“I guess a good place to start would be with a question. Do you believe in monsters?”
A SERIES OF UNFORTUNATE EVENTS
Kali stood in the front yard, her dark eyes focused on the Radley house. She could see telltale signs of the geas all around her like a giant, magical bubble that shifted away from her when she tried to pop it. She had been fascinated by the spell ever since she had heard about it but had been warned away from trying to mess with it. While Emily had been alive, any attempt to come near the house had ended in death for society members after the fiasco with Garrett. After Emily had died, Kali and the others had tried to break in, but the geas had had a failsafe for even that occasion, incinerating one of their newest members on the spot.
No, the time to strike was now before Mike knew how to make the house defend itself. For whatever reason, he was holed up inside, doing nothing at all. Kali wondered how such a man had defeated Sarah. Her best guess was that the creatures inside had helped him, which made plenty of sense.
Coiled around her feet, her familiar, a twenty-two-foot-long python, lifted its head and let out a quiet hiss at someone approaching. Kali looked through the beast’s eyes to see a figure all in white limping toward her.
“Any luck?” Sebastien came up from behind her, a cup of coffee in one hand and his cane in the other. He leaned on it dramatically, holding the cup out for Kali to take.
“I have made some progress.” Kali took the coffee from Sebastien. “But not enough.”
Sebastien grinned. “I’m afraid all your hard work will be for naught. Right now, my homunculus is on its way over.”
“The agent?” Kali asked.
“Yes.” Sebastien pulled a small flask from his jacket. He poured a little in Kali’s coffee, then took a swig himself. “I’m surprised nobody else thought of it.”
“Nobody has quite the gift for artificial life that you do. What is Daryl up to? Since we were supposed to be working together, I figured he would check in first.”
Sebastien shook his head. “I’m not sure. He thinks he has a lead on a third party who has been inside the house. Such a simple spell, no? One cannot go inside without being invited.”
“It worked on vampires and some of the fae for centuries,” Kali noted. “I’m more interested in who was able to cast such a spell and have it apply to everyone who has never set foot inside.”
“We all have our theories.” Sebastien sipped from his flask, letting out a sigh. “Each theory has its own subtheories, and those theories are full of myths. It’s why I am so eager to crack the mystery of the house. Even the weakest of our theories guarantees that the house has powerful magic, ripe for the taking.”
“Which theory are you a fan of?” Kali asked. “Currently.”
“I was a pretty big advocate for the Fountain of Youth theory, but the fact that Caretakers keep dying says otherwise. I’m leaning more toward the Garden of Eden theory myself but am also a fan of the theory that an Ancient One is chained up beneath the house.”
“Do you really think that an Ancient One could be held against their will?” Kali pursed her lips, blowing across the top of her coffee before taking a sip. It was good.
“Not really. It would, however, explain why this place is impenetrable. A single drop of blood from an Ancient One would contain the magic necessary to cast a spell as powerful as the geas, and it would certainly fit why the house itself is full of so many strange creatures.” Sebastien chuckled. “How long have we been trying to crack the mystery of this place? I can’t remember the last time we had so much fun.”
Kali scowled. “Not long enough. If Garrett hadn’t stumbled upon us, we would never have even known this home was here.” That, too, was a function of the geas. The house did nothing to stand out. Earlier, she had done a blood ritual naked on the front lawn, summoning twenty-foot-tall pyres of fire to dance around the edges of the magical border. People walking on the sidewalk hadn’t given her a second look. The society had once spent several months interviewing locals, but nobody seemed to give the place a second thought other than rumors about it being mysterious and haunted. Despite their presence in the same city for several decades, it had taken a desperate man who had been kicked out of the home to bring it to their attention in the first place.
“Yes, well, if he hadn’t had such a hard-on for the last Caretaker, we could have all come here together. I hope the demon he sold his soul to for that magic wand reminds him of that on a daily basis while fucking him up the ass with a club.”
“You could contact that demon and make sure of it.” Kali grinned. “If you haven’t already.”
