uniform and on the clock, my answer would be different. We’re steps away, but Roger reeks of alcohol as if it’s a second skin. A public intoxication arrest might be in the works. Roger and Claudia not fleeing is odd. Most arrestee regulars avoid contact with us at all costs.
I’m grinding my teeth when I dart up Chloe’s porch stairs to be with her. “What is going on?”
She shakes her head in agitation. “This is so damn embarrassing,” she rasps out. “You, my neighbors—everyone in this godforsaken neighborhood is being treated to a front-row seat to my family drama.”
I nod in understanding but have to do my job at the same time. “Give me the details, so I can get this figured out for you.”
Claudia has the right to take her kids, and there isn’t a damn thing Chloe can do. In fact, I’d have to break her heart and let her take them from Chloe’s home.
“I want my goddamn children!” Claudia shouts before Chloe can answer me, and she signals to Chloe with a snarl. “That’s illegal, you know.” Her attention turns to me. “I’d like to report her for kidnapping.”
Jesus Christ.
Exactly what I was afraid of.
When I said I wanted less downtime, I wasn’t referring to dealing with Claudia’s crazy-ass antics.
Chloe tenses, and I can’t stop myself from stepping closer to her, my hips meeting hers.
I tip my head down to whisper in her ear, “She’s right.”
Chloe blows out a series of short breaths before shouting to Claudia, “You’ve been drinking. Our deal from day one has been I keep them when you’ve been drinking. I don’t trust you to make responsible decisions!”
“I had two beers!” Claudia screams. As much as I want to dispute it, she’s not displaying any signs of being overly-intoxicated. “I’m not drunk!”
“I’ll be right back,” Gage cuts in.
He knows the easiest solution to our problem. Everyone is quiet while he walks to the car and then comes back with a Breathalyzer test in his hand.
“Let’s make this easy, so we can all be on our way. If you’re under the legal limit, you’re good to go.” His gaze cuts to Chloe, and he delivers the news with apology. “And I’m sorry, but unless there’s a court order, she can take the children with her.”
Chloe clenches her fists when Gage tests Claudia first. We are silent as she blows into the tube and wait for her results.
Gage inspects the numbers. “She’s good,” he calls out.
Chloe curses under her breath. She’s so pissed. I wouldn’t be shocked if she marched down the stairs and fought Claudia.
“Told you I’m not drunk!” Claudia yells to her.
I drape my arm around Chloe’s waist in case she makes an attempt to charge Claudia.
“Not drunk doesn’t mean you haven’t been drinking or that the kids won’t be around your hotheaded boyfriend who tends to get angry after drinking too much,” Chloe screams back, all worries about neighbors listening be damned.
Roger steps forward while Gage prepares the test for him. “Fuck you, you dumb bitch!”
Gage reaches out, his arm hitting Roger’s chest, to stop him from advancing our way. Roger retreats from Gage and sends us a poisonous glare, mainly focused on Chloe.
He then angles his eyes toward me. “Dude,” he spits out, “do you know how stupid you look, protecting her?” He’s now screaming at the top of his lungs. “She is using you! Has she told you her little family secret?” His glare moves back to Chloe. “Of course not. Otherwise, he wouldn’t be at your side, you dumb bitch!”
“Kyle,” Gage draws out in warning, reading my mind to stop me from impulsively punching Roger in the face harder than I did Kent.
“Shut your goddamn mouth, Roger,” Claudia warns, rushing to his side in alarm. She throws down her new cigarette and attempts to pull him away.
Roger doesn’t allow it. “Why? The bitch has done nothing to help you.”
Gage says my name again as I loom closer to Roger. I’m gulping down my anger, but it’s growing more difficult.
Curiosity creeps through me when I peek at Chloe. Her hands are cupped around her mouth, and her face is paler than usual.
Roger uses the back of his arm to wipe his nose before pointing at me. “You sure you don’t want to walk in the house, so you can take care of your little brother?” He lets out a sinister laugh. “Or maybe it’s time your father steps up and supports his bastard son better! Maybe you can be the one deciding who Trey goes home with, considering you’re just as much family as Chloe is!”
