by K Dezendorf
This continued well into the night. It felt like she'd been training for days rather than hours. When Billy pulled her off to the side and let her know it was time for bed, it didn't seem right.
"All right, child. You do need your rest. You can pick up in the morning." He rounded on Edward. "And you, we need to talk."
Rose left the main area, through the kitchen doors, but she stopped so she could listen in on the conversation. She caught some things from Billy: ‘how dare’... ‘advanced magic’... ‘not ready’. And then from Edward: 'have to train'... 'gonna catch up'... 'wants her dead'.
Rose was certain they were talking about her. Reflecting on it, Edward and Billy had two vastly different approaches. Where Billy felt being safe meant staying away from danger, Edward gave off the vibe of being safe meant standing on the corpses of your fallen foes.
The question was, what side of that did she want to be on?
************
It was the middle of the night when Rose woke with a start, shaking and terrified. A nightmare. There had been little cohesion to it. Mostly a jumble of images. Kyan being ripped apart in front of her by Galleon. Her getting hacked to pieces by Markeos while Macklass just watched in silence. Chad and Jenkto, sitting there watching it all, laughing at her.
No visions. Just a nightmare.
Rose couldn’t remember the last night of peaceful sleep she’d had. There were so many things weighing on her mind she was amazed it hadn’t broken from the stress.
Getting up, she noticed Billy sound asleep in the easy chair, snoring away.
Taking the pillow with her, she tiptoed out of the room, and into the kitchen. She turned on the lights and settled herself at one of the tables where she could draw. Her sketching was rougher than normal, but she forced herself to focus. On one page, she drew Jenkto slight and petite, but the dark, course lines defined a strong, willful personality. Then on the next page was Vikhail, bold and sturdy enough to take on people twice her size. Then finally there was Bal, ample and enchanting, whose smile could shine through pitch black darkness.
They were everything Rose wasn’t. Strong and confident. She wished she could be more like them. But she wasn’t. She probably never would be.
Her breath shuddered as she forcibly turned through the pages, looking for something that would help. Something to help her refocus. She stopped on a picture she’d drawn shortly after visiting the beach with Billy. The fantasy of Jenkto, Macklass, Jerome, and Hadwin all laughing and enjoying themselves. Rose was there too, her back facing the camera, hand-in-hand with Macklass.
It’s never going to happen now. Never.
The journal fell from her hands. Nothing was working. It was too much.
Snatching up the pillow, Rose hurried outside. The streets were dark and empty, not a car or pedestrian in sight. Fresh snowfall glittered under the moonlight. It was freezing, but she didn’t care. Sitting down on the icy steps, she buried her face in the pillow and screamed.
All of the frustration and anguish spilled out through her throat, straining her vocal chords. She pulled the pillow from her face to get a breath, startling when she heard the door open.
Edward stepped out. He looked down at her quizzically. “You shouldn’t be out here. It’s dangerous.”
“Yeah,” she acknowledged, looking away from him. “Sorry if I woke you.”
Edward shut the door and sat down beside her. “I feel like this is the part where I should be asking, ‘are you all right?’”
Rose’s teeth clenched at the question. Why does everyone always ask that? She would have been fine, maybe, if his voice hadn’t sounded so concerned. As if he actually cared about her.
“No, Edward. I’m not all right!”
Her voice was thick with the bitterness she always held back, and she immediately felt regret. He doesn’t deserve me snapping at him. Yet, she was so fed up, so tired of everything, she couldn’t stop herself.
“I haven’t been all right for years. I thought once I was back in the Umbra, once I started learning magic, that things would be different. That it would fix everything, but everything’s worse!” Tears leaked out and sobs bubbled up from her throat. “It wasn’t supposed to be like this.” Everywhere she went, she just seemed to ruin everything.
Edward stared at her, his expression grave. “Billy and I disagree on a lot of things, but what he said earlier was true. It’s not your fault. None of it.” He hesitated, then gently asked, “You understand that, right?”