“Let’s just say the club is black, spiked with nails, and has my name carved into the handle.” Sebastien put away his flask. Golden rays were creeping across the sky from behind the house. “In just a few hours, we’ll be inside. I am sure of it.”
“I hope so.” Kali, however, was doubtful. She turned her attention back to the geas, probing it gently with her magic. Sebastien was far more confident in his plan than she was, and she intended to keep trying it her way in the meantime. Down by her feet, the python flicked its tongue, wondering when it would be fed.
“So what do you think of my plan?” Mike asked. He was lying in the tub, his head nestled perfectly between Naia’s breasts and his body soaking up the heated water from her spring. Pipes from the spring allowed her to manifest in his bathtub, which was where they had first met. The sun was just starting to come up, casting crimson rays through the window of his bedroom that caused the master bathroom to take on a rosy hue.
“I think it’s terrible, actually.” Naia was working the shaft of his cock with her hand, tendrils of water wrapped around his balls. She wasn’t trying to get him off. Rather, she was trying to assess the damage that the Mandragora had caused, but since her power was largely derived from sexual energy, this was the fastest way to do so. He had woken up in pain, so Naia had demanded he sit in the tub so she could check him out. “I would far prefer not to get Jenny involved at all.”
Mike shrugged. “I don’t know that we have a choice. Jenny is the only one who knows how to get into the Labyrinth, and they still haven’t come back. I said I would wait until morning, and now that it’s morning, it’s time for action.”
“She tried to kill you,” Naia reminded him.
“To be honest, I think that we got off on the wrong foot. She’s had a couple of days to cool off, and maybe she’ll give me a second chance as well.”
“I want to try something.” Naia’s exploratory touches shifted, her grip tightening. “If I do, I want you to do your best not to come. Do you think you can do that?”
“Easily.” Mike was too stressed out worrying about Tink, Abella, and Sofia so didn’t think it would be hard. “What do you want to do?”
“Leave all the work to me.” Naia grinned, licking her lips hungrily. Moving one hand to the base of Mike’s shaft, she opened her mouth wide, letting her tongue circle the head of his cock before gently sucking him into her mouth. Mike smiled at her, playfully twirling her blue-and-green locks in his fingers while her head bobbed up and down. Her gentle hands tugged at the delicate skin of his scrotum, rolling his balls back and forth.
“Ngah!” Naia pulled her mouth off him. “Your balls are bigger than they used to be.”
“Is that something I should have a doctor look at?” Mike asked.
“Oh God, no. You should avoid doctors, actually.” Naia licked his frenulum, her tongue teasing the bottom of his shaft. “Unless you are bleeding to death or something. Otherwise, medical testing is off the table.”
“Why? Will they find that my genes are different or something?”
Naia stared at him, smiling through her eyes while her tongue swirled around the end of his cock. Mike felt his stomach tense but easily dismissed it.
“No.” Naia worked his shaft now, pumping him with her
hand and several tendrils of water. “They will find absolutely nothing wrong with you. That will start more questions than you care to answer.”
“Am I different though?” Mike stroked Naia’s head, guiding her back to his cock. “The soul exchange, my new danger sense. There’s no way I should be able to keep up with all of you sexually, but here we are.”
“Indeed.” Naia’s hands were glowing, a blue aura that spread across Mike’s lower body. The tension in his muscles had already melted away, and he no longer felt as fatigued. “That would be the nymph magic,” Naia said. “Able to please at a moment’s notice.”
“Then I am different.”
“You are the same person you have always been. You’ve just been given certain…gifts.” As her hands moved faster, Mike’s stomach tensed up, and an orgasm formed in his gut. He pushed it back, but the sensation persisted, building up like static. Naia’s eyes were suddenly uncertain, her gaze fixated on the head of his cock.