What the fuck?
My eyes return to Chloe in question. “What is he talking about?”
She’s staring at me, shocked and speechless.
“He’s drunk,” Claudia says, attempting to shoo Roger back to the truck. “Don’t listen to a word he says.”
“Listen to every word I say, man,” Roger replies. “I’m the only person you’ll get the truth from, not these two! They’ve been blackmailing your father for years, ever since Trey was a baby, and accepting checks from him in exchange for their silence!”
I’m not dumb. It’s clear what Roger is insinuating. I wouldn’t believe a word falling out of his mouth if Chloe didn’t look like she was close to passing out and if Claudia didn’t appear close to a panic attack.
“Come on, Roger,” I say with annoyance. “Stop hinting around the bullshit. Are you saying that Trey is my father’s son? That he’s my brother?”
They all appear shocked that I was so up-front in questioning his allegations.
“I, uh …” Roger stutters out, suddenly realizing the consequences of his fuckup.
Gage’s jaw is dropped open, and he’s repeatedly looking from me to Chloe to Roger.
“You need to leave,” Chloe croaks out loud enough for everyone to hear. “The kids are sleeping. You’ve done enough damage for one night. Call me tomorrow to pick up the children.”
Claudia and Roger turn around to leave, and Claudia slaps Roger in the back of his head. “You stupid idiot! If I’m cut off, you’d better get a job to make up for the money he gives me!” She hits his back next. “Congratulations! Your big mouth fucked up our lives!”
Gage waits until they leave, Claudia in the driver’s seat, and eyes Chloe with a scowl. “I’ll be in the car,” he informs me without granting Chloe another look.
I wait until he’s in the car before turning to start my cycle of questions. “I take it wh
at Roger claims is true? My father is Trey’s dad?”
She scrubs her hands over her eyes. “Kyle, it’s complicated.”
“No, it’s really not,” I fire back in seconds. “It’s a quick yes or no answer.”
She nods slowly. “Yes.”
I stare at her in disbelief. So much damage to our relationship has happened in ten minutes.
How did I miss this? How didn’t I know?
“And why did you keep it from me?”
She’s silent as she racks her mind for the best answer, her face unreadable. Chloe is an expert at hiding every emotion flowing through her.
My police radio beeps with a call.
I hold my hand up to stop her. “I need to go. It seems like you need time to come up with your answer. Don’t worry about it. I don’t fucking care.”
With that, I turn around and walk away.
Gage’s face is contorted in what almost looks like disgust when I slip back into the car. “Wow,” he draws out, as if, like Chloe, he’s at a loss for words. “I’m not sure what to say to you right now, except for I’m fucking sorry and I’m here for you, man.”
I only nod.
The rest of our shift passes in a blur.
No one gets arrested.
Gage doesn’t bring the conversation back up until he pulls into my driveway when our shift ends.
“What are you going to do?” he asks, shifting into park.
My mind races with the endless questions I have for people—Chloe, my dad, my mom, Trey.
“I have no fucking idea,” I mutter.
He rubs the back of his neck and moves it from side to side. “Maybe there is a reason she kept it from you.”
I scratch my cheek and give him a silent look.
“You know why Lauren kept her secret from me.”
“That’s different, man. She lied to protect someone you love.”
“Chloe lying saved your mom from heartbreak and humiliation,” he adds. “There had to be a reason for it.”
I scoff. “That’ll change tonight. Roger might as well have shouted it from a microphone. People will know, and if Chloe had been up-front with me, we could’ve talked about it. Roger wouldn’t have seen the confusion on my face, and the chances of him running his mouth would’ve been lower.” I shake my head. “I can’t be with a liar. I’ve given her nothing but honesty since we’ve been together and received nothing but lies and walls up from her. And, not to mention, her taking money from my father in exchange for her silence.” I shudder.
Just Neighbors Page 17