“It IS my fault!” The words were shrill, borderline hysterical. “It has to be. Why else would Chad… to me…” Her words were broken by heavy sobs. “And why else… would my mom let him?” Rose covered her face, unable to stomach how pathetic she probably looked in that moment. “And then I couldn’t save Kyan… And now my best friends are trying to kill me… If I was better… I thought I could be better.” Rose looked desperately at Edward who hadn’t moved at all. “Why wasn’t I good enough?”
Edward said nothing. Instead he slowly held out his hand to her. Rose stared at it for several moments as her body shuddered with short gasps between crying. Finally, she reached out to take the offered hand. Slowly, very slowly, Edward moved closer, giving her ample time to back out if she so desired. However, she let him approach, and also allowed him to wrap his arms around her so that her head rested against his chest. Rose continued to cry while Edward just held her. For a long, agonizing while, Rose feared that the tears would never stop.
However, eventually, her breathing calmed, her eyes ran dry, and while her head ached something awful, what was there at the end of it all wasn’t more tears, but a sense of overwhelming relief. A long, shuddering sigh escaped her, and her body relaxed against his. Through his tunic, she could faintly hear the sound of Edward’s beating heart and it calmed her. Rose couldn’t remember the last time she let herself cry like that, and never in front of someone else.
“I’d like to help, if I can,” Edward said softly.
“There is something,” she admitted reluctantly. “Could you… rub my head again?”
Rose expected him to laugh or tease her about it, but instead, without a word, he gently began rubbing his hand over her head.
Rose hummed, continuing to listen to the soothing rhythm of his heartbeat. “You were there with me, huh? You saw it all.”
“Not everything.” His words were careful, but honest. “A fair amount. It wasn’t enough I was living in my own personal hell, I also had a window into someone else’s. But…” He took a deep breath and exhaled, with Rose riding the rise and fall of his chest. “I always looked forward to hearing your voice. Telling me that it would all be okay. That I wasn’t alone. That you were there with me.” Edward paused, then said, “Whether you realized it or not, you saved me, Rose.”
Rose’s heart gave a small leap, feeling lighter than it had in awhile. “I feel like you know so much about me, but I know so little about you. That doesn’t seem fair.”
“Hm, I suppose I could tell you the story you always seem to enjoy.”
“See, that’s what I’m talking about. You cheater.”
Edward gave her a sharp prod on her head. “Fine, I won’t tell you then.”
She gave him a light head butt to his chest in return, but settled back in. “I’d very much like to hear it, please.”
“Before I came here, I was a hunter for my tribe. One of the best, in fact.”
“My, how humble,” Rose said, though she stopped short when Edward said it the exact same time as her. “Okay, that’s a little freaky.”
“Quit interrupting then,” he told her before going on. “Sometimes I’d spend days at a time in the forest. I got to know the trees and the plantlife, the animals and beasts that lived there with us. Sometimes I’d just lay in the grass, staring up at the sky daydreaming. But the best part was always bringing food back. Getting to share it with everyone. No matter how bad the day was, mealtime always brought everyone together.”
Ro
se smiled, her heart warmed by the story and imagining being part of a large family unit like that. “It sounds really nice.”
“It was a simple and peaceful life,” he continued. “Though, eventually, even the forest started feeling too small, too enclosed. I’d venture out further and further, to the more open spaces where I could see the sky clearly, where I could breathe easier. Then one day, I came across some travelers getting attacked by bandits.
“Before I could jump in to help, two random strangers in cloaks appeared out of nowhere and saved the travelers. Then they were gone, as quick as they had appeared. I was so astounded, I went to investigate. I spoke with the travelers and asked them about what happened. And that’s when I discovered...”
Rose waited for him to finish, but after several seconds of silence, she released the breath she was holding. “What? Discovered what?”