“What’s wrong?” Mike asked, but Naia sucked him into her mouth, using the back of her throat to fellate him. Mike groaned, and Naia bobbed her head up and down even faster. He tightened his stomach, breathing deeply to hold back. The light radiated down his legs, creeping up toward his head. The bathroom lights flickered, the floor by the tub creaking as the pressure in the room built.
“Naia!” Mike’s whole body tensed up, but he fought back. Tiny spheres of water hovered up around them, sparkling with inner lights of their own. Naia pulled her head off his penis, the room flooding with light as sparks flew between them, dancing across the surface of the water. Mike’s legs kicked out, splashing the bathroom with water. Naia looked up at the flickering lights as they crawled across the ceiling, migrating out to the rest of the house.
“What was that?” Mike asked.
“I don’t know.” Naia frowned. “That isn’t my magic.”
“Wait.” Mike sat up in the tub. “What do you mean it isn’t yours?”
“I think I summed it up.” Naia shrugged, her breasts rippling pleasantly in the water. “No idea. I was using a spell to assess your overall health, and that magic resonated with mine. It’s very wild, very old magic. It reminds me of my fountain when I was freshly created.” Naia’s eyes focused somewhere on the past. “I don’t know if it’s from the Mandragora or something else.”
“Is it dangerous?”
“Not at all.” Naia raised a finger. Several of the sparks fell from the ceiling, dancing circles around her hand. “It seems familiar somehow, and—” One of the sparks touched Naia’s finger, and her whole body went rigid. “Oh. Oh!”
“What is it?”
Naia grinned. “Mike, did something happen between you and Cecilia?”
“A few times, but you know about that.” Mike shivered, the water suddenly cold. “Am I okay?”
“Yeah, you’re okay.” Naia splashed him. The water was suddenly warm again. “Cecilia has left a mark of her own on you. When you get a chance, you should ask her about it.”
“I’ll add it to the list of things I’ll try not to forget.” Mike stood, water running off his back. He knew exactly what Naia was talking about. Cecilia had been sent to rescue him the night Sarah had tried to kill him. The weather in the greenhouse had turned ugly, and the two of them had sought refuge in a cave. One thing had led to another, and when they’d both come, her magic had done something strange. For a brief moment, Cecilia had ceased being a banshee and become human in his arms. “I guess I’d better start my morning. Any last-minute advice for me?”
Naia nodded. “Yeah. Don’t fuck up.”
“Thanks.” Mike tried to splash her back, but Naia had already disappeared beneath the water. He got out of the tub and stretched. His muscles no longer burned, and he nodded in approval. Today would be far easier now that he was properly refreshed.
He threw on a white shirt and the pants from yesterday. When he pulled up his jeans, something slipped out of the pocket and clattered on the floor.
“Oh.” Mike picked up the crystalline necklace, inspecting it for the first time. It was a pretty blue color and felt cool to the touch. He flicked off the lights in the bathroom and cupped his hands together. Peeking through a gap in his fingers, he confirmed that the stone was, in fact, glowing with an inner light of its own.
That figured. The witch Sarah had been wearing a magical necklace, and the Mandragora had been wearing it as well. It must have survived whatever process Sarah’s body had undergone, and it was clearly magical. But what did it do? He briefly debated putting it on to see what would happen and was immediately assailed by an image of Tink smacking him on the back of the head. Granted, she would need to be standing on something, but the image was enough. He slipped it into his pocket, reminding himself to ask Naia about it later. On his way out of the room, he spotted the gear key on his dresser and put that in his pocket as well. For all he knew, the clock was downstairs waiting for him right now.
In the kitchen, he heated up a couple of Eggos that he found in the back of the freezer. They had fallen out of the box, which was probably why Sofia had missed them in her purge. He loaded them up with butter, peanut butter, and then syrup. He wasn’t very hungry, and his nerves were on edge, but he didn’t know when his next meal would be. After swallowing his breakfast in ungodly large bites, he casually tossed his plate in the sink, then walked over to the door just past the kitchen.
He opened the door to the basement and looked into the dark below. He took a deep breath and walked down the long steps, wondering briefly if they would somehow keep going forever this time. He hated how the temperature changed so rapidly and was relieved when he reached the light switch at the bottom.
The basement itself wasn’t large, and the walls were all poured concrete. By the freezer, he knelt and found the piece of chalk that Tink had left here. After drawing a door on the wall, he knocked on it, using the pattern that Tink had taught him.
His stomach dropped when nothing happened. Just as he got ready to knock again, the chalk lines glowed brightly and the door appeared before him. He pulled it open, staring at the strange treasures lining both sides of the wall. The Vault was supposed to be a storage place for the most dangerous items in the house, but it looked more like an antique store that had gone to shit. An old music box, a conch shell with dried blood on it, and even an Elvis bobblehead. He paused at this last one, leaning in for a closer look. As soon as he was near it, he saw the faint wobble of the oversize head and immediately backed away.
Careful not to touch anything, he crossed to the back of the room. Sitting inside of a glass display case was a creepy-looking porcelain doll. The doll regarded him with cold, lifeless eyes.
“Hello, Jenny.” Mike stood and waited, unsure if the doll would even speak with him. The last time he had dealt with Jenny had been an unmitigated disaster. Jenny had lost her temper, possessed Beth, and attempted to kill him. If she turned on him again, would he even be able to defend himself?
He had spent all night thinking about how he could get into the Labyrinth without Jenny’s help but had come up blank. Right now, he needed her help, and his only hope was that she would be receptive to giving it.
A minute passed and then another. Receiving no response, Mike continued, “So I think we got off to a bad start. We’ve both had a chance to cool down, and I was hoping that, if you were interested, we could come to an agreement that means you aren’t just locked away in here. The house has plenty of room, and we could make a space just for you. One with a view, maybe? I don’t know exactly what it is that you want, but you had the chance to leave and never come back, yet you came here. There must be a reason.”
He waited another minute. The Vault was silent. His heart thudded steadily in his ears, a gentle beat that seemed to echo from the walls.
“Okay, well, I thought it would be worth a shot.” He turned to leave, carefully picking his way around t
he dangerous items around him.
“Wait.” Her voice echoed across the Vault, coming from several places at once. Frost accumulated on the walls, and the whole room creaked.
He crossed his arms and looked at the doll. “Okay, Jenny. I’m listening.”
Several seconds passed, but she remained silent. He was about to leave when a chill wind passed through his body, grabbing him from behind the heart and pulling him forward. The room spun around him, the Vault disappearing from sight.
Mike stood in a small room, staring at the door that had been painted on the wall. He ran his hands along it, feeling the soft grains of the wood on his fingertips. The furniture in the room had a blocky quality to it, and the sofa nearest him looked like it was made of cheap plastic. Mike knelt and ran his fingers along the edges and confirmed that it was indeed plastic.
“Jenny?” Mike called, standing. He walked up to a window, one that wasn’t just painted on. The world outside the dollhouse was full of stars, stars that slowly moved across each other with no set direction. “Jenny, where am I?”
The only door in the room opened, creaking quietly. Rolling his eyes, Mike walked through the dollhouse. It was a close replica of his home, but several of the rooms were simply painted along the back wall. The clunky furniture closely modeled what was left in his home after Jenny’s last tantrum.
Walking down the stairs, he saw that the front room with the fireplace had a fire in it. A human woman stood in the corner with her back to him, her long black hair hanging down to her waist. She faced the corner, her red dress billowing around her in a room with no wind.
“Where are we?” Mike asked.
“Inside your mind,” Jenny said, her voice coming from everywhere. “Trapped in a moment, walled off in a well, in the place between awake and asleep.”
“Is this a trick?” Mike asked. “Did you possess me?”
“No.” Jenny turned around. Her hair hung loose over her face, hiding her features, but he could make out the eerie grin of a mouth stretched wide. Goose bumps sprouted along his arms and legs. “Not possessed. Talking. Easier to talk here.”
Radley's Labyrinth for Horny Monsters Page 15