“Cliffhanger,” he said with a teasing lilt.
Rose tapped her fist against his shoulder in show of her displeasure. “You’re awful.”
“I’m also still waiting on that sandwich you promised me.”
Rose gave a laugh between sniffles. “I’m surprised you’re not sick of sandwiches at this point.” She pulled away from him, wiping the remaining tears off with the edge of her sleeve. “Let’s go inside. I’ll make you one right now.”
Together they went to the kitchen, and Rose made Edward her special blend of chicken salad sandwich, complete with the spices she’d had Billy pick up from the store. It took some time, having to do everything one handed, but Edward helped out.
Afterwards, the two of them shared the meal together, and Edward ate his helping with such undisguised gusto and enjoyment, it was impossible for Rose not to smile.
Chapter 23
Morning came and Rose awoke in the safe haven of Billy's bedroom. The chair was vacant. He was probably making breakfast. She rubbed her head thinking about the night before, wondering if she’d dreamt it all. In spite of everything that happened, she felt well rested.
Rose let loose a wide yawn, rubbing her eyes. In any case, she could use a clean up and fresh clothes. After grabbing a wash rag and a hand towel, she walked out into the kitchen and, sure enough, Billy was toiling away fixing up breakfast. A grin stretched her face as the smell of pancakes hit her nose.
"Good morning," she greeted.
He gave her a quick glance. "Aye, good morning to you. How're you feeling there, child? Your face is looking a bit more normal."
Rose laughed at that. "I’m good. I’d kill for a shower though.”
“Sorry, lass,” Billy apologized. “Not many people stay here for that long.”
“It’s fine. I’m gonna go clean up.”
As she stepped out into the warehouse area, she saw Edward. He had his sword out, and moved like he was dancing, but he had his eyes closed. His body went through the motions of battle, fighting an unseen enemy, his blade cutting through the air. Rose couldn't help but feel both impressed and entranced by the display. Last night once more replayed in her head and her cheeks burned.
"You could join me,” Edward said, not even opening his eyes. “Rather than just sit there staring.”
“I wasn’t staring,” Rose refuted, abashedly.
A smirk tugged the corner of his lip. “Of course not.”
Rose twisted the towel around in her hands as she watched him move. “Sword fighting isn’t my strong suit. Though, I’m curious. Your sword… how can it talk?”
“It’s an intelligent blade. It was forged that way,” he answered, continuing his dance.
“Does it have a name?”
“Yes.” He turned, his body spinning as his arm swung out in a sweeping motion, the blade flashing through the air. “Eperado.”
“Oh… that’s a nice name.”
“Glad you approve.”
Rose hesitated, then asked, “Where did you get it?”
“I made it,” he answered. “It was a joint effort between me, Billy, and Kenyen.” Rose opened her mouth to ask why, but Edward beat her to the punch. “The reason why is because it keeps me in line. So that if I start to go into a blood rage, it’ll snap me out of it.”
Rose recalled the couple of times she saw him in his enraged state, when they first met. It felt like so much had happened since then. As she continued to observe him, she couldn’t believe everything they’d been through together. How they were somehow, inexplicably connected.
Her whole life, she’d kept her personal struggles locked away, hidden from everyone, including the person she loved most. Because they were her problems and she didn’t want to burden anyone else with them. Yet Edward had crashed into her life and upended all of that. Giving her the help she hadn’t wanted, but needed. And all the while, somehow, she’d been helping him too.
Edward’s voice startled her out of her thoughts. A muttering which sounded like, “Yes, I know she’s still standing there.”
Rose blinked in confusion. Had he been addressing her, or… “Pardon?”
He huffed a sigh. “Nothing.” Finally he paused, deigning to open his eyes and meet her stare. “Since you have all the time in the world to gawk, we can start training early.”
“I was going to take a shower.”
“Then you should have done that five minutes ago.” He sheathed his sword. “Let’s begin.”
“Edward, come on. I probably smell awful.”
Edward strode over to her, leaning in close, and Rose reflexively pulled back a bit. He sniffed near her hair. “Hn…”
“What?” Rose flushed, covering her head. “Do I smell?”
“You smell like you,” he said simply.
“What does that even mean?” There was a flux of energy and the ground shifted beneath her. She jumped out of the way before her legs could sink into the floor.
Edward smirked. “You’re learning.”
Rose’s irritation sparked. “And you’re impossible.”
Once again, the air shifted, and Rose braced herself. However, nothing happened. At least, nothing visible. She felt her agitation melt away. In fact, she became completely relaxed, like all her concerns had been put away into a box and there was only a warm blanket of calm.
This isn’t right.
That’s what the more logical part of her brain thought. She pushed and struggled against the sensation, but it was like trying to rouse herself from a dream.
“You’ve learned how to throw the mind into chaos,” Edward said. “But you also learned the hard way that doesn’t always work in your favor.”
Rose remembered the police officer. The memory should have brought shame or guilt, but she only felt calm.
“So tell me what you could have done differently.”
The answer was right there. “I could have tried calming him instead.” Granted, she hadn’t learned that, and in the moment, it hadn’t occurred to her to try.
“Just as dichotomy exists in nature, it exists in magic. If there’s a spell to give someone strength, there’s a spell to take it away. That said, it’s generally easier to stir up chaos than to pacify it.”
“I get what you’re saying.” Rose doggedly pushed through the fog of calm until she found the surface. Her irritation returned even stronger. “But I need a shower.”
“Don’t confuse what you need with what you want.”
Rose ignored this, escaping to the bathroom before he could fling more magic at her. After locking the door behind her, she stripped off her clothes. She soaked the rag and put some hand soap in it, working it to a nice lather before washing herself. It was more like a sponge bath, definitely not as nice as a shower, but better than nothing. As she began rinsing herself off she heard Billy outside the door.
"Breakfast is ready whenever you are, child."
"Okay! Be out in a few minutes."
After rinsing off she also took a minute to rinse out her hair in the sink, getting herself as clean as she could. Her clothes were starting to get worn from the mileage she’d been
putting on them. She only had two sets of clothes to switch between. It’d be nice to shop for some new ones.
As she opened the door, Edward was waiting. He thrust his hand out and a stream of water came jetting towards her. It was so unexpected, Rose didn't have time to dodge and got drenched. It was difficult to believe this Edward and the Edward from last night were the same person.
"You let your guard down," he told her. “Expect anything, anytime.”
Rose stood there, dripping and fuming. “Expect this,” she growled, lunging at him.
Edward easily jumped off to the side, out of her reach. Undeterred, she made another grab for him, and he evaded, his expression stone faced but his eyes alight with amusement.
“I don’t know why you’re so upset,” he commented blithely, dodging another one of her attacks. “You’re the one who wanted a shower.”
Rose glared daggers at him, but knew she wasn't going to make any headway like that. So she started paying attention to his footwork. She’d seen him do matter magic so many times lately, she was getting a feel for it. Taking a deep breath, she focused on the ground near his feet. It rippled a brief moment before a snag, maybe about an inch or two big, jutted up with intent on catching his heel.
However, Edward caught on to what she was doing, averting his course, but she was able to grab onto the corner of his sleeve. She was about to tug him off balance, when she felt the air shift around her, and then he was no longer in front of her.
“Not bad,” he said from behind. Rose whipped around to snatch at him but he caught her wrist, stopping her.
“You need to be more forceful,” he told her seriously. “Exert your will into the universe and make it obey your command, the way a general commands their troops. This especially holds true for matter magic.” He held his hand out over the floor and she watched as it quivered like water on a disturbed pond. “Your will must be stronger than that of the world around you.”
“And you had to get me soaked to teach me that?” Rose asked flippantly, pulling her arm free.